| Apr 10 @ 9:51 AM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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countrygirl765
Posts: 1
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I have known Bryan for over 5 years. We have never met in person. We met on the internet and have spent hours on the phone. He was there for me through anything and everything. I could and still can call him anytime day or night.
When my bf moved in with me they both knew about the other one; I didn't hide anything and I would even talk to Bryan when my bf was around. We are now seperated but not completely sure its over. Last night when we were talking he told me it wasn't fair that I continued talking to Bryan since we were together; and he thought it disrespected him that he answered the phone sometimes and I would then talk to Bryan. I guess I should also say a few weeks ago he asked me if I had to give up my friends or him which would it be? I said him because I don't feel you should have to give up people who has been there for you for so long just to be in a relationship. Is that so wrong of me to say???
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| Apr 10 @ 9:57 AM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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ladros
Posts: 170
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no NO
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| Apr 10 @ 10:50 AM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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SyndilLucian
Posts: 1,046
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No, it definitely is not. Any time a person, male or female, tells me I have to give up another friend to be friends (or whatever) with them, I have to wonder why. If this gentleman (your friend) has been there for you for the last 5 years, through thick and thin, then it is not fair to ask you to just drop him. If you would not ask him to drop a friend, just because she is female, would you feel the same way about it?
If you can honestly say he could keep his friends, then if he is secure in your relationship together, he will not feel threatened by a friend of yours, whether that friend is male or female.
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| Apr 10 @ 10:54 AM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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whatagal
Posts: 809
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You have a huge reg flag here with your b/f. You have every right to have friends of both sexes.
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| Apr 10 @ 11:02 AM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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soul_decisions
Posts: 872
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There is nothing wrong in having friends while in a relationship of either gender and if someone new comes along that asks you to chose, then he or she has a problem and the first conclusion I would come to is when does trust and respect come in if you are that insecure now? I can understand if a friendship of the opposite sex is one with benefits, then yes, you need to clear the path. Most importantly, if the new person is expressing being uncomfortable with your friend, it should be talked about openly and honestly.
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| Apr 10 @ 11:04 AM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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Some thoughts:
1. No, it is definitely not wrong to have friends of the opposite sex. Friends are friends. It's good to have friends of both sexes at any stage in life because it gives you perspectives that make you a better person and therefore a better partner for the person who holds your heart.
2. If a partner can't deal with friends of the opposite sex, it is the partner who has issues. If they cannot find a way to be comfortable with it, the relationship is probably doomed. It's a personality flaw that is hard to overcome. If he cannot overcome it, you should consider moving on.
3. As long as you are not doing things that intentionally make your partner jealous there isn't anything wrong with what you are doing. You should never do that because that would be wrong. You shouldn't have to hide the fact that you have male friends. On the other hand you should be sensitive to your partner and be sure that you don't say or do things that they could misinterpret and rightfully feel hurt about.
4. Any relationship that isn't about honesty and trust is doomed.
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[Edited on 4/10/2008 11:25 AM]
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| Apr 10 @ 11:06 AM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 12,054
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Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship...
Nope.. as long as they are only FRIENDS ... NOT side goodies yanno?? Having opposite sex friends can be a blessing my best friend is a male and I can talk to him about ANYTHING and he routinely tells me the WHYs of what men do ..yeah yeah I know I have and IN with the male conspiracy and its cool  hmm maybe that is why your BF got upset because you do to??  and its really great to have a friend who can give you the perspective of the other person being of their same gender ... nope you never give up a good friend and a partner should be a good friend and KNOW this .... good luck
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| Apr 10 @ 11:19 AM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,272
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Sounds like he wants to isolate you from the people you have known longer.
Yep, red flag.
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| Apr 10 @ 12:07 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,814
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I have 2 good male friends...made years before meeting my hubby 3 yrs ago. I told Ray from the beginning that I did not drop my friends because of romantic involvment and neither did I expect him to drop his friends...male or female.
My friendships never interfere with my life with Ray...in fact he has spoken to both of my friends. I do not go out to lunch or "hang out" with friends...they are just that.....friends...my marriage is top priority!
