| Apr 19 @ 6:17 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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Mellajenn
Posts: 84
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Personally, I never thought it would but "somehow" got involved with it...now I have feelings for him, he says he "cares" about me, hmmmmmmmm? Any comments?
If I have gotten feelings for him , then maybe he did too? 
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| Apr 19 @ 6:20 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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CathyCRN
Posts: 1,683
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I suppose only he would know the answer to that question. I have been in a couple of these relationship and have enjoyed the friendship and the benefits from them. I have been very careful to have ground rules going in...ie...never with a guy that I care for in a way that might cause feelings to develop. Best of luck to you..I hope it develops into whatever you want it to be...
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| Apr 19 @ 6:21 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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DipityDoo
Posts: 376
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Dunno. We can't know.
Why don't you ask him? You seem to have started the conversation, because he said he 'cares' about you.
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| Apr 19 @ 6:27 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,406
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Freinds with benefits never worked for me.
I think it's because sex has two types for me:
1. The type where I really have strong feelings for someone (beyond friendship).
and
2. The type that is just a raw fantasy.
Thing is that if it is type #2, then the fantasy wears off after one or two times, so it couldn't be the same woman on a regular basis. If she is just a friend it might be type #2, but the fantasy wouldn't last long enough for a "friends with benefits" type relationship.
Moral: I don't have sex with friends.
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| Apr 19 @ 6:36 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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CathyCRN
Posts: 1,683
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That's why you have to create new fantasies!!! It's nice to act them out with a partner that is safe...
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| Apr 19 @ 6:37 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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Mellajenn
Posts: 84
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Yes I did start the conversation..we almost had a fight and that is when he said "You know I care about you right" (was I suppose to read his mind on that?)
So, I said yeah...lol. That is as far as it went...what does that mean in MAN language??? But then again, at the same time he said "friends with benefits , works for me" Guess that is it, till the next time i ? it. 
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| Apr 19 @ 6:39 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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Mellajenn
Posts: 84
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Thank you Cathy, I was never really into the fantasy thing but actually him and I do things I don't "usually" do...  and talk about them too. 
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| Apr 19 @ 6:41 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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CathyCRN
Posts: 1,683
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I can't speak for men, but I care about all of my friends...female and male. I certainly wouldn't read anything into the comment. It sounds to me like you are getting too close to this guy and are not playing the same game... You might rethink the relationship and look for a real one... FWB does not work for many women, or so I have been told...emotions get in the way...
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| Apr 19 @ 6:44 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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SyndilLucian
Posts: 1,046
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In man language, that means he wants to keep it 'friends with benefits'. Yes he 'cares' about you, but cares is not love, trust me. You have two choices. If you are really falling for him, then you need to tell him that. You risk losing everything this way, but if you don't want to be hurt even more down the road, then you have to know now. If you can really keep it just friends with benefits, then don't worry about it. But it sounds like you are in the first situation. He cares, but that is all he will give you.. jmo.
Syn
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| Apr 19 @ 6:46 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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Mellajenn
Posts: 84
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Actually i did tell him i had feelings for him and I thought I was gonna push him away but we actually talk more now and it was not too long after that he said he "cared" about me.
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| Apr 19 @ 6:53 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,406
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That's why you have to create new fantasies!!! It's nice to act them out with a partner that is safe...
That wouldn't work. When it comes to fantasy, the same woman twice doesn't cut it. Boredom sets in because it isn't just what you do, it's who you do it with.
Hmmmmmm ... Mell ... your relationship doesn't sound so much like a "friends with benefits" relationship as it sounds like a friends, on its way to more than friends.
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| Apr 19 @ 7:16 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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Mellajenn
Posts: 84
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Thanks Diamond, I needed that reassurance..I feel like that too but one just never knows what is gonna happen in life or love.. This is a good lesson for me in patience, something i never did have in a relationship.
Interesting thing you wrote about the fantasy topic... I didn't realize that it was only a one time thing with someone, you don't think you can have more then one fantasy with the same person? When you say "fantasy" do you mean that it is so out of this world it may not happen ? A fantasy with a movie star? Or a one nighter with a really hot sensual person? Just curious., maybe there is something wrong with me, i don't think of them that often..lol.
I think of like doing it out in the woods or at the beach , stuff like that..
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| Apr 19 @ 7:29 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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DipityDoo
Posts: 376
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Thanks Diamond, I needed that reassurance..I feel like that too but one just never knows what is gonna happen in life or love.. This is a good lesson for me in patience, something i never did have in a relationship.
[QUOTE]
Please don't get your hopes up, though. Guys can and will use the word 'care' in this situation, to keep it going. Care does not mean 'have those kind of feelings'. The fact that it almost led to a fight means either he is in conflict about it and is not yet ready to talk about it or that he just doesn't want things to change between you, no way, no how. He DID say that this sitatuion, friends with benefits, is working for him now.
Don't get your hopes up.
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| Apr 19 @ 7:32 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,406
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For me, if it's purely about sex, it isn't as exciting if it is with someone you already have experienced. The unknown and unexperienced is far more exciting.
Something totally different happens when you actually love someone. At that point it isn't purely about the sex.
For me it's 2 different modes.
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| Apr 19 @ 7:33 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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Mellajenn
Posts: 84
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DipityDo
lol..cute name by the way...
No, that wasn't really what the fight was about..not even a fight, it was the Bday of my daughter whom has passed away, I was really not in the best of moods and I blurted out something about us being F*ck buddies, and he said, geez, have a little respect for us will ya. He is actually making me a memory plaque for her, he really can be sweet And believe me, yes, i am trying not to get my hopes up.
Thanks  
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| Apr 19 @ 7:42 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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Mellajenn
Posts: 84
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I hear ya Diamond...just waiting for the love to catch up with the sex... I think for me, that is a "fantasy"
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| Apr 19 @ 7:46 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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CathyCRN
Posts: 1,683
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Fantasies...DR has his version, many others have a very different version. Many people fantasize about an activity...perhaps a place or time...who knows. It is often not related to a person at all and can be acted out with a partner that you trust. Those are the relationships I have had...and they worked. But, that's just me and my experience...not the same for everyone...
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| Apr 19 @ 7:54 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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Mellajenn
Posts: 84
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Yes, Cath, I understand and relate to your idea of a fantasy better., maybe it is the difference between the male and female version of a fantasy?
Mars and Venus, we all know the drill 
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| Apr 19 @ 8:15 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work?
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painter007
Posts: 14,967
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If Im going to be doin the sexy cha cha wild thang he's gonna be my friend and lover
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| Apr 19 @ 8:29 PM |
Friends with Benefits.........can it work? |
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1RockinDude
Posts: 6,461
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Anyone can have sex..with that saying. It isnt the same when you love and care for someone.It is totally different . At least that is what I have found out.
Flesh is flesh, hearts are hearts.
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