| Feb 15, 2007 @ 12:27 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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ReyDCorazones
Posts: 11
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From the book Women Infidelity by: Michelle Langley
Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
They push men for commitment
They get what they want
They lose interest in sex
They become attracted to someone else
They start cheating
They become angry and resentful
They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, a long period of time…they end their relationships or marriages.
If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex, but also because you have the belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.” Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.
If you’re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior, but at the same time you can't stop cheating.
Women's relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same pattern unless (a) males develop an accurate understanding of females - particularly in regard to their sexuality and (b) females develop an accurate understanding of themselves - particularly in regard to their sexuality.
After researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous.
In the last year, the media has finally begun to acknowledge, albeit to a small degree, the widespread problem of female infidelity. Recently, several books and articles have attempted to explain why women are now cheating as much as men. However, none were successful in their attempt. All of them left out very important pieces to this extremely complicated puzzle. I believe the majority were simply unable to find all of the information necessary to figure out the problem. Although, I'm certain that some were just afraid to disclose certain key pieces of information because the truth, quite frankly, is so contrary to our current beliefs. Unfortunately, without these missing pieces, it's impossible to understand, and to subsequently fix, the real problem occurring in relationships today.
My story:
Shortly after my 27th birthday, I began to feel very different. I had been happily married for 4 years and then suddenly, out of nowhere, I began feeling bored and unhappy. In an attempt to figure out what was causing my unhappiness, I looked for answers in books, tried to talk my Mother and eventually went to see a psychologist. All of the information I received attributed the way I was feeling to my husband, and similar to the majority of women, I began to view my husband as the culprit, too.
Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces
Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it is not uncommon for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, or what I refer to as the "female crisis," which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only a lot worse.
The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships
Several years into my research, I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I interviewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire. Click here to read the stages
Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise
Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved - once you understand what the real problem is. The information in Women’s Infidelity should be common knowledge to couples, both married and unmarried, and to dating males and females. Trying to have a relationship without the information in this book is like to trying to read without knowing the letters of the alphabet. This is not an exaggeration - it’s a fact.
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 12:33 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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Blondino
Posts: 4,269
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Well I for one ... have always had the guts to end any unhappy relationship before starting another ....
I have never cheated ... but I have got bored
Now can you give us the pattern on mens infidelity 
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 12:57 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,818
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Don't care what time era I am in.. I have always been and will always remain faithful to the one I love and am with... it's who I am.. what my morals are.
If I am not happy with who I am with, I either work on what can be changed or just simply get out of the relationship. Why stay with someone and be completely unhappy and then drag another party into the mess? Just doesn't make sense.. but maybe I am just too logical.. 
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 1:02 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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IndigoRose
Posts: 1,194
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Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
They push men for commitment
They get what they want
They lose interest in sex
They become attracted to someone else
They start cheating
They become angry and resentful
They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, a long period of time…they end their relationships or marriages.
There is never an excuse to cheat...but I wonder how many generations of women went through that very same chit other than the push for commitment part of course ha!?? Yes I have gender bias WHAT? 
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 1:20 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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Blondino
Posts: 4,269
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Are you trying to sell a book ? thats what it sounds like .. a sales pitch 
There are many books on the subject ...
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 1:41 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,906
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Sounds like a lot of ivory tower dribble with overtones of hackneyed 70s feminism to me. I know when my woman is happy, and how to make her happy. If she wants someone else, I don't want her to be with me. I can tell if she is willing to set herself on fire for me or not, no she can't hide it, I'm way too observant and smart. Don't need a course on how to know. If I have to work at making her want me, I'd rather let her go.
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 1:51 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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candylily
Posts: 1,347
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Even when my marriage was at its very worst and we hadn't slept together for months (his choice), I never once cheated or even came close to cheating. I could have cheated at any time if I had wanted to. There were men who I knew would happily oblige and I had plenty of time alone. I didn't cheat on my first husband either. Not all women cheat. Some of us leave our comfortable homes and lose everything rather than stay and cheat. Maybe some of us are really really stupid. 
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 2:01 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,906
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I think the premise for the conclusion is bull. I don't think female infidelity is nearly as common as this article portrays. And it pales in the face of male infidelity (which is far more likely to be the problem). Sounds to me like somebody trumped that idea up so they could find something new to impress their academic groupies. All the better if it appears to fly in the face of common sense. That gives it more buzz.
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 2:06 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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IndigoRose
Posts: 1,194
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^^wow starting to like you! 
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 2:12 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,319
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After researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and many are completely erroneous.
One person's opinion...sold some books, or got some attention.
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 2:21 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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Blondino
Posts: 4,269
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I respect myself too much to be unfaithful ..
it would make me feel cheap & dirty
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 2:22 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,088
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to the OP:
if you hate women so much, there's always the other side of the spectrum. you don't have to complain about us so much when there's other options.
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 2:50 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,954
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there's always the other side of the spectrum. you don't have to complain about us so much when there's other options.
Like a good spanking on occasion  can do wonders for promoting harmony!! 
-MM
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 2:52 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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Raiynth
Posts: 461
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I certainly don't feel a need to defend my personal morals to anyone - particularly in regards to a ridiculous book excerpt with a laughable assumption about divorce statistics.
