| Mar 9 @ 9:49 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 12,784
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Bucs....I'm not sure that he's using women because he's been burnt....that's her take on the situation:
he tells me he has to find himself before he can commit to anyone has nothing to do with me and these women he is meeting is just for sex. He told a mutal friend that he would never use me that way and that is why he turns to these other women but cares for me just not sure what he wants meaning if he wants to try and give his heart again as afraid its going to get broke and
i truely think this last women really took him for a mind game and he wants revenge and dont want to use me for this purpose but dont know guess just trying to figure it out thats all...
He's going to other women for sex, but it hasn't been established if they are aware that is the reason he is "seeing" them. For all we know, the women he is meeting are fully aware that it is strictly a "no strings attached" union and they don't want anything more either. We also don't know anything else about this man or his situation.
I've got to give credit to him for being up front with Singlemom. I again emphasize, try taking the guy for his word instead of complicating things by over analyzing them.
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| Mar 9 @ 9:56 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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Say_Yes
Posts: 1,786
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I've got to give credit to him for being up front with Singlemom. I again emphasize, try taking the guy for his word instead of complicating things by over analyzing them.
Exactly, if he was just looking for sex, he probably would have tried to bang her too & moved on, with another notch in his bed post. His choosing not to do that is an indication that he is not out there playing women for sex. If he was, he would have tried to play her too.
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| Mar 9 @ 10:19 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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So SingleMom...are any of us getting close? We are taking shots at it but not sure exactly what you are having to deal with. I think we are all concerned and would like to help if you want any free advice.
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| Mar 9 @ 10:36 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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Singlemom41
Posts: 7
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yes somewhat you are and let me clarify a few things. I did say he was using women and throwing them away i said he finds the women that use him and throw him away and then he wonders why he always gets hurt. Im not pushing into nothing we both just agreed there was an attraction there and we do spend alot of time together and says he enjoys that he tells me he dose not know what he wants and has to find himself again and he tells his best friends that he is just havning flings dont mean anything and no one he could happy with. He did not want me to know cause he says he cares but how can you have an attaraction to someone or even care about them but go out and do that. His best friends have known him for 20 plus years and said this is not like him. So just trying to see if this could be normal behavior or just a game.. thanks to all who have posted.
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| Mar 9 @ 10:39 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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Singlemom41
Posts: 7
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had to fix something i meant to say i didnt say he was using women and throwing them away meant he finds women that use him and throw him away...sorry about that
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| Mar 9 @ 10:44 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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ahhh! Thank you for clarifying.
I would say he could really use a friend right now. And by that, I mean a woman. A woman as a friend to a man is something very special. And if he felt safe opening up to you, you two could learn a lot about each other right now. There might be some real difficult things for him to talk about, but if you let him feel safe if sounds like he really wants to work it out.
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| Mar 9 @ 10:50 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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Singlemom41
Posts: 7
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right and thats is what we are is friends as met him through mutal frineds and been hanging out with this man and the mutal friends since the end of december, and know we will always be friends and do talk even now. And when i asked him about how he feels just tells me dont know what he wants but dont throw the towel in just yet, but if i happen to meet someone else he dose not want me to wait for him as he said he needs to figure things out and just trying to get other points of view is all as no one knows but him what he is feeling and can not force someone to tell you if they dont want too.
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| Mar 9 @ 10:54 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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Singlemom41
Posts: 7
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GR8T thanks again as have to say your take on this has helped me alot not that i dont appreciate others input on it but think you might have hit the nail on the head...
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| Mar 9 @ 11:06 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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wow Single... 
Somewhere back there I said take care of your heart. My guess is that right now you know you have to close some door or doors and are sort of in here looking for someone to say, yeah...take care of YOU! If it is meant to be, it will work out. Sounds like you need to free yourself from him a bit and let him go on. It will be a new day tomorrow and it will be a new day when he knows you are letting go. Then he can see if he really wants that.......if he really wants to not have you sitting in the wings.... 
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| Mar 9 @ 11:18 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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Singlemom41
Posts: 7
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Yes you did say take care of your heart and i am. I mean im not like upset maybe disappointed but not like upset like with a breakup and being a friend is what i have always been, but some friendship you know if there is more interest there then just being friends. But as the old saying goes if its meant to be it will be so i will continue to be the friend i always have been and if things work out they do and if not will have a good friend for a long time.
