| Dec 7, 2005 @ 10:29 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,066
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I wanted to start a very realistic topic, so I chose Marriage. It will be a learning
experience to see all the contributions on both failure and success of the marriage constitution.
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 Failure: What causes marriages to fail? Why do people in general think failure before they marry or marry again? If never married, what evaluations come to mind and heart that would run from marriage?
 Success: What makes a marriage successful? Who do you admire that has had a successful marriage? What have previous married people learned to make marriage a success? What would you do different on your part in making a successful marriage?
Just some questions that come to my mind on marriage. Any other questions are most welcome to support this topic. Most of all have fun and keep in mind the importance of the topic. Angel.. 
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| Dec 7, 2005 @ 10:42 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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danae74
Posts: 601
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Great topic, Angel!
Successful marriage: my parents. They've been together for forty years, and from what I can tell, they're very happy. Part of their success has been due to the fact that they both live very full, busy lives, and each supports the other in their endeavors. They've both always worked, and they each have their own money, which seems to contribute to their feeling like equals. They've also worked out a system where the tension is balanced: they each "get their way" a fair number of times. They still go dining and dancing together all the time, and mom still looks at dad with that look!
Aww, see...I'm getting all mushy here...
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| Dec 7, 2005 @ 10:56 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,066
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Wow danae! What a beautiful post on your parents. Your so lucky! One time I decided to go out for a lunch by myself. There was this elderly couple sitting at a table. They looked so happpy together, holding hands, helping each other with forks, salt, etc. Smiling and chatting the whole lunch. After, I got up and walked over to them and started talking with them. They were so sweet! I asked them about being married so long, boy they just told me so much that made them stick together. His words were simple, cause I love her!
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 2:46 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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sweet5red
Posts: 8,136
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My son is 20 but 20 plus years ago i was pregnant wiht him and moved next door to an elderly couple.. she was like my second mom.. that year they were married 50 years and my son was born a few days before that anniversary.. i took my new baby over as soon as we came home from the hospital.. the next year was 51 years.. i went over and told them both go in the bedroom till i say come out .. well i had fixed them a heart smart anniversary dinner and served on her china.. she cried when she saw.. they both hugged me and i saw the love in their eyes.. when the roses were blooming every year he would go out side and cut her one and make a show of presenting it to her.. he was always telling her how much he loved her.. she could walk into the room and you would see his eyes light up..he passed right before their 53rd anniversary.. she passed away 4 years ago..in 2001.. I want to find a love like that... Sweet N Louisiana
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 10:01 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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BPHREEKEE
Posts: 223
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Sweet, that's a great story...My inlaw's (the first set) were much the same, he only survived her by a year or so though, he just seemed to lose his spark once she was gone.
Why MY marriages failed, that was simple...husband # 1 was gay and trying to live a lie, and hubby # 2 got abusive and I was outta there quick ...
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 10:26 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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suthunsweet
Posts: 227
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Failure: What causes marriages to fail? Why do people in general think failure before they marry or marry again? If never married, what evaluations come to mind and heart that would run from marriage? [QUOTE]
Success: What makes a marriage successful? Who do you admire that has had a successful marriage? What have previous married people learned to make marriage a success? What would you do different on your part in making a successful marriage?
What causes marriages to fail? Lack of communication for one. Emotional problems...like being cold and distant from each other. Ignoring the other persons needs...selfishness. Lack of love, respect, and honesty in the marriage. This is just to name a few.
What makes a successful marriage? Mutual respect, good communication, selflessness on both parts, love, optimism (not walking into a marriage with the view that if I don't like it I will just get out), understanding that just because you don't FEEL head over heels in love every day doesn't mean you have fell out of love, emotional support, honesty, loyalty, BE EACH OTHER'S BEST FRIEND...to name some important ones in my humble opinion.
Who do you admire that has had a successful marriage?
