| Dec 10, 2005 @ 7:43 AM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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maruli
Posts: 143
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I hope it is not against any rules of this forum, but the information is in those articles:
www.psychologytoday.com/htdocs/prod/ptoarticle/pto-20020602-000002.asp
www.psychologytoday.com/htdocs/prod/ptoarticle/pto-20030121-000003.asp
He expresses well, what I have been inclined to even before I had ever read about him:
I want to find someone, whom I can mentally and rationally consider as compatible, whom I can respect and accept as an equal partner, mutually of course.
If there is rational agreement on this prerequisite, one should decide together if there is enough of a base for a relationship, and if yes, then there should be a decision to make it work. From then on it is to stick to it, to invest the energy in overcoming obstacles and not get torn apart by doubts nor the threat of being dumped.
There should of course not be any form of physical repulsion. But initial neutrality is enough, as the true attraction is between two minds and the built-in instincts of humans are enough to let physical attraction grow, when the minds are ready.
But I am aware that this concepts cannot work for all people. Some people are too much controlled by their instincts and rationality gets deactivated and they tend to regress to be animals having ONS and are seeking 'intimate activities' in their profiles. They are not fit for the Epstein concept. But there are the others, true humans, capable to use their brain when it comes to mating. For those the Epstein-concept is the best way to proceed.
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| Dec 10, 2005 @ 1:47 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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skinnybarncat
Posts: 381
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Very well thought out and said! 
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| Dec 10, 2005 @ 2:11 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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danae74
Posts: 601
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It's been done more or less successfully for millenia, so I would say that it's a proven method, in certain cases. Consider arranged marriages, politically-motivated marriages, etc.. Many of the people in such relationships have reported happiness and a deep, abiding love that grew over time; it's not that far-fetched at all!
I would say that in our culture, there would need to be a strong intellectually motivating factor, though, to really make it work. The rational mind is only so strong, and without sufficient outside motivation, would quickly lose ground to the emotional body. Using the arranged marriage or political marriage as examples, the outside motivation is obvious.
Interesting subject! Thanks for posting...
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| Dec 10, 2005 @ 2:23 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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Many of the people in such relationships have reported happiness and a deep, abiding love that grew over time;
My great grandmother barely knew my grandfather when she married him. Her first husband made a run for it during the depression and left her with 5 kids and my grandfather came along and both recognized common needs so they got married. They were married for over 60 years and had two more children. My grandmother said that she didn't realize that she loved him for several years.
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| Dec 10, 2005 @ 3:38 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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maruli
Posts: 143
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Arranged marriages in most traditional societies are about compatibility of the families and not of the individuals.
Criteria are wealth, social stratum, caste and such. This serves well for the purpose of survival of the social group.
Modern people need compatibility of personal traits, attitudes, opinions, interests and so on for their individual happiness.
So while the procedure of first establishing compatibility is basicly the same, the criteria are quite different.
It could even be said that the goal is the opposite: arranging for individual criteria aims at personal happiness, while arranged traditional marriages sacrifice sometimes the choice for personal happiness in favour of the families and of procreation.
[Edited on 12/10/2005 3:41 PM]
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| Dec 11, 2005 @ 6:52 AM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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LatinButterfly
Posts: 687
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There should of course not be any form of physical repulsion. But initial neutrality is enough, as the true attraction is between two minds and the built-in instincts of humans are enough to let physical attraction grow, when the minds are ready.
This point illustrates what happened when I met my children's Dad. He was very attracted to me but I not to him, yet he was willing to be friends. His personality, silly sense of humor, and how he made me feel so special made him incredibly dear to me. He had warned me that he was "habit-forming" and he sure was right! It's not the best example because it didn't last forever but it took 12 years full of difficulties to "kick the habit". So in the right circumstances I think lightning could strike twice in the same place, sooooooooo...... .
Skinny:
Even though you have auburn hair you've reminded me of him because he's a redhead. So if you propose I'll accept...  Oh, dang it, I forgot, I don't work... Never mind! 
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| Dec 25, 2005 @ 5:14 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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maruli
Posts: 143
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bumping this up again, until I find someone to agree on this concept
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| Dec 27, 2005 @ 9:31 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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Bobbelieu
Posts: 137
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Yanno, sometimes I think that people just think too much. Particularly when it comes to matters of the heart.
Sometimes you just can't quantify what "feels right." I also think that an over-inspected relationship is one destined to fail. It's like sitting under a freaking spotlight.
I'm sure the guy makes some interesting points, but I generally listen to what's going on inside.
Bob
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| Dec 27, 2005 @ 9:37 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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 Thanks Bob!! I love psychology today and have a psych degree myself, but, with matters of the heart, I listen to the heart and these threads make me go 
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| Dec 28, 2005 @ 7:37 AM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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maruli
Posts: 143
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for some people, the heart and the brain are in sync......... For them, the Epstein concept is right. I see myself as such a person and I am on the internet to find someone like me.
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| Dec 28, 2005 @ 5:44 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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danae74
Posts: 601
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What the heck...I'll toss in another opinion 
I believe that using a balanced combination of heart, mind, and body is the way to go, not only in love but in just about anything else. If you only listen to one aspect of yourself in a given situation, you may not be successful in the long run. All heart and body with no rational thought= disaster. All thought and body with no emotion=disaster. And so on...
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| Jan 1, 2006 @ 3:47 AM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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maruli
Posts: 143
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as I have not yet found my mindmate to follow the Epstein example, I am bumping this thread up
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| Jan 7, 2006 @ 7:53 AM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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maruli
Posts: 143
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bumping this up again
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| Jan 7, 2006 @ 4:37 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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If you are serious about following the Epstein example, you should be looking for dedicated intermediaries to go through the selection process on your behalf. The success of the outcome will depend largely on their committment to the task.
Ohhh... and substantial book profits should help to grease the wheels and keep everyone on track.
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| Jan 7, 2006 @ 5:43 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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sjpinatl
Posts: 671
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I avoid Jewish men..I have plenty of them in my life already...Give me a nice gentile guy in a uniform. Then I'll follow...
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| Jan 7, 2006 @ 10:37 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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maruli
Posts: 143
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an intermediary might be helpful to get me in contact with someone, whom otherwise I would not meet.
But only I myself can make the right choice, only I myself can ultimately know, with whom I am compatible.
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| Jan 23, 2006 @ 4:07 AM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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maruli
Posts: 143
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I keep this thread alife, until a cerebral man between 53 and 63, who agrees with the ideas of Epstein, contacts me
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| Feb 4, 2006 @ 12:22 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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maruli
Posts: 143
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I am still looking for a brainiac companion
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| Mar 13, 2006 @ 11:48 AM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN?
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maruli
Posts: 143
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I am still looking for a brainiac as a companion, someone who wants to decide rationally, if there is compatibility, before getting emotionally involved.
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| Mar 27, 2006 @ 6:49 PM |
Who could follow the example of ROBERT EPSTEIN? |
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maruli
Posts: 143
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I am convinced that there is the brainiac for me out there somewhere, someone who rationally decides how to construct a relationship, someone who is not the victim and slave of his low animal instincts. Not an ape but a male human with dignity.
Where are you hiding?
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