| Jul 22 @ 10:37 AM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,579
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I learned something important in recent years that I would like to share with those who think that they will never find love again. It's this:
I don't believe it is so much a matter of finding someone to love as it is allowing yourself to be ready to let it happen.
Most of the time we focus on the process of finding the person that is worthy of being the object of our love.
But I found that this isn't usually the right place to focus.
I went for many years without a romantic relationship. I was looking outward, for someone who is the perfect person to love, instead of inward to see if I was able to let that love happen.
It wasn't until I did the work on myself that it actually did happen.
One of the most difficult things in life, is to allow yourself to love again after the pain involved in losing another love. Everyone experiences this. Do you always know when you have truly let go? When you are truly ready to love again? Maybe you think you are, but you really are not.
I think many people would be surprised to find that it isn't the lack of a partner that is keeping them from experiencing romantic love, but the lack of truly being ready to allow it to happen.
Think about it.
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| Jul 22 @ 10:46 AM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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drs297
Posts: 3,018
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well duh.... 
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| Jul 22 @ 11:23 AM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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Loreli
Posts: 19,314
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Nah-
I give up...... 
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| Jul 22 @ 12:58 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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Bluebonnet72
Posts: 2,732
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Please never never never give up on love !!!!!
I think that the absolute and eternal love does not exist
Love has many different expressions from the beginning, all through and till the end of the relation (in case it ends....)
We often look for the right man/woman......but who is the right man/woman ? and for whom ?
I think we should learn to coexist with the imperfection of love and accept this kind of reality
In many periods of our life everything can appear black and unsolvable especially when hurts and pains are deep, very deep and too much to support.........but I'm sure that everyone can be happy if we are prepare to be happy 
Life is able to give us many opportunities .....we should be ready to catch them and live them much better as possible
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| Jul 22 @ 12:58 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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DiamondRain
Posts: 4,579
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I always know where to go when I want to get some positive and optimistic feedback! 
I should add one more perspective to this.
I believe that when you are ready for love, the love will find you. Looking for it is useless if you are not prepared to receive it.
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| Jul 22 @ 1:03 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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Bluebonnet72
Posts: 2,732
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I believe that when you are ready for love, the love will find you. Looking for it is useless if you are not prepared to receive it.
I super agree
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| Jul 22 @ 1:09 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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custis
Posts: 945
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I have long held to a very simple philosophy when it comes to love D.R. I simply do not worry about it. I figure that when that person comes into my life, I will know it. Until then I will not fret. I guess the reason for this relaxed philosophy is that I lead a happy life. I am content and therefore I am happy whether love ever comes or not. I credit this philosophy for easing the uncomfortable sexual tensions I used to get around woman when I was in my 20's and the fact that I am very comfortable around women and often communicate better with them than with other men.
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| Jul 22 @ 1:19 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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custis
Posts: 945
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"I think that the absolute and eternal love does not exist"
Even if we strip away the spiritual mysticism that so many attach to love, reducing it to merely being a biological function, it is still a wonderful thing. I think the only kind of true, forever after love I would ever be interested in, is one that makes me feel the way I did when I was fifteen. The way it felt when I first held her hand,,,the first time I caught the sweet hot scent of her breath as her lips came hesitantly to mine. Then, that burning hot brand that she seared onto my heart forevermore with the heat of her kiss. It is possible that this kind of poignant memory may be the only type of "absolute and eternal" love there will ever be, the kind that our mind builds around a distant memory. I feel that if you are ever able to capture that moment again, you are indeed a lucky person.
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| Jul 22 @ 1:57 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,241
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I have always worked on being happy and involved in life... the few times I allowed someone into my life are the times I regret...
I can be so much happier as me, and so my belief is that some of us are just meant to be not just single, but solo... I don't date, I don't have any involvements beyond friends
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| Jul 22 @ 2:32 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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sweet5red
Posts: 7,869
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i agree with BB dont ever give up on love.. i almost did but look what happend to me and whats happening in 31 more days... Sweet N Louisiana
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| Jul 22 @ 3:22 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,925
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I believe you must go through a lot of bad partners and "transitional" partners before you find the one. Those relationships are hard and sometimes miserable ... and the breakups can be even worse but it just helps you to know what you don't want in a partner. I have had bad partners and transitional partners...my last partner was a transitional partner....it was fun and sweet while it lasted but he helped me realise all the things i don't want and helped to clear the way for the relationship that I have now.
I'd never give up on love. It annoys me to no end to see people who have been burned just give up on love and talk bad about relationships and love and the opposite sex. I have been burned too but love is very real to me. Maybe it's just my age and naivete but .... love is so real and the feeling tops anything in the world.
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| Jul 22 @ 5:39 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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BandTMom
Posts: 26,548
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Awesome posts, DR.
