| Jan 3 @ 12:53 AM |
Different approaches to life....
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Empath
Posts: 5,094
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What to do when one person is used to making a decision, small or large, and putting it into action quickly and efficiently, but the other person is more apt to "wander" through life? One person doesn't like being kept waiting or having things take longer than they're used to, and the other person doesn't like being rushed??
Are there ways of "meeting in the middle" somewhere, somehow??
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| Jan 3 @ 1:03 AM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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signme
Posts: 9,590
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Compromise Em, compromise.
I know what you are talking about though. I used to team-teach with a great lady but she always waited until the last minute to give me grades to post. I like to get things done ahead of time and she would wait till time was nearly up. Drove me nuts. I learned to live with it until I went self-contained. Now I can do my grades when I want!
Sometimes compromise doesn't work either.
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| Jan 3 @ 1:09 AM |
Different approaches to life....
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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Its called talking about the situation...Its hard when one makes all the decisions and leaves the other person out...Im learning this more in my sons situation.....his gf just decides to not pay the bills he tries to talk to her and she packs up and moves out........People dont talk......they just move out when things get troubled........
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| Jan 3 @ 1:09 AM |
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mystery2u888
Posts: 6,187
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Hi empath and signme.........I have been there too......compromise is definitely and talking it out.....trying to come to a point of understanding what will work best.......if the other one wants something so bad they can taste it and the other person is alittle more in a relaxed position taking it slower.....the best thing to do is telling eachother how you feel what you both can do to improve and meet eachother half way......ensure that communication is key and that you are not hurting the other one's feelings is a must ........you have to have the trust and it needs balance........I found when I was in that situation the only thing that held me together is the constant communication and understanding of the other one's feelings and putting yourself in the other one's shoes.....   xoxo
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| Jan 3 @ 1:16 AM |
Different approaches to life....
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Empath
Posts: 5,094
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Touch and I communicate about everything. This one goes a bit beyond communication. It's a lifestyle/personal preference difference.
Maybe I should rephrase my question......How can I prepare myself better? I try to think of everything, but there's always last minute details that slow me down. He is used to doing what he wants when he wants, and quickly. Now he has not just one, but TWO girls to slow him down.
I think we're driving him bananas. 
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| Jan 3 @ 1:18 AM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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ISSUESWOPTIONS
Posts: 7,647
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Em....every speedboat needs stability
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| Jan 3 @ 1:20 AM |
Different approaches to life....
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signme
Posts: 9,590
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Well that just may be an adjustment Touch will have to make. You can help some by trying to understand and talk it out with him. But accepting another person into your life means a lot of compromise. If the relationship is meant to last, the compromise will work. Just remember to always talk out the problems.
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| Jan 3 @ 1:37 AM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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mystery2u888
Posts: 6,187
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I agree with signme......empath.....it's ok .........to be slow and that there is adjusting........as long as you talk you will do fine  .....the lack of communication is where you will have problems and I think you will do fine.....and I know you say you both have a great understanding.......but.....every relationship will go thru those things.....a strong bond.......I think you just need baby steps and it is a give and take......touch knows the adjustment and you guys will work thru this.....and you guys I am sure will come to a mutual understanding of how to better prepare....it will come naturally once you all are together but...can anyone really be prepared ........you just have to stay focus......and I can't say enough about talking....letting the other one know if you are getting frustrated .......lack of communication makes you wonder.......nobody like to wonder.........maybe you can start to make a list of things ........a wk before hand to get all details and you can talk about it with him so that he can help you...that is what being together is about supporting eachother when the other needs help you reach for them.......so they can hold your hand......... xoxo
[Edited on 1/3/2008 1:59 AM]
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| Jan 3 @ 1:53 AM |
Different approaches to life....
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katydid438
Posts: 6,783
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It's early days yet Em!
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| Jan 3 @ 1:55 AM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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sweet5red
Posts: 8,136
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yup ya gotta compromise and work as a team.. give and take.. seems someone else is doing that with me now a days.. Sweet N Louisiana
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| Jan 3 @ 5:12 AM |
Different approaches to life....
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,637
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I am an up and go, detail oriented, get things done, fly by the seat of my pants type of gal. And I DO have friends who have ALL DAY to take care of things. I see them as people with " no sense of urgency". I don't know how to put it better than that.
Now I am not judging you or anybody else, but I do know that they drive me ape shit.
One thing I would sugest however is this.....If you are supposed to leave, arrive, pick someone up (anything of that nature) by a specific time. BE THERE. DO IT.
NOTHING sends a stronger message to someone that "Everything is more important than you are" than always being perpetually late.
So your daughter isn't ready to go? Put her in the car in her pajama's. Trust me. She will get her little girl butt in gear on time for the rest of her life. Walk out the door without your make-up. Whatever it takes.
You don't always have to rush at 100 miles and hour. But I do believe that you should live your life with your priorities firmly in focus. And those that you love should always come first.
Just my opinion baby girl.
