| Feb 13, 2007 @ 11:50 PM |
Friend With Benefits
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mille277
Posts: 10
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I want to know why a man would want to have a friend with benefits, if he is supposedly in a happy relationship and in love with his wife, whom he says is sexy and gives him a great time in bed. He says he wants variety, but won't leave his wife. He married young and only slept with two women total. So, any ideas?
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| Feb 13, 2007 @ 11:52 PM |
Friend With Benefits |
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shchmaja06
Posts: 113
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curiosity, boredom, ego boost... anywhich way you look at it it's still distrespectful and hurtful to the wife, and if he'd do that, I really don't believe he loves the wife all tht much ... jmho
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| Feb 13, 2007 @ 11:54 PM |
Friend With Benefits
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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Sure, he's feeding you a line of bullshit to get some ass. I see you're young, so I guess you haven't been around much. Guys will tell you ANYTHING to get in your panties. I know, I'm a guy, and I've done it. If you want to screw him, go for it, just don't expect anything more though.And remember this, if he will cheat on his wife to screw you, he'll cheat on you to screw the next babe he can find.
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| Feb 13, 2007 @ 11:57 PM |
Friend With Benefits |
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mille277
Posts: 10
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Hmm....interesting. He's MY husband. Before this he almost left me because he fell in love with one of his "friends".
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 12:01 AM |
Friend With Benefits
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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Honey, if you're the wife, the best advice I can give you is get a good divorce lawyer, or learn to live with him screwing anybody he can. It isn't gonna get any better. Some guys will just never be faithful and you have to either deal with it or move on. And I'm sure he will be willing to feed YOU a line of bullshit about he isn't going to do it any more and then slip around anyway.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 12:06 AM |
Friend With Benefits |
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mille277
Posts: 10
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Yea, I agree. I just have to make up my damn mind about it. I'm trying to find out more about what the heck is going on in his mind. Then I'll make my decision. I told him I won't stop him because then yes he WILL lie to me and go do whatever. So I know what he's doing. Knowledge is power, right? I just don't want details. He wants a threesome eventually but I don't. I am not that kind of person.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 12:25 AM |
Friend With Benefits
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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If you don't want a threesome, then DON"T DO IT and don't let yourself get talked into it. Everytime you give in to doing something you really don't want to do, you are giving him more control over you. Do it often enough and you'll become a submissive little Stepford wife.
What's going on in his mind? He thinks he's in the sweet spot, you're at home anytime he wants you, AND he gets to hit all the strange he wants too. That's like nirvana for us guys, the only thing better would be for you to tell him to quit his job and you'll support him. He doesn't have any mental illness or aberation that causes this, it's lack of commitment and maturity.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 12:27 AM |
Friend With Benefits |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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Oh, and one more thing, start getting yourself tested REGULARLY for STDs, at least every 90 days. Some of the stuff you can catch won't show any symptoms.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 12:29 AM |
Friend With Benefits
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mille277
Posts: 10
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Gotcha. Yea don't worry I told him straight up if he gets me infected it's over. And he gets NO contact with me if he goes out until he gets tested. Same for me. Although I dunno if I even want to start on my end. It's just too new right now.
No, no threesomes for me. I don't care if I get dumped for it.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 12:38 AM |
Friend With Benefits |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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Don't do anything you don't want to. Screwing for revenge is stupid, he won't care, and you won't feel anything but remorse. I've been down that road.
STDs, the stuff that shows up like Syphillis and Gonarrea(sp?) are easily treated, the bad stuff is what doesn't show for months or years, herpes, HPV, Chlymidia, HIV, etc. That's why you need broad spectrum tests at least every 3 months, he can bring things home for you and never know he has them. Take care of yourself first, make sure you're healthy. And keep this thought in the back of your mind, no matter how bad things are with your husband, he is not all men, he is just A man. All men are not like that.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 7:42 AM |
Friend With Benefits
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Laidback742
Posts: 3,429
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My opinion .... get a lawyer, and get out. He doesn't know what commitment is, or he does but doesn't care .... and by you basically telling him to go ahead and do it, for whatever reason, I see it as a lack of commitment on your part as well .... you pretty much gave him permission to keep being unfaithful .... of course its going to continue ....
I'm trying to find out more about what the heck is going on in his mind. Then I'll make my decision
Theres nothing to figure out here .... its called a lack of respect for his wife .... if it was me, my decision would already be made.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 8:46 AM |
Friend With Benefits |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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These 2 guys are giving you GREAT advice! I can understand hanging around if you don't have any PROOF of your husband fking around...I did that myself! Every minute you stay with him is putting you at risk. Value yourself more, Mille. You can't do that soon enough!