Sheeeesh. People will write anything to get published!
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 2:52 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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Blondino
Posts: 4,269
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someone here needs a good spanking MM
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:36 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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Aha!!! A pseudo-psycho-babble book produced to assuage HER own guilt and actions? 
Infidelity: How to Forgive Yourself for Cheating
By Michelle Langley
There is plenty of information available to help the spouse who's been cheated on, yet there is very little information available to help the wayward spouse. Countless relationships end as a result of infidelity. However, it’s not necessarily because the spouse found out and couldn’t forgive the behavior; it’s because the person who cheated couldn’t forgive themselves.
If you are trying to come to terms with having cheated on your spouse, then you need to start viewing cheating for what it is – a bad choice. It’s nothing more and nothing less. The old adage, “once a cheater, always a cheater” is nothing more than a judgment which is intended to deter people from cheating in the first place. Don’t buy into this belief about yourself. Who you are today is not who you were yesterday. Likewise, who you are in a burning building is very different from who you are at a picnic. Our circumstances at any given moment can change who we are, once we understand this about ourselves we can begin to live at a level of awareness where choosing our behavior becomes possible.
Many would argue, (myself included) that it’s best to tell your spouse what has happened, unfortunately though, many of us aren’t in relationships that can withstand anything less than the image we project. However, that’s not to say that our relationships can’t or won’t get to that level in the future.
If you find that you’re in a situation where you don’t feel you can share your indiscretion with your spouse without destroying your relationship, and yet, you also don’t feel as though you can remain in your relationship without disclosing what’s happened, then try the following:
First, find a couple hours where you can be alone without any chance of being interrupted (you will need a pen and notepad for this exercise). Now, I want you to write down everything that happened leading up to and including the indiscretion. The process is the same whether it was a one time encounter or an ongoing affair.
After you have written down everything in vivid detail, try to remember if there was anything you were afraid of prior to the incident. Typically, some type of fear precipitates cheating on a partner. For instance, were you afraid of not having anything to look forward to in the future? Were you afraid of getting older? Did you feel that this was your last chance at happiness and/or excitement? Were you afraid that your spouse was cheating on you? Really try to think back to what you were feeling at the time.
After you’re finished answer this question, If I could go back, would I still make the same decision today, or would I choose differently? If your answer is “yes, I would choose differently,” then write down all of the reasons you would make a different choice today.
I want you to reread everything that you’ve written. Take it all in one last time. Now, I want you to tear up what you’ve written and throw it away. You’ve acknowledged what’s happened and you’ve come to the conclusion that this is not a decision you would make again in the future. Therefore, there is no need to revisit this experience again.
However, you may find that there are times when you will still feel guilty. Cheating is a little like dieting. So often when people cheat on their diets, they give up and stop trying to diet at all. It can be the same way with cheating on your spouse. People often give up on their relationships because they cheated. The guilt causes the cheater as well as the dieter to want to start over with a clean slate. So, the dieter goes on a binge and decides to start fresh with a new diet. Likewise, the cheater does the same thing – they give up on their relationship and they decide to start fresh with a new partner. If you can see the insanity in this behavior in terms of dieting then you should also be able to see the insanity in this behavior when it comes to relationships. A dieter with this type of mentality will most likely never lose weight; instead they will simply keep going back to the beginning, or in other words, starting over. If you apply this same logic to your relationship, expect the same results; plan to continue going back to the beginning to start over again with a new partner.
In the future, if you start to feel guilty about this again, I want you to read the following paragraph. In fact, reread it every time you catch yourself starting to feel even a twinge of guilt:
My relationship is not tarnished because of my behavior. I made a bad choice; however, no single decision has the potential to define who I am. I have not lost anything from this experience except the ignorance which is necessary to judge myself and others. I will forgive myself today – only by doing so will I be able to love and give again to the people around me
[Edited on 2/15/2007 3:38 PM]
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:37 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,954
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You noticed that too, eh Blondino?
-MM  
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:37 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,251
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continued:
Now, I want to leave you with a question. Wouldn’t you rather be in a relationship with someone who knows they are capable of cheating and yet they are consciously choosing to be faithful; as opposed to someone who mistakenly thinks they are just naturally incapable of certain behaviors? If you have cheated on your partner you now have the ability to choose to be faithful instead of naively or childishly just assuming it about yourself; which means you now have the wisdom and experience to be truly trustworthy.See, you really do deserve to be free from this guilt!Michelle Langley is the author of Women's Infidelity: Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say, "I'm Not Happy" To read an exerpt from Women's Infidelity visit http://womensinfidelity.com/Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michelle_Langley
Here are a couple more articles by this self-proclaimed (bitter?) "expert" that can be found on that E-zine website --
Gay Cowboys: Do Women Like to Watch Men Have Sex?
Bad Girls: Let's Be Honest Ladies, Aren't You Only Into Him Because He's Not Into You?
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:40 PM |
Womens Infidelity
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,906
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^^wow starting to like you!
What's with the "starting?" 
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| Feb 15, 2007 @ 5:23 PM |
Womens Infidelity |
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IndigoRose
Posts: 1,194
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Ha!
Starting to like Sunbabe too..you missed your calling lady you should have be a detective. Now stay off MY case 
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