| May 14 @ 2:19 PM |
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MrDud
Posts: 3
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I am a newb in this online dating. so communication in this online dating world is that you can only go by the words they send out - no facial expressions or body language. I started communicating with this particular woman online from this dating site, and this is how our conversation went:
she said:
"are you originally from the XXXXXX area? Do you live in your parent's basement in XXXXXX?? I'm doing the Mother's Day & female bonding thing with my friends this weekend. What are you up to?"
My reply:
"Do you live in your parent's basement in King of Prussia??" I'm under the assumption that above statement was your attempt to be funny? If not, I must sound pretty pathetic or said something offensive without knowing..
As of weekend plan I'm working then on Mothers Day I'll be in XXXXX (either my bro's house or my mom's undecided yet) cooking special mother's day dinner for my family. If I find some time in between I'm going to try catch the Iron Man movie and XXX in XXX and XXXX with couple of friends."
Then she replied:
"Here's the deal-I was not try to crack on you!?It was a legit question-I could never see myself dating someone that still lived at home?unless they had a sick parent or some other serious situation.."
If that was the case, why not worded little better such as, "do you live alone?" instead of using such blunt-condescending tone? Maybe I'm overreacting but that reply just reinforced my idea about her lacking of respect. I dunno.. I'm little perplexed and not knowing how to respond. I wondering if I should just cut off or even bother to respond.
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| May 14 @ 2:34 PM |
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fenderchick
Posts: 1,128
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Cut off...Someone who is really interested won't put you down! 
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| May 14 @ 3:33 PM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 20,812
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Red flag!
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| May 14 @ 3:37 PM |
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LadyTimeLord
Posts: 206
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I'd have to say I agree with the cut off. If someone is really interested in you they ask about you without putting you down(like fenderchick said). If you like someone you try to get to know them and befriend them.
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| May 14 @ 3:38 PM |
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tahoma
Posts: 10,221
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Listen to Katt... she's a wise woman
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| May 14 @ 3:42 PM |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 8,548
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LOL
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Ohhhhhh Youre one of those huh? Thanks but Im no longer interested in hearing from you. Happy Hating.
f*** Off now. Thank you. 
Then block the scrunt.
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| May 14 @ 4:14 PM |
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whatagal
Posts: 778
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How to respond? The answer is you DON'T!!
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| May 14 @ 4:21 PM |
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,516
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I think your intuition is correct.
People who say clearly intentionally disparaging things like she said, "Do you live in your parent's basement in King of Prussia?," especially in the absence of really knowing you and knowing whether that could be offensive to you or not, are insensitive and inconsiderate. Even if it doesn't apply to you.
It reminds me of being around someone who makes a biased comment about some racial, religious or ethnic group not even knowing if you are a member of that group. Even if it doesn't turn out to be about you, it still reveals how obnoxious and insensitive the person who says it is and makes any decent person uncomfortable.
It's simply a rude way to talk to someone you don't even know.
I would dump her just for that because it demonstrates that she is either too stupid or too rude to understand how to treat someone.
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| May 14 @ 4:24 PM |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 13,890
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f*** Off now. Thank you.
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| May 14 @ 4:58 PM |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 13,890
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To the OP, just playing devil's advocate here...so don't shoot the messenger, but what if you came back to her basement living question with a sharp snappy answer that let her know the kind of person you are? Something witty, intelligent, maybe even humorous. Sometimes, delivery is lost online. You never know a person till you know a person. 
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| May 14 @ 5:11 PM |
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tatiana329
Posts: 725
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I think you over reacted, if you dont live in your parents basement why would that question even bother you?
I can understand her concerns because a few guys I met had some very odd living conditions and almost delusional about them.
Maybe you read a condesending tone into it because on paper, words do not have a tone. I think you over reacted, you could have just answered and not taken it so bad. I wonder why you took it so badly? have you considered why you may have taken it so badly? because someone asking me wouldn't bother me at all.
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| May 14 @ 9:36 PM |
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capitalview
Posts: 671
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What's wrong with the lady asking you about your living conditions?  Seems like she was responding to YOUR question about her living conditions, is that correct? Some members on this site wouldn't care for a date who's living with roommates, pets or with small kids . It's up to the person to have his/her own criteria for dating partner. Don't you have any criteria ? Would you be eager to spend your time on just about anyone who will have you? I doubt it,pal. So, why does it surprise you that your potential partner has her requirements , too?  That's the difference between "adult" websites and matchmaking sites - you are not the only one to be doing all the "choosing" here, you have to be "chosen " , too. It's competitive environment here , you know... 
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| May 14 @ 9:37 PM |
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lobo65
Posts: 579
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I agree with the majority. That's not a tactful way to impress a guy, nor was her rude response. I would tell her to buy a one-way ticket to kiss my a*sville.
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| May 15 @ 1:18 AM |
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bellaluv
Posts: 65
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I've got to agree with Lobo and the gang. She could have been more tactful about inquiring as to your living arrangements  . I'd say keep on moving...JMO
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| May 15 @ 2:13 AM |
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SeaWhitegotlost
Posts: 165
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Burns, I know what you mean but I think the woman in question may just be more "blunt" than "scrunt".
She may be a really nice person in every other way but just need a few lessons in diplomacy.
I 150% agree with Pam, Tatiana and Capital View - doesn't she deserve another chance?
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| May 15 @ 3:13 AM |
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MrDud
Posts: 3
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In response to capitalview and tatiana, no, I do not live in my parents basement. I've lived on my own for past 12 years, but that's beside the point. Me and the "woman" have been communicating for a good week now and to make the long story short, she showed interest, exchanged pictures, talked briefly about this and that - feel out stage thing. We talked about our favorite movies since we're both movie addicts, then all of sudden I get "do you live in your parents basement?" question. I was thrown off a bit. I have no problem someone asking me about anything about myself in this situation, since we both are trying to get to know each other to see whether we're comparable enough to start dating. What bothered me more than her original question was how she responded afterwards. I thought I gave her a way out. She could've detected how I felt about the particular way she chose her words to ask me a question, but instead, she just reinforced it. I even understand that I shouldn't take words too seriously and sentences alone cannot define who they are - but considering all this, we're still at a stage where single sentence alone can easily turn somebody off. I was initially confused, thinking I may have taking her question too literal and way out of context, but I can't disagree with DiamondRain's comments "Even if it doesn't turn out to be about you, it still reveals how obnoxious and insensitive the person who says it is and makes any decent person uncomfortable." and from what I wrote so far, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm going to do. Thank you all for taking time to clarify something so trivial~
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| May 15 @ 1:47 PM |
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thizzy
Posts: 71
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so.... do you live in your parents basement....??? Why get defensive about it...unless it is true
say " hi" to your mom....I kinda miss her warm and tender way 
[Edited on 5/15/2008 1:51 PM]
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| May 15 @ 1:49 PM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,735
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| May 15 @ 2:14 PM |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 6,271
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who in their right mind would choose a screen name of "mr dud" if they were on the level anyway????
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| May 15 @ 2:58 PM |
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MrDud
Posts: 3
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hey thizzy and gallows, I guess being old and tub of a whale helped you two to be where you are today eh? I hope and pray to god I'm not where you are now in my mid 40's or 50's - too pathetic.
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