| Jun 26 @ 7:00 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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SensualGemini
Posts: 3,052
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LGQ: I think that once you know someone's personality well enough the little things will not bother you so much. At least that is my take on it.
...Seemingly, the key is to know someone, whereas the tangible or virtual approach is from opposite directions.
...When initially, you meet someone physically, chemistry is defined as lust, want, etc. and you then have to define their character and personality, who they are on the inside, while being influenced with hormones.
...When initially, you meet someone virtually, you are defining their character and personality, but yet to define the actual chemistry, or lack of.
...Neither is perfect, while on an intermittent basis, people can portray whatever they wish to portray for a long time. For some, potential chemistry can be dismissed rather quickly, while for actually knowing the inner self of someone, there is nothing quite like going on a road trip, sitting about 6 inches apart for a few days, to further define further of who they are.
...I think for Makya and for that matter, many of us, is that we live with the intellect of past failures, which diminishes hope; thus, how much effort to expend in doing so. Absent of such negative intellect, such as when we were 18 or so, we would think nothing at all about crossing the US to meet a potential.
...Today, I have trouble with walking across the street for just a pretty face, or a great body, as they are a dime a dozen and I want to know who they are on the inside. With that, developed perceptions and intuitions help a lot in doing so.
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Makya: Or were you just in love with what you fantasized them to be, based on your online interaction.
...The reality of anything is what we perceive it to be. When all of our knowledge, experiences, intuitions and perceptions say go, the only thing to fear is potential failure, or for some, the end of the created fantasy.
...If it is not there, is it not better to know now, rather than waste moments that can never be lived again? The individual has to decide if they want reality or the continuation of the fantasy created and the longer the creation, the more chance the reality will never live up to the expectations.
...Fantasies are typically created around lust and infatuation, not love itself and why any lack of chemistry causes fantasies to fold like a house of cards.
...Maybe we when are around a 100 years old, this will not be the case, but right now, for most of us, chemistry is paramount to a relationship where love also exists.
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Geez, this stuff is too emotional... I have to get back over to the political threads. 
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| Jun 26 @ 7:18 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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Queenofcups
Posts: 19
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I couldn't have said it better SG. :)
Sometimes we are more in love with the idea of being in love than the actual person we think we are in love with (did that make sense)? That we tend to over look the important qualities that will stand the test of time.
Don't bother with the politics board I hear they are even mushier over there :)
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| Jun 26 @ 8:43 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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Makya
Posts: 1,127
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...I think I said something similar in my profile, that one can fall in love with words, photos, voices,
And this is where things turn murky. If you are in love with my words, photo or voice, does that mean you are in love with ME? My photos, my words, and my voice are only parts of me. Therefore, wouldn't just be in love with parts of me?
With so many different definitions of love and so many different perceptions of what it means to each individual
I think the varied definitions of individuals of "love" isn't really the problem, but what makes some "love" can be. Simply because if you are the type who falls in love with parts of me such as my words, my voice, or my photos, I can not return that love because I fall in love with what is presented as the total package.
Notice I said presented because all too often I fell for what that person portrayed themself as in the beginning, only to find out some months down the line that it was'nt who they really were.
First let me explain what I mean by total package, are things such as voice, looks, and words, as well as how he treats his family. If he has children, how does he interact with them. How does he interact with my children. Do we share similar goals. Is he controlling. Will he be there for me in times when I need him most or is he only a good whether type of fella. If I fall, will he help me up or kick me hile I'm down. Those type of things all play a factor for me when falling in love. I believe those things go deeper than infatuation as people normally view it.
Lastly, if I fall in love with all of these things [and then some] about him, I feel I am in love with him If I can only be in love with his words on a screen, then I am not in love with him, just his words, ideas, photos, etc. Also if I fall in love with him, and fnd out sometime down the road that it was just an illusion he purposely put on for the sake of winning me, then I was never actually in love with HIM. Rather I was in love with the person from the illusion.
Just my take on it.
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| Jun 26 @ 9:44 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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emptypages
Posts: 957
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its infatuation. You're applying your own fantasy ideals to that persons picture and imagining them as your ideal man or woman. Attraction at first sight is definitely real, but love - no. It's romanticized a lot.
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| Jun 26 @ 9:58 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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SensualGemini
Posts: 3,052
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Makya: And this is where things turn murky. If you are in love with my words, photo or voice, does that mean you are in love with ME? My photos, my words, and my voice are only parts of me. Therefore, wouldn't just be in love with parts of me?
