| Mar 9 @ 7:42 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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Say_Yes
Posts: 1,786
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Maybe he's telling you exactly like it is? I've found that for the most part, men are quite basic....if you ask them a question, they will give you an honest answer without thinking you are going to anyalyze it. Be a "decent" woman and take him for his word.
We have a winner! 
Don't look for a hidden message. Either take him at his word, or if you don't, then move on. Personally, I really like sex, but I don't go for casual sex with someone, with whom I have interest in building a serious relationship. It sounds like this guy is much the same.
Men have casual sex, in a casual relationship. If he does the same with you, then that will define your relationship and it will limit its possibilities. From what you say, it sounds to me like he does not want that to happen.
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| Mar 9 @ 7:59 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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NurseBJ
Posts: 32
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interesting topic. i like burns and cathy's replies. 
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| Mar 9 @ 8:08 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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CathyCRN
Posts: 3,954
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Thanks, Nurse and welcome to the forums!!
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| Mar 9 @ 8:18 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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okay dokey...lol
IMO sounds like to me someone is in here on a fishing trip and food for thought is not what's on the menu or the agenda of the moment... 
But lets say it's a real new person asking, then i'd say Say_Yes gave some good information to consider period.......
Plus the advise to take a man at his word is always the correct answer when he says no to a relationship .... plain and simple
But more importantly the question should be ask, if he has told you no and gave you the reason for his answer, why are you still trying to figure out a way to convince him to change his mind?
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| Mar 9 @ 8:22 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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NurseBJ
Posts: 32
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Thank you Cathy. 
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| Mar 9 @ 8:37 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 672
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Save that bong water! That sheeeet is like Miracle Grow TM when I feed it to my poppy plants.
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| Mar 9 @ 8:39 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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LittleMsDangerous
Posts: 11,147
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I'll have to try that! 
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| Mar 9 @ 8:40 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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We all know that in some ways, all men are the same. In other ways each is as different as can be.
Women? In some ways they are all the same. In others...as different as can be.
I think it is give and take. We are searching for someone that accepts us whole. There is so much to learn about someone and how much are you willing to give and in return, how much do you need in return. That is how it starts and you go with it til it doesn't work for you anymore.
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| Mar 9 @ 8:43 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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NurseBJ
Posts: 32
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Are you saying that until someone accepts us as "whole", they are free to sleep around? 
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| Mar 9 @ 8:55 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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twotall911
Posts: 12,856
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| Mar 9 @ 8:56 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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NurseBJ
Posts: 32
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What? Is it my name AGAIN? 
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| Mar 9 @ 8:57 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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Well BJ, I think I was saying (not sure exactly lol) that it is tough road out there. I couldn't handle knowing someone I cared for was sleeping with all kinds of men just for sex  No way.
She said here:
ok i can understand that and he tells me he has to find himself before he can commit to anyone has nothing to do with me and these women he is meeting is just for sex And I think I was trying to put it kindly...Can you really deal with that? Can you give that much??? I couldn't if I really cared for someone.
And the whole me couldn't accept that and I doubt that the whole her can either.
It wouldn't work for me but she seems to be seeing if she can make it work for her. Good luck I say but be careful with your heart
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| Mar 9 @ 8:59 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 672
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Yer BJ, Some nights I sleep on my bed, other nights on my sofa. . . Depending on if there is a late hockey game on.
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| Mar 9 @ 9:03 PM |
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NurseBJ
Posts: 32
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Gr8, that makes sense to me. I'm not one to sleep around if I'm seeing someone. Well, I'm not one to sleep around anyway. lol
I don't think she should deal with a man who wants to sleep around and she shouldn't try to change that. It's pointless.
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| Mar 9 @ 9:07 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 12,784
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WouldntIt and Nurse..........she doesn't have to deal with his sleeping arrangements....she's the one looking for a relationship - not him!!
At this point in the road, she's trying to give him more than he wants and getting frustrated that he's not taking her offering.
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| Mar 9 @ 9:10 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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Yes BJ, one must respect themselves  I worry SingleMom that you don't have enough respect for your self. You deserve it and deserve it from him 
Hold your head up high SingleMom!
And BJ, that is a great name, I have know a couple of other BJs in my life and they were great ladies
Kids that think about BJ in the other sense are so Jr. High You can weed out the guys you would not want to meet if they ask you for ummm, you know ..'that' 
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| Mar 9 @ 9:11 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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Yes, Eyes I see that. It just seems it is sooooooo not working for her 
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| Mar 9 @ 9:14 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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NurseBJ
Posts: 32
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Thank you Gr8! My family and friends call me BJ because those are my initials. You're right, I can weed out the one-track minded men this way.
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| Mar 9 @ 9:29 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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bucsfan553
Posts: 79
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Hmm..well let's see if I have this summarized properly.
It's someone that is using women for sex because he's been burnt. And not ready to become involved. I think that's the basic scenario.
On the surface it looks like he's trying to make up for some type of inner either insecurity within himself or trying to prove to himself that women still find him desirable. Or maybe he enjoys using women for sex as a way of getting back somehow because of what his ex did to him.
Who really knows, this person wouldn't fit my personal definition of a decent man. Anyone who uses anyone else for "something" to satisfy some deficit or inner conflict...well decent people IMO don't do that.
I haven't lived in a cave, so I realize that this behavior is all too common. Doesn't mean it's right, it's just in the wake of a breakup many don't allow themselves the time to reflect, vent...just work out their emotions in ways that don't cause damage. People recently out of a breakup and sometimes people years out of a breakup that haven't "recovered" don't make the best dating partners.
IMO decent people are self aware and care very much about how their actions affect others.
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| Mar 9 @ 9:33 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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Brass_Wolf
Posts: 672
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WouldntBgr8, you were supposed to be my wingman this time. Ya letch. By the way, did you get your intro to 8th grade Geometry homework done yet?
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