| Apr 23, 2007 @ 1:41 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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Lovinheart445
Posts: 953
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I am dating a wonderful lady who is almost 14 years younger then me. I'm 65, and she is 52. I have been spending my week ends with her at her home, and we have been getting along very well. The sex is great, and she tells me i'm a amazing lover. She says that she is very attractive to me, and like who I am. I told her I was in love with her, and she tells me that she loves me. But there is a problem. She says she can't get passed the age difference. She says that if I was to die she wouldn't want to have to go through the grief she had to go through with her late husband. Her late husband who was a year younger then her, was killed in a accident almost two years ago, and she is still grieving him. She has talked to her friends and family about me, and they tell her I am too old. This is killing me. Has this happened to anyone else? The perfect relationship at a stalemate because of age?
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 4:38 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Im sorry you are having this trial in your relationship Lovin... but truly it sounds as if she is not capable of loving anyone enough to commit... at our ages and older numbers mean nothing...she should realize that dying of old age is not the only way to lose a partner and that unless you grab life by the horns and ride full throttle you will regret it for the rest of your days... not loving because you are afraid is just friggin silly JMHO and huggs hon I think ya need em 
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 5:00 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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Aries361
Posts: 273
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That's why you should ALWAYS lie about you age. Honesty is a real relationship killer. Get younger and find another babe!
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 5:00 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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Say_Yes
Posts: 2,223
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Yes, I had a great relationship with a wonderful woman that was 15 youngers than me. In the end, the age difference killed things, as she did not want to face the prospect of a life alone for a relatively long time. Women tend to out live men to start with, so she feared living as a widow for more than 20 years, this at a time, when she felt she would most want/need someone by her side. As much as it pained me, I had to agree with her, as I loved her and wanted what was best for her. That was several years ago. Now, she is married to a good guy, who is close to her age and she seems to be very happy. I certainly hope so.
My advice, listen to her concerns and show her your love by supporting her. As she is a widow at a young age, she is certainly still getting over the loss of her husband. The difference in your ages raises the probability of this happening to her again, sooner than she would like. I think that I would want the years of happiness that I could have, for the time that I had, but that is me. For her, the prospect of the hurt and loss may outweigh the joy she has now. That is a question that only she can answer.
Best wishes to you. This is not going to be easy for either of you.
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 5:13 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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hiddentreasur2003
Posts: 75
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speaking from my own experience. I got involved with a man when I was 43 that was 15 years older than me. There was a great generation gap. We couldn't relate on music he 50's,60's and me 80's. He was also from the old school that women stayed home and raised kids. While I have always worked. The greatest problem was he had to be on viagra. And lord, but he wore me out. Sex became mechanical instead of making love. 
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 5:49 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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lovin something funny there, age shouldnt make a differance to anyone, might be looking for some type of excuse im not over my loss yet, been there and done it
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 6:04 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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My dad has been married to a woman more than 20 years younger than himself for more than 20 years. 
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 7:58 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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KnittinKitten
Posts: 209
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LovinHeart:
I'm wondering if it's too soon for both of you to be talking "future". I know that it is generally considered "too soon" for a widow to consider any major changes within 5 years of the death of a spouse.
If she wishes to continue on in this relationship (and I certainly would), maybe she will slowly (don't push her) come to the realization that she would rather experience the wonderful relationship with you rather than spend the time alone because of a fear.
If you have the patience, and love her as you say, it's certainly worth the try.
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 10:40 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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Lanierthrill73
Posts: 11
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Sometimes they are just looking for an excuse and mention whatever's convenient. 
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 10:40 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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newlife2006
Posts: 859
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Funny, this is exactly what younger MD males who contact me say when they try to convince me that I should "reconsider my mate's age preferences" and not look for someone older than I am - because if I get young husband, I won't have to become a widow and die alone.
To which I always have just one answer - that I'd prefer partner who leaves me and goes to heaven rather then one who is likely to leave me for younger woman in near future.The outcome is the same anyway , but wouldn't it be more fun to anticipate reunion with my partner in heaven ?
