| Apr 7 @ 7:12 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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bellaluv
Posts: 65
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Need some help here, folks. I was friendly with a co-worker a little while ago, then our conversations seemed to turn more flirty and you guessed it...we slept together on several occassions over the course of a few months. All of a sudden, it was as though he turned on the cold water. Poof! The guy I knew just disappeared. I've been over it hundreds of times in my mind and cannot think of what I may have done. I knew he wasn't one of your more "emotional" types sooo I made it a point not to wear my heart on my sleeve, either. I said that to say, I know he wasn't getting any warm, fuzzy, scare-him-the-hell-away vibes from me.
Our rendezvous were private, we never had an argument...wtf? Any ideas? 
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| Apr 7 @ 7:24 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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I knew he wasn't one of your more "emotional" types ...
Yet you slept with him anyway. Need I say more?
Not to be critical, but can you see the issue here in your own words? If you want an emotional attachment, don't look for it in an unemotional partner.
Some people, both men and women are out to get some sex and not interested in an emotional relationship.
And some, are only interested in the conquest, not an ongoing relationship.
It is mostly a trait sen in men, but I have met women who have that tendency too.
Some men will say anything to get a woman in bed. Then, once they have gotten what they want once or twice, the thrill is gone.
I'd give it an 80% chance this is what happened. The other 20% is filled with things like something subtle he doesn't like, he's in another relationship and just wanted some on the side, he isn't into longer term relationships, etc.
As a man, the difficult part for me is that so many women are surprised by this kind of behavior!
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| Apr 7 @ 7:30 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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bellaluv
Posts: 65
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no, no rain, what I meant by not emotional was that he was more reserved, kept his thoughts to himself. in private, he was pretty open.
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| Apr 7 @ 7:34 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,333
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I'd still agree with DR on this one - 80% chance he got what he wanted and is moving on to pollinate the next promising flower in the garden. If you care about him, I hope I'm wrong but it does sound like a type I've run into more than once. I'm so glad my picker's working better these days.
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| Apr 7 @ 7:38 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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bellaluv
Posts: 65
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yeah...sigh...sounds like my picker needs some fine-tuning (or maybe more like a major overhaul) 
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| Apr 7 @ 7:46 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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and men say the same thing about us women....
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| Apr 7 @ 7:58 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,596
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You may have got hooked up with a "Yes Man"
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| Apr 7 @ 8:22 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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michedkel
Posts: 4,685
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And men still don't understand women.... so what's the point?
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| Apr 7 @ 8:22 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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dt3d2001
Posts: 4,946
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I STILL don't understand men...
its just a guy thing,,, to be guys,,, like jumping up and smacking low hanging stuff..
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| Apr 7 @ 8:32 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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Savannah1953
Posts: 96
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What's so hard to understand? Treat us with respect, love us as you would want to be loved. I don't see why that is so hard for men to understand...
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| Apr 7 @ 9:02 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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Skydognc
Posts: 2,913
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trust me........ You are much better off !
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| Apr 7 @ 9:08 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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Understand men? Understand women? Not gonna happen.....lol
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| Apr 7 @ 9:13 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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Skydognc
Posts: 2,913
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I understood a woman once......
she actually said , yes !
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| Apr 7 @ 9:47 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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DwainP50
Posts: 5,009
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 I think this forum should have be renamed “I STILL don't understand this man..”. I sort of think that you are having problems with this particular man not with “men”. That particular man wined, dined to make friends until that particular man got what he wanted. Now why did he do that? Who knows? Because we all don’t know that particular man or his reason as to why that man did what he did. But when it is laid out as “men” it sort of saying all men is like that and why??? It sort of puts us men on the spot and be accountable for this particular man’s actions or inactions. I can only speak for myself as a man. Anything else is just pure speculation and has the makings of an assumption. Some may say that all man is like that, but then who are they to speak for all men? Or women? It is sort of easy to throw the whole lot of us into a stereotypical bag and shake it up, pour it out in the forum to say that all men and women are like that. Instead of addressing that particular man’s short comings in a relationship. 
Here is a few  and some more  to you Bellaluv for the hurt that man put you Through! 
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| Apr 7 @ 10:20 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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bellaluv
Posts: 65
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Dwain, you're right...my sincerest apologies for "stereotyping"...could you point me in the direction of the good ones, though? I keep ending up with the same one, they just look different...
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| Apr 7 @ 11:02 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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bellaluv
Posts: 65
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To Savannah, neither do i, honey, i really don't. 
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| Apr 7 @ 11:19 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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I think the reason that so many people have trouble understanding the opposite sex is that political correctness has forced an underestimation of the importance of biology.
Millions of years of evolution has designed men to plant seeds and go, and women to bear children and create a stable place for them to grow up. It sounds crass by today's supposedly "enlightened" wishspeak, but in fact it is a biological certitude that this is just the way things are.
Fortunately it isn't so black and white that there can't be compromise and each sex has enough of the elements of the other's that we tend to be able to couple successfully (at least for a while..we pair up on average just long enough to raise kids to an age when they could survive on their own...hence the average marriage lasts about 12 years.) bla bla bla
But it's not cool to recognize any gender differences in today's ridiculous politically correct environment so we are lulled into shock and surprise when people behave in the perfectly natural way that we should expect them to behave if we lived in an environment of truth instead.
I suspect that "primitive" man didn't have problems understanding the opposite sex. They knew what relationships were all about and felt no need to clean it up. Makes you wonder who the primitives really are. 
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| Apr 7 @ 11:35 PM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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DwainP50
Posts: 5,009
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Well I could be selfish by having you look towards my general direction, but age and distance is too great. But what I will say is that it isn’t a direct science to find that one special person. It will take some time; patience’s to weed though all the solicitors’ for your affections. You may need to get pass there good looks and charming ways to ask the hard questions to find the real man inside. Then you may be able to find the jerks before they can hurt you or find the one you are looking for.
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| Apr 8 @ 2:07 PM |
I STILL don't understand men...
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marylou
Posts: 10,629
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.....sounds like he was just *using you*.....like DIAMOND said.....some men will say anything just to get a woman into bed. Once he got what he wanted.....he wasnt hangin around......maybe he didnt want to be seen as an *item* with you.....maybe he thought it was expected of him......I would say he already knew what he wanted.......and if you were willing..........or werent objecting.....him being a man....wasnt going to knock sex back. To many men.....sex is just like a handshake....so ive heard......they can enjoy it at the time....but not want to come back for 2nds......they just want to have that one sexual experience......because they need to offload at the time.........then move on to someone else and hope they get lucky when they next have a sexual urge.
You have had this experience now.....so LEARN from it........and dont be in a hurry to comply.....just because the guy wants or expects it. If you do also...........well go for it......but dont get hurt feelings when it doesnt continue. Some men are just like that............and nothing you can do about it. Having a sexual experience is not always LOVE........sometimes we have to learn hard lessons. Even tho it hurts at the time. Next time......hopefully you will meet someone who is more worthy of you.
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| Apr 9 @ 12:52 AM |
I STILL don't understand men... |
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bellaluv
Posts: 65
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Okay, here's what I've surmised. The guy was a bastard. Or possibly we went into "whatever we went into" with different expectations. Thanks guys. I didn't want to hear what I'd already suspected, but I needed some objectivity.
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