I couldn't agree more. People struggle finding love because they are usually unable to love themselves.
Learn to love yourself first and be happy in your own company and the rest will happen!
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| Jul 22 @ 7:05 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,241
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I'll agree, yet disagree... lol
the few involvements in my life were when I had been the happiest before "She" entered.... after her entrance, and failed attempts to change me, my life, and or to drive a wedge from my family.... create friction, imbalance and destroy me and my life...
so these days, I'm mostly happy, but I also know better than to allow anyone near enough to try any of that...
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| Jul 22 @ 7:07 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 9,925
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grumble, i hate to sound like i know at all what i'm talking about, but there's no way to block love from entering your life at all...someday you may meet a woman who will change your mind.
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| Jul 22 @ 9:53 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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Laidback742
Posts: 2,847
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I tend to agree with Grumble, for the most part.
After you go through enough ups and downs, you tend to just want a nice level existence .... If that means going at it without someone else, so be it .... I can at least admit that it never seems to work out for me, so maybe it just isn't worth the attempt anymore .... I don't say that as anything against ( most of the ) people I've dated .... I'm the common denominator in my failures .... sometimes it just makes you not give a shit anymore.
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| Jul 22 @ 9:59 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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Loreli
Posts: 19,314
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I can vouch for what a great person you are, LB! 
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| Jul 22 @ 10:00 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 14,775
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I went for a whole lot of years with nobody in my life and actually was pretty happy. I think I'm another one who does best as a solitary soul, but I'm finding myself in a relationship that's pretty much FWB, but the friendship's continually growing...I think it's best described as living independently but lovingly. I only know that it works for both of us, and it's an amazingly comfortable and comforting relationship, with some really amazing benefits... if this is the consolation prize, instead of eternal love, I'm good with that.
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| Jul 22 @ 10:36 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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meanjolene
Posts: 243
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I love me. Jesus loves me. My grandchildren love me. It's enough. My past relationships...I've had failures and pain and you know what they say about the burned child dreading the fire.
I, too, want an easy, pain free existence. I am enjoying the leveling out part, without the drama, gut-wrenching emotions, the grief. My cheeks are finally dry.
I turn down dates.
But, I promise me, if a guy comes along with the right stuff, I'm ready.
I can't describe what the right stuff is but I know it when I see it.
It's happened before and I know that it can happen again.
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| Jul 22 @ 10:57 PM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,241
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I agree with LB and Jolene... but I don't have to worry about meeting anyone, I'm only attracted to women who aren't interested in me
it is about the leveling of emotions for me...
I live a love filled life, My siblings are all happily married 7 nieces and nephews, My cousins, etc... I'm the odd single... they are all younger, but remember the disasters I was involved in... they all expected me to have kids , the whole ball of wax, but they all understand... I am involved with friends, all of whom are married...
They have seen me pass through the fire, and seen me scorched... None of them blame me for choosing my solitary path...
I don't go any where that I might meet anyone, I rarely go out after dark, I don't drink, I despise crowds, I don't like going to see bands... I have my family, my friends and my dog...
I am loved
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| Jul 23 @ 4:33 AM |
For Those Who Have Given Up On Love |
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Knightingale362
Posts: 9
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Oh gosh....this is tough stuff! Quite honestly the whole thing is really a confusing, unpredictable and absolutely bewildering subject that better minds than mine have spent a lifetime trying to understand...and failed!
Those of us old enough to have had one or two long term relationships will probably understand my little paradox more than most but hey...who knows.
I thought throughout most of my life that all the mind blowing, earth shattering and amazing romance illustrated in the women's magazines at the dentist and in those slushy holiday movies, were....well....either pure fantasy or I didn't have it in me to be head over heals in lurve! Well, after a lengthy marriage and subsequent divorce, my simplistic little analysis of all this stuff was completely blown out of the window!
I met her by accident.....
Some of us will go to our graves never knowing how this feels, others will understand, but if you haven't experienced it, it's like trying to imagine another colour, it's impossible. However, even this situation is kinda cursed for a very good reason:
Just imagine THE most amazing and beautiful romance imaginable with the most wonderful human being you had ever met. Now, unless one is very arrogant, in which case he/she wouldn't like you very much, it is almost impossible to feel good enough! Furthermore, when you truly love someone, their happiness is far more important than your own and the pressure of not being able to give them the very best life possible is overwhelming. I don't mean material things but it would be dishonest to say that this matters not at all.
However, in my case, parting after seven years from the love of my life revealed some very poignant things as we said goodbye. She told me one of my main problems was that I could never truly embrace the fact that she loved me as much as I loved her. The problem was mine not hers and she was right.
So.....the statements here saying we need to love ourself before we can love others is very, very true....but gosh.....how do we dance between narcissistic nonsense and feel worthy of those we care for more than ourself?
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