| Jun 4 @ 1:13 PM |
What Would You Do???
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Silver1961
Posts: 2,937
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I'm curious to hear some unbiased opinions on a developing relationship I have been drawn into. On another dating web site, my cousin's ex wife and I noticed we were both on the site. She was married to my cousin, who shares the same last name as me, for 18 years, and they have 4 children. I was with my ex for 23 years, and I am actually finally divorcing after 2.5 years of separation in about two weeks. I have three children.
Over the years, we have always seemed to be able to talk forever, and enjoy one another's company. So it seemed natural when we would visit online. She actually set me up with one of her friends, but there was no spark there. Then I noticed she started flirting with me, and I started to do the same. And then she told me to call her, which I did. So now we've been talking a great deal and texting. I met her for a couple of drinks last night, and she wants to do something this weekend.
So now I have this decision to make... Do I back off to avoid the certain gossip, shock of family members, and some hurt feelings, or do I go for a possible life long relationship with a great gal. Although we haven't openly discussed it, we have a huge attraction for one another... We are constantly thinking of one another.. The way I'm leaning is that people will be shocked initially, but in a short time they would get used to it, and many years of happiness may result.
I do see my cousin from time to time, but not that often. We only live a couple of miles from one another... He is in a deep relationship with some lady, so he is not alone like me...
So ~ what would you do??? 
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| Jun 4 @ 1:29 PM |
What Would You Do??? |
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marylou
Posts: 10,301
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I would not give a hoot what anyone else said or thought.... I would go all out for happiness........and enjoy the lovely moments that *could be*. We only have one life to live..........and its not like she is still married......and her husband is with someone else.......so why should you get scruples. DARNWELL GO FOR IT........AND DONT GIVE A HOOT ABOUT THE GOSS OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS OR ANYONE ELSE.........You are not the only one who has come across a situation like this........nor will you be the last. I SAY..*GO FOR IT*....
LIVE....LOVE......AND BE HAPPY !!!!.....AND DONT LOOK BACK........GO FORWARDS......UP UP AND AWAY..........they are my thoughts. 
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| Jun 4 @ 1:48 PM |
What Would You Do???
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Loreli
Posts: 19,311
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JMHO-
I would let that info known casually to your cousin and see how he reacts.
You should go for something that could possibly be the rest of your life,
Just don't burn bridges. 
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| Jun 4 @ 1:51 PM |
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drs297
Posts: 3,018
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oh hell.. bang her and wait till the next family get together and bring her with you
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| Jun 4 @ 1:55 PM |
What Would You Do???
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Silver1961
Posts: 2,937
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drs  
Good idea Loreli ~ I had been thinking along those lines too ...
And M ~ 
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| Jun 4 @ 2:01 PM |
What Would You Do??? |
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SaintBacon
Posts: 915
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Silver, if you two have a connection, and it sure sounds like you do, then I would pursue it. Talking to your cousin would probably be a good idea, just to let him hear it from you instead of some other family member. Relatives might find it a bit weird, but that's THEIR issue, not yours. If you too are happy together, then it would be a shame to not roll with it. Talk with her and ask her how you two can deal with the situation and the family issue. Good luck, I'm happy for you!
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| Jun 4 @ 2:06 PM |
What Would You Do???
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tahoma
Posts: 10,258
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Although we haven't openly discussed it, we have a huge attraction for one another...
By all means.... discuss it! She wants to get together this weekend, perfect time to sit down and have a good heart to heart about where you both want this relationship to go
No need to jump the gun by talking to the cousin unless you both are on the same page. If you're thinking of a life long commitment with this woman, then the first place to start, in my book at least, is with complete honesty with everything out in the open.
Then you can have a beer with the cousin and say "Look man, your ex-wife wants my body... think I should go for it?"  J/K
But you know what I mean
If its worth having.............
