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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 5:01 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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Magickman
Posts: 132
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I was clobbered the other night, by my date, with the triple-headed designation of Single, Available, and Unavailable.
If all that seems confusing to you, then we agree.
Anyway, my date says I am (all at once): Single, as in unmarried and not in a relationship; Available, as in eligible and unencumbered; and Unavailable, as in unwilling to contemplate marriage.
She thinks she must re-evaluate dating me, in light of my perceived unavailability, just in case she someday again becomes desirous of matrimony.
This seems kind of screwloose to me.
My date is married, albeit separated, and has three children, and one grandchild.
Whenever I am with her, she always takes calls on her cell, from her husband, children, and assorted relatives.
And I am unavailable?
Where is it written, that a single guy ought offer commitment to a married woman?
I understand that she is on her own, living separately, working, and paying her own rent. If she were living with her husband, I don't think we could date.
I am single. She is married. And I am unavailable, because I am not open to marriage?
I have met her children, grandchild, and assorted friends and acquaintances. Probably, it is only a matter of time, before I meet her husband, too, although I am not looking forward to that.
My thought is that a single guy does not proffer commitment or promise of future commitment to a married woman.
As likely as not, in my opinion, she will go back to husband and family.
Am I the bad guy here; Mr Unavailable?
Or should I seek my dates elsewhere?
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 5:06 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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Dukums
Posts: 1,686
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I think she wants a future that includes the possibility of marraige. Maybe you should disclose your lack of desire for marraige on the first date or before. Might save you some time.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 5:29 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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PullMyFinger
Posts: 967
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Or it could mean she just thinks you're a complete dick and would rather face the sharks that circle the marriage boat instead of contemplating a future with someone like you.....just saying...the grass isn't always greener....maybe you convinced her that shedding a little blood isn't near as bad as committing herself to a hellish nightmare with someone that has the intelligence of a gnat.
Oh, sorry....that wasn't meant to insinuate you're a dick or you have the intellectual capacity of the suborder Nematocera of the Diptera family of biting insects....or anything...just another possible reason as to why she's making or contemplating those choices...
Yer Pal....
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 5:37 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,031
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I agree with duk. But I have a question......In our profile section we are asked if we looking for a long term relationship, and it occurred to me, that if we (single people here on md) go out on first date, looking for long term relationship......it's probably not going to happen. We should just be able to "go out' to get to know somebody better....Not trying to form or mold ourselves into a relationship......Seems like a whole lot of unnecessary pressure to put ourselves through........but...JMHO>.But I guess they want us to point out what our "intentions " are.....But do we really know that......before we meet ANYBODY, kinda like we can't see the forest for the trees.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 5:42 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I need a smoke.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 5:54 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,624
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Me too China.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 5:57 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,602
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Have one for me too China.
I'm sort of with PMF on this, although I won't necessarily address your intelligence or lack thereof, but I think it's a safe bet that your availability isn't really the issue. She probably thought she could deal with your um......flamboyance, shall we say...and eventually found it bothered her more than she expected but she doesn't really want to say that. It's not screwloose, but I think a lack of intestinal fortitude on her part to say what's really on her mind.
But that's JMHO of course.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 6:13 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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Ok, wait a minute—stop the presses. All I needed to formulate my opinion was this salient line…
My date is married, albeit separated….
First rule of dating: do NOT get involved with somebody that is still married but separated. I don’t give a hoot for people that say such malarkey as, “Oh, maybe I’m not divorced, but I’m perfectly ready to date…the marriage is over and has been for months, years….I know exactly what I’m getting into….etc”. They may think they’re ready, but they’re not. Not until everything is final and they are free and clear. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this drivel and found reality to be the exact opposite. I don’t really care if you believe you’re the one exception out of 50 that truly does have their head screwed on straight.
As for people that are somehow attracted to separated but still married individuals, don’t put yourself in a position to be hurt and frustrated. Make it a rule to NEVER date someone unless they’ve been divorced for at least six months. And that means D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D by law, not that the paperwork is still being processed or we’re separated but the divorce is moving forward or whatever nonsense they give you.
Sheesh, I’m dealing with freakin’ children….CHILDREN!!!!
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 6:54 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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Magickman
Posts: 132
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Wallflower, I mean Wildflower, wrote:
"She probably thought she could deal with your um......flamboyance, shall we say...and eventually found it bothered her more than she expected but she doesn't really want to say that."
Heck. Last weekend, she picked out some Lilac Purple nail polish, for my next manicure.
And... when we first met, we both expressed lack of interest in marriage.
Lately, she gets all misty eyed and talks about how wonderful it is to be married.
Really, guys, I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday. After dating women for a month or two, they typically start talking about marriage, even though I tell them, BEFORE WE MEET, that I am not, let us say, marriage minded.
And another thing. I absolutely deny being a dim-witted, biting bug.
My date met a guy who said, "No. I do not want to get married."
She has since been working on changing my mind, continually attempting to elicit small concessions from me, on this issue.
I do not want to hurt her feelings, but marriage is not on my "To Do" list.
Honest. I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings. Even those on this site, who impugn my integrity and intelligence.