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| Mar 9 @ 11:19 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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blueyes101
Posts: 8,307
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Sounds to me like if nothing else he is honest. You may not like the answer, but he gave you an honest answer. It sounds like he enjoys your company, but is unsure how serious he can get with you.....
This sounds much better than telling you what you want to hear, and using you for what he can get. 
Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
I was going to only post a few but even though they all may not apply, I like to read these every now and then to help me remember them.
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| Mar 9 @ 11:24 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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Great post Blueyes
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| Mar 9 @ 11:30 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 129
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That is so cool Single!
I must say you sounded pretty lost in your first 2 posts, but I see now you are very clear where you stand. It may not be what you want but....
Like the Stones sang: You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find............ya get what ya need 
And remember, most of us out here are struggling too...oh, yeah, almost all of us in here!, WE ARE ON A DATING SITE 
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| Mar 10 @ 6:37 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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bucsfan553
Posts: 79
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Bucs....I'm not sure that he's using women because he's been burnt....that's her take on the situation:
That's how I read it, and really only he knows what and why he's doing whatever it is.
I do agree that he deserves credit for being upfront about it. I don't think anyone is "used" for sex if they have an understanding that's all they're there for. I guess what seemed to me indecent about it was the idea of tossing them aside after "using" them for sex.
All we have to go on is what's given, and I've not always worded every single post to convey what I meant the first time. 
I also realize that when it's someone you want a little more with, and they're trying to tell you honestly why they don't or maybe not yet, it can be hard to really hear what they're saying without getting upset or disappointed.
I again emphasize, try taking the guy for his word instead of complicating things by over analyzing them.
I agree with this, too. If someone's not ready for a relationship or commitment and tells someone, they should take it as the truth and move on.
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| Mar 24 @ 6:57 PM |
Why do most decent men....
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Blueschic
Posts: 190
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Those were great blueeyes.....
I have one to add to yours....Never make someone a priority if they only make you an option.
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| Mar 24 @ 7:08 PM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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Let's face it. Most people (men and women) who are looking for a new relationship have not had any sex in a while and that is at least part of the reason they are looking for that relationship.
So most people that are looking for someone new are pretty backed up to use the colloquial.
Sex is a thirst, an appetite. Anyone with a sex drive needs to quench that thirst at some point. That isn’t a justification for premature sexual relationships, it’s simply a recognition of the facts.
When I hear a woman ask (I have never heard a man express this complaint.) why men seem to be so anxious to become sexual so early in a relationship, I think that the women who asks must not have much of a sex drive. If she did, she would easily understand the answer to her own question.
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| Mar 25 @ 1:28 AM |
Why do most decent men....
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Blueschic
Posts: 190
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DiamondRain...
I have to disagree with you. Yes sex is a hunger but at times one has to control that appetite. Even if one is hungry they wouldn't want to eat contaminated fruit grown across the border, nor should they want to eat contaminated fruit packaged in a pair of jeans. How does one know where that fruits been? Investigation as to the fruits whereabouts takes time.
Okay...suppose the fruit is okay it passes inspection. You really like that fruit. In fact you can't get enough of the fruit. The more you get the more you want. You realize the only thing you have in common is the fruit. Your appetite is satisfied, you're getting a lot of fruit and the fruit really tastes great but the rest of you is empty. You're wondering is this all there is. You feel compromised, but you're addicted to that damn fruit. What about your emotional needs, compatibility, spirituality. Maybe it would be wise to move slowly, to find out if you're compatible in other areas before you become a fruit juicer.
Or worse, you jump in too fast and find out it had nothing to do with fruit...you were just a piece of meat?
Personally I think I've just gone bananas. Where's the doctor?
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| Mar 25 @ 2:42 AM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 3,520
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How does one know where that fruits been? Investigation as to the fruits whereabouts takes time.
...Stand outside the Health Clinic, as they come out with papers in hand?
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| Mar 25 @ 2:44 AM |
Why do most decent men....
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twotall911
Posts: 12,856
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check health cards too
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| Mar 25 @ 3:31 AM |
Why do most decent men.... |
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Blueschic
Posts: 190
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Hey....I'm just sayin'....Well you two can dip, double dip whatever... your fruit in any cheesy creamy dip of unknown origin that you please.
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