| Jun 4 @ 3:44 PM |
What Would You Do???
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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 .my ex's mom married her brother-in-law......  yep 1st one died and 2nd one took over and the ex had 4 1/2 brothers and sisters and boy did it ever get interesting at gatherings esp. when his aunts and uncles were there .... (my dad is my uncle and my brother is my dad's son )
as they saying goes "keep it all in the family" go for it....  
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| Jun 4 @ 3:52 PM |
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willowy1
Posts: 4,919
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My family tree is a stump.
I say hi ho Silver and away. Cousins ex wife seems like fair game to me?
Just enjoy each others company and don't let that pretty little head of yours race ahead to the what ifs...(little head either) 
One day at a time. If you have an opportunity to grab some happiness ~lunge for it!
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| Jun 4 @ 4:07 PM |
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Silver1961
Posts: 4,093
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Have you asked yourself how you would feel if it were your cousin interested in your ex-wife? One can imagine 'walking a mile' in someone else's moccasins---couldn't hurt, as you are trying to process this. JMO
Actually I think he was or is because my ex once mentioned his name and some conversation they had at the bar. But he would have to wait in line, because she was very popular at the club.
Willow ~ come here 
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| Jun 4 @ 6:37 PM |
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,814
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If it were your brother's exwife then I would say that would be a hard one to decide... beings that it is your cousin's ex... I don't see what the big tado is. Actually, the kids will probably take it much better then the older generation.
She is single, your cousin is involved in another relationship and you are soon to be single..you are all adults.. so I don't really see the problem here. Hope it works for you 
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| Jun 4 @ 7:17 PM |
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CathyCRN
Posts: 3,954
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It seems a little early to be thinking about a permanent future. I think you should just take it slow, see what happens. You aren't even officially divorced yet...give it time...if it develops into a great relationship...fabulous...if not, you've given it a shot. No need to bring the entire family into it right now...no new relationship can withstand that kind of pressure!!! JMO
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| Jun 5 @ 4:38 PM |
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Bluebonnet72
Posts: 2,761
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Silver I think you could meet her and see how your the relation could develop
Then if your and her feelings become deep and serious you can face your cousin.....
Now it's just a flirt....wait and see.....
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| Jun 5 @ 4:46 PM |
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signme
Posts: 9,581
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I agree. You need to see if it actually is going to develop into a relationship before you let family know. Take it slowly and see what happens. Right now it's no one's business but the 2 of you.
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| Jun 5 @ 6:36 PM |
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whatagal
Posts: 809
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Just let your Uncle Cousin Stevie know!!
(edited for spelling)
[Edited on 6/5/2008 7:26 PM]
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| Jun 5 @ 7:12 PM |
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TheDangerZone
Posts: 3
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Well opie, may I call ya opie... Does it really matter what your cousn, aunt, uncle, brother or dog think... Probably not... But I can see a dilemna...
1 quick question: Does the family think he cheated on her? If so, then it migt get a little loose at the next family b b q when she is hittin' on his nephew... Otherwise, treat her like a family heirloom... Use her.... Then pass her on!!!!
What, your all thining the same thing I am....
TDZ
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| Jun 6 @ 1:27 PM |
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marylou
Posts: 10,629
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I think a lot like SallyF......I would be asking myself the same question if I were you........if situations were reversed. That is your answer.
One cannot live a lie.......for fear of hurting their kids. They also cant give up a life for that same fear. YOUNGER CHILDREN YES........but in high school years.....they are old enough to deserve the truth of a situation.
My childrfen were 15 and 17....when my ex and I had to sit down and talk to them about us seperating and eventually divorcing. I saw more counsellors than one could poke a stick at.....including a really reputable FAMILY COURT COUNSELLOR. As I could not face the hurt that they would have to face. As a mother......it is heartbreaking to think of causing your children so much hurt.
However........every counsellor said the same thing........including the family court counsellor. THE CHILDREN HAVE TO KNOW.........THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO BE TOLD THE TRUTH AND HOW THINGS ARE. THEY CANNOT BE SHIELDED OR PROTECTED FROM LIFE ISSUES FOREVER.........just like we cant be either. In feeling pain and hurt and all sorts........they will grow through it.,....as painful as it is. There are no hard and fast guarantees on how the children will react....but despite this ....they have to be told and have a right to know. And you can tell them in a gentle and respectful way........thats all you can do from your side..........and BE THERE.........to support them through it.
My daughter is now 26.........and she said to me just last week.......that even tho she was so young when she was told........and she suffered such trauma because of it.......and the pain was unbearable back then. She was glad we told her.......and she suffered what she did .....(she was suicidal mths afterwards)....but through dealing with it and getting counselling.........she has become a much stronger person because of it.......and can now deal with many life issues...........more easily. I asked her....*later on.....if any of your friends had children and were getting divorced........would you advise them to stay in the marriage so as not to hurt the children or to tell them the truth.......of seperation and why?* She replied....*I would advise them to tell their children.......even if they suffer because of it. I am glad you and dad told us the truth.......even tho it caused us pain........we are much stronger because of it now. When you are older.......you realise that you cant run away and hide from life forever. Whether it be grief of any sort..........its all part of life......and now I am more prepared to deal with things when they come my way.*
I am only telling you from my own experience as a parent. It killed me to have to do it. But now would not hesitate to do it again. BUT THAT IS ONLY FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE.........AND MY OWN SITUATION. IT IS UP TO EACH INDIVIDUAL PERSON TO CHOOSE WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.....AND HOW THEY WANT TO HANDLE THINGS. BUT I FEEL SEEKING COUNSELLING IS THE BEST WAY TO GO. JMO ...for what its worth.
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| Jun 7 @ 11:00 AM |
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Makya
Posts: 1,131
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So ~ what would you do???
I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. I just don't want anything to do with anyone who has been with one of my family members or friends. If they have been together long enough, I can't even view the person as I would someone off the street. My brain won't let me. A cousin-in-law in my mind would always be viewed as a cousin.
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| Jun 9 @ 12:52 PM |
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Silver1961
Posts: 4,093
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Update on this relationship!!!  We went dancing Saturday night, and had a great time, but we agree that this relationship has too much potential to cause riff in the family, so I we are just going to attempt to be friends....
So I decided to become a paying member on a dating site that has many local gals on site... I figure if I can find a desirable local lady, then I won't think about my cousin's ex so much 
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| Jun 9 @ 12:55 PM |
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signme
Posts: 9,581
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Good luck, Silver!
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| Jun 9 @ 12:56 PM |
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Silver1961
Posts: 4,093
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Thanks Sweetie!!!
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| Jun 9 @ 1:01 PM |
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tahoma
Posts: 10,526
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Wise man... good luck sweetie
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| Jun 9 @ 4:19 PM |
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Kenn159
Posts: 2,774
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perception is everything...
And sometimes percetion is just hearsay and gossip.
I say go for it, but not on the down low,be open about it and talk to your cousin before it gets to heavy so at least he knows.
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| Jun 9 @ 4:22 PM |
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Kenn159
Posts: 2,774
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Oopps I just read the update.
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| Jun 9 @ 5:19 PM |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,546
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Just an idea....but maybe she wants you to want it enough to stand up for it.
It sounds like you're trying to get her off your mind. If you have to try that hard
and you're all adults and she feels the same way... I think it might deserve another look...but then, I never say die.
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| Jun 9 @ 6:29 PM |
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cocopuff940
Posts: 9
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I think he wants her to get him off....oops ....ummm.... his mind...yeah...thats it...mind
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| Jun 9 @ 6:39 PM |
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,546
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Well, looking at him in those jeans, he wouldn't have to convince her very hard.
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