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 9:05 AM |
Friend With Benefits
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,959
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mille277 said:
Hmm....interesting. He's MY husband. Before this he almost left me because he fell in love with one of his "friends". Been there, done that, got the t-shirts. Should have kept the house, too, but I decided that he was so messed up already that nothing I could do could possibly be worse than having to live his miserable life.
If you're unhappy about this now, it will NEVER get better. He's USING YOU. Trust me, all the love in the world isn't going to fix him.
Get out while you still have a shred left of your self-respect.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 9:13 AM |
Friend With Benefits |
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Angel178
Posts: 22,954
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Mil - you sound like a good person. Everybody has given you very good advice. Make a decision while your self esteem is still high enough. It's not too late! Don't let him manipulate you into letting him "have his cake...", well, you know the rest. Good luck - here,  , maybe these will cheer you up.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 9:30 AM |
Friend With Benefits
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 12,810
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He married young and only slept with two women total. So, any ideas? My guess is that he’s discovered there’s a great big world out there and is trying to compromise to get the best of both worlds. He could be trying to draw you in to alleviate his guilt. Sounds like the two of you did what a great majority has done....you got married too damn young!!!!!!
I don't care if I get dumped for it.
It appears that right now you’re allowing yourself to be dumped on.
Knowledge is power, right? Yes, and you have the knowledge that he is searching for/has “friends with benefits”. Personally, I see no reason to wait any longer trying to figure out what is in his head (I think you already know)....this is the situation, and you need to determine if you respect yourself enough to go with and stick to what you feel is right. The ball is really in your court....you can continue to allow him to graze green pastures or you can insist that the two of you work on your marriage. If he has issues, having FWB’s isn’t going to address them, only complicate them further. Sounds like the two of you have some serious soul searching to do.....bottom line is you’re married - if one or the other isn’t committed, it will never work
Yea don't worry I told him straight up if he gets me infected it's over. The problem is if he gets you infected, more than just your marriage could be over! You have two children that you need to consider...they might appreciate having a healthy mother.
It's a tough situation and I wish you the strength, courage, determination and self-respect to get through this.....no matter the outcome!!!
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 2:48 PM |
Friend With Benefits |
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Say_Yes
Posts: 1,788
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To echo the above sentiments, get out and get out now. Cheaters cheat, and once a cheater, always a cheater. He may walk the straight and narrow for a while, but cheating on your spouse is a character flaw that is not going to change.
As for why men cheat, there are many reasons, but in the end, what it comes down to is that they are not getting something that they need out of their current relationship. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you are at fault. His need may be a need to sow those wild oats that he never sowed, or that he simply feels a need for multiple partners. Maybe he is trying to recapture his youth (your basic mid life crisis) or maybe he is just a jerk. These are his issues, not yours.
Let him fix his life, grow up and mature. He may evolve into a decent man, in time, but you (and everyone else) deserve better.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 3:16 PM |
Friend With Benefits
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TRS1958
Posts: 481
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I have to agree, very good advise you're getting from these people. Bottom line is...it's adultery plain and simple. Obviously some people enjoy the swinging lifestyle or it wouldn't be going on in this world. Every time he does this he is possibly giving you a death sentence if you continue to sleep with him. Personally for me...it would already be over and I would be getting out NOW. You may be thinking it was "big" of him to be honest about it by telling you he was doing it but a decent man doesn't do it to begin with. And if you decide not to condone it he will just lie to you about it from now on and keep on doing it. And it's already been said...you deserve better AND can do better than that.
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 8:03 PM |
Friend With Benefits |
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mille277
Posts: 10
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Thank you all who posted your take on this so far. I agree with all of it. My problem is I loved him enough to let him walk all over me. I'm not so sure that's true anymore. I had a basic idea of marriage, and it's obviously way different than his. I wanted to find out if it's supposed to be this way. I see it's not. Yes, we did marry too young. He didn't get to "play", and I got so emotionally involved with the guy I wouldn't let him go. I am not committed, no. But it's useless arguing with a brick wall. And I KNOW he WILL cheat on me if I ask him to stop.Which I can't control him anyway as I believe that is wrong, even if what he's doing is stupid and disrespectful. So now my next step is to tell him how I feel, and yes, get out. It's gonna take me a while though. I'm young, I hold on to things too much when they have been a part of me for so long. And I feel so bad for my kids. But if I'm not happy, neither will they be, right? So here's to my future. 
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 8:11 PM |
Friend With Benefits
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Laidback742
Posts: 3,429
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I can't see how you would ever be happy in this situation .... its nice to see that you are opening your eyes .... you deserve far better .... 
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| Feb 14, 2007 @ 8:15 PM |
Friend With Benefits |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,343
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Oh, and HPV, the one that causes cervical cancer? There's no test for men, so you can't tell that way..
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