| Jul 4, 2008 @ 8:59 AM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
jaybird777
Posts: 1,289
|
You was spossed ta say "sits ona toilet neekied talking on the cell phone"
|
|
  |
|
| Jul 4, 2008 @ 9:02 AM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
|
So...what when we're all old if we don't have something more than sex? What when we have to care for each other's ills and possibly sex is no longer an option?
What then if you're not connected on a deeper level?
If you divide the day into 24 hours. And imagine you have sex every day...for one hour. That's still only 1/24th of your life. And that's stretching it.
I want someone I want to get old with. Someone who loves me right to my bones, and me, him.
I'm as healthy as the next person. But like Willowy said, I want someone who makes me want to be my best self. Someone I can respect. And yes, strong. And soft at the same time.
|
| |
|
| Jul 4, 2008 @ 9:51 AM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
custis
Posts: 1,890
|
"I would love to find a man who actually realizes that it is ok for a man to have emotions, besides lust and the need to procreate all the time."
This is just fine by me until I read between the lines. I was married for six years to someone with whom I was lucky to get sex from once in a week or two. I will NEVER do that again. In understanding the difference between men and women you need to make an effort to understand the physical drive of a man. You would not believe how simply horrible it feels to lay next to a beautiful naked woman night after night after night and know that you dare not touch her. We men are not all just brazen sex maniacs, but we require understanding as much as women do. Believe it or not, we treasure you for who you are and crave a deeply communicative and intimately loving, close relationship as much as you do. We just do not want to have to go back to being virgins to do it.
I understand that there are men out there who lack the ability to communicate in any way except sex, but that is not either me or the majority of men. We love you ladies dearly, but most of us guys on this site are in our thirties, forties or older and many of us came from sexually unsatisfying relationships. I think that the majority of us are just no longer willing to do that. Sometimes I think that men and women together are just somehow missing a vital link in communication with one another. If we could figure that one out, the sex thing would be less of an irritant for the ladies.
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 4, 2008 @ 1:51 PM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
Nightowl001
Posts: 8,180
|
So...what when we're all old if we don't have something more than sex? What when we have to care for each other's ills and possibly sex is no longer an option?
What then if you're not connected on a deeper level? Who is saying men don't want something more than sex? Two things: 1) Why is there the implication that "If he wants me for my body, he must not want me for anything else."? 2) It's a strawman argument to say "What if..." and set up conditions whereby sex couldn't be a part of a relationship and then ask "What then?" As it stands at the current moment, if I met a lovely woman who was bed or wheelchair bound, we might become friends. But I would still be looking to date someone who could meet the needs I have. If I met a woman, and we had a fulfilling relationship in all ways, and something happened (age, injury, whatever) and it came to be we could no longer have sex, then I would be faced with deciding how important it was to me, and how satisfied I would be with memories. Factored into that would be my willingness or reluctance to hurt her by saying she could no longer meet my needs and that I felt I needed to seek satisfaction of them elsewhere, that very willingness or reluctance to cause pain very much another but different need within most of us. (Having worked in healthcare for a long time, I can assure you, however, that the complete absence of an ability to satisfy a partner one way or another is a lot less common than the acceptance of feeling like one can't based on how one then views oneself as "damaged" and "undesirable" any longer.) Again, whether you agree or disagree, to me being a sexual partner is a defining characteristic of a "mate," and therefore much more than a "minute part of a relationship." And again, I do not understand someone who relegates that aspect of a relationship to a "minute part." Such a person, obviously, would not be a good mate for me.
|
| |
|
| Jul 5, 2008 @ 2:57 AM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
grumblebear
Posts: 10,593
|
does she have a large bank account? stock portfolio? bonds? real estate?
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 5, 2008 @ 8:21 AM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
marylou
Posts: 10,744
|
.......someone who is not *totally insane*.............. 
|
| |
|
| Jul 5, 2008 @ 8:35 AM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
Angel178
Posts: 37,673
|
Smart, kind, forgiving, funny, sensitive  ....you know, a human being
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 5, 2008 @ 6:41 PM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
marylou
Posts: 10,744
|
....someone who is like minded.....and yes...*forgiving*...... 
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 2:41 PM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
painter007
Posts: 17,921
|
Someone who digs me just as I am...
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 2:48 PM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
tahoma
Posts: 10,579
|
I want someone I want to get old with. Someone who loves me right to my bones, and me, him. 
Absolutely spot on... someone to sit on the porch in our porch swing with, holding hands, enjoying the garden we have grown together 
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 2:55 PM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
madamegeek
Posts: 1,804
|
I read somewhere the admonition to select a mate that you delighted in talking with; in the end, the ability to talk to one another would be the most valuable quality.
(It didn't say you couldn't talk about sex, of course.) 
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 2:58 PM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
Angel178
Posts: 37,673
|
I'll skip the whole growing old with part...I'll just pick someone who's already old
 
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 3:15 PM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
|
^^^ The woman has no fear. 
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 3:17 PM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
Angel178
Posts: 37,673
|
Not when people are offline... 
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 3:41 PM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
|
You KNOW he's a lurker. You KNOW this, and still you flirt with danger. 
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 3:51 PM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
Angel178
Posts: 37,673
|
He's old...how fast can he run? I'll be ok 
Don't tell him I said this, ok? I'll buy you a pizza
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 3:52 PM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
BandTMom
Posts: 39,472
|
It's going to cost you!
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 3:55 PM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 19,346
|
I guess he found his tender young lamb all right..
I'm not looking for a mate in the let's grow old together sense. I'll take what I can get and be grateful for what I've got while I've got it...my SO's wife was 43 when she passed on. There are no guarantees in this world and I'm pretty much a take it day by day type. If I'm not getting what I need (as in sex, companionship, supportiveness, i.e. the whole gestalt, or enchilada if you will), I'm gonna bail. So would he, and as far as I'm concerned that's how it should be. Talking about 'commitment' implies that from there on you don't need to provide for each other's' needs and that is just SO not true. If you're truly committed, you don't need a contract.
So, in a non-contractual sense I want someone like me - monogamous, loving, supportive, honest..oh, and horny's like the spoonful of sugar...it helps everything work. And somehow I doubt I'll ever be old enough that sex won't matter.
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 3:56 PM |
What do you look for in your mate?
|
|
Angel178
Posts: 37,673
|
Don't worry girls...old men take an afternoon nap
|
|
| |
|
| Jul 6, 2008 @ 3:58 PM |
What do you look for in your mate? |
|
BandTMom
Posts: 39,472
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|