A couple that I work with the gentleman. They have been married for at least 40 years and she has battled cancer twice. He is always there and is so gentle and kind. When she stops by his job she walks in with a big smile and he will open his arms and she will go get a huge hug. They do sweet things like once when they got ready to go to a party too early, he went in and turned on the stereo and they slow danced until time to go. Everytime you see them they are holding hands or finishing each other's sentences but smile at each other while they do it. They can easily laugh at each other without offense as he tells people (in our small hometown) that he only married her because she was the only female around that he wasn't kin too and she will tease back and say she has to be related somehow and may still have to prove it one day. He will still reach out and touch her hair even though most of it has come out due to chemo and he tells her she is beautiful.
I want a marriage like that.
What would you do different on your part in making a successful marriage?
Stop trying to be a "one's man island" and become a partnership. Put God first, and learn to do some things just because he wants to...ie...go hunting and watch that ballgame with him. When you make that extra effort to make someone else happy it always comes back to you.
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 10:49 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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Great topic, Angel.
There are as many reasons for failed relationships as grains of sand on a beach: cheating, stress, kids, no kids, incompatibility. I've heard something as simple as the marriage got too boring.
Whatever the reason, it all comes down to one or both don't want to stay in the partnership anymore. They've either exhausted all forms of reconciliation, or it was too far gone for anyone to "want" to save it.
Successful marriages tend to have one thing in common. A tenacious effort to make it work and perform the maintenance to keep it working. And the effort has to come from both people.
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 11:45 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,282
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Brings to mind some verses from Alan Jackson.
Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when
This is the song I sang at my parents 50th anniversary.
Two young people without a thing
Say some vows and spread their wings
Settle down with just what they need
Livin on love
She dont care 'bout whats in style
She just likes the wayhe smiles
It takes more than marble and tile
Livin on love
Livin on love, buyin on time
Without somebody nothing aint worth a dime
Just like an old fashioned story book rhyme
Livin on love
It sounds simple thats what you're thinkin'
But love can walk through fire without blinkin'
It doesnt take much when you get enough
Livin' on love
Two old people with a thing
Children gone but still they sing
Side by side in that front porch swing
Livin on love
He cant see anymore
And she can barely sweep the floor
Hand in hand they'll walk through that door
Livin on love
Livin on love, buyin on time
Without somebody nothing aint worth a dime
Just like an old fashioned story book rhyme
Livin on love
It sounds simple thats what you're thinkin'
But love can walk through fire without blinkin'
It doesnt take much when you get enough
Livin' on love
No it doesnt take much when you get enough
Livin' on love
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 11:51 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,282
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You have to be willing to "walk through the fire to get whats on the other side".
They would have had their 56th last November 5th.
Too many people marry for the wrong reasons. To hear about people getting married to divorce with in a year or too really gets me!
The things that went wrong in my last marriage? After the boys grew up to the point they didn't need me so much any more, there wasn't anything there. It was like what do we do now? I did love my ex. He is a great guy. I just couldn't deal with some of the things he liked to do. All he wanted to do was sit around in front of the TV in the winter time and in the summertime, all he did was garden. We never went any where.
So, what did he do after I left him? Bought a Harley, went to DC for the Memorial weekend. He started going alot of places. So, it makes me wonder if deep down he was relieved too?
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 2:07 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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sweet5red
Posts: 8,136
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allan also has another song i love Sweet N Louisiana
Artist/Band: Jackson Alan
Lyrics for Song: Once In A Lifetime Love
Lyrics for Album: Drive
Some people have it, some people don't
Some people never will
Sometimes it's hard to know when you've got it
Sometimes it's perfectly clear
Well I know it's out there I've seen it happen
I know the way it should feel
Cause there's no mistakin'
That good kind of achin'
Of a once in a lifetime love
Once in a lifetime love
A love like we've all dreamed of
It may go disguised or right before your eyes
A once in a lifetime love
So if you think you've got it
If you feel it inside you
Don't let it slip away
Cause you may not ever find what you never
Thought you'd have anyway
And if you've always had it and just realized
You know how lucky you are
To wake up beside what some never find
A once in a lifetime love
Once in a lifetime love
A love like we've all dreamed of
It may go disguised or right before your eyes
A once in a lifetime love
It may go disguised or right before you eyes
A once in a lifetime love
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 7:17 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,346
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Failure: What causes marriages to fail? Why do people in general think failure before they marry or marry again? If never married, what evaluations come to mind and heart that would run from marriage?
