| Jun 2 @ 1:27 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study Sourse.
Getting to know others exes and soon to be exes, All I can say is I completely understand why they want out of the relationship threw divorce. 
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single -- and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage -- but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."
The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.
Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.
AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.
Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.
"It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated," he said.
Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men's fear of commitment.
"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.
"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."
Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.
"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."
For him, researching the book made him also look at himself -- and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time.
"Now we're looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would," he said.
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| Jun 2 @ 1:58 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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signme
Posts: 9,581
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Sounds like the author went through some introspective thinking there. And now he's thinking of getting married. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.... 
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| Jun 2 @ 2:18 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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 Burns..... you are still not getting the bigger picture....
The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.
Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.
this is not about older men who do not want to rush into a long term commitment.. it is about younger men who won't commit...
but this...
Getting to know others exes and soon to be exes, All I can say is I completely understand why they want out of the relationship threw divorce
could it be that your involvement is part of their problem?? 
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| Jun 2 @ 2:23 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,088
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62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection
I was gonna make a comment about that sounding like some sad, lonely old men with a racist-inspired "Asian fetish", but I decided not to because I'm a good person.
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| Jun 2 @ 2:27 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 8,063
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 but.......you are a good person...and...you just did.... 
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| Jun 2 @ 2:34 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,088
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oh, did i? 
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| Jun 3 @ 12:23 AM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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capitalview
Posts: 675
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Hogwash ! ( Pardon my French ) There's no point in being hypocitical about this. The REAL reason is quite obvious - nowadays extramarital sex is easily availale and DNA tests made it possible for a guy to claim his parental rights without accepting any resonsibilities. So, why bother?
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| Jun 3 @ 2:32 AM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,494
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People in general aren't marrying as much anymore, the last 2 Censuses were the first ones that had single people outnumbering people married or cohabitating...
People have decided that they no longer need that kind of involvement
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| Jun 3 @ 2:43 AM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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people expect perfection… they only want to take...
remember it's an I and Me world .....
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| Jun 3 @ 12:14 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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redhairNfreckles
Posts: 2,826
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My x remarried 4 months after the divorce was final. He didn't marry the slut who broke us up initially, but he did marry someone half his age (so was his other g/f). At first I thought he only remarried because he was pissed that I followed thru with my divorce plans and it was a payback, but since they've been married now for almost 4 years, I guess that wasn't so. Unfortunately, whenever I'm back in NC, I become a sounding board for him as he whines and complains to me about how "she does this, she does that" and "what a mistake I made"....yada, yada. According to him, he is in total misery since he married her, she's gone thru what little money he had (don't blame me, I never asked for alimony!), and her looks are fading fast (my opinion, not his). She's probably as miserable as he is, if the truth be known. I forget where I was going here.....lol, oh ya.....I think most men from the "baby boomer" age and older, and who thru divorce or widowerhood (is that even a word?) are not happy unless they do re-marry and have someone in their life again that is willing to wash his socks, fill his belly, and balance the checkbook. I think most have been spoiled by their stay-at-home mothers of a generation ago where that was the thing to do back then. No one worked unless they absolutely had to, and then usually only part-time. My mom didn't even drive nor her mom before her! I can't speak for every man, but I bet that deep down they are looking for that someone who will "mother" them forever. It's a comforting thing....to be loved that much.
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| Jun 3 @ 12:39 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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RareQuestor
Posts: 1,506
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I'm willing to bet that the only thing that has really changed is that it is more acceptable now to be single. I do not doubt that many and perhaps even a majority of marriages in the past occurred because of pure necessity. A woman needed protection and a man needed somebody to handle the domestic chores. Even if you weren't particularly interested in marriage or parenthood, you still needed a partner because there was the ever present chance of becoming injured or sick and needing somebody to care for you while you recovered. People seem to forget that love has been considered an essential part of marriage only during the past century or so.
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| Jun 3 @ 2:00 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,494
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married couples no longer the majority
and its not just here in America, this on is from the U.K.
Married heterosexual couples are no longer the norm
but the worst of all the studies says, "Married people looking to cheat, (men and women), make up the majority of online dating people"
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| Jun 3 @ 2:08 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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signme
Posts: 9,581
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That is really sad. My parents had a good marriage, not perfect, but good. We kids had a great childhood. And with such a good example of marriage that's what I'm looking for. Dad worked and so did Mom after we got older. They helped each other with all the chores (and of course so did we kids). My dad passed away first and in a way I'm glad because I always believed my mom was the stronger of the two.
I don't think either one of them ever regretted their marriage. Thoughts of divorce may have surfaced once or twice but they worked hard to make the marriage last. I know now divorce is so much easier. People don't work as hard at a marriage as they used to. Sometimes we don't even work that hard at a relationship. It's a throw-away world now, material goods, pets, even marriages and relationships.
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| Jun 3 @ 2:25 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 4,134
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I can only speak for myself, but I know having come through one "bad" marriage, I will not be looking to jump into another relationship without being very, very sure I can live with it. I struggled for years with the idea of getting a divorce. It went against everything I was trying to stand for. It wasn't until it actually became a matter of my own survival that I said "Okay, that's it." The fact that I left exemplifies that I had made the decision that I would rather be alone than in a bad marriage.
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| Jun 3 @ 5:25 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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MedinaMan
Posts: 73
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Two bad marriages- one I was too young, last one..who knows, she probably really really liked the married guy in the jag, who knows. I'd like to find someone, but honestly......m'eh, who knows, right? 
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| Jun 5 @ 7:51 AM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,333
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I think RQ nailed it - I was divorced some 30-odd years and over a thousand marriage proposals ago, but to me the ideal relationship is exclusive but not living together. Neither my SO nor I want to give up our independence and since kids aren't an issue, there's really no reason to...and I know we're not alone in that as it's true for a lot of couples I know (and at least one that should probably consider it - my SO has a spare room that's used by one of his friends at least half the year - after seeing his wife and him arguing non-stop, I can see why).
The study may have been about men but I think it's just as true of women.
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| Jun 6 @ 2:27 AM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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capitalview
Posts: 675
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The problem is - while there's nothing worse than being in a bad marriage, there's still nothing in the world that can possibly beat being in good marriage People usually complain about divorces, but I believe diviorce is a good thing, it gives us hope - to be in this good marriage /safe heaven someday. There's , after all, a chance for everyone to get lucky and not to become statistics and die lonely.
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| Jun 6 @ 10:16 AM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,609
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Moral of the story.
Some dogs will only get whipped once.
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| Jun 6 @ 12:28 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
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happygrlok
Posts: 4,315
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I can't believe they needed a study to come to this conclusion....I think everyone would rather be solo than in a bad marriage or relationship....I know there are some that stay in a bad marriage, (men & women) but I think they are in the minority any more.
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| Jun 6 @ 4:58 PM |
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study |
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Say_Yes
Posts: 1,786
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I can't believe they needed a study to come to this conclusion....I think everyone would rather be solo than in a bad marriage or relationship....I know there are some that stay in a bad marriage, (men & women) but I think they are in the minority any more.
You know, I thought exactly the same thing. I mean, what's the news here? Maybe I can get someone to fund a study to research if it gets dark after the sun goes down or that water actually is wet!
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