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| Jan 3 @ 7:14 AM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,596
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It's better to form relationships with people which you are compatible. Many people that are in marriages tend to divorce due to their irreconcilable differences.
If you feel that it is important not to break off your personal or romantic relationships with other people then you must accept and/ or adapt to how that person lives their life and makes his or her choices.
It is just plain wrong to try to change a person for your personal satisfaction. If you don't like the situation or their behaviors ---leave--- ---move on----
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| Jan 3 @ 7:25 AM |
Different approaches to life....
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ToucherinSparks
Posts: 6,701
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I admit that this is partially my problem. My KTE is to make decisions and implement them quickly. I've been doing that for many years. It does take some getting used to, particularly when someone is used to being able to take a long time and consider every possibilitiy and angle before deciding anything, and never having to rush to do anything.
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| Jan 3 @ 8:00 AM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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jaybird777
Posts: 1,041
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I think, when ya decide ta share yer life, well yer sharing. WHat I mean is, it is always sorta a balance between intimacy and freedom.
The great part a bein single is ya do whatever the heck ya want, whenever ya want, but it also can get lonely.
Some like that better. They say "nobody is an island", but some folks is penninsulas, and don't have desire fer other folks ta be in close and tight.
Most folks want ta let somebody else in. When ya do that, no matter how similairity you are, there's always gonna be some bumps. THe other person gonna have their own brain and their own ideas about doing things, and their own standard a what is acceptable behavoir.
It ain't about the bumps. You can't get away from the bumps, they are ALWAYS gonna be there AND they gonna accumulate.
What is about is knowing the bumps are gonna come and being able to deal with them.
Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots a folks get all happy in the honeymoon stage then after a spell, realize it ain't all roses like they thought it was gonna be.
Gotta have realistic expectations
Gotta take a real look at "is this a fun short term fling, er something permanent that I want to last?"
A fun short term fling ain't neccessarily no horrible thing. Heck, many folks got a basket of em and go from one ta the next, on and on and on and on. Kinda like a bag a chips, ya finish one and grab on ta the next. If ya come ta realizin that what ya had was jest a fling, then don't be dissapointed that it wouldn't more, but jest enjoy it for what it was.
If its gonna be more then a fling, then yer gonna have ta learn ta tolerate the other person's intrusion into yer life. And it don't matter how many stars ya got in yer eyes, another person brought intimate into yer life IS an intrusion. It can't help but be. No matter how in love you are (and ya may be VERY in love) there is gonna be times when ya resent the imposing that it puts on yer life.
Finally, if ya decide ta sweat it out an endure an all, that's only half a that. The other person gots ta be up fer the same.
My expereinceing is that most people judge their relationships to harshly. THat, unless ya stick together for 50 years and have 10 kids, that it was a failure somehow. Them "stick together forever" till death-do-us-part type relationships is very rare. Shoot, I ain't even sure they exists at all anymore.
Anything less, means a break up sooner er later.
If the relaionale is still worthwile, then ya gotter adjust yer life and tolerate ta keep it alive. If its' time ta cash in, well yer gonna be hurt and angry, but try ta keep yer head and get through with yer pride and respect in tact. If yer pride and respect go in toilet (which is more often the case) then just hold on and weather through it. It's come back an you'll get through the othern side,
PS: Fer me, a successful relaitonship is anytime I got laid, so anyone who gots higher standards then that is doing pretty good in my book.
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| Jan 3 @ 11:51 AM |
Different approaches to life....
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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JB covered it very well.... 
 And I DO have friends who have ALL DAY to take care of things. I see them as people with " no sense of urgency".
something to consider... if you gulp down a fine wine ( life) like a person dying of thirst..all you will end up with is a belly ache.. but if to sip it slowly..and really focus on all the subtle nuances...you will savor every last drop and be content when it is gone.
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| Jan 3 @ 11:55 AM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,282
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Touch:
admit that this is partially my problem
You now have 2 ladies in your life. Slow down, and sit back and smile. Things will get done, just not at that very momnet!
There are times "things" need to be done at that moment. That is where you come in.
At other times, Empath will be the one to say, " Hey, lets think about this from all the points."
I don't think that 2 such different people could have married like Haban and I.
One person a hot head, and the other wants to think about things before opening mouth,,, 
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| Jan 3 @ 12:26 PM |
Different approaches to life....
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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I thought all cubans were hot _______??
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| Jan 3 @ 12:28 PM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,282
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 Oh they are,,,,
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| Jan 3 @ 1:11 PM |
Different approaches to life....
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Loreli
Posts: 20,319
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Every relationship will have people that can "flex' because we aren't perfect,we are use to being alone. and doing things our own way.
Where love lives,so can adapting.
One can speed up a little, the other slow down alittle!
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| Jan 3 @ 1:39 PM |
Different approaches to life.... |
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sweet5red
Posts: 8,136
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there are gonna be speed Bumps... and sumtimes ya might have to reach a hand out to the other one to pull em over that Bump..  Sweet N Louisiana
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