| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:20 PM |
am i insane or what?
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Dukums
Posts: 1,028
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8 years old is way too old to be sleeping with Daddy or Mommy. There are just boundaries that adults have to have.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:25 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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southernangel32
Posts: 429
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thank you to all that offered their advice. i guess the good thing here is that i haven't married him and i guess my gut still works well enough to know when there are red flags in every area of this relationship.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:26 PM |
am i insane or what?
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Loreli
Posts: 20,318
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If there are things dealing with the 3 of you (and other kids perhaps) it's best to be mature and honest to the parties in question. When you first found out he was "running behind your back" and telling an 8-year-old things? And sleeping on the floor? No way.
It doesn't sound like jealousy.
He sounds less mature than his daughter.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:32 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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daniel_at_ipfw
Posts: 637
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You just have to listen to your inner voice.... That little voice of reason is always right, 110% of the time..
And also... Why be involved in a relationship that doesn't make you happy!
Best wishes!
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:36 PM |
am i insane or what?
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,954
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Nope. You are neither picky nor insane. The man has issues.
A 17-year old is NOT the equal of their parent. To treat your child that way is wrong...on too many levels to go into here.
Sci nails it cold!!
This entire matter sounds downright bogus to me SouthernAngel. I'd get a solution worked out, and fast, or the name of the game would be 'Sayonara'! Somebody seems to have their priorities all mixed up.
-MM 
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:43 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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southernangel32
Posts: 429
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thank you. there is no solution other than the hard one. we have talked and fought about this so much.you would think that sooner or later i would be able to get this right.lol.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:45 PM |
am i insane or what?
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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The fact he appreciates his children's opinions, is not the issue, it is the fact he is weighing his life choices on them. I believe Ann Landers once said, find the one thing that bothers you the most about your mate( before you get married) and embrace it with all your heart, because otherwise it will drive a wedge between you, for the rest of your lives. I have noticed this behavior often in divorced parents, they feel a guilt for the break up of the family, and they lose perspective of their parental roles. Not that it is always a bad thing, but sometimes, it can be very unhealthy.jmo
edited to add.... Please do not allow any man to change who you are and how you act and what you say, based on the reaction of their children. And more important, do not allow your feelings for this or any man to mask the gut feeling, you need to protect yourself.
[Edited on 3/6/2007 2:51 PM]
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:51 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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southernangel32
Posts: 429
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in a way i understand that. i mean i do feel guilt over the fact that my son won't know what it's like to have both of his parents around at the same time to be there for him,however i also understand and so does my son that he and i have a bond that cannot be broken by anyone but that it is different from one that i share with a partner. WOW!. i guess that's the big difference here. the guy i am with is not a partner.
[Edited on 3/6/2007 2:55 PM]
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 2:53 PM |
am i insane or what?
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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 You got.it.... 
[Edited on 3/6/2007 4:35 PM]
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 3:25 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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lell
Posts: 1,442
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wow this is a deep thread, Im going to get my serious head on now for a change, sorry you lot the jokers gone to bed!!
Can i just say you have a wise son there that appreciates that no matter who comes into your life there will always be a place for him, no matter what! the bond between a mother and her kids will always be there. You might argue and disagree on subjects but the love you feel for them stays. a mothers love is unconditional.
I think, in my opinion, this man??!! has a problem in the fact that he has has a huge guilt trip going on here. why does he need to relay what you say, does he need to make out that everyone is against him to make them love him more? does he let them be disrespectful because if he teaches them manners they wont love him? ?? does he need to make you feel second best so they feel special?
Only you can make your mind up! but i for one would feel you are better than to take that crap from some one. let him get on with it. at the end of the day kids leave, yes they come back to visit but who will he have to turn to??? he will have spent so much time pandering to there needs he will be alone.
oops a novel here!!
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 3:30 PM |
am i insane or what?
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LibidinistLady
Posts: 807
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Having been a "divorced" child let me tell you that kids will make the parent feel guilty... the you like him more than me scene if they sense you're getting close to someone. However...his situation sounds a little strange to me.
Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do. Sci really hit it in one.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 3:36 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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lell
Posts: 1,442
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I dont think all kids do that tho if you sit down and explain situations they understand a lot more than you give then credit for. They do understand they are not losing anyone they are gaining more in the long run they have 2 happier parents.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 3:45 PM |
am i insane or what?
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MusicMonster
Posts: 2,954
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That's true too Lell..
Only we have no reason to believe that's going on in this case. It sounds like there's quite a bit of poor judgment at play with the father here. All of which might imply he's not that astute in communicating important things to his kids. At least not in the way one would hope for.
-MM 
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 3:55 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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southernangel32
Posts: 429
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i don't want it to seem as if i am bashing him here. he is a great guy for the most part. we just have to treat each other as if we are just friends though to get along. it's like having to be 3 different people in order to keep the peace. the normal out spoken and extremly animated part of me has to bite my tongue and not be that person when he or his daughter are around or i am questioned for it. other than that he is a pretty nice guy.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 4:00 PM |
am i insane or what?
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LibidinistLady
Posts: 807
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If you can't be yourself then it doesn't sound healthy. Dating is stressful enough without trying to figure out who you're suppose to be and when you're suppose to be "that" person.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 4:02 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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Mel3
Posts: 422
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Isn't it better to be yourself than for him to question what/why you do something?
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 6:07 PM |
am i insane or what?
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jld3377
Posts: 1,069
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You are not insane - unless you stay with this man who treats his child like an equal. Adults need to know that even in an open relationship, there are things that don't need to be shared. I suppose this man, who is otherwise wonderful, also discusses your finances, sex life, ect with this child. Not cool.
Dukums - there is nothing wrong with a child sleeping with their parent on occasion, but not cool to kick an adult from the bed for it to happen.
I have to give kudos to my children who stuck to their guns when they repeatedly told me they didn't like the man to whom I was engaged. As it turned out, he wanted absolutely nothing to do with them and I was better off for learning this before the wedding.
Southernangel - go with your gut feeling. If it's not right now and he is unwilling to change, you will never be happy. Good luck in your decisions. Do what is right for you and your child(ren)
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 6:30 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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lj450
Posts: 8,411
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Yes.......you are prolly insane.
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 6:40 PM |
am i insane or what?
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,343
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LJ said:
Yes.......you are prolly insane.
  
Nope, not yet, but I think he is (your boyfriend, not LJ....well....  )
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| Mar 6, 2007 @ 6:42 PM |
am i insane or what? |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 12,065
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Psst... Heaven Ljs not insane otherwise hed be HERE with me in MY room!! 
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