| Apr 18, 2007 @ 9:48 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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Whitewolf4658
Posts: 12
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you hardly ever see the person due to work schedules, hours worked, and distance to drive? Over the past year now I have been in a relationship with a lady that I drive over 40+ miles one way to see, thus making it about a 90 mile round trip at best. I really don't mind too much as long as the weather will cooperater, roads are good, and it is feasible to do so. However, in the last few months it has come to where she now works 7 days a week and close to 60 hours a week, thus having, it seems, no time for this relationship as she comes home from working 3rd shift, goes to sleep, and then back up once again to start all over again. Granted, I can talk to her on the phone before or as she is on her way to work, yet that is still not quite the same as seeing her, being with her, and doing things with her. I grant it that it is not her fault that she has to work so many hours as it is the factory which she works in. However, it is apparent now that she has a new position there that she works on a machine all to herself and can possibly have weekends off, but as I was told they are behind so that means that it will go right back to 7 day weeks again. Her attitude towards this is rather nonchalant as if it were a newspaper lying on the street somewhere, which I find rather disturbing to say the least when we discuss this.
Other than that it has also come down to the fact that now she wants to make all these changes to herself, cosmetic surgery to make herself look younger, as she did when she was in her 20's. The cosmetic surgery that she wants to have done is going to run right around someplace between $11,000 to $12,000 and I for one feel that I didn't start going out with the woman to have someone change themselves into someone that I don't know anymore. It is to the point that she cannot, nor is willing to accept herself as she is, which to me I find is nothing more than vanity. And of course there is the question of Time. In say 10 years what is all of this cosmetic surgery going to look like? As the body ages it makes changes to itself and I feel that one has to accept that as a part of growing older.
I think too that one other thing that I question on this is whether or not it is worth keeping this going when a woman has has this dedication to keeping her weight down to 100 pounds and making sure that she can fit into either a size 2 or 3 pair of jeans constantly. To me this seems to be a form of Anorexia, but I may in fact be wrong on this. However, when someone is doing this and passes out at work due to that, then goes right back once again instead of taking time to see a doctor then I feel there is a major problem.
I just truly wonder if it is really worth all the worry and hassle of attempting to keep a relationship such as this going or perhaps should I just cut it loose and take my losses?
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 9:51 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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Shortiaintlying
Posts: 1,324
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Depends on what you want?
want more of the same, stay where you are. you want something else, then leave. and go find it.
When ya put in more then what you get out, youre being a self made martar. so stop victumizing yourself, and find someone that knows yours vaule, and is will to show it
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 10:04 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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Bojangles102
Posts: 478
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It's simple. Her priority isn't you or your relationship with her.
She's into herself....When she works extra hours to pay for something that is so superficial as plastic surgery, she's totally into self.
My advice: Abandon Ship Immediately !!!
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 10:04 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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Antoinette8
Posts: 431
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just truly wonder if it is really worth all the worry and hassle of attempting to keep a relationship such as this going or perhaps should I just cut it loose and take my losses?
Doesn't it really depend on how deep the feelings are for her?
I myself would like some surgery done. I feel not quite good enough as I am.
The ones that I care about and want to meet make me feel like it is more important for me to try to do this.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 10:07 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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lj450
Posts: 9,551
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It really all depends on how much sex you are getting. If its alot, I would say you need to stick with it and work it out. If its none, or not very much.......move on.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 10:15 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,418
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Wow- I work with a gal like that-she's gotten boobs, a tuck, a butt lift, and veneers and STILL would work about as many hours to move toward the next thing. She's gotten divorced, had 2 affairs, moved her ex back in and 1 or 2 of her kids are in counseling, maybe for depression.
She still doesn't have self esteem, and is real good at treating people horribly -behind their back. IMO, people like that are never truly happy. Maybe something happened to her when she was young?
