| Jun 17 @ 1:13 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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willowy1
Posts: 2,519
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This is more of a vent than a question. I will try to condense as best as I can.
My late husband and I spent a great deal of time with a couple who I will call John and Jane. They had a great marriage, seemed to adore each other and were fun to hang out with.
I haven't been overly social as of late so when Jane asked me to meet up for
happy hour I was excited about catching up. I assumed that it would be Jane AND John, but she said no, a few friends from work. Well friends turned out to be "friend" I will call him Dick.
Jane looked beautiful, she underwent gastric bypass surgery and she has lost a whole person since I saw her last.
There was very little catching up. Jane sat a little too close to Dick. Dick and Jane were overly flirty and touchy and I felt so uncomfortable that I left after about a half an hour.
Later that night John called wondering if "we" were okay. Jane was not answering her cell. I told him that I was home. We exchanged a few pleasantry's and that was it.
Next thing I know Jane calls "what did you tell John?" then she had the balls to say "If you were my friend you would have covered for me!" What the hell??? I said if she was my friend she would not have put me in that position! I was so angry that I hung up on her.I haven't talked with her since.
Last night John called asking questions. I feel guilty for not telling him what I suspect but it is not my business. So how would you handle this? I can't talk about this with friends as most know them and I don't wish to add to the drama.
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| Jun 17 @ 1:23 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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Say_Yes
Posts: 1,576
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1. Both of them are friends of yours.
2. You told the truth, which is what an honest and decent person does.
3. If Jane is cheating on her husband, with some guy, it is not your duty to cover for her infidelity.
4. For Jane to put you in that position, says a great deal about the kind of person that she is.
5.You could have told John what you suspect, though I think that would have been inappropriate, as it is just suspicion.
6. I think you did the right thing, all the way around. If Jane has a problem, then that is of her making, not yours.
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| Jun 17 @ 1:26 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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willowy1
Posts: 2,519
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And I have lost two friends. 
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| Jun 17 @ 1:28 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 5,802
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you know your "friendship" was being used here to give them a cover for their date..
you know a true friend does not put a friend in that position..
I would go with what you know... 
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| Jun 17 @ 1:36 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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That was very inconsiderate of her.
She bent the “friendship part”. There was nothing you could do about that.
All any of us can do is to ...... stay the heck out of other’s foolishness.
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| Jun 17 @ 1:39 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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SamTSam
Posts: 12
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That was extremely shady from nearly every angle... they didn't even have the guts to clue you in as to their intent and then expected you to cover for them after the fact? Pretty low down, IMO.
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| Jun 17 @ 1:40 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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lj450
Posts: 7,744
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Well hell, I thought this was going to be about butt sex.
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| Jun 17 @ 1:41 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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willowy1
Posts: 2,519
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^^knew you would. 
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| Jun 17 @ 1:49 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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Nightowl001
Posts: 3,117
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Last night John called asking questions. I feel guilty for not telling him what I suspect but it is not my business. So how would you handle this? I can't talk about this with friends as most know them and I don't wish to add to the drama. Don't tell him what you "suspect." Just tell him what you know for a fact (that you left early. Whether or not "Dick and Jane" were paying too much attention to each other is a subjective observation. Other than that, in your place I would tell him that I don't want to be brought into their problems and don't wish to take sides.
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| Jun 17 @ 1:50 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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SaintBacon
Posts: 834
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What everyone else has said. True friends wouldn't put you in that position. No one likes losing a friendship, but obviously Jane is more concerned with her "special" friend than she is about you. Poor form, piss poor form on her part!  
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| Jun 17 @ 1:51 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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lj450
Posts: 7,744
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Perhaps John is trying to buddy up to ya so he can try and poke at it.
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| Jun 17 @ 1:52 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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willowy1
Posts: 2,519
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it?  
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| Jun 17 @ 2:01 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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teddybearr48
Posts: 14
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I agree with Nightowl.
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| Jun 17 @ 6:45 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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jaybird777
Posts: 956
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OK, here's my thoughts on the matter
Well, obvioudently, it wouldn't fair for her ta put ya in that situational. If she was gonna do that, she shoulda at least gave ya a heads-up beforehand and give you a chance to decline.
Once yer in, yer between given her a clean bill-o-health (and bein disaloyale ta the husband-friend) and stickin her head on the choppin block (and bein disloyale ta the wife-friend)
I would have advised that ya told the hubby something like "I really don't wanna be in the middle a alla this" and let him go on from there. Spillin the whole bowl a beans probably wasn't neccessarial, but ya know how they say hindsightfulness is 20-20.
In the end, yer wife-friend hadn't outter to be too mad. She's the one put you in that situational ta start with, you spilled the beans on her, so I say tit-fer-tat. If that don't suit her, piss on her anyhow (not figuratively) friends like that aint in no high demand, no how.
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| Jun 17 @ 7:20 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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willowy1
Posts: 2,519
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No I didn't say anything to John. That is where my guilt kicks in.
I am kind of embarrassed for writing this. But I feel better getting it out. How do we have a thread removed?
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| Jun 17 @ 7:51 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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jaybird777
Posts: 956
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No I didn't say anything to John. That is where my guilt kicks in.
I am kind of embarrassed for writing this. But I feel better getting it out. How do we have a thread removed? Oooops, my bad. I miss read part. 
You did jest fine. Let well enough alone.
I know ya feel bad fer John, but can't do much to help him.
Yer a kind person.
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| Jun 17 @ 8:04 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 14,366
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^^^^^^^^^^^^ What he said. As the OP on his thread you can email the Mods to remove it but you know you have nothing to feel guilty about. It always sucks when you lose someone you thought was a friend, but sometimes you're better off - this sounds like one of those times...
 sorry, we all know how that bites.
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| Jun 17 @ 8:48 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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capitalview
Posts: 660
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Most likely John's friends used to cover for him , ( guys do it all the time, you know -both for friends and for strangers ) that's where Jane got this idea of friendship.
As for being a chaperone , it's quite a common favor for a female friend.I have done it for my ladyfiends a couple of times . You failed to do what you were invited for - i.e. make sure your presence prevents any undesirable sexual activity from happening, therefore you should share the blame you are trying to put entirely on your friend. True friend would have stayed , made sure nothing happened that might do any damage to your friend John , and make sure your friend Jane is back home safe. As you see, you had your friends' marriage in your hands , it was pssible for you to keep them both happy and have their friendship. Instead , you destroyed their marriage and lost both friends. Not wise behavior, in my opinion.
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| Jun 17 @ 8:58 PM |
I am butt hurt!
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madamegeek
Posts: 1,329
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Capital, it is one thing to be "invited" knowing you are the chaperone; it is quite another to be forced to share in an intrigue. I don't see anything wrong with her refusing to be a co-conspirator.
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| Jun 17 @ 8:59 PM |
I am butt hurt! |
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signme
Posts: 8,843
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I am really hoping Capital's post is tongue in cheek. Otherwise I have lost a great deal of respect for him.
You don't turn up with a "friend" and just expect someone to cover for you, esp. as Willowy said she had not seen Jane in a while. Jane was trying to use that friendship, not renew it. Willowy was doing the right thing in leaving and not wanting to get caught in the middle of this.
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