| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:09 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
EnjoyingLife420
Posts: 93
|
I'll probobly get bashed for this thread but here goes anyway. I've read threads here on MD in the past about women being afraid of or not wanting to commit to a relationship, or not wanting to date just one person exclusively. The reasons mentioned have varied. Personal reasons , being hurt in past relationships or career objectives standing in the way. When a woman acts this sort of way it seems like we are seen as being to picky , or just playing until we find the real relationship we are searching for. Some would even say gold-digging. If a man can act this way without those types of things being said , then why are women sometimes viewed this way for the same things. 
|
|
  |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:34 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
MusicMonster
Posts: 2,954
|
Because of the double standards we all know and love? 
-MM 
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:40 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
Laidback742
Posts: 4,676
|
Maybe some people still hold the ideology that women should be home-oriented .... settled down, married, happy with 2.3 kids and a picket fence .... for a woman to be ambitious, single, or her own person, definitely doesn't fit into this scenario .... however, men can be this way simply because they are men .... the breadwinner, provider, able to look around until they find a woman like mom, not an "independent" woman .... I don't know, just a thought.
( By the way ..... thats not my view, just throwing an idea out there )
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:49 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
Dukums
Posts: 1,686
|
I have not experienced this double standard. In fact the ladies I am attracted to, are usually quite discerning and know themselves well enough to not just go for anyone. I do not view this as a bad thing. In fact I want a lady who decides to choose me, after being discerning rather just picking any old port in a storm. However I also think enough of myself to not get involved with someone who is on a shopping spree and is using dating to find out what man fits her.
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 3:55 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 6,354
|
Start with the premise that there are significantly more men that are wary of commitment then there are women. If you buy this (which I do) then I think the answer to your question is as follows:
If the above is true, then it stands to reason that society has an expectation that women are more receptive to committed relationships than men.
Therefore, when faced with the exception -- a woman who is not receptive to committed relationships -- people grope for an explanation. They need to find some way of explaining this behavior because it is relatively rare.
What they come up with is what most people usually come up with. A shallow, unsophisticated, simple minded and unoriginal explanation that will be acceptable and impressive to others around them who are equally as simple minded.
No such explanation is needed for the male who is recalcitrant toward commitment. It's just expected that men are that way.
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 4:19 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
Loreli
Posts: 25,398
|
Without seeming to generalize, I think men have been hurt as bad, have been as "picky", etc, but often seem better at burying those feelings. It happens both sides.
If someone wants to feel that way-nothing is going to stop them. And-as long as 2 people involved know that THEY are doing the right thing for the right reason, that's all that matters. 
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 4:24 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
|
able to look around until they find a woman like mom, not an "independent" woman
So I should be hanging out in truckstops looking for trucker women?
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 4:44 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
EnjoyingLife420
Posts: 93
|
This is the first time for an experience like this for me. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or anyones dream woman , but when a person meets someone who they feel could be the one these things happen. If a woman were to just want to stay away from any type of comittment they would certainly get a bad rap.
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 4:47 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
|
You've never heard mention of "players" or "commitmentphobic" in reference to men?
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 5:13 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
twotall911
Posts: 13,048
|
Im not afraid of anything i think the women are
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 5:15 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
|
using dating to find out what man fits her.
Isn't that the purpose of dating? Don't we date to find a partner that fits our life? Otherwise it would just be grabbing the first partner available and getting married.
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 5:16 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
daniel_at_ipfw
Posts: 637
|
Just a thought.. I am neither a "player" or "commitmentphobic" (love that word sci)
My 2-cents...
I would be worried if someone wanted to dive straight into a relationship, or move too fast. There is nothing wrong with taking your time, or learning about one another patiently. Why jump in head first...
Whatever the reason behind someones lack of will to commit to a relationship, that is in the end their choice, and we must respect it. If it bothers you that someone you are seeing isn't ready for such a commitment with you, maybe you need to look elsewhere. If you feel it is worth the time to cultivate this relationship in hopes of something more in the future, you must be patient and understanding.
People who are noncommital are easily pushed away.. The harder you try to make them commit, the further they run the other way...
If people slowed down a bit and thought things out a little more, maybe the divorce rate in this country wouldn't be so high.
What is wrong with being a little cautious?
