| Apr 15 @ 11:32 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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ladros
Posts: 170
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change your sexual habits? change your total appearance? get rid of your friends?
quit doing the things you enjoy? and the believe that you have? holy crap if thats just for starters OMG
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| Apr 15 @ 11:32 AM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,722
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If she says it reminds her of her brother......its best just to let her go .....Fortunately that wasn't the case in this situation LJ...she just went from Nymph to Nun...meaning that she just wasn't into wild passionate sex like it had been in the beginning...I even ask her if I was doing something wrong and she assured me that I wasn't...she really didn't give me an explanation on that one...of course I didn't push the issue either. 
[Edited on 4/15/2008 11:41 AM]
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| Apr 15 @ 12:19 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 16,194
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Some change is inevitable ...like how you will mesh together.....it becomes necessary to agree how you will live together.
To change who you innately are? NO..NO!! You should have fell in love with a person...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I always look at it this way....can I live with their worst fault? If I can, then I have no right to try and change that later.
Relationships take work....so if you are kind, considerate, and the most fabulous lover in the beginning....then keep it up....it's only fair.
I believe it's true....whatever you did to get them...then keep doing it to keep them!  You will be the winner in the long run!
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| Apr 15 @ 12:25 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,313
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 Spring
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| Apr 15 @ 12:30 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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My rule is I dont ask them to change. Only grow and hopefully with me.
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| Apr 15 @ 12:49 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,903
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Best way to deal with some changes is a clause in your prenup.
If she gains more than 15 pounds she gets zip.
It's amazingly effective! Puts the South Beach diet to shame!
.
[Edited on 4/15/2008 1:01 PM]
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| Apr 15 @ 1:04 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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willowy1
Posts: 4,919
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^^but you are assuming that it is the man that has all the money going in? I think that I shall add must not grow manboobs or jowls...or he gets zip. 
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| Apr 15 @ 1:05 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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willowy1
Posts: 4,919
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double post well while I am here..
Crete that woman sounds like a total control freak. I think those that want to change others do so because they are really screwed up inside and it is easier than dealing with their own flaws.
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| Apr 15 @ 1:11 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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equuisdancer
Posts: 320
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Spring
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| Apr 15 @ 1:13 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,722
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Crete that woman sounds like a total control freak. I think those that want to change others do so because they are really screwed up inside and it is easier than dealing with their own flaws.
Willowy...you hit the nail on the head with that one ....she didn't seem like that to start with but as the relationship progressed she became more controlling and demanding 
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| Apr 15 @ 2:01 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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marylou
Posts: 10,629
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A lot of people are on their BEST behavior too in the beginning of a relationship and its not they change what they were they just go back to being what they really are.. and the other wants what they THOUGHT that person was in the beginning.
I believe this part to be so true....you have hit the nail on the head BECKY....
...this happens in so many cases of meeting people on line.......people put their best side forward.........think its human nature......in many cases.
It really is a hard one. I think when you are in the process of living with someone or getting to know them before you live with them....you have to notice the little things that you know darn well that you cant live with.
There are many men and women that have bad habits....or their behaviour is bad..either in the home or in public. If you cant live with them.....then they dont have you........and vice versa. If they wont change....then you dont have them either. But do you want to live with someone who has repulsive habits or behaves badly.....thats the question. I couldnt do it!.
A man I dated......when I would be speaking to someone.....he would *butt in* and take over the conversation....and all the time! When I told him I didnt like it....that it was rude....that he could say his piece when I had finished. He replied *well this is me....what you see is what you get....this is who I am and what I do.....and I am not going to change for anyone......you either accept me or you dont. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED.........he was gone the following week.....LOL I knew I could not live with that.........constantly happening time and time again. He would brush me aside and put himself forward every time. I barely got a sentence out and he would interrupt and take over........and I never ever got a chance to speak my mind..ever. But I figured that was his problem and I wasnt prepared to live with it.
So its what each person can live with and is prepared to put up with.
I say....no use *falling in love* with them.......and then discovering the aftermath of behaviour...bad habits or whatever.
Behaviour in many is so ingraned that you will never change it.........and only annoyance....irritability and upset will continue......and spoil a relationship.
So we always have to sum up......what we can tolerate and what we can and cant accept....before getting too deeply involved.
Just my own thoughts .............
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| Apr 15 @ 2:53 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,722
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There are many men and women that have bad habits....or their behaviour is bad..either in the home or in public. If you cant live with them.....then they dont have you........and vice versa. ....A true statement if I've ever heard one 
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| Apr 15 @ 2:55 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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kissmya55
Posts: 290
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It only makes sense that one would be on their best behavior when you first meet. Your just figuring things out at the start. As time goes on you find out what you can and can't live with and go from there.
Accomodations DO get made. One is a morning person, the other a night person. Onions on only half of the pizza. One loves cats, the other loves dogs.
But I think if you find someone wants you to give up the things that you love, or wants you to change your core beliefs, it's time to go. It doesn't make the other person bad, just not the right one for you. JMO of course.
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| Apr 15 @ 3:07 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 21,272
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Thanks for explaining Beech See, sometimes I have to wonder why people want to change someone if they fell in love with them the way they are.
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| Apr 15 @ 3:38 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,546
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It only makes sense that one would be on their best behavior when you first meet. Your just figuring things out at the start. As time goes on you find out what you can and can't live with and go from there.
Like I said...in the beginning...that's as good as it's ever going to be.
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| Apr 15 @ 3:43 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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BeachCrete
Posts: 7,722
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Like I said...in the beginning...that's as good as it's ever going to be. I can't totally agree with that one Pam...I do know people who started out on shaky ground and went on to falling in love and getting married..a few seem happier now than they ever have and will admit that it took quite a bit of time to get to truely know and respect each other differences
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| Apr 15 @ 10:11 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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NawtiKitty
Posts: 323
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WIth time each person's comfort level changes a bit. There is a certain expectation that some "give and take" will take place but there's a limit and comfort level.
If it's how you make love? You develop that together..
If it's how you dress? That's how you dress..and I know that going in. If you're a slob at the table when you eat? I know that too going in
and it's up to me to figure out if I can live with it..not up to you to change for me..
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| Apr 15 @ 10:26 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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Makya
Posts: 1,131
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The problem is, even if you decide to become what that person wants you to be, people like that are never satisfied. More than likely they'll want you to change repeatedly according to what they want at the time. Its not a problem with you, THEY haven't really found out who THEY are and what THEY really want in a partner.
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| Apr 15 @ 10:46 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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THEY haven't really found out who THEY are and what THEY really want in a partner
bullshit, I got cars with key marks and hate mail and a broken window cause I have said no your not the one for me. As well as holding to being single till the one for me shows up. Many have tried and fallen short. I know exactly what I want and need in a partner for life
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| Apr 15 @ 10:49 PM |
MAKE UP YOUR MIND! |
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CrawDawg
Posts: 144
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because people get tired of putting up with other peoples shit after awhile
also a couple of situations can change a cute quality into an annoying quality
for example, nonchalantness is an attractive personality but not if you failin to pay bills
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