We have trust for each other and you have to have that to make any relationship work.
Sounds like your bf is jealous of your time spent with your friend. Either he is trying to control your friendships...or you are spending entirely too much time talking to your friend and taking time away from your bf. Think about it....if bf was spending as much time talking to a female friend..would you be understanding?
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| Apr 10 @ 12:13 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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I liked a lot of my ex gf's male friends. One of them was actually her last bf before we met, and he is a great guy (she left him for me because I am the King!). When he moved to a new house we both helped him with the furniture and she gave him a surprise housewarming party. I like the guy a lot, I was cool with all of that.
Then again, my ex gf and I since broke up.
Hmmmmm ...
Come to think of it, wonder who that guy is with now? 
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| Apr 10 @ 12:44 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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I think that once you are in a relationship with someone the male friends (for a woman) need to not be around. I feel if you want to talk with someone thats what you do with your sweetie. Why would I want to go to another man or hang out with them? (for a woman) I am fine doing things alone and can keep myself entertained if my sweetie needs alone time to do "his" stuff. But I wouldnt want him hanging around with other women who were his friends. Thats just my personal feeling. My parents were married for 47 years before my dad died suddenly, and he and my mom didnt have "friends" of the opposite sex they would call, or do things with. Maybe thats why they were happily married so many years. They went to each other for friendship and lovins. Again, just my opinion.
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| Apr 10 @ 1:00 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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Jalon
Posts: 898
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I think that once you are in a relationship with someone the male friends (for a woman) need to not be around. I feel if you want to talk with someone thats what you do with your sweetie. Why would I want to go to another man or hang out with them? (for a woman) I am fine doing things alone and can keep myself entertained if my sweetie needs alone time to do "his" stuff. But I wouldnt want him hanging around with other women who were his friends. Thats just my personal feeling.
I agree 1000% and it's how I operate. To have opposite sex acquaintances (coworkers, classmates and the like) is acceptable because one isn't sharing the intimate details of their lives as they would with someone they call friend.
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| Apr 10 @ 1:08 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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I don't know...
My gf used to talk to her ex bf all the time even while we were together. It didn't bother me. The guy was special in her life, I could accept that. She still cared about him. I took that as a sign of how caring and sincere she is when she once loved someone.
I knew that she didn't have any kind of romantic relationship with him.
Relationships are about trust. I don't see them as being about who your friends are. If you are going to cheat, it's the ones you don't know about that are the problem. Friends you know about are more likely to just be friends.
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| Apr 10 @ 1:10 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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joshuaidaho
Posts: 141
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Painter is not only smokin hot she's smart. Beach you lucky SOB
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| Apr 10 @ 1:14 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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Maybe that's why you got that SE grin on your face Beach. 
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| Apr 10 @ 1:16 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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painter007
Posts: 15,990
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Diamond your funny 
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| Apr 10 @ 1:18 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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You're just lucky he got you first. 
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| Apr 10 @ 1:20 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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happygrlok
Posts: 4,315
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I see nothing wrong with keeping the friends you had (male or female) before you met. My companion and I lived together for two years and that was one of the things we were in complete agreement on. Women called the house for him and I would give him the phone. Some times it might be a lengthy phone call. If I walked in the room, he did not stop talking. They would be catching up on what had been going on since the last time they talked. I was never insecure about it as he was very open and honest with me. He and I did everything together so there was no reason to not trust him. I had male friends call and he treated me the same way. Only one time did he tell me he felt a little jealous and we both laughed about it. After he died some of the women he had talked to called me. They were very loving and caring women and I have remained friends with them.
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| Apr 10 @ 1:20 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship....
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joshuaidaho
Posts: 141
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Isn't that the truth Diamond.
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| Apr 10 @ 1:23 PM |
Is it wrong to keep friends of the opposite sex when your in a relationship.... |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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I just feel that there is something right about respecting my partner's male friends. It makes me feel better about myself and it makes me feel better about the relationship.
I think doing that IMPROVES the level of closeness and trust between us.
But that's just my opinion. I could be right. 
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