| May 7, 2007 @ 11:59 PM |
Sucked In
|
|
SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
|
well .
I need help .. I have a friend who is married. She is having some issues with her hsband , but she is mainly the issue. They have been married 15 years and have a few kids . She mentioned a friend the other day but I didn't think anything of it. Then she met me at the river (where i was fishing with the kids) and she brought this "friend" with her. Evedently they are dating , he is also married. She wanted me to go out with them , thet night so she could use me as her cover. I didn't go , I happen to think her husband is a great guy and he is also my friend. She started using me as her cover story behind my back , almost everyday since. Today she brought him to her house and I happened to be there. I told her I was not likeing the situation. She claims she is leaving her husband in two weeks he has no idea and I feel really bad for him. I really do not want to be sucked into what she is doing, but she wont stop dragging me in. I called the house , a little while ago and her husband answered. I asked for her after some chit chat and his response was "what do you mean , isn't she with you?" ... I was shocked and said "yeah but she left and should have been home by now , or any minute anyway" , "i forgot to tell her something" .. it worked but now i have lied for her ... I had no idea she had used me .. and I do not know what to do. 
|
|
  |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 12:05 AM |
Sucked In |
|
signme
Posts: 13,066
|
Oh wow Skidelz, not a good situation to be in. I think I'd go to her and tell her I won't lie for her anymore and if her husband calls again, I'd tell him she was never here. You do NOT want to get caught in the middle of this and it is really unfair of her to put you there.
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 12:10 AM |
Sucked In
|
|
beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,005
|
Yep I would tell her that she better NOT use you as an excuse again.... that you will NOT lie for her... and stick to it .. sorry to say she is not a friend .. a friend would NOT do that to another friend.... big huggs and a few prayers I think you might need em 
|
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 12:11 AM |
Sucked In |
|
SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
|
thats my other issue ... I have been here before with someone else and had no clue the girl said she was with me ... he called , I said .. what are you talking about , she is not here its 5:30 in the morning ...... she got very upset ...
will he be upset with me for not having coming to him already ???
am I wrong for not going to him ??
will it suddenly be "my fault" when he calls and i say she is not here ??
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 12:17 AM |
Sucked In
|
|
beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,005
|
No not YOUR fault YOU are NOT the one cheating on him SHE is .. the ONLy thing that you have done is be USED by a supposed friend .. if he gets upset with you explain you had no knowledge WTF she was using YOU too and if she gets upset?? SO FRIGGIN WHAT?? like I said she is NOT a true friend 
|
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 12:17 AM |
Sucked In |
|
SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
|
Yep I would tell her that she better NOT use you as an excuse again.... that you will NOT lie for her... and stick to it .. sorry to say she is not a friend .. a friend would NOT do that to another friend.... big huggs and a few prayers I think you might need em
thank you ... I think your right a hug and a prayer might do me good
I already kinda figured out she just uses me , she rips me off a lot but i tend to get "those" friends ...
our daughters are best friends .. but she dumps all her kids on me .. a lot .. and she is becoming a major drunk .. she is ruining her life and i have no desire to advise her at all ... Thats not like me but im very disgusted ... i have been cheated on , by someone i was gonna marry ,,, and her husband already forgave her the first time she did it 
but who is she to just assume im gonna lie for her ?
she knows how i am ... and knows im honest
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 12:23 AM |
Sucked In
|
|
signme
Posts: 13,066
|
Best of luck skidelz, let us know how things turn out. I agree with Becky, she is NOT a friend if she is doing this to you.
|
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 12:27 AM |
Sucked In |
|
1cebit2iceshy
Posts: 152
|
What's even worse is when she springs this on him in 2 weeks, he is going to figure out she wasn't with you all the time but another guy. It's too bad you got put on the spot the way you did. She really sucked you into a really bad thing. I'd stay clear of the whole thing. I'm with signme, tell her you won't cover and if he calls again, tell the truth.
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 12:32 AM |
Sucked In
|
|
signme
Posts: 13,066
|
1cebit 
|
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 6:42 AM |
Sucked In |
|
dooney123
Posts: 3,513
|
She's not really your friend. She's using you. No real friend would put you in that situation.
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 8:46 AM |
Sucked In
|
|
blueyes101
Posts: 13,008
|
Friends will not put you in that type of situation. Put your foot down, do the right thing, ( tell her if he asks, you will not lie. ) and let the chips fall where they may.
Damn, another hard lesson............you need a vacation...... 
|
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 9:50 AM |
Sucked In |
|
Loreli
Posts: 25,828
|
I know what you're going through...when i was engaged, my fiances best friend was married. He was bringing another girl to my fiances house.It wasn't my house, but I told him I did NOT like it one bit.
Luckily the man's wife caught on real quick and showed up at the house. Boy did it hit the fan.
He had not wanted to get a divorce because they had a 6 year old son, but SHE divorced him.
Maybe your friend's husband is onto her also.
not cool of her to do that to you. As said above, don't lie for her anymore, and tell her so. Good luck.
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 11:01 AM |
Sucked In
|
|
SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
|
What's even worse is when she springs this on him in 2 weeks, yes i think its horrible ... she is up and leaving the state with the kids ...... he is not abusive and not a bad husband ..... its very wrong
............you need a vacation......
 where ya taking me?   