Talk to her-ask her what she wants. Tell her what you want. And if it's different, your best moving on.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 10:23 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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theobono
Posts: 2,111
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I love the natural thing myself.... if the boobs are fake, what's that say about the rest of her??? I want a woman that is comfortable being herself and knows that she is beautiful. someone real.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 10:42 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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Whitewolf4658
Posts: 12
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First off let me say thank you for that response as it is coming from a woman's point of view, which sometimes I seem to value rather highly. Yes, you are right on that she does not have what you may seem to say a sense of high self esteem of herself. She more or less feels as if she has to look like she was 21 before she had 3 children, which I feel is rather foolish. As a veteran I know myself that you cannot turn the clock backwards, you can only go forward from where you are at. Over the years I have learned to accept myself for who and what I am and find that I am mostly happy with myself despite a few problems here and there. As for talking to her and telling her what I want, that has been done and so far it has come naught, so as you and some of the others here have said I sincerely believe it is time for me to move on and find someone that can accept themselves as they are and is willing to accept life as it comes to them each day. Again, thank you for your great response and advice on this.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 10:46 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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Whitewolf4658
Posts: 12
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Bojangles I must say that in many ways I have to agree with you on this as it seems that some of her priorities lie in the fact that she wants these things done and tends to put them above all else at times. And I have to agree with you that plastic surgery is only cosmetic and is totally superficial, lasting only for awhile until the next time that it has to be done. However, that can only be done so many times and then what? Thank you for the insight into that and I believe that as I told Loreli I am going to move on, finding someone who can and is willing to accept themselves as they are as well as to accept life as it comes to them each day.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 11:17 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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AngelLight
Posts: 5,620
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want more of the same, stay where you are. you want something else, then leave. and go find it.
Yes, I agree with Shorti....
She sounds like she needs serious help, but only she can get that for herself by recognizing there is a problem. And that, in and of itself can be a problem.
This woman sounds like she is clinically depressed, has an eating disorder, and may possibly suffer from BDD ~ Body Dysmorphic Disorder which is extremely serious....
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder, which involves a disturbed body image. It is generally diagnosed in those who are extremely critical of their physique or self image, despite the fact there may be no noticeable disfigurement or defect.
Most people wish they could change or improve some aspect of their physical appearance, but people suffering from BDD, generally considered of normal appearance, believe that they are so unspeakably hideous that they are unable to interact with others or function normally for fear of ridicule and humiliation at their appearance. They tend to be very secretive and reluctant to seek help because they are afraid others will think them vain or they may feel too embarrassed to do so.
Ironically BDD is often misunderstood as a vanity driven obsession, whereas it is quite the opposite; people with BDD believe themselves to be irrevocably ugly or defective.
BDD combines obsessive and compulsive aspects which has linked it to the OCD spectrum disorders among psychologists. People with BDD may engage in compulsive mirror checking behaviors or mirror avoidance, typically think about their appearance for more than one hour a day, and in severe cases may drop all social contact and responsibilities as they become homebound. The disorder is linked to an unusually high suicide rate among all mental disorders.
A German study has shown that 1-2% of the population meet all the diagnostic criteria of BDD, with a larger percentage showing milder symptoms of the disorder (Psychological Medicine, vol 36, p 877). Chronically low self-esteem is characteristic of those with BDD due to the value of oneself being so closely linked with their perceived appearance. The prevalence of BDD is equal in men and women, and causes chronic social anxiety for those suffering from the disorder.
Phillips & Menard (2006) found the completed suicide rate in patients with BDD to be 45 times higher than in the general US population. This rate is more than double that of those with Clinical depression and three times as high as those with bipolar disorder. There has also been a suggested link between undiagnosed BDD and a higher than average suicide rate among people who have undergone cosmetic surgery.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 11:26 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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PullMyFinger
Posts: 967
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Why don't you just kick yourself in the balls and get it over with? This woman hasn't a clue who she is, her self-esteem is shot and she obviously (through your words) has issues of inferiority. We're all busy, life makes it so, but in a relationship it's everyone's responsibility to make time for the other. Quality boinking time included.
Besides, if you didn't already know the answer to the question posed, why'd you post it? Seriously guy, this woman is a disaster and she's going to bring you down with her eventually.....and it's going to hurt. Maybe she'll get hit in the head by falling bricks and change, but I wouldn't wait around to find out.
