| Jan 20, 2007 @ 2:43 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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Dukums
Posts: 1,028
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Ok...I have heard many times and seen on many profiles, the statement that friends first is the way to start a lasting relationship. However in my own experience, friends first stays friends only. How many of you actually fall in love with someone you were a friend with first? If so what part did physical attraction play? Can you fall in love with someone who you didn't have "chemistry" with first? Is it not "Chemistry" then friends, then lovers?
What say you?
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 2:51 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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Angel178
Posts: 22,954
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Well, I made friends with someone on MD. I never give out my phone number, and after some time, I did. Now we talk on the phone every day and talk about daily stuff. We are friends. We created a base over a period of time. I was shy after being seperated after 18 years (for 2 years), and getting divorced over the summer. He could tell that and we became friends because he didn't push. Now, I can't wait to meet him. I think friends first is great!!! 
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 2:54 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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Dukums
Posts: 1,028
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Angel that is cool! It is been my experience though that the friendships developed online do not necessarily translate into a romantic connection in real life. I do howeve hope it works out for you.
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 2:58 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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Angel178
Posts: 22,954
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Well, you are most likely correct. There is a big distance between us, and he has a child living with him too. But, I really like our friendship, and I smile when he calls or I see him on the forums. So, for now, a true friendship is great!! 
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 3:09 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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CHARLIgurl1
Posts: 658
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I think friends first is better. because you get to know eachother in a relaxed way.. not trying to impress..(as we all do when we have that initial crush). We get to know eachother as for who we are.. them love can develop if indeed it does. 
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 5:03 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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I'm definitely a "friends first" type of person...it's a great "base" for when we actually DO meet to see if there's the right "chemistry" -- a win-win situation (we can still be friends even if we don't become lovers)
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 5:13 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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Dukums
Posts: 1,028
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This is very true Sun and you are right there, however I never seem to find a "friend" that either I will kiss or will kiss me if you know what I mean. LOL
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 5:15 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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I have  
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 5:57 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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Friends first...friends last. In all honesty to have true friendship it takes time to develop. To me there is a big difference in a friend Vs. an acquaintance this will vary person to person depending on their desired level of friendship. Some may consider everyone they speak with/type to as being their friend(s). For others it may takes weeks if not months or longer to become true "friends."
Time is certainly an issue. Speaking only from my experiences when I meet a woman she is either a or a  . If she and I agree that there is a mutual attraction and the chemistry is correct it's sex time. In the event we are both happy with the out come of our sexual compatibility then it's getting to know each other better and in much more depth. If things in the sex department are less then 100% favorable then it's only at best going to be a friendship with or without benefits-to be determined.
A friendship such as this would include a "Hi There shall we hook up" call or e-mail once in a while, time permitting. On the other hand true lovers that are also true "friends" are the greatest. Chemisrty-Lovers-Freinds. 
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 6:02 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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loisday
Posts: 1,333
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I wouldn't want to date someone that wasn't my friend.
I wouldn't kiss someone that wasn't my friend.
I really wouldn't want to be intimate with anyone but a friend.
I would never marry someone that wasn't my friend.
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 6:16 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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BandTMom
Posts: 28,436
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I have "friends first" in my profile, but sometimes I question myself on that. I have a lot of "guy friends" but will any of them develop into romance. I seriously doubt it.
Friends are "comfortable" and many of us are unwilling to leave that comfort for something more serious and risk losing a relationship that has become important to us.
So I wait.
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 6:33 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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Eric915
Posts: 73
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I say "Chemistry" is essential, but it's not always the initiating factor that precipitates a budding relationship.
"Friends first" in a profile, is just a contemporary phrase used as an announcement designed to cut through the fat of any misguided notion that your easy.
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 6:35 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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BandTMom
Posts: 28,436
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"Friends first" in a profile, is just a contemporary phrase used as an announcement designed to cut through the fat of any misguided notion that your easy.
I like it!!
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 6:37 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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Strandedboarder
Posts: 440
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When a woman meets a guys she’s got the hots for, she about as interested in “friends first” as he is. “Friends first” is simply another tool women use to drop losers that they have no interest in. A woman meets some guy for a date, and at the end he’s all hot and ready for action but she want nothing to do with him. So she pulls out the “friends first” card to shut him down.
See...it’s all very simple!
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 6:40 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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jamminjerry
Posts: 3,780
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Friends first for women means " when I meet you if there is no chemistry that spark, then I will state to you, lets be friends first"! now I am a woman and that is the truth!!!!!!!! AKA Ferbus 1 
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 6:41 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 6:53 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,954
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Friends first absolutely works.
I'd certainly hate to be married to someone, or even deeply involved with someone, who wasn't a friend. Wouldn't you?
Hence to me, friends as a first step, is critical. It also makes for much better lovers, who interact with each other on a higher level.
Just because someone is a friend, doesn't mean that's all they will ever be. It means that's what they are now, in the beginning, and a firm foundation has been laid. It could develop into more, or perhaps that's all it will ever be.
What controls developing chemistry beyond that level is not ours to choose.
-MM 
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 8:19 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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Dukums
Posts: 1,028
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This is interesting because it shows that people respond to different things. Myself, I have never kissed a friend. I have kissed ladies that I was interested in more than friends that ended up only being friends in the end, but never one that was a "friend first". If I know I am not interested in them as more, then for some reason my mind does not go to the next level. And I have had the "friends first" female code used on me more than once! LOL So I am cynical.
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 8:46 PM |
Does "friends first" really work?
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,906
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At 52, and having never been married, I have had way too many romantic relationships in my life.
Of all of my relationships, only one started out as friends. And that one was in prehistoric times when I was still in my teens.
Every other time, it was romance from the getgo. I am an unabashed (although sometimes regretful) hopeless romantic. For me, there have to be sparks from the moment I see her for it to stimulate me romantically. I can tell within the first few seconds after we meet whether or not there is any possibility that could happen.
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| Jan 20, 2007 @ 8:59 PM |
Does "friends first" really work? |
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BandTMom
Posts: 28,436
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Thanks to the imput I have received here, I have removed the "friends first" from my profile!
Thanks guys!
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