| Mar 11 @ 10:02 AM |
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beanie68
Posts: 124
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... had a friend who has fallen for ya? And you just don't feel it but don't wanna lose that friendship? Well, unfortunately I have this problem! The funny thing is ... He is EVERYTHING I am looking for in a man by heart and mind! The attraction just isn't there! The ONLY thing I know how to do is constantly remind him that the friendship is golden! I don't wanna hurt him ... but he keeps saying in due time ... 
Puts me in one helluva position and quite frankly makes me a lil uncomfie ...
I used to say that men cannot have women friends but women can have men friends ... I am just at a loss ... I have definately been in his shoes and it SUX!
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| Mar 11 @ 10:07 AM |
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budo13
Posts: 3,085
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tell him straight up how you feel and that it will never happen.if he is really a friend he will truly understand JMHO
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| Mar 11 @ 10:19 AM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,272
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It is a dilema isn't it?
I think in time he will see and come to understand. Just be patient with him.
Or maybe introduce him to someone that is a lot like you,,,
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| Mar 11 @ 10:24 AM |
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happygrlok
Posts: 4,315
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budo..you are correct...I had this situation and I did have to tell him. It was not easy as he is a very nice guy and I did not want to hurt his feelings. But there just wasn't any chemistry. He and I are still good friends and keep contact with each other
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| Mar 11 @ 11:55 AM |
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theresam77
Posts: 1,732
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I had a similiar situation...it's best to tell him. It puts a damper on the relationship for a bit, but once feelings are involved, it never really goes back to being the same. It's a tough one. I wish you luck. 
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| Mar 11 @ 1:54 PM |
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beanie68
Posts: 124
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Thank you ALL sooo much! 
I have never really been in this situation per se ... well, it has never been this serious ... OR out in the open ... He has no qualms about the way he feels and it just makes me a lil uncomfie and well, reserved in what I say ... I have that feeling cause I absolutely adore him but am scared to lead him on (my biggest fear in the whole dilema)
I know the truth hurts but in my eyes, the truth and honesty are of utmost important to me ...
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| Mar 11 @ 2:08 PM |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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 ..it is you and not him... if he is everything that you want.. what is stopping you?
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| Mar 11 @ 2:14 PM |
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Mischief484
Posts: 645
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She's missing the "it" factor.
There's no there, there.
Still... I think he deserves a blow job.
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| Mar 11 @ 2:15 PM |
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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well, well well....look whos back 
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| Mar 11 @ 2:17 PM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,333
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OP said:
The attraction just isn't there!
Ya can't do a thing if you don't feel that zing...or somethin' like that. 
I'd back off and try to curtail contact as much as possible, and I'd consider this to be one of those times it's kinder to be cruel. Anything else is like pulling a bandaid off slowly....it's better to hurt a lot and get it over quickly than to prolong the agony, or worse yet, allow a fantasy to continue that's going to mean a really bad crash down the road.
*pffffffffffft* and no bj's either, that'd really be adding fuel to the fire! 
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| Mar 11 @ 2:30 PM |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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He is EVERYTHING I am looking for in a man by heart and mind! 2 out of three.. and she is asking for help in this...
Ya can't do a thing if you don't feel that zing...or somethin' like that.
if you don't feel the zing... you can still do the thing... as the zing ( infatuation) passes in time...
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| Mar 11 @ 2:34 PM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,333
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Sorry, I have to disagree...been there, tried that. The 'zing' is the lubricant that helps you get over the rough spots, and they happen in the best of relationships. Without the 'zing' you end up with a friendship that's never gonna be fulfilling enough to survive as a full relationship - i.e. a sexual one. It might work for some, but I know it wouldn't for me, and I don't think it really would for most women, or men either (it ain't just point and shoot, and it's not about technique, and unfortunately not even about liking and respect - that chemistry just really needs to be there to kick start the whole process).
I don't think the 'zing' is infatuation - I think it's chemistry, that old black magic... I know people who still have plenty of zing in their relationships after 25 or 30 years of marriage...but if it's not even there at the beginning you don't have a hope in hell of establishing it later.
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| Mar 11 @ 2:51 PM |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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^^^ a strong woman who knows how it is... 
but you would not be asking here ..or stating....
He is EVERYTHING I am looking for in a man by heart and mind!
I have that feeling cause I absolutely adore him but am scared to lead him on (my biggest fear in the whole dilema)
you, ( Heaven ) would know that he was just a good friend..and only a friend... and there would not be any doubt one way or the other...
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| Mar 11 @ 2:53 PM |
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Mischief484
Posts: 645
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Hey Painter. Ya hottie.
*pffffffffffft* and no bj's either, that'd really be adding fuel to the fire!
I'm just looking out for my brotha.
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| Mar 11 @ 3:03 PM |
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theresam77
Posts: 1,732
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| Mar 11 @ 3:38 PM |
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Bluebonnet72
Posts: 2,761
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Have ya ever ...
had a friend who has fallen for ya? And you just don't feel it but don't wanna lose that friendship? yes it happened to me
He was my best friend, like a brother ..........and althought I tried many times to convice him to see me as a friend and nothing more at the end we have lost our friendship forever 
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| Mar 11 @ 6:02 PM |
Have ya ever ...
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dt3d2001
Posts: 4,946
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Have ya ever ... had a friend who has fallen for ya? And you just don't feel it but don't wanna lose that friendship?
Yea, it's happened to me, more than once but we tend to hold back the flaws we have and try to be the best of us to friends we hold dear. after a time they begin to see us in that way, its how they want us to be, dismissing the flaws we have as normal people. If the friendship is a heart felt one, eventually it will come up and you have to be honest with them about your feelings.. Its sad, but all to often a valued friendship begins to fade and eventually end when it happens.
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| Mar 11 @ 9:38 PM |
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beanie68
Posts: 124
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Awwwwwwww thank you ALL for all the insight
And I DEFINATELY agree the zing HAS to be there ...
ESPECIALLY if ya want sex and blow jobs to be part of a relationship 
And, yeah, that is VERY important to me 
I am way to sensual/sexual NOT to have that zing present
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| Mar 11 @ 10:42 PM |
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drs297
Posts: 4,322
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does he brother? maybe the zing can be with him
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| Mar 11 @ 10:46 PM |
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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whats a "zing"? 
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