| Sep 13, 2007 @ 10:04 PM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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Palomino
Posts: 7,503
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...or not? 
I've been asking myself these questions for the last week. Why did someone come up with the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Is it true for some people and not others? Does it depend on the length of absence, or the amount of love that was there to start with? Is it love that this phrase is talking about or just a friendship; or a memory of someone from the past. Is there eventually a point where the fondness fades away?
I'm just curious about what others think. My answers may be the same as yours...or not. 
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| Sep 13, 2007 @ 10:09 PM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,319
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I think at the beginning of a relationship that might be true.
But when you truly love somebody,the love itself makes one miss somebody,but not necessarily become fonder...just miss them 
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| Sep 13, 2007 @ 10:19 PM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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SuzieQ1608
Posts: 87
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And I was told there is another ending to that saying......
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder.............for someone else!"
Not sure how true either part of the saying is....
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| Sep 13, 2007 @ 10:32 PM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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Goodness_Gracie
Posts: 708
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I think Absence does make the heart grow fonder cause you miss that person , like desire for them increases. Due to the spending time apart it does increase especially if you spent a good amount of time with a certain individual.
It is that missing feeling we have for certain people. So yes I do believe in that phrase! You want to be with them but maybe due to certain circumstances like a business trip or doing a LTR you do miss them.
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| Sep 13, 2007 @ 10:34 PM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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robodad
Posts: 5,872
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I don't think that the heart grows fonder, but that the heart feels like it's heavier.
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| Sep 13, 2007 @ 11:11 PM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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I think it is human nature to take things for granted sometimes. Things can be so close to you, and yet you fail to truly appreciate them. I live near lake Michigan, and it is odd that most folks who live near the beach seldom go, until they have someone visit. Then they go and enjoy.........Many of those who travel the farthest, say to themselves.........." Man, if I only lived here , I would go to the beach everyday. "
I know I find myself not taking full advantage of everything life has to offer......And maybe that is why age, and nostalgia have such an effect on me.
You sometimes need to take a step back to truly get a good look at the whole picture, and appreciate it's importance. And how fragile life as we know it is.
Taking time to reflect is one of the most important tasks we have in life...I have been guilty of allowing things to happen in my life, and thinking at the time I was making a good decision, upon further reflection, I may have made the wrong choice......
One of the things MD has given me, is a better idea of what is truly important to me, and I have no intention of allowing myself to make the same mistakes.
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 2:37 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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luvmycats
Posts: 9,744
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I think sometimes, we think the heart grows fonder, because we only allow ourselves to think of the good times. We don't think of the nights he leaves his dirty socks on the floor... dishes in the sink, hairs all over the bathroom, oh, and don't forget the snoring!
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 3:42 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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Palomino
Posts: 7,503
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SuzieQ1608 said:
And I was told there is another ending to that saying...... "Absence makes the heart grow fonder.............for someone else!" Not sure how true either part of the saying is....
I found it, Suzie. 
DEAN MARTIN ~ Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
If you should leave me
I know it would grieve me
So honey please remember
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
For somebody else
I love you dearly
I'm yours sincerely
But honey please remember
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
For somebody else
When the cat's away the mice will play
I don't say I will but still I may
I may be blue away from you
And then again I may be gay
When I get fretful I get forgetful
So honey please remember
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
For somebody else
When the cat's away the mice will play
I don't say I will but still I may
I may be blue away from you
And then again I may be gay
When I get fretful I get forgetful
So honey please remember
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
For somebody else
For somebody else
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 3:46 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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Palomino
Posts: 7,503
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Loreli...is not missing someone, also mean your heart is longing or growing fonder for that person? I think I have some ideas of "in the beginning of the relationship" that I haven't formulated yet.
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" means that the time you spend away from one you love makes you love that person even more. Example: "Does it bother you that your husband goes away on long business trips?" Reply: "No. The time we have spent apart has been good for us. Absence makes the heart grow fonder." The word "absence" means to be away. To "grow fonder" is to care more. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" means the time you spend away from someone you love ("absence") makes you love that person even more ("the heart grows fonder").
Example: "It is much easier to get along with your parents when you live away from home. You miss them so much and are glad when you see them." Reply: "It's true. Absence makes the heart grow fonder." When someone you care for is away, you miss that person and think about them often, and that feeling makes you want to be with them even more.
http://www.goenglish.com/AbsenceMakesTheHeartGrowFonder.asp
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 4:50 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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Palomino
Posts: 7,503
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Robo, I'm still not quite sure what you mean. Heavier = sad? not light in spirit? What?
Luvy...I miss the dirty socks and the snoring. 
Gracie, I agree with you, but I think that in my case there are variables to the length of absense and the degree of "fondness".
Blue, I really like your take on this. How about absence from home? I still get homesick occasionally and when I am driving home down those old roads close to home I realize how much I appreciate where I live.
[Edited on 9/14/2007 4:56 AM]
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 4:55 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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luvmycats
Posts: 9,744
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Sorry Pali, I was thinking about my ex husband when I wrote that. 
