| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:13 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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Just4kicks882
Posts: 24
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Of course most of us that do the online dating thing knows all about a LDR. It really starts out great. Everything about it is very exciting. You want to chat, email, or talk on the phone with that person all the time. You really feel like you know that person and they know you. Then you can't wait to meet them. Let's say that you hit it off perfectly in person, and things continue to get more serious from there. Then after about 8 months or so, when things couldn't be going any better, the other person (the guy in my case) all of a sudden becomes distant. They stop calling you as much. They SEEM to be losing interest. But when they do call they SAY that everything is fine and that they have just become comfortable enough to not have to corispond as much. (and for you chatroomies, they seem to be more interested in the "chatroom" than with you). And when you try to end things, because you think it's what they want, they refuse to let you. Are they done with you and just dont want to admit it, or is it a phase that most LDRs go through? Or could they be scared or confused? Or is it time to cut your losses and move on?
Another question.. What is a good time line for a LDR? How much time should you invest in one before you both should know that its time for someone to relocate???????
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:19 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 7,645
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There is no timeline for an LDR, it is hit or miss like any other relationship. But if you start feeling that there is less interaction then as a friend to view the online antics for a second opinion, or just walk away. Remember that no one wants to be alone so at times in a completed LDR the other party wont let go due to remembrance of that alone feeling....
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:30 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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Just4kicks882
Posts: 24
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yeah, i hate that alone feeling.. but i hate the worry and wonder too. but i want to be sure i'm doing the right thing before i move on. i don't want to do something i will regret forever...
besides, he is a man..lol. Most of you guys aren't very open about feelings, and tend to get cold feet alot more than we do.
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:37 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,959
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The way I see it every relationship moves through a series of steps and LDR is not really much different. When things reach the point where both online and in-person work wonderfully, the next logical step is getting closer geographically. And both people must be working on that step, even though it can certainly take a considerable length of time depending on the distance, each one's current job and lifestyle, kids, pets, and so on.
Certainly, as each step in a relationship is completed there comes a feeling of ease and with that perhaps a lessened "need" for constant contact. But at no point should either one be acting complacent about the relationship or disinterested in continuing to move the relationship forward.
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:37 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,088
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I think you give up when you discover there's no chance of ever meeting
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:42 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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Just4kicks882
Posts: 24
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we have met. he acually has flown me out there a few times. the last time was just a few weeks ago. he even got me to bring my daughter. I had already met his son, so he wanted to met my daughter and introduce the kids. it went great. then when i got back home..he went back to being distant again.. so im sure you can see why im so confused...
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:50 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 7,645
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So the plot thickens....
Mature men, like real ladies, will not introduce their children to different folks unless there is something there. By your own admission he has been fufilling his promises to you, maybe you should stop trying so hard and go with the flow?
If you want to be closer then speak with him about it, don't start to annoy him by being insecure....
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:53 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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KAOS2007
Posts: 6,680
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I’d like to believe LDRs can work, BUT, nothing has ever shown me that they can survive, which really, is sad, because your mate for life could be somewhere other than where you live, but ppl are so quick to turn away when someone is of a further off distance.  
I’d give up when the writings on the wall, ppl drop not-so-subtle hints to let you know they are not interested; it’s up to us to be bright enough to pick up on them.
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:56 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 7,645
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I’d like to believe LDRs can work, BUT, nothing has ever shown me that they can survive, which really, is sad, b because your mate for life could be somewhere other than where you live, but ppl are so quick to turn away when someone is of a further off distance.
Funny KAOS, i never figured you for an 8th century girl. Somewhere along the line something went wrong and trust became the enemy.
...
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:59 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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Just4kicks882
Posts: 24
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i understand where you are coming from. I have tried to talk to him about it. But he wont really say much, but i have made it a point to not annoy him by being insecure... im normally not insecure. He just gives me mixed signal alot. I even try to be very understanding about the whole thing. Im sure that this is not easy on him either, due to trust issues he has dealt with in past relationships. and that is why im getting outside advice.. just to be able to see it from other angles...