I am just a guy, uninterested in marriage, who wants to date.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 6:57 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,624
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Mo, I will up that to 1 year!!!!
If it has been a bad divorce, it can take that long or more for people to get on with their lives.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 7:06 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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Raiynth
Posts: 461
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You're unavailable pertaining to a future with a marriage - which to many people means that you're just plain unavailable.
She is unavailable because she is married. (And incidentally, it's perfectly legitimate for a mother to take calls from her kids.)
In short, you are not what she needs and she is not what you need.
It's probably just time to move on.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 7:41 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,398
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She thinks she must re-evaluate dating me, in light of my perceived unavailability, just in case she someday again becomes desirous of matrimony.
This seems kind of screwloose to me.
Nope. She just knows what she wants.
Or maybe after knowing you that was the nicest letdown she had?
Doesn't really matter though, does it? You won't change the person you are and she didn't want to change who she is.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 7:59 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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Strandedboarder
Posts: 440
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My thought is that a single guy does not proffer commitment or promise of future commitment to a married woman.
You say that as if there are rules.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 7:59 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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redtigr
Posts: 664
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I am just a guy, uninterested in marriage, who wants to date.
Or should I seek my dates elsewhere?
It would seem you have answered your own question. Go elsewhere. It seems rather apparent you may have chosen to date her precisely because she was unavailable... Things change. Move on.
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 9:19 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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daisy315
Posts: 4,945
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ok.. she's married, you are not.. seems to me that she is "unavailable" as much as or moreso than you are..time to find one that is on the same page as you.
as for some folks rules to never date a separated person. I'll say it now.. I am separated.. have been for over 16 years. Why don't I get the divorce?.. I don't really know.. maybe cause I am waiting for him to pay for it.. he's "engaged" again from what I hear.. I haven't seen him in almost 7 years, so I don't know if he plans on getting married. I haven't really thought about getting married since we split, so I guess it's just not that important
ok folks.. got that off my chest..lol..
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 10:50 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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Pollyanna1959
Posts: 18
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First rule of dating: do NOT get involved with somebody that is still married but separated. I don’t give a hoot for people that say such malarkey as, “Oh, maybe I’m not divorced, but I’m perfectly ready to date…the marriage is over and has been for months, years….I know exactly what I’m getting into….etc”. They may think they’re ready, but they’re not. Not until everything is final and they are free and clear. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this drivel and found reality to be the exact opposite. I don’t really care if you believe you’re the one exception out of 50 that truly does have their head screwed on straight.
As for people that are somehow attracted to separated but still married individuals, don’t put yourself in a position to be hurt and frustrated. Make it a rule to NEVER date someone unless they’ve been divorced for at least six months. And that means D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D by law, not that the paperwork is still being processed or we’re separated but the divorce is moving forward or whatever nonsense they give you.
Sheesh, I’m dealing with freakin’ children….CHILDREN!!!!
Motown....as usual.......you made me grin and duck at the same time. I only broke this rule once in the last seven years....... but his lines were sooooo good! 
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| Feb 5, 2007 @ 11:03 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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DiamondRain
Posts: 6,351
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Listen, if a chick wants marriage, either now or eventually -- as most do ---what would be the point of dating someone who never wants to get married?
So the question isn't so much whether or not you are willing to commit to marriage with a married woman, it's whether you would be willing to marry no matter what her marital status was.
Her marriage might end in divorce, but if you are not willing to get married anyway, what is in it for her to date you?
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| Feb 6, 2007 @ 12:27 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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Her marriage might end in divorce, but if you are not willing to get married anyway, what is in it for her to date you?
She is just checking out what is out there. If it is not to her liking, yes she
may go back to her husband. Sound to me like she may be in the "playing" mode.
And if she is, there is nothing wrong with your behavior. But I am sure if and when you do meet the right one you will think more seriously about marriage.
i have been divorced since 2003 and I still don't feel as though I am ready to make another serious commitment. It would be wrong of me to suggest otherwise.
Seems a lot of people are more ready to jump in the fire just to be jumping.
Not me, marriage is serious and should be taken seriously.
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| Feb 6, 2007 @ 12:36 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Single, Available, and Unavailable
hehehe, I may need to borrow that line for my profile 
And you know where you stand, Magick...SHE doesn't know what she wants, obviously. Maybe you're a "challenge", maybe you're "safe". This sounds a bit like the reverse situation that a lot of women have faced with married men. 
(btw, some women just like "nesting" and can't figure out why all guys don't feel the same way)
~sheesh~ don't you just hate it when the rules change in the middle of the game?
(no comment about her husband who may be saying the exact same thing  )
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| Feb 6, 2007 @ 1:08 PM |
Single, Available, and Unavailable |
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IndigoRose
Posts: 1,194
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SOME (I did that just for YOU M.M.) women prefer to date (bonk) masculine men, but marry those that are more feminine ... Bad boy ...nice guy thing.
I'm wondering if her husband was the rugged featured manly man type? You might be the safe guy...I'm also wondering if you are loaded as in wealthy? You sure seem to get lucky with the women high heels painted nails and all.But then again you can dance
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page:
<<
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
>>
of 2 pages
|
< previous page | next page >
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