Maybe your friend's husband is onto her also.
i hope so i really do
ypu are all right .. i think i need to understand she is not my friends .. then i wont feel so bad about not lying lol ... but im not gonna lie and thats that ]
tyvm .. al of you
|
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 11:06 AM |
Sucked In |
|
twotall911
Posts: 13,068
|
back outta that one real quick
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 1:32 PM |
Sucked In
|
|
trailviews
Posts: 66
|
I think everyone else here has it covered, but I'd basically tell her that the two of you are no longer friends, that you don't want to see her or have anything to do with her anymore. Then, if the husband calls, just tell him that you don't know where she is, that you don't spend time with his wife anymore. I wouldn't go any farther than that, it's his business to figure out what's going on, unless you consider him to be a really, really close friend.
IMHO, these people are just plain selfish. Their affair is more important than anything else to them. Don't allow yourself to be a part of it. I pseudo-"dated" a co-worker many, many years ago for a few months. We'd go out very regularly, talked about personal stuff, her roommate really liked me and seemed to think I had a chance with her. But the story always was that she had this long-term boyfriend in the city, that he was kind of down-and-out on his luck and she was basically too nice to dump him at this time. After a while, things just seemed too odd (our relationship was progressing very strangely, we were intimate but not Intimate, the descriptions of the boyfriend seemed increasingly shallow, and one of our married managers oddly kept showing up at some of our work group outings). So, I finally figured out with a little sleuthing that she was having an affair with her married manager, and I was the front for it (and at times, she might have been using me to make him jealous). That was the end of that. I had one more conversation with her to tell her that I'd figured it out, and that was it. It still distgusts me to this day that I put that kind of emotional energy into a relationship that was based nearly entirely on a lie.
Not that our situations are/were the same, but I think it serves as an example as to how selfish these people can be in their affairs (made up life situations, staged outings, etc). This person only cares about herself, not you. I'd take whatever means are necessary to remove yourself from the situation.
|
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 2:14 PM |
Sucked In |
|
Bojangles102
Posts: 479
|
I'd call her husband and tell him that she's not your friend any more and not to believe her when she says that she's with you.
And if the husband asks why you are not her friend...just tell him that she's not the person you thought she was.
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 4:52 PM |
Sucked In
|
|
Laidback742
Posts: 4,791
|
You said he ( her husband ) is also your friend ..... JMO, by not telling him what you know, you're not being a true friend to him. If it was me, I would tell him everything .... he can deal with it, be pissed at you, think you're bs'ing him, whatever .... at least you'd have a clear conscience and not be a liar or a cover story.
And if I was in his position .... damn right I would want to know about it.
|
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 5:15 PM |
Sucked In |
|
definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
|
I once had a very good friend who put me in this very same position. She used me as cover without telling me. Needless to say, I didn't stand for it. It was such a shame that her marital infidelity ruined our friendship.
|
| |
|
| May 8, 2007 @ 11:57 PM |
Sucked In
|
|
SKIDELZ
Posts: 1,482
|
JMO, by not telling him what you know, you're not being a true friend to him.
thats what im most worried about ... that im not being a good friend . . .
i think she is lucky to have him , and frankly woman like her make me ill
she does nothing in the house , , is loud , , abnoxious , , self absorbed ... seeks attention anyway she can ,,, drinks , a lot ... the kids run wild , and she just yells at them , constantly ...
he is totally opposite .... passive , patient , and so on ... i really dont know hoe he has put up with her for so long ... and he commented once , about how he stays cause he does not want to be hit with child support , and spouseal support .. (which i understand cause three children on the money he makes would be outrageous) .... add the wife and he would basically be signing over his check every week ...
but , the marrige is dead already , i just do not want to be caught in the middle ... then ill be blamed .. "oh your the one one who tod him" "its all your fault"
i tried to speak to her today
I told her i didnt want to be in the middle of her actions and i really like her husband and didnt feel comfortable ...
she said ,,, yeah yeah , i tried to call you to tell you what was going on (speaking about when i called) ... she completly brushed it off . as if my issue was the fact that i didnt know i was supposed to be lying for her ...
so we atarted talking , and i told her she was being stupid , she was going to get caught .. (the kids have met him and know something is not right)
i told her she needed to figure out what she wanted , and so on ...
she said , oh i have no future with this guy and , my husbands much better ...
but i dont really know what i want
. . she said her husband drove by the house on his lunch break and she was not there .... then by my house and she was not here
he obviously suspects something ..
it just really bothered me that she didnt care about the fact that i didnt want anything to do with this
she keeps asking for advice but doesnt like the answers ... 
Not that our situations are/were the same, but I think it serves as an example as to how selfish these people can be in their affairs (made up life situations, staged outings, etc). This person only cares about herself, not you. I'd take whatever means are necessary to remove yourself from the situation.
i think your absolutly right
it's just hard cause the kids are friends ...
and when i try to avoid her . she calls 100 times then shows up at my door
|
|
| |
|
| May 9, 2007 @ 1:25 AM |
Sucked In |
|
beckyiv42000
Posts: 15,005
|
it's just hard cause the kids are friends ...
and when i try to avoid her . she calls 100 times then shows up at my door block her phone number
that should stop it and if she comes over tell her until she gets her head outta her ass you are done!! whoa was that harsh??
|
| |
|
|
|
|