| Jun 20 @ 2:37 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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Aeromuse
Posts: 1,050
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Right on the money marylou! 
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| Jun 20 @ 2:50 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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EvolvednReal
Posts: 46
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Even if a person is completely honest and open, there are just so many things that can't be discovered until actually meeting. How they react to situations, their natural pace and rhythms, mannerisms and habits, the way they hold themselves and all the rest of it. Are they crabby in the morning? Personally I hate that; it starts the day off wrong. Are they rude to waiters? You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat people who are inconsequential to them. Are they cowardly or confrontational with strangers who annoy them? Neither is the healthy, appropriate way to handle that situation. You really need that face time to discover the whole person before you can know what your own feelings are in relation to that person.
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| Jun 20 @ 3:21 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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SallyF
Posts: 239
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,Mary Lou! Your description fits my thinking to a 'T'. The online interaction is like a prelude to the dance.
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| Jun 20 @ 3:52 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,677
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Just so you guys understand, what's right for you isn't necessarily right for everyone. That is all I was trying to say. You can have your opinions, and you are welcome to them, but I definitely have mine as well.
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| Jun 20 @ 4:09 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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Aeromuse
Posts: 1,050
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Well, to my mind that's pretty much a given LGQ.
And we all know that opinions are like....well you know the rest I'm sure 
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| Jun 20 @ 4:28 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 3,091
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Sidestepping the metaphysical and sticking to the pragmatic, love is a "feeling." The feeling you have that you call love may not be what someone else experiences when they believe they are feeling love. One cannot say "You can't love someone you never met," because that is saying "You can't feel the way I feel about certain people in my life without having met them." You establish a criteria that is yours alone for what someone else feels and and devalue the feelings of the person claiming to be feeling love. If you feel it, you feel it. It may not make sense, but it can't be blithely dismissed or denied.
I remember overhearing friends once talk about someone who wasn't present (of course), saying "She can't be happy in that relationship." Well, every time I had seen her, she sure looked happy. And I realized that happiness, being in love, loving, a myriad of other feelings, are all states of mind, and if you believe you are in love or that you are happy, you are. Just because the things that make you feel that way aren't the same things that make other people feel that way in no way means you can't feel that way. So, if you believe you can love someone without having met them, you can. If you don't believe you can, you can't.
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| Jun 20 @ 6:25 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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scotlove674
Posts: 63
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Real love is unconditional. You empathize with that person, no matter what the situation, no matter what they have done, or have not done, I guess. You see the person for who they really are, and know what point they are trying to get across to others. You can see beyond 'good looks' and 'sexy smile' and see through to their soul. You can see their purpose in life, and what makes them special. You enjoy spending time with them, not because of how it makes you feel, but you want to see them win at life. You know, you are rooting for them. You are their cheerleader. But you are also there when they don't succeed, because you believe in their dreams. You aren't there for your own purpose, you are there to help them accomplish their life ambitions, because you care about them.
Infatuation is more to do with you than the other person. Infatuation is about how the other person makes you feel, what they can do for you. How 'hot' they are because you find it sexy. It's not really to do with the other person. There is a difference. Infatuation is what the other person can do for you, more so than what you can do for them--or, how what you're doing for them benefits you.
Real love is focused on the other person, where as infatuation is centered around the individual person.
The best relationship is the one with the balance. There is nothing sexier than being with someone who geniunely cares about you, as much as you do for them.
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| Jun 21 @ 6:01 AM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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marylou
Posts: 9,653
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......I am wondering why the majority of people would invest money in companies they did not check out thoroughly in every possible way first. Dont many of us invest in companies that have a known track record over many years of being reputable and secure..........and giving good customer service with honesty and reliability. If we take a gamble of giving all our precious hard earned money over a lifetime to companies.....that tell you this and that.......when you really dont know anything much about that company......then one can be setting themselves up to *loose so much*.....and only TRUSTING....THAT companys say so......of relaibility etc. Why are we not more precious that that as people.? If we fall in love on line with people we have never met......and give them our total trust....in every way. One can be setting themselves up to loose so much........and feel so wounded and devastated.......if that person on the other end........is not what they seem to be on line.......when you meet them in person.
We can invest in companies that we know little about......and THEY CAN BE REAL AND GENUINE......so we have become LUCKY.......but it is RISKY. Online you can meet someone and they can tell you all sorts of believeable stuff.......When you get to know them in real life........you can find out that what they say and the feelings you get re their genuineness IS ALSO VERY TRUE.....THAT THEY ARE WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE......AND EVERYTHING THEY HAVE TOLD YOU IS REAL AND TRUE.....so you are then LUCKY!.....but there is also RISK involved.
Some people are prepared to take that RISK......in order to GET LUCKY....and have it PAY DIVIDENDS,,,,,,,,others are NOT prepared to take that RISK.
I dont feel there is any right or wrong. ALL OF LIFE......IS A RISK. We either take it and risk loosing so much......or we DO what feels comfortable to us........and like to feel secure in not getting involved on line with anyone.......UNTIL WE MEET AND GET TO KNOW THE REALITY.
