| May 2, 2007 @ 12:37 PM |
How can I tell if a guy is ready and open for love?
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BORNLUCKY
Posts: 2
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I just got out of a relationship where after dating for 7 months, he FINALLY realized he didn't have feelings for me beyond friendship. I was shocked (and hurt!), I had no reason to believe that our relationship was anything but great. While we hadn't said the L word to each other yet (I definetely felt it was heading in that direction, soon!), we got along like two peas in a pod, loved each other's families, supported each other through some really tough times in both of our lives, and were very attracted to each other, but yet apparently there was something missing. I believe it was the plain and simple fact that he was married until a couple of years ago and isn't ready yet to move on... not that he would admit it.
Was I naive to fall for him knowing that he has been married? I figured that if he was interested in me, and wanted to be my boyfriend, that he was ready for a relationship.
I have moved on... I respect his feelings, and have realized that I need to be with someone who will love and appreciate me as much as I love and appreciate him, but I am scared that this will happen again. How can I tell if a guy is ready and open for love?
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| May 2, 2007 @ 12:41 PM |
How can I tell if a guy is ready and open for love? |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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It makes no difference whether a person has been married before-it's the kind of person they are.
And-how can you tell?
You can't, until you have been around them awhile. Until certain things come together and click into place.
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| May 2, 2007 @ 12:52 PM |
How can I tell if a guy is ready and open for love?
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BORNLUCKY
Posts: 2
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Thanks Loreli :)
I'd love to get a guy's perspective on this... anyone???
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| May 2, 2007 @ 1:27 PM |
How can I tell if a guy is ready and open for love? |
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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being married before isnt a bad thing, but maybe he wanted to start a new relationship and found that he could still have feelings for his ex or some else along the way
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| May 2, 2007 @ 1:40 PM |
How can I tell if a guy is ready and open for love?
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Jackeys
Posts: 151
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Bornlucky, I am sorry to hear of your heartbreak. I have been faced with a very similar situation and know how much it hurts and how hard it is to understand. I'm still trying to get over it as well. He did tell me that he loved me, but he lacked respect for me and didn't appreciate anything that I did for him, so he opted to leave rather than show appreciation.
I've learned that men have a hard time letting go when they've been hurt. They often compare some of your qualities to that of past loves and get scared that those things will happen again. I think it's important that we get to know men before we sleep with them. Spend as less amount of time with them, even talking to them, therefore you don't get so attached and don't meet eachother's families until he's ready to introduce you as the lady in your life.
It's also important that we're clear as to what they're looking for from the beginning. Ask him if he's looking for a friend, or a relationship. A lot of guys will say that they want to be friends first and see where it goes from there. More than likely these guys are dating around so you can't really take them seriously. Some will be honest and say they're just looking to have some fun. The really mature ones that are ready for a relationship sometimes fear saying that because they don't want to put you on the defensive. So it's really hard to tell until you get to know someone.
You have to be willing to go through the process of sorting the good ones from the bad ones. You have to put what you're looking for on the table and then watch his reaction to that. You have to control you and your feelings in the situation and you have to be patient. 7 months wasn't a very long time although I know that women looking for love can fall hard and easy and 7 months can seem like a lifetime. Hold out on the sex, and be less available.
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| May 2, 2007 @ 2:00 PM |
How can I tell if a guy is ready and open for love? |
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nightrider3281
Posts: 752
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It may have been that he was ready for a relationship but maybe backed off cause he wasn;t sure and didn;t want to say the L word in fear of hurting you worse down the line. I have been let down in worse ways but i have strong character and just move on,
Us guys can be kind of fickle like you ladies sometime, think we want something then all of a sudden it is like a truck hit you and brought you back into reality, You seem like a nice lady hang in their your mr right will come around .
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