| Feb 12 @ 4:45 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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Did anyone happen to read the latest research? If so what do you think?
The best "catches" in dating land may be the worst choices in the long-run, new research shows. The rest of the article
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| Feb 12 @ 5:46 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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My exhusband was a "high self monitor." 
Interesting!
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| Feb 12 @ 6:10 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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CathyCRN
Posts: 3,954
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I'm not at all surprised. I've dated (and married) this type of person. They are unable to be completely truthful with their partner...cannot seem to fully commit to the relationship, etc. Kind of sad, really!!! In fact, I may be one of these people  ...geez...one more thing to work on!!!
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| Feb 12 @ 6:52 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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yep, it does make you think about it....
i've always said there are 2 types of people, givers and takers and a taker can spot a giver a mile away....... 
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| Feb 12 @ 8:56 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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lobo65
Posts: 602
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Ha ha. Then using that logic in reverse, I would be the perfect mate since I seem to be a lousy first date. Women have a sixth sense when it comes to picking up on nerves. 
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| Feb 12 @ 9:11 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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katydid438
Posts: 6,765
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Have to agree with that giver/taker thing nah 
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| Feb 12 @ 9:37 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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jamminjerry
Posts: 3,780
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and so, you are saying that my tall redhead will be aghast at my ability to sacrifice my freedom for her smile? perhaps she is not the tall redhead i seek? perhaps she is just another short fluffy blond. we be jammin
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| Feb 12 @ 10:27 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,313
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I still believe that often we try very hard on our first date, and we may be nervous.
Yes-we should just be ourselves...but that can be hard to do when one is totally smitten with someone
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| Feb 12 @ 11:02 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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I usually dont get nervous on first dates and I am always the same....dont really know how to be any different. And if the man is nervous I just try to make him laugh. I really think a pretty cool date for me would be to have him sit with me on the bleachers at one of my sons baseball games....and from then on it would be smooth sailin..
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| Feb 13 @ 1:14 AM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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i'm not sure being nervous or having a smooth date is what is being considered in the study...IMO it's more about the type of personalities of the mates we choose and that we are
but i do agree those things (nervousness and etc) do happen on a 1st date for various reasons.......
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| Feb 13 @ 3:11 AM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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Automotor
Posts: 258
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What's with dating anyway? Just hang out at the bar and have a few brewskis and get to know each other.
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| Feb 13 @ 8:00 AM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,313
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I understand what you're saying, Nah. I guess my point was being nervous could make someone try really hard. They may seem more "perfect" because of it. 
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| Feb 13 @ 12:20 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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"High self-monitors are social chameleons," said Northwestern University professor of communication studies Michael E. Roloff."And, because they're quick to pick up on social cues, are socially adept and unlikely to say things upsetting to others, they are generally well-liked and sought after."
Self-monitoring is often a helpful attribute.  this is me..... ......(not...)
 see..I am a good catch after all...
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| Feb 13 @ 8:21 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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dooney123
Posts: 3,446
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This is interesting. It makes sense too.
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| Feb 13 @ 9:53 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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bucsfan553
Posts: 79
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I think it's a matter of semantics. What the author calls self monitoring I call manners.
Not that I never speak my mind, but I don't just say every single thing I think either.
I take a totally different perspective, in that I consider what impact what I say may have on the other person and what our relationship is.
People who are socially awkward lack discretion IMO. They say whatever pops into their head at the moment without thinking about it, and that's just a recipe for disaster.
I know some socially awkward people and they have few if any friends. Last job, the Exec's assistant was one, and people would scatter if they saw her coming. She took advantage of her position and would almost corner people to talk to her. I never understood why until she laid a winner on me one time. I don't think I was able to pick my jaw up off the floor for a few seconds.
From then on I avoided her at every opportunity.
As far as mates go, I doubt few would want to live with someone who says absolutely anything and everything they think.
I'll take manners and discretion over choosing what to say and when over that any day.
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| Feb 13 @ 11:55 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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sorry bucsfan..but you missed the point of the article.. which was not about manners or discretion .. but of knowing just what to say and when to say it to be charming, cordial and in not so many words...perfect.. some of us know exactly how to do it...but choose not to... 
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| Feb 14 @ 6:18 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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sweet5red
Posts: 8,125
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and so, you are saying that my tall redhead will be aghast at my ability to sacrifice my freedom for her smile? perhaps she is not the tall redhead i seek? perhaps she is just another short fluffy blond. we be jammin
or even A short Redhead....
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| Feb 14 @ 7:31 PM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners" |
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Gman762
Posts: 3,291
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Those awkward people who always seem to be sticking their feet in their mouths may ultimately be more genuine and capable of intimate relationships. However, their honesty and loyalty can extract a price from their partners, because they may be more likely to say blunt and hurtful things.
Blunt...yes. Awkward...more than slighty on the first date. Foot in mouth...I only open my mouth when I change feet. Genuine...definitely. Intimate (passionate)...beyond most folks imaginings. Loyal...beyond all else, except honor.
I must agree with their findings.
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| Mar 26 @ 2:22 AM |
"Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners"
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,988
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<<< Socially inept. I blurt stuff. I look at it this way. A man has to be REAL strong to deal with me. I give my real personality to him when I am first getting to know him. If he doesn't run screaming in the other direction, he passes the first test. Saves me time. Why wait months getting to know someone and have it all go down the toilet just because they find out you were a fake?
Be real. Screw em if they think you are screwed up. I LIKE weird people. Weird people feel comfortable around me and vice versa.
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