Maybe your ladyfriend should think about it this way, too?... 
Besides, it's not really age that determines longevity , but rather healthy lifestyle.
Friend of mine , who's 80+ years old, just got back from ski trip to Switzeland with his girlfriend. I wish I'll be that active at this age...
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| Apr 23, 2007 @ 10:51 PM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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jdctx
Posts: 225
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I wouldn't say that i would never date someone more the 9 years young then me but the best success I have had in dating is between 34 and 40. I have dated young and have found out quickly that we do not have the same out look on life.. It is very tempting because it does make you feel younger you see that raw energy that for you has been replaced with more wisdom. It is rare that they ever complement each other
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 4:41 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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Lovinheart445
Posts: 953
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WOW!! some good advice, and insight. Thanks everyone. I guess I can't accept her reason because I was married to someone that was 36 years younger then me before, and it is hard for me to understand why any woman would hold my age against me beings the age difference is only 14 years. What's 14 years compared to 36? And btw...The young lady (the ex) did chase me cause I didn't want to be with her cause of our age difference, but she won out. I was 57, and she was just shy of her 21st bday when we met. Together for 6 plus years. Now that's too young, and I'll never go there again. But 14 years?? 
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 5:13 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,676
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If she can't get past the age difference, then why has she seen you, become attracted to you, had sex with you, to the point of being in love with you? I would think that if age was truly an issue, she wouldn't have pursued anything to start with.
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 5:15 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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hey lovin its hard when you hit over the age of 50 but keep it going they dont know what they are missing with us old farts my daugter tells me it would take a couple 18 yr olds to keep up with me at times 
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 6:50 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 17,992
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Lovn...she may be still grieving her late husband, and with those feelings still kind of fresh, the age thing is at the top of her list. She doesn't want to feel that way again...but that is a part of life. She should make up her mind....let go and love..or end this before you get hurt...because your feelings are important here as well..
I know easier said than done!  Isn't love grand!!!
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 6:50 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,699
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She has talked to her friends and family about me, and they tell her I am too old.
I think this may be the key sentence. The problem may not be your age at all, it may be a bunch of buttinski friends and relatives who are telling her what to do. She probably does love you and wants to be with you, so I'd say talk to her and tell her that you love her, and ask her to follow her heart instead of advice from outsiders.
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 8:43 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,602
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Seems to me you've only known her a very short time too...is she saying she doesn't want to see you anymore or could it be that she's just not ready to discuss a future when she doesn't feel she knows you well enough yet to make such far-reaching decisions?
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 10:28 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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amicishirl
Posts: 257
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I've never thought much about an age difference, but have found that men who are older than me by even a year or two seem to be from a completly different generation. For this reason I never get involved with older men. It seems strange to me that someone would start dating an older man and then suddenly decide he is too old. I think it probably has more to do with friends and family also.
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 10:29 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference"
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Aries361
Posts: 273
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Do you have enough money for some surgery? They can do amazing things. Did you see Gene Simmons' face lift? I know it costs a lot, but it would be worth it in the end to get some young hottie!
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 10:48 AM |
The dreaded "Age Difference" |
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luvmycats
Posts: 10,208
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She has talked to her friends and family about me, and they tell her I am too old.
I think this may be the key sentence. The problem may not be your age at all, it may be a bunch of buttinski friends and relatives who are telling her what to do. She probably does love you and wants to be with you, so I'd say talk to her and tell her that you love her, and ask her to follow her heart instead of advice from outsiders.
I agree with Touch. Being a widow myself, I don't think it has a thing to do with your age. She is listening to people that I am sure care about her and are trying to protect her, BUT she needs to tell them how happy she is when she is with you.
Age doesn't determine when we will die. My husband was only 42! Its not always health, but accidents. The man upstairs decides when our number is up...
You may want to back off for a bit, and see how much she misses you, just in case she is using it as an excuse. I know it will be hard, but wouldn't you rather know now, instead of later when you have invested so much time and love into it?
Big hugs my friend.
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