| Jan 31, 2007 @ 1:35 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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blueyedwonderkin
Posts: 194
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Even men who claim they like a woman with self confidence, honesty, integrity, and similar other qualities.. if you tell them plain and simple like that you are interested in them, they freak out.
Even if you tell them, as I just did, that you are interested in them but are not at all ready for a relationship with anyone yet - but you know you are interested enough that you'd like to see if it might be a good idea.
Why is that so wrong to say? How does that make you a "worry" to them or a stalker or .. HOW?
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 1:39 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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budo13
Posts: 3,085
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BLUE i don't see it as wrong to say the guy should be flattered as long as the intentions were clear no harm no foul happen to me a few months ago she said she was interested but had some family issues to work out it was all good 
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 2:06 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 12,065
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it messes with thier BALANCE of how things are SUPPOSED to be 
Myself .. if I like a guy or am interested in him more than just a passing thing they KNOW IT and yeah some run okay so alot run guess Im just skeery 
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 2:26 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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SHASTAEAGLE
Posts: 94
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^^^^^ Becky, your not skeery
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 2:39 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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blueyedwonderkin
Posts: 194
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if I like a guy or am interested in him more than just a passing thing they KNOW IT
Well it's not like he didn't know it already. In fact, he told me he was interested in me and if he wasn't he wouldn't be writing me or vice versa a good week before I told him I was.
But as soon as I told him I was, it all went to hell in a hand basket.
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 2:46 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,596
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If you like someone, tell them that you like them. There's nothing wrong with that.
Now - if you EXPECT the same instant appreciation, well that probably isn't going to happen that quickly for you.
When someone tells me that they like me, unexpectedly, then I have one of these following thoughts:
Oh what a nobel gesture of kindness or consideration. (I don't see it any more than that initially).
or
Puzzeled by not understanding what caused that person to have such an interest in me all of a sudden without making the effort to get noticed. I guess that would be the uncomfortable reaction. Not knowing the circumstances = not being prepared to control my own reactions. So I tend to react standoffish but stay reasonable.
Sometimes I wonder if the person is bipolar and how I should handle it if that is the case.
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 2:51 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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blueyedwonderkin
Posts: 194
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Ah yes, but as I said in the comment right above you, he had already told me he was interested before ithat so it wasn't exactly out of the blue.
Even if he hadn't .. I'm not talking about someone who pops out from behind a bush and tells you they've set the wedding date already I'm talking about people who spend time emailing, chatting, exchange phone numbers, compliment each other, etc. and then one says they are interested in the other one.
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 3:14 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 12,065
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Sometimes I wonder if the person is bipolar and how I should handle it if that is the case.
I am not bipolar Striving  
was that subtle enough?? 
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 3:30 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,596
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^ I'm not blind to the fact the you're flirting sweetie, definitely appreciated. Want some flowers?
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 3:36 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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blueyedwonderkin
Posts: 194
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^ I'm not blind to the fact the you're flirting sweetie, definitely appreciated. Want some flowers?
Yeah, could you two kindly go flirt somewhere else I just took a big chance on trusting someone again just to have them rip my heart out and stomp on it
This is not helping me to understand it or to get over it .. it just reminds me of it. so please .. somewhere else with the flirting, yes?!
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 3:38 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,596
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I'm talking about people who spend time emailing, chatting, exchange phone numbers, compliment each other, etc. and then one says they are interested in the other one.
Do you think that person really wants to be your pen pal for life? He probably wants to get some action but realises that he has to play it down and not be a horn dog or you will get turned off. Some guys have to play this game (being d!ckless, with no sex drive) mentally connecting to a woman to win her interest. It's called the slow approach. IMO, He must be really interested in you to invest all this effort.
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 4:19 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 12,065
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But as soon as I told him I was, it all went to hell in a hand basket.
okay so Ill keep this thread SOMBER...
if that is truly what happened then maybe the THRILL of the chase was gone so he bailed?? to some men its a numbers game to others as soon as they GOT YA they loose interest no rhyme no reason just IS ahd you even MET yet?? maybe that prospect scared the hell outta him .. alot of folks are afraid to actually MEET others from online its a fantasy world where they can be WHO they want untill...
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 5:24 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,596
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online its a fantasy world
True, very true. Spoken from a guy that's been doing this "fantasy thing" for over ten years now.
Oh well it never gets boring, it's just the same ol' drama fed from a different spoon.
Online dating or friendships have saved a lot of people's sanity though. I have read (on another site once about a person on the eve of a suicide and her friends were there for her). So my point is that these sites are the next best thing to having a physical body there for a person.