I think Mo nailed that one perfectly. The marriage is taking more than one or both have to give (where they're really just incompatible to start with) or just not returning enough on the investment.
Success: What makes a marriage successful? Who do you admire that has had a successful marriage? What have previously married people learned to make marriage a success? What would you do different on your part in making a successful marriage?
Once again, I've gotta hand it to Mo - no relationship is easy, and the closer it is, the harder it is. We have to know when to back off and how to let each other know what we need when we need it, instead of letting things fester until they're too far gone to repair. We also have to understand ourselves and what it is we really need, and I think that's a large part of second (and even third or more) marriages that actually succeed. We do (occasionally anyway) learn from experience. My ex needed constant attention; I've found that I do best with someone who's as independent as I am - hopefully if there's a next time around I'll remember that. Once in awhile I really do need attention myself, and I've learned not to try to ignore that - if a 2 x 4 is necessary to get his attention, it will be done.  His head though, not mine. Again, these are two examples of tons of factors...personally I think it's amazing that marriages ever work, given the innumerable ways they can be screwed up.
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 10:22 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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ruready4me2luvu
Posts: 1,701
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I want a love like Ronald and Nancy Reagan had
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 10:30 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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I think... communication, dedication and honesty are key factors to a successful marriage.
My guess about failed marriages would be when one or both look elsewhere to satisfy needs not being met by their mate.
Advice: Be in tune with your partner... notice what they need and give it to them.
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 10:45 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,066
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I have found through my experience and watching other couples that its how we handle the differences and entangables we deal with every day. Take stress for example; we all deal with stress differently. The woman in the marriage might have had a stressful day, so she didn't wash the dishes from night before, or even start dinner. Husband comes home and sees dishes piled in sink again! She is curled up in bed sleeping. Out of anger he bangs around until she awakes, then an argument escalates. (possibly he dont cook or do dishes on their agreement he does the yard work, etc.). Now, he might first say in an angry voice you never do the dishes, why? or no dinner again, its the 2 time this week!. Then he could say, what's your problem?
You see where I am leading us to? What do you see wrong here? What is being done or not being done? Fire away...... 
[Edited on 12/8/2005 10:46 PM]
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 11:45 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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Princess1203
Posts: 11
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Ah, what makes a marriage fail. Try being picked up and thrown against the refrigerator. Asta Laveista Baby.
Who's sorry now? 
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| Dec 8, 2005 @ 11:52 PM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,346
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Try being picked up and thrown against the refrigerator. Asta Laveista Baby.
I definitely hear you Princess....of course I'm a Noo Yawka...I ended up breaking one of his fingers. There's stress, and then again there's distress. And he WAS trying to strangle me at the time. His way of handling the stress of a child with more problems than he knew how to deal with; my way of handling the distress of his stress. Divorce was definitely the better option, the alternative might have been murder.
[Edited on 12/8/2005 11:55 PM]
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 12:34 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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Lee_Danger
Posts: 4,505
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Ditto to what ruready4me2luvu said!!!!
Ronald loved Nancy in the way every woman wants to be loved. And she... stood by her man! How romantic (big sigh).
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 2:16 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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all marriages have their ups and downs....my 2 cents is :
respect and fun
[Edited on 12/9/2005 2:18 AM]
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 2:23 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes
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kaden69
Posts: 529
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I have been married 13 years this March,....our parents said we would never make it,... we laugh about it now,....lol We got married really young,... and all I can say is trust you will find your tru love, don't give up hope It is a whole lotta love and respect to make it work out.
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| Dec 9, 2005 @ 3:55 AM |
Marriage - Failures and Successes |
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ash_is_unforgetable
Posts: 837
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I think a successful marriage is based on unconditional love, honestly, respect, support, communication.
My biggest reason my marriage is failing because I was selfish and wouldn't move out of WI, which I now regret because marriage is suppose to be 50/50 and I didn't give my part on trying to conpromise so he left anyways.
*AsH
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