| May 3, 2007 @ 10:16 PM |
Is it really not her fault?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,977
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.unless you have been in that siuation, you cannot not understand the why or how of it. I agree with that..........This is what my main thought was.....
I can't help but think how many times did someone/anyone try to let her know ect. Trying to speak of generalities, not specifics. 
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| May 3, 2007 @ 10:25 PM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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jld3377
Posts: 1,069
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I have to concur this is a result of poor choices by the student. If a person is a thrill seeker this would be right up their alley for getting their thrill. However, this young lady may have also been rebelling against her upbringing and now she may have alienated persons around her and doesn't know how to get out of it without concern for her grade.
Ultimately, she will need to get out of the situation - never a good idea to be involved with someone with substance abuse problems, but the timing is what she should be concerned with. Since it is near semester/summer break, it would be sensible to make the break and avoid any courses where this young man would be in a TA position...
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| May 3, 2007 @ 10:43 PM |
Is it really not her fault?
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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i was 18 , and in a relationship with my 38 year old proffesor , it went on for two years , i choose to be in that situation and no matter the age , i was at fault for my actions , and knew full well , what i was risking , as did he ............ another student found out after two years , and confronted him , it ended that day and i think my heart ached worse than any punishment any school could have given me .... it still hurts ......... and i would do it again ........... i guess my point is , no one took "advantage" of me . .. and he never "threatened" me . . . . i was not afraid to "break up" with him , for any other reason that that of the pain my heart would feel
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| May 3, 2007 @ 10:48 PM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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BandTMom
Posts: 39,521
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Good post Skid!!
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| May 3, 2007 @ 10:55 PM |
Is it really not her fault?
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Eldermint
Posts: 114
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Skidelz, that's being responsible for your choices. Kudos. What I'm reading into the advice prudie gave was basically sound but let the student off the hook. You never let yourself off the hook.
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| May 3, 2007 @ 10:56 PM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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BandTMom
Posts: 39,521
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Nope, because someone will hang you back up on it!
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:00 PM |
Is it really not her fault?
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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Eldermint, Every time I hear of some gal who is going through a divorce with a violent spouse, I can't help but think how many times did someone/anyone try to let her know this guy was a loose cannon to begin with. She picked him, and married him, and probably had more than one child with this man..........Unless it is a case of " his" mental illness, it is still her fault for deciding to marry him. If she sent him packing years ago, she would not be in the situation now.
It is very easy in todays society to blame someone else, now she decides she wants out, ( both examples actually ) but at one point in time she thought his shit didn't stink, and if she looks back, she can remember, that others did, and she defended him....I can assure you at least one friend said get out now, and she decided to stay. It all starts with denial, she for some reason refused to see the writing on the wall..........And now, it is his fault....
also!!! my sons father became extremly abusive , after i got pregnant .... perhaps he was afraid , idk ,,,, but EVERYBODY told me how PSYCHO he was and is and i REFUSED to believe that he was that way ...... he also got into drugs and so on ... he hit threw me through a bookshelf while i was pregnant with his son and i ahould have left .... i was brainwashed ..... it got worse and worse ... i always fought back but i stayed ,,,,, i wanted to believe he was sorry ... sorry for cheating ... sorry for the abuse ..... but .... it got worse ,,, i lost my job , he brain washed me and made me completly insane , i mean completly ...... and (someone who never depended on anyone) suddenly didtnt have a way out , my pride would not let me ,no job , he always took the car , cut the phone, paper , and tv......... i went to a shrink who told me i was bi polar (im not) ....... still i stayed ..... he started smoking crack , we got evicted ... thats when i left .......
but its still my fault ..... i didnt listen , i didnt leave and i thought i could save him from him self .... i made the choices i made and no one can blame anyone but me for what i put my self through ...... but im stronger for it , , and im not bitter , or jaded , i believe in love .... also a choice i make ... i refuse to become bitter
 and THANKS MOM!!!
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:02 PM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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BandTMom
Posts: 39,521
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You're welcome!
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:05 PM |
Is it really not her fault?
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Eldermint
Posts: 114
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Skidelz, you got out and THAT's an accomplishment.
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:06 PM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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Skidelz, that's being responsible for your choices. Kudos. What I'm reading into the advice prudie gave was basically sound but let the student off the hook. You never let yourself off the hook. 
I BELIEVE WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN ACTIONS everything comes down to choice ... i can not blame my mother for my life no matter how awfull she was , nor can i blame any exes of experienses .... rapists , or any other evel thing i have come on contact with ........ i live my life with love and i carry no resentment ,,,,, its not justified .. i know right from wrong , inside and out
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:08 PM |
Is it really not her fault?
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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yes i got out ... but its taking a long time to get back on my feet (two years) and he is still stalking me lol .... now he is begging for me to come "home" year he is out of his mind 
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:13 PM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,977
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SKIDELZ Congrats to you, and I wish the best.........for everything your life has to offer..........I'm very sorry it was such a tough lesson, and kudos for figuring it out.......... 
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:17 PM |
Is it really not her fault?
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 19,371
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now he is begging for me to come "home" year he is out of his mind
Wow, I'm reading your posts and you're singing my life with your song.,,mine kept trying to get me to come back for ten years after the divoirce. Sure.
Go talk to your neighbor, I can see you've got the balls, no matter what you think!
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:37 PM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
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. .........I'm very sorry it was such a tough lesson, hey dont be .... such is life 
Wow, I'm reading your posts and you're singing my life with your song.,,mine kept trying to get me to come back for ten years after the divoirce. Sure.
 TEN YEARS!!!! omfg im running scross the street , , i cant be harrassed for ten years lmao
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:42 PM |
Is it really not her fault?
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your_princess
Posts: 3,429
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I disagree. I believe we are seldom not at fault for our own actions and part of society's problems is not owning up to that fact. How do you feel about the situation
I also disagree as a freshman in college you are old enough to make your own choices, how would it be any different than if it were a guy she met at a party and took him up on the offer than this...she still had the choice to say no and turn down the advance.
I would agree that they are both equally at fault and dont feel a bit sorry for someone like that. Instead of bitching about it step up to the place and take ownership of the responsibilities and learn from the mistake so you dont do it again!
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| May 3, 2007 @ 11:44 PM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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painter007
Posts: 17,921
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Its college........Also Called "welcome to the real world".
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| May 4, 2007 @ 12:49 AM |
Is it really not her fault?
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capitalview
Posts: 770
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Whatever happens between individuals in this world is ALWAYS the fault of the one who's older /smarter. Blaming the other for whatever happened means decalring oneself inferior , while accepting the blame means showing one's maturity. In this case the guy is a TEACHER - i.e. both older AND smarter by definition, so the fault is ALL his. Period. 
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| May 4, 2007 @ 12:57 AM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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your_princess
Posts: 3,429
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So as long as I skate through life making my mistakes and my partner in crime is older therefore wiser I should never be held accountable for my actions?
Excellent, thanks for clearing that up for me. Anyone wanna rob a bank (you must be older)!
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| May 4, 2007 @ 12:59 AM |
Is it really not her fault?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,977
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If you use that logic, what if she was older than him? Perhaps he misused his position, but it takes two to tango right.Question mark
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| May 4, 2007 @ 1:02 AM |
Is it really not her fault? |
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your_princess
Posts: 3,429
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It takes two to tango...and ive been doing it alone all this time??? Damnit!
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