| Sep 20 @ 1:33 PM |
Lets Be Friends!
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mattman20x6
Posts: 29
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Ah the classic line, women say this to reject a guy with out hurting his feelings. Now I find this stupid, I have more respect for a woman who just say I do not like you. When you say friends to me, I take that seriously and the truth is far from that. Friends hang out go to clubs and what not. When she come with this line she does not want to see you or talk to you, or anything that friends do. Ofcouse I will get it for this truth because I know alot of woman will say that is not me and try to tear me a new one. I do not care because this is my life experince and I am sharing it to be outside of the box if you will. Yes I am opening this up to debate, if you want to get the root of problem them you attack head on. The whole point for me is why not be honest with people?
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| Sep 20 @ 1:55 PM |
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shine
Posts: 494
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that is also said by men....it's a 2 way street.
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| Sep 20 @ 2:02 PM |
Lets Be Friends!
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SamIam43
Posts: 247
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You answered your own question this to reject a guy (or girl) with out hurting his feelings It's a way of ending it without "ending" it I suppose
I don't like it either. I think it's dumb. If people were up front, open and honest with their feelings (male and female) the prospective partner could get on with life. It's hurtful and disrespectful.
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| Sep 20 @ 2:11 PM |
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mattman20x6
Posts: 29
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To both of yall, I do know that men do that too. Also I do know I answered my question. People just need to more honest like you said Sam, till that happends I will not understand why. I mean if it is a fear of looking bad in that person's eyes isn't that a mute point. I mean how your never going to talk to them or see them again.
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| Sep 20 @ 8:57 PM |
Lets Be Friends!
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xcite4ever
Posts: 87
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You've obviously never been privy enough to hear the magical words, "Friends with benefits". It exists. Trust me on this one ace!
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| Sep 20 @ 10:18 PM |
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Laidback742
Posts: 3,361
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Well .... you don't always know how others are going to react to outright rejection .... some handle it ok, some are better hearing it with a little softness .... not saying it's right or wrong .... some get hurt by rejection, some can blow it off .... maybe they are serious about being friends and you're not giving them the chance ....?
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| Sep 20 @ 10:22 PM |
Lets Be Friends!
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CathyCRN
Posts: 3,942
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Good point, LB...I have remained friends with most of my exs. I continue to communicate with them, though I will admit, after awhile, it has become less often. So, remaining friends to me is an honest comment. It is then in their court...if they want to maintain contact, I'm good with that...if not...it's up to them.
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| Sep 20 @ 11:07 PM |
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keeno
Posts: 2,027
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that is also said by men....it's a 2 way street
we use it because we learned it from grls 
and some grls get down right scary when rejected 
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| Sep 20 @ 11:13 PM |
Lets Be Friends!
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katydid438
Posts: 6,696
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and some guys buy cross-bows
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| Sep 20 @ 11:20 PM |
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keeno
Posts: 2,027
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some grls should be marked with cross bones to let us know where they're coming from 
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| Sep 20 @ 11:32 PM |
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CathyCRN
Posts: 3,942
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Until you've had a man stalk you, you've never seen scary!!! OK...I didn't want to stay friends with him 
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| Sep 21 @ 2:25 AM |
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equuisdancer
Posts: 320
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[QUOTE]some grls should be marked with cross bones so we know where their coming from[QUOTE]
As should some guys so we don't fall for their game in the first place! and not feel like you've been used and become another notch on their pc! Or maybe they just don't know what it is to have a TRUE friend
[QUOTE]remaining friends to me is an honest comment[QUOTE]
 So true! and possible..esp. if you find that's all there really was to begin with. If you've shared a piece of your life with a person..and they were the ones who started it what is the point of shutting them out, throwing them away and losing a real friend who wants to be just that? Does eveyone have so many true friends who may actually care..they can afford to do this? 
[QUOTE]maybe they ARE serious about being friends and YOUR not giving them the chance[QUOTE]
Some people are smart AND sensitive enough to understand it seems 
[Edited on 9/21/2008 2:38 AM]
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| Sep 21 @ 2:48 AM |
Lets Be Friends!
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burnslikethesun
Posts: 9,577
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\ love. Is it broken? Excellent typist ya must be though. Wicked fast I do imagine.
Dude. Its simple. When ya put to much into it thats where the fubar comes to play. Simple, keep it simple.
Lets be friends. I dare you. Be your friend? Take me up to the challenge. Cause I can be. 100%. So yes. Lets BE Friends. Do friendship. Awesome! See friends truly care about one and another. Unless ya the kind of friend no one would or should want as a friend?
I see you point, yet I ask, do you miss an even large answer? For a lack of a better word. For I am currently under a different spirit. 
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| Sep 21 @ 6:21 AM |
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keeno
Posts: 2,027
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equuis said
As should some guys so we don't fall for their game in the first place! and not feel like you've been used and become another notch on their pc!
maybe i felt like a notch on your pc, or that you could win my heart with sex, no romance or foreplay just sex......
funny how grls can turn things around and make us guys look bad.
if you have something to say to me, say it in private. airing things in a public forum makes both of us look like less than adults.
cathy, although i don't feel threatened by my stalker, i have an idea of how you feel.