I'd just say fk it and move on.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 11:39 AM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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Whitewolf4658
Posts: 12
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AngelLight I have to say Thank You for that as that is a very informative article that you posted. Although college educated (4 year degree) I had never heard of that and found it to be very interesting. Yes, you are right on that I do sincerely need to get out of that and soon as I can feel it beginning to drag me me down, something that I don't need nor want. As for her body itself, yes, she does have some scarring from having 3 children, but with some women that is to be expected as some of us know and realize that a woman's body changes dramatically when she has children. Granted, some are very lucky to be able to return to what they looked like before having chidren, but I would have to say that the majority of women often don't. That is something that I feel has to be accepted, although some of it can be changed by exercise, diet, and taking care of one's self through and after the pregnancy. And as your article here states rather clearly she does seem to have this obsession with getting back to what she looked like before she had children and what she looked like when she was 21. As for her going to a counselor or therapist for this I can tell you that I have discussed this with her many times all to no avail. But you know as they say to use a cliche "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink".
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 12:31 PM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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Other than that it has also come down to the fact that now she wants to make all these changes to herself, cosmetic surgery to make herself look younger, as she did when she was in her 20's. The cosmetic surgery that she wants to have done is going to run right around someplace between $11,000 to $12,000 and I for one feel that I didn't start going out with the woman to have someone change themselves into someone that I don't know anymore.
What is with this?? knocking her because she has decided for herself that she wants to avail herself of all that money can buy? Where is the support?? if she changes her outward appearance you will no longer know who she is sounds like you are the one who is insecure with themselves...
think too that one other thing that I question on this is whether or not it is worth keeping this going when a woman has has this dedication to keeping her weight down to 100 pounds and making sure that she can fit into either a size 2 or 3 pair of jeans constantly. To me this seems to be a form of Anorexia, but I may in fact be wrong on this. However, when someone is doing this and passes out at work due to that, then goes right back once again instead of taking time to see a doctor then I feel there is a major problem.
Working 60 hours a week and adding on everything that life entails for the rest of ones time - is exhausting..Passing out, crash and burning, falling asleep at the wheel - all can be caused by this..If she really truly passed out at work, I am sure that her employers know about it, If it was a serious issue, they would make sure that she is being monitored..Again..it sounds like you are the one who is having a problem with this "dedication". ( called "fattening her up so that no one else would want her", I have seen this far to often with insecure males)
BTW..how tall is she..? what type frame?? And if she is anorexic where does the energy come from to allow her to work 60 hours a week?
...............
...and STILL would work about as many hours to move toward the next thing. ......She's gotten divorced, had 2 affairs, moved her ex back in and 1 or 2 of her kids are in counseling, maybe for depression.
She still doesn't have self esteem,
this sounds like this woman does indeed has issues that plastic surgery will never help solve..This is one of the problems that ( IMHO) the surgeons should be made to address if anyone wants to have a total surgical makeover.... ( Hmm..thinking that most of them already do?  )
.......
excellent info angel! ...
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 12:54 PM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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dont agree with the surgery deal........just wouldnt feel right.....lol
Thinking surgery would show a better package to the world but not realizing its what is within yourself that needs to be shown...
So many looking for the perfect body or saying the perfect words............
Perfect is boring...........give me a goof anyday and I would be in heaven.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 12:58 PM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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better make sure she goes to a reputable dr. !!!!!!!!
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 12:59 PM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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Ya mean she isnt beautiful?
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 1:01 PM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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Antoinette8
Posts: 431
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dont agree with the surgery deal........just wouldn't feel right.....lol
Thinking surgery would show a better package to the world but not realizing its what is within yourself that needs to be shown...
So many looking for the perfect body or saying the perfect words............
Perfect is boring...........give me a goof anyday and I would be in heaven.
Men are visual
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 1:04 PM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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thats the infamous Cat Woman- and she does think she looks good !!! 
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 1:14 PM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when
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painter007
Posts: 17,854
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Men are visual..........yes Antoinette.....BUT
dont women realize the beauty we all have just being ourselves?
Is our laughter not beautiful? Our hearts not beautiful? Our words of comfort to him when he reaches out? Our arms not beautiful as we hold him when he needs comfort? Our inner strength to show loyalty to only him?
Outward beauty fades no matter how much surgery some may have.
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| Apr 18, 2007 @ 1:19 PM |
Is it worth staying in a relationship when |
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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