...Love or in love, there is a difference. Regardless, whatever it is, the emotion is for what one believes to be a reality.
...Obviously, this is not the total person and there probably exists a certain amount of fantasy as a potential lust, but that is not something you did, but what someone else perceived in their own mind, rather than staying with the actual known reality for what it is.
...After all, you cannot help what a hopeful mind creates, no more than what an irrational mind conjures as reality. If you have presented yourself honestly, to the best of your ability and someone's fantasy become their reality, there is no foul on your part.
I think the varied definitions of individuals of "love" isn't really the problem, but what makes some "love" can be. Simply because if you are the type who falls in love with parts of me such as my words, my voice, or my photos, I can not return that love because I fall in love with what is presented as the total package.
...The wants and needs by people are varied, as some are emotional, some are physical and some require both, as a "total package;" whereas the emotional is the only part that endures the concept of love, since love is an emotion. I don't think that I have ever fallen in love with words, voices and photos, but rather I loved the concept for the reality that it was; the person. People certainly love their children, siblings, close friends, even the dog, which is absent of the chemistry connection as in a relationship.
Notice I said presented because all too often I fell for what that person portrayed themself as in the beginning, only to find out some months down the line that it was'nt who they really were.
...I understand, as well as I understand the presentation by the physical entity is seldom, if ever as initially perceived. In fact, I have never found anything in life that was actually as initially perceived, although I am getting better.
First let me explain what I mean by total package, are things such as voice, looks, and words, as well as how he treats his family. If he has children, how does he interact with them. How does he interact with my children. Do we share similar goals. Is he controlling. Will he be there for me in times when I need him most or is he only a good whether type of fella. If I fall, will he help me up or kick me hile I'm down. Those type of things all play a factor for me when falling in love. I believe those things go deeper than infatuation as people normally view it.
...Of course and then we throw in the variable of people growing and changing, as what probably happened to most of us when we married in younger years. We either grow together, or we grow apart.
...Personally, I don't think you can help who you fall in love with, as it just happens. I think you can control who you associate with, thus having some control over who you might fall in love with.
...But, most of what you speak of, can only be found through experiences. Anyone can say they will do this or that and you may very well trust that they will. Yet, not until the actual experience, will the reality be known as a fact.
...Attempting to bring two families together can be quite a challenge. Seldom, will you ever find anyone that loves your children as much as you do. Oh, many will say they do, but like some absentee parents, their actions speak otherwise. I gave up on that concept a long time ago. I know it is possible, I just could not seem to find it and why I have waited until they were raised.
Lastly, if I fall in love with all of these things [and then some] about him, I feel I am in love with him If I can only be in love with his words on a screen, then I am not in love with him, just his words, ideas, photos, etc. Also if I fall in love with him, and find out sometime down the road that it was just an illusion he purposely put on for the sake of winning me, then I was never actually in love with HIM. Rather I was in love with the person from the illusion.
...If you will keep the known facts separated from injected fantasy, then it is no different than someone you met in the physical format. You love what you know and believe to be a reality, while attempting to define what you don't know.
...That is not to say that you are going to know everything about their inner self, as people have been married for 20 years and did not know this or that and long after the initial endorphin rush wore off.
...In the case of an ongoing virtual, it is the physical person to be defined and in the case of the physical person, it is the inner person to be defined. In the end, you want to know and love the total person. But, the reciprocation is the same for him with you and why it is imperative to be you.
...I am as concerned, if not more so, of allowing someone to know all of me, so as not only are there no surprises later, but to shorten the learning curve per say. Otherwise, it is time wasted.
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| Jun 27 @ 9:12 AM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,935
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its infatuation.
correction: for you, it is infatuation.
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| Jun 27 @ 12:41 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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grayson_calif
Posts: 45
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I've always had the approach of getting to know them through email, moving on to chat, talking to them on the phone, and, if it happens, meeting them in person.
I've always believed that meeting and getting to know someone online is only part of it - you need to meet them in person! I don't beleive you can completely fall in love with a person you've met on the internet - it's meeting them in person and finding out what they are really like, getting to know them, doing activities with them...THOSE are some of the indicators of getting deeper into a relationship.
Gray
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| Jun 27 @ 12:44 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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marylou
Posts: 10,329
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GRAY.....I feel exactly the same way !!!!! 
