| Apr 15 @ 8:04 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,244
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Why is it that when a woman/man is attracted to you, and they tell you that they like the way you are, yet down the road,they still insist on you changing. I mean this isn't meant to be a "bitchin" thread....I have found that to be the case in a few of my realtionships in my life.It starts out that you ae mutually attracted to each other because you like the way they look,act,their morals, ect....and after a few months the SO wants to try to get you to change and not be who you really are(the person that they were attracted to in the beginning)....I know some fine tuning needs to be done to each and every one of us to suit the other persons desires, but to try and turn you into a person that "you" aren't....WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WAY I WAS WHEN YOU WERE ATTRACTED ME IN THE BEGINNING?  
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| Apr 15 @ 8:29 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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SyndilLucian
Posts: 1,046
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Good question. I wonder that myself. If I am not what you are looking for, then why were you attracked to me to begin with, right? Sorry, but I don't have any answers though. I do agree that it is very frustrating.
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| Apr 15 @ 9:06 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,244
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Must be the 64,000 dollar question....
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| Apr 15 @ 9:07 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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Loreli
Posts: 19,349
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You're right about the fine tuning part.
If you are talking about cyber romance, that leads to phone calls, cam....you still don't get the whole picture until you meet.
In any case, it is sad to have it happen after you have spent (months?) committing yourself to the relationship... 
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| Apr 15 @ 10:12 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,244
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If you are talking about cyber romance ....I was actually refering to non-cyber realtionships...I mean it really can't be considered "real" untill you have met the person and spent a fair amount of time together 
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| Apr 15 @ 10:17 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,016
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May I? Most people fail to realize that the beginning stages are as good as it's ever going to be. The infatuation stage, lasts about 18 months. This isn't my say so, it's been proven, studied. After that, reality kicks in, and while there's love, there's the comfort of feeling you can say whatever you want. Which, in my humble opinion, means...it's not what you say, it's how you say it. How you communicate. A small annoyance can be delivered in a not so nice way...and turn into something huge if a couple isn't respectful of each other's feelings.
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| Apr 15 @ 10:19 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,952
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This is why my boyfriend and I had to break up for awhile. We were too different because I changed, and I didn't want to be one of those people who would ask him to change...he's encountered too much of that in his life and it just wouldn't be right. I loved who he was. We are back together but I changed again *shrug* I guess it's different when you're young and don't really know who you are yet though
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| Apr 15 @ 10:34 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,597
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I heard one recently ... how did it go again...
A woman's biggest complaint is that, from the time they get into the relationship, men never change.
A man's biggest complaint is that, from the time they get into a relationship, women immediately start to change.
It's not quite as eloquent as I heard it, but you get the idea. 
LGQ ... does this mean you are available?! 
That's front page news! 
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| Apr 15 @ 10:52 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,861
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Tell her not to go.
I aint holding on no more.
Tell her something in my mind freezes up from time to time.
Tell her not to cry.
I just got scared thats all.
Tell her Ill be by her side, all she has to do is call.
Tell the chips are down, I drank to much and shouted it aloud.
Tell her something in my heart needs her more then clowns, need the lafter of the crowd.
Tell her what was wrong. I sometime think to much but say nothing at all.
Tell her from this hard to rain, that I am ready now to fall.
Tell her not to go.
I aint holding on no more.
Tell her nothing if not this, all I want to do is kiss her.
Tell her something in my mind freezes up from time to time.
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| Apr 15 @ 11:04 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 20,933
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What I want to know is what did she try to change?
Did she want to you have better manners? Leave the toilet seat down? What are you really talkng about when you say change?
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| Apr 15 @ 11:04 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,861
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Digging a hole and the walls are caving in behind me.
The airs getting thin, but Im trying Im breathing it.
Come find me.
It hasn't felt like this before, it hasn't felt like home, before you.
And I know its easy to say, but harder to feel this way.
And I miss you more then I should, then I thought I could. Can't get my mind off of you.
I know youre scared, that Ill soon be over it. Thats part of it all.
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you wont fall.
It hasn't felt like this before, it hasn't felt like home, before you.
And I know its easy to say, but harder to feel this way.
And I miss you more then I should, then I thought I could. Can't get my mind off of you.
And I hate the phone, but I wished you call.
Thought being alone was better then.....
And I know its easy to say, but harder to feel this way.
And I miss you more then I should, then I thought I could. Can't get my mind off of you.