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 4:57 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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Palomino
Posts: 7,503
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I know you were Luvy. You notice I didn't say that I miss the dirty dishes. LOL 
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 5:32 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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mystery2u888
Posts: 6,199
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girly... .I like this one too....thank you for sharing this one.. .......I am going to agree with absence does make the heart GROW IS the key word.......   when I am away from a loved one......I don't think of the bad, I only remember the good.....the good the bad an the ugly  all go together which when you love someone so deeply....you already made that committment to love them the way they are.....and being away from your loved one...makes you only realize what you had to begin with like going to bed at night, nobody is besides you, when you go to the store you think of wondering what they want to eat, going to the mall and thinking oh I bet they would like that......all the little things I do when I miss my friends too..........the first thing I saw when I looked at the title was, 1940's when the men would go away even in todays scenerio, you can't wait to get the love letter or phone call..  ...your excited and your whole face lights up...isn't that really what loving someone is about...when your with them so much even after so many years you continue to love and grow more and love all the qualities of eachother and learn from another making the bond just as strong as ever......  that is really being true, growing and in reality you just didn't know what you had until it was gone..........and when someone is gone you really miss it so when in absence, it makes you think, knowing only what you know is how much you would miss all the little wonders of joy you had the memories and what you would do to get it all back you can't bring back time unfortunately timing is everything and you should never take things for granted... ............. just my thoughts.......thanks girly for directing me to this other fabulous thread.....  shoot I just found out I am in the dating thread  xoxo
[Edited on 9/14/2007 6:02 AM]
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 6:04 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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Palomino
Posts: 7,503
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Myst, my friend...another excellent reply! I especially liked this part:
the good the bad an the ugly all go together which when you love someone so deeply....you already made that commitment to love them the way they are.....and being away from your loved one...makes you only realize what you had to begin with like going to bed at night, nobody is besides you, when you go to the store you think of wondering what they want to eat, going to the mall and thinking oh I bet they would like that...
OK, let me see if I can put to words what I feel happens to me during separation in a LDR. I usually start "freaking out" a couple of days before one of us has to leave because I KNOW how miserable I am going to be without him. Then it's THE day with the hugs and kisses "goodbye". The crying that night until I'm all cried out. Then I tell myself to "buck up" and seem to be okay for awhile and back to my normal routine at home. After a few days, that normal routine is no longer enough for me and I miss him terribly. I picture him everywhere and in everything I do. So I go through a month of misery and crying and going through a MAJOR "absence makes the heart go fonder"...so fond that it breaks.
Then I realize that I have to get my life back on track for my own good. I start building that wall again to protect my emotions, save my sanity and my health. I still feel the love and think of the memories with fondness, only the intensity has diminished. I get used to sleeping by myself again. I get used to just thinking about my life here at home. I become resigned to the situation...until we are together again and the whole "together and apart" routine starts over again.
So I guess I do believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but in different degrees. And it is one helluva roller coaster ride!
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 6:46 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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mystery2u888
Posts: 6,199
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Pali, you are feeling anxious.......we all get that from time to time and we all need that reassurance....it's that feeling of abandonment...something that may have happened in the past so in turn what do we do we freak out  our minds wonder but...in time we take baby steps we ask for the phone calls to reassure us or little instant messages or emails until you can see your loved one again.....that will help put your mind at ease again.....nothing is wrong with what you are feeling the only thing is when you are in a relationship........you must feel and remember you are 2 different people, part of being in a relationship is keeping your own identity and Not feeling like the other one is so important that you are non existance....one can not live there live solely thru another, they have to remember who they are as well so as much as you want to become one as a whole you are still 2 people bonding together to stay whole...... in time you take the baby steps and like I said .......we all go thru those emotions but fill the void with your friends and different activities to keep your mind at peace.......I recognize the loneliness but start to relax more and remember your friends and all the fun you will have when you reaquaint yourselves back together again.........don't forget to tell the person you are with how you feel, deep down inside part of being in a relationship is pure communication and it is so important to have that......it's nice to get little surprises on i.m. or emails or real mail or voice note on cellphone....it shows you have not been forgotten and they cared enough to remember you and thinking of you........start going to bed and leaving little messages, little surprises are the best it keeps the relationship fresh and new all the time xoxox  goo pali
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 8:04 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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This thread made me think of a joke or maybe it was a scene from a sit com....
Where the child is missing and everyone is flipping out.......the kid walks in the door, the parents run to him with tears in their eyes saying thank god you're ok..........
Then they grab the kid by the throat and shake them a little yelling...." if you ever do this to me again I'm gonna kill you " 
It is just as easy to concentrate on the negative as the positive... So it is all in how you look at it.
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 8:06 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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Blondino
Posts: 4,269
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OUT OF SIGHT ................. OUT OF MIND
There is a saying for all outcomes
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 10:02 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,319
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Pali-
I guess if we equate "longing for" with growing fonder-sure. 
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 10:04 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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depends when that absence comes and how long ya must maintain.
too long and it makes the heart weak and the eyes wander
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| Sep 14, 2007 @ 10:04 AM |
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... |
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Palomino
Posts: 7,503
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"When absence has truly made the heart grow fonder, one's desire is exclusively for the now-absent lover. It is that person and that person alone who is deeply missed and deeply yearned for. Loneliness often feels quite the same, but is a more generalized craving. Pure loneliness is a yearning for someone, but not necessarily the certain someone who is no longer there."
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_20_101/ai_86048031
That's true, Blondino. And there is also: "Abstinence makes the heart go wander". 
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