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| Jun 27 @ 12:50 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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happygrlok
Posts: 3,851
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I agree with Gray and ML...you have to have the face to face time to be able to tell the difference....we all know you can talk to someone for a long time....and even feel the chemistery....but sometimes when you actually meet....the chemistery is not there for some reason....then you do not have love or infatuation....hopefully you can still be good friends...
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| Jul 1 @ 7:56 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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GJay
Posts: 73
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Online love is often blind, brief, study says
James Grubel, Reuters
Published: Thursday, May 22, 2008
CANBERRA - Matches made over the Internet often do not last because people end up choosing unsuitable partners and forming emotional bonds before meeting face-to-face, an Australian university researcher has found.
Women were especially susceptible to finding Mr. Wrong, as they tend to be attracted by witty comments or clever emails, said psychologist Matthew Bambling from the Queensland University of Technology.
"You can never assume things are the way they seem online," Bambling told Reuters on Thursday.
Just because they can write a clever comment or a witty email, doesn't mean they will be Mr. Right, that's for sure," he said, adding some men use the concept of "netting," sending emails to dozens of women and hoping one might respond.
Bambling said you can find a partner online, but warned those using the Web to find love to be aware of the pitfalls.
"There's definitely a dis-inhibition affect online," he said, with people more likely to exaggerate their good points while hiding anything negative.
"Few guys for example would say 'look, I'm a middle aged alcoholic who's been married five times, pick me'. They're going to present themselves as a good catch."
He said it was easy for people to quickly invest too much emotionally in an online relationship because they don't see the full picture of the person they are emailing.
He said some people can also become addicted to the rush of replies they receive on dating websites, which can lead to future disappointment.
Bambling said people can avoid many of the problems by meeting early in the virtual relationship, rather than by getting to know each other only by email.
He suggests couples arrange to meet over coffee after a few emails, which will help people from building up a fantasy image of their match.
"The main thing to remember is to make real life contact as soon as possible if you are to interested in someone, because then you will know if a relationship is a possibility," he said.
"I ONLY HAVE ONE THING TO SAY ABOUT THE ABOVE STUDY...AMEN!!"
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| Jul 1 @ 8:08 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,935
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oh, well.
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| Jul 15 @ 8:03 AM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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LaughTillYaPuke
Posts: 1,822
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LGQ...I have BEEN where you are at and the emotions are very real. You CAN fall for someone on line. But once burned, you DO set aside a big part of yourself until you meet.
That's not to say that you don't find them interesting, attractive, love the sound of their voice. But online dating requires one ingrediant thtat is not nessassary for dating in real time. Faith. That they are who and what they say they are. And that baby girl takes GUTS.
And you have plenty of guts. Enjoy your time with him when he gets here! 
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| Jul 15 @ 9:23 AM |
Love or Infatuation?
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custis
Posts: 950
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"How can you fall head over heels in love with a person you have never met?"
I can't. Never have. There are people out there that I like who obviously have personality, but too many dates have failed to ignite any spark in me after meeting in person. Online is a great place to start, but declaring love for one another having never met is a rather ill-advised thing to do.
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| Jul 17 @ 1:55 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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sweet5red
Posts: 7,874
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I would have not ever thought when i purchased my house 4 years ago that i would literally fall in love with the guy next door.. but i did and here we are in 36 more days saying I DO.. we are so alike we read each others thoughts.. I was looking for my forever for so long only to learn he had found me already.. i love you raymond..Sweet N Louisiana 
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| Jul 17 @ 2:31 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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painter007
Posts: 15,860
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Every persons situation is different.......but will agree, the good stuff starts when you finally meet..... 
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| Jul 17 @ 2:37 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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willowy1
Posts: 3,271
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infatuation is not all bad 
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| Jul 17 @ 4:20 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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marylou
Posts: 10,329
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....fantacy isnt bad either............ 
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| Jul 17 @ 4:47 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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willowy1
Posts: 3,271
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were you peeking?
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| Jul 17 @ 6:32 PM |
Love or Infatuation?
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marylou
Posts: 10,329
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yeah of course......I always peek. I should change my nick to *PEEK_A_BOO*...............
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| Jul 17 @ 6:44 PM |
Love or Infatuation? |
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BandTMom
Posts: 26,582
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How about *PEEK_A_LOU*?
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