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| Jun 4 @ 2:06 PM |
What Would You Do??? |
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marylou
Posts: 10,301
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I would agree with drs......bonk her a few times first and cement you relationship.........and then talk to your cousin. If you do it first.......the relationship might just twindle over time..........you might both be feeling horney right now......so I would say......go get it out of your systems and then see how you both feel and where it goes from there. There is tons of time to tell your cousin. For all he knows you could be just visiting her or vice versa. If you go out with her.......and he knows.......he might think you are both doing it for company......and it was a first time only. I never tell things first......I like to experience things first.......and know where I am at........and whats involved......then everyone finds out after that. 
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| Jun 4 @ 2:14 PM |
What Would You Do???
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pamdemonium
Posts: 13,930
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You have so much to offer...and if the attraction is more than sexual, if there could be a lifetime of love there for both of you, it seems like a nobrainer. Life is too short to go without someone special in your life. Get what you deserve. 
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| Jun 4 @ 2:18 PM |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 6,365
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She was married to my cousin, who shares the same last name as me, for 18 years, and they have 4 children. I was with my ex for 23 years, and I am actually finally divorcing after 2.5 years of separation in about two weeks. I have three children.
guess I am in a minority here.... think of the impact it will have on the kids... date her if you must.. but keep it on the down low...
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| Jun 4 @ 2:24 PM |
What Would You Do???
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marylou
Posts: 10,301
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I believe that kids have to adjust to life situations.........the more you shield them from life situations.......the deeper the hurt. If they are very young children then fair enough......but when they are older.......they have to adjust to life and learn to deal with life issues. That is my belief. Shielding them can do more damage in the long term.
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| Jun 4 @ 2:36 PM |
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Silver1961
Posts: 2,937
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Her oldest three are 19, 18, and 17 years old. And then her youngest is a 12 year old boy that my cousin has little to do with. Mine are 19, 17, and I have a 12 year old son as well... Everyone knows each other, and gets along well right now... And I have mentioned what is going on to my 19 year old daughter, and she didn't think too much about it 
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| Jun 4 @ 2:48 PM |
What Would You Do???
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 6,365
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I believe that kids have to adjust to life situations
fair enough.. and I believe that a parent should not add to "life's situations "
think of the taunting the 12 year olds will get in school.. think of the family gatherings.. just because you daughter doers not say much does not mean she approves.. I bet she is still trying to sort out this mess in her brain.. my dad's cousin's ex wife is is now going to be my step mom which now makes her mom my grandmother which makes my cousins my step siblings .. which... 
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| Jun 4 @ 2:49 PM |
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tahoma
Posts: 10,258
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Teenagers have enough going on in their own lives to really give a rat's you know what about what Dad is doing... at least that's how it was when I was a teen
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| Jun 4 @ 2:55 PM |
What Would You Do???
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Silver1961
Posts: 2,937
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You're right GH ~ this possible union could really confuse someone looking up our family tree in the future... I think the Morons might really have their work cut out for them...
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| Jun 4 @ 2:57 PM |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 6,365
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perception is everything...
as you did not care...she does not care.. therefore dad can do what he wants...
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| Jun 4 @ 2:57 PM |
What Would You Do???
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tahoma
Posts: 10,258
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my dad's cousin's ex wife is is now going to be my step mom which now makes her mom my grandmother which makes my cousins my step siblings .. which
Hey... that's my family
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| Jun 4 @ 3:17 PM |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 20,871
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Someone is going to end up being their own Grandpa. It's a joke ok?
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| Jun 4 @ 3:31 PM |
What Would You Do???
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Silver1961
Posts: 2,937
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I think the Morons might really have their work cut out for them...
OOPS!!! Just discovered my typo  I meant to write Mormons not morons haha... I was speaking of the Latter Day Saints and their genealogy expertise.. 
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| Jun 4 @ 3:37 PM |
What Would You Do??? |
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SallyF
Posts: 280
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Have you asked yourself how you would feel if it were your cousin interested in your ex-wife? One can imagine 'walking a mile' in someone else's moccasins---couldn't hurt, as you are trying to process this. JMO
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