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 4:59 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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fayblack
Posts: 2,091
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I have only been involved in one long distance relationship and it ended after I flew 8 hours to spend time with him and saw first hand lots of things that I was ignoring when we chatted online or on the phone. I ended it before getting back on the plane.
Trust your gut at the times when you are calmest.
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 5:11 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 7,645
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Just, i reccomend you reread all you just wrote and take out the word try when ever it came up, you will see your hang up. GL 
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 5:56 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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Just4kicks882
Posts: 24
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ok, maybe i should rephrase myself. i DID these things, but i never got any kind of reasurance. So is it wrong for me to assume that in this LDR, that i should be a little more toward the top of his "to do" list? I dont expect him to call me 7 days a week, but i think i deserve more that 10 to 15 minutes every few days. i bring this up to him in "some" conversations, I dont want to hound him about it everytime we talk, I know that he would RUN if i did that. I would rather talk about things going on in each others lives most of the time. Make the best of the time that I do get to talk to him. I pick my moments to ask him about this. Maybe its time for me to lay all the cards on the table and see what happens.
I just thought i could get some insight by seeing what other people have been through and how they dealt with it. There is always something to learn from other's experiences.
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 6:16 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 7,645
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There is alwyas something to learn from others experiences, but you will never truly appreciate it until you learn it on your own.
If you feel it's time to throw your cards on the table, then it is time. Call him on his game and see the result...
GL
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 6:25 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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KAOS2007
Posts: 6,680
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Just4 -
In my exp., when they start to drift off, become elusive, don't call as much or for as long, stop emailing as much, etc. etc. SOMETHING is UP. For an LDR to survive, BOTH parties must MAKE efforts far beyond those that a normal relationship requires. When one of the two, stops putting in the effort, it's most assuredly heading for splitz-ville. I hope this isn't the case for you, but guard your heart, as not only are LDRs tougher to maintain, they are also tougher on the heart.
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 6:28 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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fayblack
Posts: 2,091
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Very welll said KAOS2007:
guard your heart, as not only are LDRs tougher to maintain, they are also tougher on the heart
And at the end of the day Just4, only you know the dynamics of the situation. I said it before, trust your gut.
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 6:36 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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Just4kicks882
Posts: 24
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KAOS..... that is what i have been thinking. It is very hard on the heart. Its already torture not being able to be with that person, and when all the little things that made the relationship so strong tend to stop..it only makes them feel farther away!!! So it looks like it IS time to push the issue with him.. apparently i dont have anything to lose..if im slowly losing him anyway...
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 6:39 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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Just4kicks882
Posts: 24
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Oh btw, Sadian..thank you also, I think seeing it from a gentlemen's point of view will help me too...
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 6:47 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship?
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 16,199
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I wish I had gaurded my heart...
LDR are tougher to maintain and they are tougher on the heart...
I am not normally an insecure or mistrusting person when having an in person relationship, but in an LDR it seems to bring out those feelings much more...and I would agree that both parties need to make the efforts far beyond those in a normal type of relationship..... but it takes committment and especially when love begins to grow out of it...much patience...some people just give up too soon I suppose...
There is so much to be said about looking into someones eyes and feeling the chemistry when meeting....not so cold emotionally as online and the phone.
It is a very painful feeling when it ends...I'm not so sure I would want to ever do it again.....
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| Mar 9, 2007 @ 6:48 PM |
When do you give up on a Long Distance Relationship? |
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KAOS2007
Posts: 6,680
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Just4 -
I'm pulling for you, I'm sorry you're hurting, I know the feeling. My best wishes to you and I hope you find happiness with him. 
1stsign
some people just give up too soon I suppose...
It is a very painful feeling when it ends...I'm not so sure I would want to ever do it again..... Exactly my thought process. 
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