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| Sep 21 @ 8:49 AM |
Lets Be Friends!
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equuisdancer
Posts: 320
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Keeno
My statement was a general to both guys and gals who start communicating online..hook someone and then are gone and on to the next one! "players" It was NOT aimed at you. You brought up grls that should be labeled..I just stated guys then should be too.
As for airing things in a public forum..it seems you made a few statements here..contradicting yourself about being an adult and turning things around so it's the grls fault!
How can one talk to someone who doesn't answer their mail or blocks someone?
I'm sorry if you thought I took your statement as a cheap shot at you...It wasn't! The rest of my comment should have been read..Friends do not do that.
You've got mail...
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| Sep 21 @ 9:05 AM |
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Loreli
Posts: 20,103
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When she come with this line she does not want to see you or talk to you, or anything that friends do That isn't true.
I have many male friends that I could "hang out" with! And I'm still friends with my exes....my kids' Dads only to a point.
I have male friends that stop to chat, and I can kiss them goodbye and there isn't a sexual feeling to it.
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| Sep 21 @ 11:36 AM |
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,828
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Some people have real bad anger issues and when things are not done in the way THEY think SHOULD BE done, then they keep attacking people that are just trying to be real. So MANY women out of self defense with say 'friends' to keep the men from attacking them.
Not me, I just tell them to eff off and block them when they are angry and attacking, I don't need that type of friend and I like to know their true personalities. I tell them politely we are not a match. When they get ugly, I know I was right and go on. No guilt here. You cannot make me feel guilty when you are the one trying to control others thoughts and choices.
When one out of 5 rejected men try to make it all the fault of the woman why the man is all alone... then I have to say, women do what they have to to protect themselves. Otherwise, we would end up hating ALL men for that one out of five crazy guy. That is ridiculous so we try other methods of dealing with the few crazies.
The next step is up to the man. IF he is able to accept she is not interested in a romantic relationship, perhaps if he responds differently than the ugly way and the woman realizes he is not that ONE out of five, then maybe she can BE his friend.
Now, if he gets the 'let's be friends'...as some think of it as being a line (when often it is a test that he fails miserably) and he reacts in a positive way, maybe, just maybe she will be impressed and it can grow from there.
Seriously, if you react in a negative blaming fashion, can you STILL blame her for not keeping the first offer of friendship? She has now discovered you do not accept her offer in the way it was given, why should she still leave the offer open? SHUT that door. Hey, we are our own worst enemies at times.
Oh, and Keeno, if you decide this is about you, feel free. Because if you DO think it is about you, I sure as hell bet it is. Seein as how YOU think it fits you, most likely it is about you. Just sayin...Mr everyone else has anger issues but you.  
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| Sep 21 @ 11:44 AM |
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ColdinWisconsin
Posts: 8,600
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Alrighty....easy folks.
It is a line we all love to hate, unfortunatly, it does have a time and place.
Have none of us ever come across someone that we are interested in and evetually one or both decide that they need to step back into a friends role? This can be done. I have done it.
I have at least 4 male friends that came about from romantic possabilities but for one reason or another, we felt we were best as friends. Have we never had that conversation with someone? Where you feel you are crossing lines and must decide if you will both step back into friendship land? Have we never gone forward and found that we were much better friends than partners? Have we never found anyone that was valued and worth keeping, just not as a lover?
I'm not saying it is a pleasant phrase, just that at times it is an apt one.
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| Sep 21 @ 12:03 PM |
Lets Be Friends!
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SpiritEnergy
Posts: 16,828
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Yes, true but some men and some women cannot BE friends and some men and some women do not want to be friends with the people they get to know well enough to realize that with friends like these, who needs enemies?
In my personal experience, when I have tried to be friends with some people, they continued to try to make it sexual against my will and took it as a slap in their faces when I did not want them sexually and attacked me or tried to force their sexual presence on me or tried to make me accept THEIR choice of MY role. Not all, just quite a few. I have met many men and women that have had the same problems so I refuse to accept that I am the problem here when it is a common theme in relationships.
It is NORMAL for some people to get twisted off, like the OP by receiving this offer. It is an opportunity ( to me) to work on our personal issues. Now, when instead, people get angry or blaming, FREQUENTLY, they are the problem. Not the people that are not interested. If it is not a match...go on. Grow up. Go elsewhere.
Now when one of the two gets ugly, run! Go! Pretend they are not there and pick another path out. Let the people with the issue find someone else to work thru it with. SOMEone will be able to help them overcome their stuff. I am always open to helping people with emotional work but so many do NOT want to do it my way. So, fine, do it your way with someone that WANTS to do it your way. I don't.
I will find that person that wishes to work thru his stuff with me and use tools I use or some similar to them. Don't try to force me to fight thru it. I like it to go the easy way.
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| Sep 21 @ 12:38 PM |
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Aeromuse
Posts: 2,535
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Have none of us ever come across someone that we are interested in and evetually one or both decide that they need to step back into a friends role? This can be done. I have done it.
Yes! Same here.
I don't know why people of BOTH sexes see friendship as some sort of second best consolation prize. My longest lasting relationships in life have always been my guy friends, and they are incredibly dear to me 
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