| Jun 22 @ 8:55 PM |
The variable 'ex factor'
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boytoy2plsu
Posts: 74
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Been on a few dates with a girl who still keeps in close contact with a few (3) of her ex's. One is from a long-term relationship that endured 6 years, so I have some understanding there. She'll see them rarely, but seems to be getting texts and calls regularily. How do you guys approach this situation if you have any experience with it?? Every scenario is different, I'm aware of that...but as a general rule, do you bring it up, or quietly accept it? I don't keep in contact aside from the odd e-mail or IM conversation with any of my ex's simply because of the history that has me getting back with them if we 'keep in touch' a little too closely.
I guess I just wanna hear if anyone's been burned by this, or what to look out for. I'd hate to have doubts when I'm not around, and I'm not about to set traps, but having the wool pulled over your eyes when your instincts tell you somethings awry.
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| Jun 22 @ 10:35 PM |
The variable 'ex factor' |
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Loreli
Posts: 18,401
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Well, you did say a few dates.
If you are already uncomfortable with it, it will probably get worse if you get serious.
Tell HER how you feel.
Good luck
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| Jun 22 @ 10:53 PM |
The variable 'ex factor'
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broomhilda
Posts: 58
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if your not comfortable with this you have to let her know now before you are too far in.
for me once its over its over for good they are called an ex for a reason.
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| Jun 22 @ 11:12 PM |
The variable 'ex factor' |
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emptypages
Posts: 955
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I'd just break it off now. I never liked people that kept close ties to ex's, because things can "happen". She might have never gotten over the previous guy. If you're that aware of it after only a few dates, it must be to excess too.
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| Jun 22 @ 11:20 PM |
The variable 'ex factor'
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,670
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The first thing to do, IMO, is to talk to her and tell her it makes you uncomfortable. That is what I would do. If it continues to be a problem, I would let her go. I only talk to one of my exes, but she was never a serious girlfriend and my boyfriend doesn't care that I talk to her.
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| Jun 23 @ 10:44 AM |
The variable 'ex factor' |
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boytoy2plsu
Posts: 74
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Thanks for all the insight here guys, I'm thinking the best approach is to bring it up like you've said...casually at first. I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable with it, I just question the logic in it; if you don't see see the person, why is there a need to keep up contact so routinely?! I'll figure it out!
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| Jun 24 @ 7:25 AM |
The variable 'ex factor'
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Automotor
Posts: 210
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Just kick the guys ass and tell him she's your ho now and to stay away.
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| Jun 24 @ 10:52 AM |
The variable 'ex factor' |
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willowy1
Posts: 2,387
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Your post sounds to me like you are insecure. Do you know these men are indeed ex boyfriends? Or are they "friends"?
You can not control how many friends this girl has. You can only control how you react.
If a man came to me after a few dates and said I don't want you talking to so-n-so.
I would tell him to take a hike.
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| Jun 24 @ 11:39 AM |
The variable 'ex factor'
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CathyCRN
Posts: 1,628
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I agree, Willow...
Then again, if you have a bad feeling about it or feel that there is more to it that "ex" move on to someone else... She may be one of those women that can remain friends with exs...personally, I am friends with most of the men I have dated in the past 6 yrs or so...I don't talk to them, text with them, or answer their emails while on a date with someone else...but I do answer them...usually. The one's that I am friends with were more friend material than boyfriend material...so it didn't work out...so, now they are friends...
Just talk to her about it...certainly not in an accusatory manner, however...
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| Jun 25 @ 9:46 AM |
The variable 'ex factor' |
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bardnsage
Posts: 198
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Even if they are "ex's", I don't let it bother me. THEY ARE EX's FOR A REASON. I just be myself, and trust that if it is ment to be, the ex's have no power. Let her talk, text, etc..... and when she complains, (which she will),,,, ask her about her continued contact with that person, and if it is working for her as she intended.
Besides, nothing like letting the ex's get the fight,,,,, and me taking all the MAKE UP SEX. Quiet and comforting, confident in myself, and calming to her,,,,,
Being compaired to a person who has not made the grade,,,,,is easy.
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| Jun 25 @ 6:04 PM |
The variable 'ex factor'
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willowy1
Posts: 2,387
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^^smart fellow!  confidence is so sexy.
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| Jun 25 @ 6:23 PM |
The variable 'ex factor' |
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capobeachguy
Posts: 3,003
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Why on Earth would any self-named "boy toy" have any concern about ex's? 
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| Jun 25 @ 6:29 PM |
The variable 'ex factor'
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willowy1
Posts: 2,387
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Good catch!  His screen name whoosed right over my head!
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| Jun 26 @ 12:58 AM |
The variable 'ex factor' |
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jdc67
Posts: 33
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If she act like they are just friends now and she does not hide you from them or them from you then it should be ok. Dont however be fooled with oh were are just friends yet you never meet them. that is a red flag just end it.. Trust me on this.
Also you can tell what really going on in her if you have or make female friend or talk with your ex's if she act ok with it then your probably ok.. But i dont mean say you will I mean actually do it go out with other women as friends met up with an ex...
Obviously I have been burned with this twice and I now know what to look for.. Now at the same time I've had girlfriends that were still friends with the ex's but in the good experiences they never hid anything ( became friends with one and I still talk to him every so often) and they never questioned me if I had a female friend. kept those very important point in mind
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