Just like anything else in life.......we are responsible for the decisions we make......good or not so good. We might *feel* a certain way.......but the reality outcome can be very different.
I think its all in the RISKS........people are prepared to take. If one wants to FEEL or BELIEVE.....in what people say on line......TOTALLY. Then its ONLY their lives mainly.......that are going to be affected.......one way or another.
We can warn people on here of the dangers and pitfalls ....so to speak. But none of us can make anyone do anything other than what they want or are prepared to do. AND ONE PERSONS OPINION IS JUST AS GOOD AS ANOTHERS......either way. We all have a right to speak our mind. In all of these threads.....there are FORS and AGAINSTS in justabout everything. We all view things in the light that we want to.........based on our own instincts. Our views and variations of thought........are so very different.
I am a secure person......I like to know what I am buying.....or investing in. I am a low risk person in most things.......including LOVE and relationships. I wont RISK ALL on someone else's say so. Others WILL and DO......whether its with finances or anything. Many millionaires have taken RISKS AND GAMBLES......that have PAID OFF.......I am not prepared to do that. But many are. Thats why I say......there is no right or wrong. Its what EACH INDIVIDUAL IS PREPARED TO DO AND RISK...OR INVEST IN.
(Saying from my own perception)
[Edited on 6/21/2008 6:08 AM]
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| Jun 21 @ 10:06 AM |
Love or Infatuation?
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,677
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Some things and people are just worth the risk, IMO. What is life without risks? Do you think any of the most successful people in our lifetime and in history got anywhere without taking them? Whenever I kind of got worried about the situation I'm in, I thought of Vince McMahon. He came from nothing...bought a broken down, nothing wrestling federation from his father in the early '80s....took a bunch of risks and a bunch of chances on a lot of people...and is now the most successful wrestling promoter and one of the most successful media men in this country. Perhaps even the world. If he had sat and worried about what would happen if it all went wrong, would he be this successful? Chances are he would not.
So I don't worry anymore.
I know something could go wrong with my boyfriend and I, so I'm prepared for it, but I'm not constantly worried about it. In fact...I don't worry about it. At all. Whatever will be, will be.
For now, I do feel love for him...and he for me.
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| Jun 21 @ 10:25 AM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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LaughTillYaPuke
Posts: 1,822
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It's lust, passion, excitment, caution, fear, and nervousness. Add all those emotions together, and it could spell love. I think it is really important to look at the person you are doing this with...if they are struggling to keep things on a "real" basis and show the good bad and the ugly as well...you may just have the goods.
I think it is those that look at each other and swoon. Thinking that they have found the perfect one. That this is the end. Completion.
Give me the well balanced man intent on combining romance and passion, reality and honesty.
I think when you can both comunicate to each other that you are scared to death but open minded to consider that this could just very well be a great thing!
And in the end...the ability to meet as soon as possible. I think that is critical. You only hurt each other when you wait. There IS the possability that you won't click in real time. do you care enough about this person to say that? To have a wonderful time and enjoy them for exactly who and what they are? Could you walk away without regrets if you didn't feel like jumping each others bones?
I want to be able to touch their face. Period. That tell me more than words ever could.
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| Jun 21 @ 10:47 AM |
Love or Infatuation?
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 5,802
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~*~
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| Jun 21 @ 12:56 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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signme
Posts: 8,786
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I think of online romance as a prelude to what could end up as a wonderful relationship in real life.
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| Jun 21 @ 1:06 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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marylou
Posts: 9,653
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I think there is a possibility of it ending up a wonderful relationship.......then there is the possibility that it wont. I feel its 50/50.
There are many people who have felt an online chemistry....which has been great. But also they have met up in real life. I dont think I could do it any other way.
I have had relationships with people I have met on line in the past. We have always met up after chatting for a few months. I dont think I could ever keep one on line for ages. It is too easy for someone to find someone else on line and just walk away.........especially if the other person is much keener to meet sooner.
Thats how I feel.
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| Jun 22 @ 3:59 AM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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scotlove674
Posts: 63
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I don't necessarily know what I think of online dating...I've had one awesome experience...I dated him for a little more than two years..and then I've had the 'chemistry online but not in actual life'. Yes, that person is married to someone else right now, but I wouldn't trade it because I learned so much about myself. He lived in a little town on the total opposite side of the country from me, so if we hadn't of met in a chat room, we would have never crossed paths in a million years. So, I'm thankful for that. The thing is, we weren't on a site like this...we were just in a chat room, and neither of us were the type to meet someone this way. I still don't really don't consider myself as someone who is. We lucked out. I do have to say, and I guess other people know of people who this has happened to, but I know people who met their husband or wife through the internet...either in a chatroom, forum like this, or through a online dating site like eharmony.com. It does happen. It's not so strange anymore. Yes, you have to guard yourself, but really, you have to gaurd yourself anyway. If he can lie to you online, he can lie to your face. It's not hard. When Noah and I met, it was kind of odd to meet someone this way, it was 8 years ago, but we did it anyway. No, it didn't work out in the end...we are still great friends...but we both knew that we cared about each other first by what we typed. I think that's one of the good side effects of being here. You can read the person's thoughts and feelings through their blog or forum posts. You don't necessarily get to do that in 'actual life' because people are more, what's the word, gaurded. So, here you have that going for you.
