| Feb 4, 2007 @ 9:24 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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Annie_Girl
Posts: 217
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A friend and I were having this conversation yesteday, and I'm interested in hearing other people's opinions as well.
Someone you haven't dated for very long tells you they love you. Do you feel some sort of responsibility toward that person now, regardless of any other feelings you may have?
This is not about obvious red flags about the situation, its about the actual words I LOVE YOU.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 9:52 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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Red69Sun
Posts: 1,100
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I think we are all responsible for our own actions and reactions. We are not responsible for other's actions or reactions. Simple. 
I think one should not go out and intend or do harm or hurt to another, so with that in mind, I would never use those kinds of word loosly and only with intent and meaning......otherwise, they loose their power and ummmffff in my use of them to get the point across. 
I know not everyone thinks like me (thank goodness  ) and other people can be very fast and loose with with their thoughts, actions, and words and can be misunderstood by others..........but in no way should you feel responsible for them.........unless, you lead them on to think that you feel/think the same way.....and then, it goes back to taking on the responsiblity for your actions and words. 
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 10:02 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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Loreli
Posts: 20,318
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I wouldn't feel a responsiblity to say something I didn't mean.
But I would see it as an opportunity to say it if I had been looking for just the right time.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 10:06 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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Annie_Girl
Posts: 217
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All good points.
I think some people say it easier than others, and sometimes only in order to hear it back. I personally feel like someone is handing me their heart when they say it, and I feel a responsibility not to smash it if I don't feel the same way.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 10:16 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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Red69Sun
Posts: 1,100
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Annie.....that's you reading in to something some one else is saying or doing (reacting) and maybe, just maybe.......that was not their intent.......meaning, they did not intend it to mean the same thing you think it means or what you would intend to mean if you said it! (did that make any sense?...........see communication can be difficult at times, even for the best of us at our best times!)
I too would go softly...........but...........if you didn't ask for that kind of commitment at this time.......you being the nice person you are.........would handle it correctly, but ..........as far as holding personal responsiblity......towards that other person......for their actions............nope! Otherwise, you will tear yourself apart........and take on all of their issues, loves, hurts, etc......keep track of your empathy reserves........and know when to shut it down.......and reflect those things tossed towards you.........it's hard to know what is real and what isn't sometimes.
And.........that was right....about possibly being a great "shoe-in" for you, if you feel like it.......to disclose your own feelings........or not.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 10:16 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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nightrider3281
Posts: 752
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i don't feel you should say i love you back unless you are absolutely sure that you feel the same way. Won't be false pretence that way
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 10:28 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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Red69Sun
Posts: 1,100
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 11:05 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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Annie_Girl
Posts: 217
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Annie.....that's you reading in to something some one else is saying or doing (reacting) and maybe, just maybe.......that was not their intent.......meaning, they did not intend it to mean the same thing you think it means or what you would intend to mean if you said it! (did that make any sense?...........see communication can be difficult at times, even for the best of us at our best times!)
Red...this is exactly what I wanted to discuss, but didn't want to lead it with my question.
It's not that I've heard this from someone recently. I've grown to the place right now that I want to be the one that says it, not with any kinds of string, no IF's, no shoulda's....and definetly not expecting to hear it back. I just wanted to know how others would feel if they heard it under those circumstances.
And you are right...it means different things to different people...seems like it should be easy to understand, but it sure isn't!
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 11:28 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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budo13
Posts: 3,085
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when i hear i love you i have a responsibility to myself to run like hell 
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 12:15 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,959
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"Love comes in many ways,
In lover's arms, in sweet bouquets,
But if nothing's said, then nothing's ever heard."
The key in this, to me, is "in many ways" and "if nothing's said, then nothing's ever heard". It's not only and all about romantic love, but love as a way of being. And so I can readily tell those of whom I am fond, about whom I care, that I love them. Simply. No strings.
And they "get it".
Though, because the romantic notions of it are so firmly entrenched in most minds, I will often say it as, "I just love you". Which seems to get across that it is meant only as its simple, natural definition, sans those obligatory strings.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 12:29 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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Laidback742
Posts: 3,429
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Your only responsibility, if any, is to make sure that the other person understands how you feel .... whether those feelings are the same or not. To repeat those words for fear of hurting feelings is only a lie that will lead to major problems.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 12:33 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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signme
Posts: 9,590
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LB
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 1:42 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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luvmycats
Posts: 9,744
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Laidback
Your only responsibility, if any, is to make sure that the other person understands how you feel .... whether those feelings are the same or not. To repeat those words for fear of hurting feelings is only a lie that will lead to major problems.
I have been in that situation. What is the correct thing to say to the person? I never want to hurt someones feelings, I have just never known how to respond. I also don't want to lie to them. 
GREAT QUESTION Annie Girl
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 3:00 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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Dukums
Posts: 1,028
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It is during these types of times that our honesty vs. compassion is tested. We do not want to hurt someone yet we do not want to deceive someone or lead them to believe that the feelings are mutual when they are not. I believe at times like these, a dose of reality that tastes like bad cough syrup is much better than letting the infection spread to where it will take major surgery to fix. Sometimes you have to inflict a little pain in order to spare traumatic pain later.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 3:18 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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shchmaja06
Posts: 113
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The only " responsibility" you should accept on hearing these words is that of mutual respect & kindness. Not an obligation to reciprocate the words or feelings.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 3:54 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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redhairNfreckles
Posts: 2,829
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The last time I heard someone say "I love you" was from a guy I was dating in NC after only being together for 1 month. I was kind of shocked and blurted out something like "don't ever say that to me unless you mean it" in my Sagittarian way.....he never did, and we broke up 3 months later. On the other hand, the second love of my life (I've known for over 30 yrs), who I dated for 1 1/2 years during my separation/almost divorced era, never could quite bring himself to say it (nor me to him) even though we both felt it. He was then, and still is, in a VERY unhappy marriage but that's another story...and we don't communicate now.
So Annie, to answer your question, I guess I don't.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 7:22 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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redtigr
Posts: 660
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Unless the person is a complete nut, bastard or manipulator, I do feel a certain responsibility; it is the responsibility to be kind, whatever my own feelings may be.
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| Feb 4, 2007 @ 11:49 PM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,954
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Kind is good. Understanding is good. Gentle is good. You very well indeed may have their heart in your hands.
However reciprocal is bad, unless it truly is the case. You have no responsibility to feel the same way, or to try to do so. And to imply there's something there that isn't, in my view, is much worse than delicately expressing the truth.
-MM
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 12:58 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU?
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candylily
Posts: 1,347
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What drives me nuts are guys telling me they love me before they've even met me. They've seen a picture, we've talked on the phone and all of a sudden, they love me? It never ceases to amaze me. I try to tell them that since we've never met, it's only fantasy. If I had been perfectly willing to meet them before, I start wondering if that's such a good idea and I usually decide it's best not to.
My responsibility is to try to get some reality back into the conversation and hope that it works.
That's not quite the same situation you're talking about, Annie, but it just happened again. 
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 2:22 AM |
Is there a responsibility when you hear I LOVE YOU? |
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blueyedwonderkin
Posts: 194
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Do you feel some sort of responsibility toward that person now, regardless of any other feelings you may have?
Responsibility toward them? Not really as I did not lead them on and too soon is too soon. Except, you know, the responsibility to acknowledge and answer in return, like with most conversations. But, not to, you know, have to draw closer to them just because of what they feel, no. It would be wrong unless I really wanted to do that.
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