| Feb 24, 2007 @ 3:40 PM |
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RedVelvet754
Posts: 22
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I need some advice guys. I have met a wonderful man on this site. Well, actually we haven't "met" yet. That's exactly the problem. We live 4 hours aparts and he has a unique work schedule which has made it even more difficult. We have been talking via phone since Dec 19, 2006. Well, finally this coming weekend, we were both free and had planned to meet. But he tells me yesterday that he still doesn't feel he is ready. At first, my heart just sank and then I was angry. I was like, what the heck is this crap?! I immediately felt that familiar feeling of, great, he's hiding something...married, fear of rejection..there had to be something. But he says no. He just wants to make sure it is right. In the past he has met women on line and met soon thereafter only to end up being a dead end. He said he wants to try something different and that he really likes me...that those other girls, he met them, slept w/them and was done. But he feels differently about me.
My question? How do I know if at all possible to know, that he isn't playing, jerking me around or that he is sincere? They say your gut is usually right but with my gut's past failures in judgment....I'm scared to trust it. But...my gut says he is being honest and sincere. And I really would like something to work for once as well and since what I've been doing hasn't worked, maybe he's right. In the meantime, I feel foolish, sitting at home on weekends talking on the phone, make sense? What do you guys think? He's given me no reason to question or mistrust, btw.We talk on the phone every day thru out the day. How do you know when it's time to meet? he says when we are BOTH READY. He can't give a reason why he's not ready.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 3:46 PM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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Well hun,
there are a ton of possibilities, and most of them not good ones, IMHO.
Maybe he never meant it, maybe he's married, he might be promising the same thing to several women at a time.
But maybe he is scared of being hurt...
he misses out on the chance to have a good relationship (maybe-don't know where the 2 of you live)
You're really the only one that can "read" that, if you've been talking to him that long.
Me? I'd say sayonara until he was (if) willing to give it a 50/50 chance to start.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 3:46 PM |
Meeting in Person
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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First, here comes my broken record, never ever post stuff like this where the guy in question can read it. Since you met him here, he can read it and that just ain't right.
Second, if this is the first time he backed out, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Everyone can get cold feet for whatever reason and everyone deserves a second chance. So keep talking as long as you're comfortable. Do NOT ask about meeting. If he brings it up soon, great, go for it.
If he brings it up, you make plans and he cancels again, ditch him. If he doesn't bring it up for a while, ditch him.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 3:49 PM |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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You can never be sure of anyone else's intentions and I, too, would be suspicious of his seemingly sudden change of heart. So, you have two choices. You can wait or you can cut and run. No, your gut feelings aren't always correct but I would still go with mine. Good luck!
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 4:14 PM |
Meeting in Person
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signme
Posts: 12,588
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You never know what to expect. I met a guy online several years ago, we emailed and phoned for 6 months before meeting. Poof! It was over right away. Now I met a guy from here after a few weeks of emailing and phoning and we have been going together ever since and doesn't look like it will end any time soon. No matter how you play it, you just never know how it will end.
Finally, when all is said and done, it's your decision to make. 
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 4:17 PM |
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travelnfrog
Posts: 572
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Add me to the suspicious side....a meeting for a meal isn't the end of the world and requires no major commitment on either side. But that's just my opinion....
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 4:55 PM |
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Dukums
Posts: 1,686
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Hmmmm If he is not ready...then he is not ready but then you have no idea when he will get ready. I avoid people that are not willing to bring a relationship into real life and want to stay in the internet or phone stage. It has to become real, otherwise it is just fantasy. To me, from a guys perspective, since he cannot give a "real" reason, huge red flags come up. There is something being hidden.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 5:04 PM |
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,061
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 To Frogggie and Dukums.
It's not real until you meet...it's only fantasy. It sounds like he's really likes you, but maybe is afraid the fantasy will become a nightmare.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 5:04 PM |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
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Emailing and phones for 3 months seems like a long time to me. Four hours away is quite a trip, but if he is really interested in you, and not just stringing you along, I would think he would have made the trip already. I'm a believer in meeting ASAP, you can't really know someone until you spend face time with them.
In addition to all the bad possibilities others have mentioned such as married, involved with multiple women, etc. there is also the possibility that he has been less than honest in his description of himself, so that instead of that strapping 6' hunk o' man you are expecting to meet, he's 4 inches shorter, 30lbs heavier, and 10 years older than his pics. So he wants to avoid actually meeting you in the flesh.
His complaint was "that those other girls, he met them, slept w/them and was done" and he's worried that will happen with you. The simple answer to that is, don't sleep with him. Just meet for an early dinner and some talk, feel each other out, but send him home after dinner.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 5:52 PM |
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IndigoRose
Posts: 1,194
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big fat edit!
[Edited on 2/24/2007 6:32 PM]
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:03 PM |
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:06 PM |
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,679
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Meet halfway .... a 2 hour drive is nothing .... if he won't do that, or at least give you more reasoning on why he won't ..... dump him.
JMO
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:12 PM |
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,559
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Face to face is the only way to find out..... its so easy to fall into the artificial intimacy of the web, and then meet and be disappointed. Current pictures are great, but there is something about how they carry themselves, what energy they give off, etc...
<< being old, fat, homely, and missing teeth may not attract many people, but being upfront with it is much better than surprising folks with it
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:21 PM |
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starchild888
Posts: 235
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Wow, this is just a meeting for dinner--it's not an engagement, marriage,or any type of promise of commitment. I agree with the suggestion of meeting halfway--but you two have only been chatting on the phone for 2 months -- that's really not that long--in the mean time I would make an effort to make more friends, sounds like he may become quite the disappoinment.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:23 PM |
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,679
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Another point ....
He said he wants to try something different and that he really likes me...that those other girls, he met them, slept w/them and was done.
Isn't that a bit bothersome?
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:28 PM |
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jld3377
Posts: 1,069
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I have to agree w/ LB. I don't have an issue with casual sex, but I do with love em and leave em.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:32 PM |
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IndigoRose
Posts: 1,194
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Dang how did I miss that part???..putting on the breaks... disreguard my advice...I don't think I would bother with that guy!!!!!
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:33 PM |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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My question? How do I know if at all possible to know, that he isn't playing, jerking me around or that he is sincere?
You don't, you can't.
Until both people are ready to commit to making an effort to just meet, they won't survive a relationship.
Meeting should be the easy part after communication.
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:37 PM |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,080
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Indigo.......I read it...........  ...........and what you said was fine........ 
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| Feb 24, 2007 @ 6:43 PM |
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IndigoRose
Posts: 1,194
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Oh great.. 
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