I guess what I'm saying is, if you are supposed to meet you will meet....don't shut someone out just because you meet them online. Yes, be safe, but be safe anyway.
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| Jun 22 @ 2:53 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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marylou
Posts: 9,653
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SCOT..............you have made many good points here. That is one good thing about online.......that people more readily say whatever is on their mind........as in sharing their thoughts......that they wouldnt necessarily do in real life. I guess you get to know more on line ....faster pace.....then you might in real life.....re sharing of thoughts.....ideas etc.
I also know people who have met on line and have married and are still really happy to this day.
Also have chatted to people in the US....and CANADA...who have told me they met their spouses on line........and how life is great!. A man who works at my local service station......met his wife on line......she was Russian.....they were friends first.....chattted for one year.....agreed to go on a holiday together.....then fell in love and got married.........and they are still hapily married. I have since heard of many many many people who this has happened to. So yes I agree with you.....it does happen.....and it happens to hundreds.
There was a tv program over here in Australia......where they said.......many men and women are going on line more and more......to find their most compatible matches.......and are actually finding them........and the numbers are growing daily. My friends neighbour......met her husband online.....sold her house in OZ and went to live in the US with him........and they are happy as happy can be.
So yes.....it really does happen. For those who want to find someone.......the net is another venue to meet.
Like you said SCOT......you have to be safe anywhere.....on line and in real life.
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| Jun 26 @ 4:15 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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Makya
Posts: 1,072
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So, if you believe you can love someone without having met them, you can. If you don't believe you can, you can't.
My problem with this is, if you meet someone online and "fall in love" with them and then as Evolved said, you finally get to meet them and realize that you don't like their social interaction, you don't like their mannerisms, you don't feel the romantic connection you felt before you met them,
are you then falling out of love with them now that you know what all being "them" encompasses, or were you never really in love with "them", just your personal interaction with them?
Were you in love with them, them as a whole in the first place?
Or were you just in love with what you fantasized them to be, based on your online interaction.
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| Jun 26 @ 5:40 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,677
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But why worry?  Go with the flow. If you don't like them, you don't like them. Always take a chance on love.
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| Jun 26 @ 6:14 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 3,052
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Makya: My problem with this is, if you meet someone online and "fall in love" with them and then as Evolved said, you finally get to meet them and realize that you don't like their social interaction, you don't like their mannerisms, you don't feel the romantic connection you felt before you met them,
...Don't you just hate it, when you meet them and they eat with their mouth open?
...Personally, I conclude that love is an emotion, non tangible, in that you cannot touch it, but it exists... it is real at that moment and defined in depth by seemingly indefinite parameters.
...I think I said something similar in my profile, that one can fall in love with words, photos, voices, etc., but 10 minutes of tangibility will define if there is actually any chemistry, the physical connection defined as lust.
...Infatuation is that initial (or long term) lust, want, a physical need that is yet to be resolved and you can certainly love and be in lust at the same time, as that is what most of us search for.
...In the end, I would like to define "being in love," as the initial infatuation that lasts forever plus one day with the person you have given your heart to and entrusted with your soul.
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| Jun 26 @ 6:18 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,677
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I think that once you know someone's personality well enough the little things will not bother you so much. At least that is my take on it.
I'd just like to remain hopeful about the whole situation because to be honest...I have a REALLY good feeling about it.
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| Jun 26 @ 6:22 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 3,091
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Were you in love with them, them as a whole in the first place?
Or were you just in love with what you fantasized them to be, based on your online interaction. Personally, I believe we are always "in love" only with what our perceptions are of a person, and not only that, but only at a given time.
How many 20-somethings look at a picture of someone in their 80s, nasal cannula looped over their now-large ears and O2 tank attached to their walker, and think "Wow! I'm in love with them!" But, when they "fall in love" with someone and look over 60 years later to see exactly that, they can say "Yes, I still love them."
Some people love because they only see the fantasy. Some people love in spite of what they can see in reality. Some people think love "owes" them something, and they can't love unless they feel loved in return. They love only because they want the object of their desire to desire them. Some people feel love is what they feel any time they are more concerned about the happiness of someone else over their own. Sometimes that's love, sometimes it's toxic codependence. Sometimes infatuation burns down into a life-long bond, and sometimes it burns out leaving two ashen shells of people living with someone they don't know and don't even like. Does that mean they never loved them? Does it matter if the fires were ignited before ever actually laying eyes on each other, or if it burned out at first meeting or in 5 years?
With so many different definitions of love and so many different perceptions of what it means to each individual, I stand by my statement. It is a state of mind, in the end, and if you think you can love before having met in person you can, and if you think you can't, you can't.
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