(Oh dear, there goes my neck.. Be gentle...  )
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 5:32 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
|
Only speaking for myself, but one of the biggest reasons why I can’t seem to sustain a relationship is I’m apparently too boring and sedate. I hate drama, and the women I see around me seem to thrive on it. If there isn’t some trauma or conflict they seek it out or manufacture it instead of being content, blessed, and lucky to live without it.
Sometimes it’s unavoidable, of course. If you have kids your life has drama built in, no getting around it. But there are certainly ways to minimize it if you want to. I just don’t see women wanting to?
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 5:33 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 13,047
|
It seems the problem is, once again, others’ opinions and/or perceptions. Everyone is entitled to an opinion - we all need to learn to accept it as just that - the other person’s opinion. Other people’s perceptions can be quite constricted and/or limited. Throwing out, “Oh, she’s just too picky” or “She’s a game player and playing the entire field” or “She’s looking for a sugar daddy” normally seems to come from people that do not have enough information about the situation or they are looking at it as if it were themselves in that situation.
Double standards, ideology, and sheer ignorance can be and are reasons for this “thought process” and it definitely has been attached to both men and women. DR seems to have wrapped it up with:
A shallow, unsophisticated, simple minded and unoriginal explanation that will be acceptable and impressive to others around them who are equally as simple minded. It helps to remember that others haven’t walked in our shoes, nor do they live within our four walls. As long as we have searched our souls and are secure in whatever our decision is, we should not worry about the outsider’s notions.
Daniel................Just read your post!!! 
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 6:10 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
wiccked
Posts: 12,300
|
i think men are just like women- but like it was said, they hide it better- but, i will be willing to bet you that when they are alone and without love, they hurt just like we do.. jmho- after all, we are all humans- at least most of us the players (men and women) are so very insecure with themselves, that hurting others i would assume is a way of making themselves feel better about their ego- small as it may be??  i really feel sorry for people like that- Remember the old song- FOOLED AROUND AND FELL IN LOVE- their theme song
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 6:26 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
|
Men are almost always the bread winners unless they were raised with poor ethics, which in that case puts them into a minority of which women must decide to accept them for what they are worth. I don't beleive that women want a man sitting around the house watching T.V. or drinking their money away at a bar while she's working and he isn't. That is what will happen if a man stays home. He won't be doing house chores, he'll be drinking alcohol instead. So if you want that then fine, it's all yours. Those are the only two types of men that generally exist. It's really weird how young girls growing up play with Barbie and Ken dolls thinking that they are going to find a Ken type man when they are ready to marry. What they should be doing is observing the behavior of their brother(s) playing dirty combat soldier, that is what they will be marrying not a Ken doll fantasy personality. Tell your daughters to melt down their Ken dolls today.
Men are taught that women are wanting the guy with the best chance of security $$$$$, men's looks come in second. Men are also taught that they can get the hottest looking wives with their successful incomes and positions of power. Men can immediately judge another man's status by the looks of his wife or girlfriend.
A man that is leeching off a woman has had no male figure to teach him life's lessons. He probably won't gain a great deal of respect amongst other males. Most women will probably despise him as well.
Women operate on the principle of Pascal's Law, meaning that they generally seek their own level if not better than themselves. I don't think that they want to drag around a slug. Bums (basterdized males) don't care as long as they can get a free ride.
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 6:45 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
ramsfan1970
Posts: 1,041
|
It seems like every man who has been hurt in a previous relationship takes it harder than the woman. Then it's more of a risk for them to want to make a commitment. At least that's my experience.
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 8:00 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
everrett
Posts: 471
|
It is also harder to call a man, who is dating multiple women, and paying for all those dates, a gold digger. Dispite that, most of the time these terms come up by the person that feels rejected, whether it be the man or the woman.
Live your life, have fun, and try not to hurt too many people along the way.
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 8:02 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid...
|
|
jld3377
Posts: 1,069
|
Men are almost always the bread winners unless they were raised with poor ethics
That amuses me. Most of my female friends are the bread winners of their relationship. Not that their male counterpart doesn't work or that they were raised with poor work ethics, we just have better paying jobs or work more hours, hmmm.
Just food for thought
|
|
| |
|
| Feb 15, 2007 @ 8:04 PM |
Why Are Some Men Afraid... |
|
nightrider3281
Posts: 752
|
never have been afraid of a relationship. I would love to have just one companion for now on. It has been a long time coming home to someone
|
| |
|
|