"Free community for singles and friends"
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 6:40 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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Raiynth
Posts: 461
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Even if you tell them, as I just did, that you are interested in them but are not at all ready for a relationship with anyone yet - but you know you are interested enough that you'd like to see if it might be a good idea.
But that's a mixed message. "I really like you, but I'm definitely not ready for a relationship, but maybe sometime..."
That isn't a particularly encouraging answer to anyone looking for a relationship. Maybe that's where things started to fall apart.
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 8:26 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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Dukums
Posts: 1,028
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If it was me and I was looking for a relationship and a lady told me that she was not ready.....even with the statement of interest....I would move on. If I am ready and someone else isn't, I am not going to sit around till she is. That is just the way it is for me. I have learned the hard way that "not ready" means no future.
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 8:40 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,343
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^^^^^^^ What he said. What you've essentially said to him is to prepare for a roller coaster ride as you alternate between readiness and not yet readiness. I can understand that you're being honest, but I'm guessing he was equally honest in withdrawing if he felt that it was going to be a high drama relationship and that was not something that he was ready for.
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 10:27 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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tatiana329
Posts: 1,122
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You don't tell them your interested. You let them think you may be. Its the same principal as a guy would lose interest in going deer hunting if the deer jumped into his truck before he got to go into the woods and hunt for it......
When a guy goes hunting he chooses his jacket, shoes, his knife, his guns and ammo... he puts it all on and reads up on deer habits. he positions himself to get that deer and carefully manuevers himself to do so.
Why would you want to take that away from him and leave him standing there with no plan?
Besides deers that jump into the truck sometimes miss and get their necks broken, end up flat faced in the windshield.
Not worth it.
[Edited on 1/31/2007 10:33 AM]
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 11:37 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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blueyedwonderkin
Posts: 194
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Do you think that person really wants to be your pen pal for life? He probably wants to get some action but realises that he has to play it down and not be a horn dog or you will get turned off. Some guys have to play this game (being d!ckless, with no sex drive) mentally connecting to a woman to win her interest. It's called the slow approach. IMO, He must be really interested in you to invest all this effort.
Uhm, no I didnt' think this person wanted to be my pen pal for life. I thought, seeing as how he said he was interested but wanted to take things a bit slower, that what he wanted was to get to know me and take things slower.
What I did not think was that he would completely freak out on me and deny that he ever said he was interested and tell me that he only wanted to be pen pals and act like I was a stalker when I told him, later, that I was interested in him as well.
Because, yes, you are right - that is you would think so - that anyone that says they are interested and sticks around and puts in the effort and keeps paying attention to you and never tells you that they changed their mind, is, in fact, interested.
And I'm not talking about there being months between him telling me and me teling him, or bitter arguments, or anthing else that would give me a clue that he may have changed his mind. The last thing he did, before he blew me off, was to log on and send me an email telling me that he wasn't going to be around that day and signed it with "kiss,. . ." <-- He used his name but I won't because this is not technically about him or anything, just about trying to understand ...
Because I do NOT want to go through this again but it seems like that's the pattern. Everything is fine until I let them know that I'm interested, whether it's before the say anything or afterwards, and then it all falls to shite! *sigh*
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 11:47 AM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him?
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blueyedwonderkin
Posts: 194
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Righty I see all your points, the people who said things related to rollercoaster rides and online fantasy, only that isn't exactly how it happened lol Only, in some respects it could be, in regarding some of your suggestions about how he was thinking or got scared.
He told me he was interested in me and me him or we wouldn't be writing to each other they way we were.
We start getting mroe. you know, lovey dovey and sharing more details and whatever.
Okay then I tell him he's right and I am interested in him but I wasn't expecting it to happen this soon. So, yes, I can see your points. It was really a much longer message than "I'm interested but not ready." I was basically trying to tell him that despite not having been prepared, I'd be up for it if he was.
Then first he told me that he wasn't interested. We were only writing.
Then, later on, after I started this thread, he told me what he means, in fact, is that he wants someone who is ready to GO now who has no prior commitments, baggage, etc. The things he knew I had - I mean, he said he read everything I wrote on here. He knew I had kids! Before he told me he was interested, too.
But, yes, I can see .. I can see that maybe he only read that bit and not the explanation or something. That could very well be. People do that when they don't like the first sentence or two.
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| Jan 31, 2007 @ 12:24 PM |
What's so wrong with telling a man you're interested in him? |
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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I tell men if I think they are sexy, smart, interesting, etc..... some run so fast its hysterical.....Men say they want women who are strong, independent and know what they want....I am not sure sometimes if this is really the case.
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