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| Apr 15 @ 11:10 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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willowy1
Posts: 3,397
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Some women go into the relationship thinking they can change their man. Men go into the relationship thinking she will never change.
When you first fall in love you never see those little things that will drive you batty later on. Some of us build our loved one up in our minds to be something that might not be correct. That is not their fault.
As the relationship grows people change, it is natural and to be expected. It is all about compromise. Perhaps the person never changed at all..perhaps it is your perception of him that changed?
I just allow people to be who they are..and love them anyway 
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| Apr 15 @ 11:11 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,244
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What I want to know is what did she try to change?
Did she want to you have better manners? Leave the toilet seat down? What are you really talkng about when you say change?
Ok..The friends that I hang out with....the clothes that I wear....the things that I did for hobbies....my spiritual beliefs....the way that I responded to my ex when we comunicated....the way i looked(my hair style)...the way we had sex...the things that just made me "me"....and that's just for starters 
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| Apr 15 @ 11:11 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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Loreli
Posts: 19,349
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Beautiful, Burns....sounds like "infatuation" CAN last a long time....
I think 2 people that are right for each other CAN still be infatuated....ask a very happily married couple!
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| Apr 15 @ 11:16 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 11,735
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A lot of people are on their BEST behavior too in the beginning of a relationship and its not they change what they were they just go back to being what they really are.. and the other wants what they THOUGHT that person was in the beginning. Eg; say she never farts in front of him well because its not very lady like...yet in reality at home or what have you she lets em rip ...then they get comfortable in the relationship and the manners or what have you fly out the window..(sorry about the analogy but its LJs fault) .So its not really a someone wanting to change them ...more of wanting what they were attracted to in the first place back again and I KNOW the physical aspect of it is a big thing but the personality part is bigger... like if he is sweet and polite and attentive and considerate while courting her.. then to revert to his true nasty rude obnoxious Neanderthal self .. or for a woman to be sweet and loving and nurturing and neat and organized etc to only revert to a slovenly fishwife after she thinks she has him hooked...  I don't see why people think its okay to lose your manners or consideration or attention or ability to control your anger ...especially with someone you profess to care about ...
WHEW good thing I am me always .. yes I will dress up etc but I also let people see me as ME..(poor things  ) and well Im the same way I am on here as I am in real life .. skeery huh? but I don't have to live a life PRETENDING to be something Im not...
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| Apr 15 @ 11:21 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,861
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Thats my goal. When we be in in 90s and all wrinkley and all we will have left is hand holding, And I cant hold the hand of a person I dont like.
I don't beleave in divorce. Sadly I know death do we part.
Where am I today, I wish that I knew.
Cause looking arround there's no sign of you.
I dont remember one jump or one leap.
Just quite steps away from your lead.
Holding my heart out, but clutching it too.
Feeling its short of a love we once knew.
Calling it a home when its not even closer.
Playing a role with nerves still exposed.
Standing on darkest day.
Stumbling threw the lights.
Others have excuses, I have my reasons why.
(guitar break) 
We get distracted by dreams of our own.
But nobody is happy when we are alone.
And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall.
Leaning another latter against the wrong wall.
And climb high to the highest wrung.
To shake fists at the sky.
Others have excuses, I have my reasons why.
With so much deception, its hard not to wander away.
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| Apr 15 @ 11:22 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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willowy1
Posts: 3,397
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Well said Becky
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| Apr 15 @ 11:25 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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lj450
Posts: 7,942
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the way we had sex
If she says it reminds her of her brother......its best just to let her go.
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| Apr 15 @ 11:27 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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Loreli
Posts: 19,349
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from Merriam-Webster:
infatuate[2,transitive verb]
Main Entry: 2in·fat·u·ate
Pronunciation: \-?wat, -?at\
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): in·fat·u·at·ed; in·fat·u·at·ing
Etymology: Latin infatuatus, past participle of infatuare, from in- + fatuus fatuous
Date: 1533
1 : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment
2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration
— in·fat·u·a·tion \-?fa-ch?-'wa-sh?n, -chü-'a-\ noun
So, really couldn't it last forever?
Back OT!
Willow-you put it nicely...people change, in a relationship they should grow together throughout those changes, not demand them of one another.
Beach-I'm sorry you dealt with that-sounds like she wanted a new person altogether...
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| Apr 15 @ 11:30 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,861
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to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration So yeah it could be forever. If you cant get foolish with your bestestest friend who can ya?
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