| Oct 18, 2008 @ 1:44 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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marylou
Posts: 10,729
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This is for both males and females. I have had quite a few experiences where I have chatted with males on line......who have wanted to meet me and take me on a date. I always tell them that I am not in any hurry to meet them ....but will get to know them on line for quite a while first. Now after a few months of chatting.....they put the heavies on about meeting and dating again. Now after many months of chatting......when you have shown every interest in them....asked 101 questions about their activities......their careers......their hobbies or whatever. In all those months they have shown no interest or not asked one question about my life or hobbies or interests....or what things I like to do. But have instead......talked about all their stuff in every conversation.....what they are doing from day to day etc. And never once asked about.....how I spent my days or weekends.....or showed interest in any way.....like never asked even one question. Course....I probably have *foot and mouth*. I always end up saying.....*I am wondering why someone would want to come meet me from another state.....travel such long distance.......to date a person they know little or next to nothing about........and seem like they have no intention of ever doing*.
And of couirse they get snitchy after that.
When you try to talk a little about your day or a bit about your stuff......they bring the conversation back on to themselves.........and the whole time.
Now I figure that if they do this online.....they would probably do it in real life also. So it always puts me off meeting them.
Now I feel sure there are many men and women......who really dont worry too much .....dating the opposite sex who show no interest. But for me its VERY IMPORTANT. So my question is: How important is it for you.........that someone who wants to date you and meet you in real life..........to show interest in you on line. Not just chatting to you......but asking about your life or your day or something at least. I figure its up to them to ask some questions. If we tell them about our lives.......or activities etc.....without them asking.....then we are making it easier for them never to show interest......or get their curiosity aroused as to who we are and how we function/tick.
I am wondering what other peoples thoughts and views on this are......and if you could share them. As it might be helpful to others.
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| Oct 18, 2008 @ 5:52 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,662
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great question.... 
So my question is: How important is it for you.........that someone who wants to date you and meet you in real life..........to show interest in you on line. Not just chatting to you......but asking about your life or your day or something at least. I figure its up to them to ask some questions. If we tell them about our lives.......or activities etc.....without them asking.....then we are making it easier for them never to show interest......or get their curiosity aroused as to who we are and how we function/tick.
what does come first.. the emotional involvement or the dating?
for me it is first the date.....and then the emotional ties....if and only if there is a connection... for dating...
but for "just friends" ... as the emotional ties are not as strong... it does not matter..... 
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 1:26 AM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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grumblebear
Posts: 10,559
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I've made many friends online, but always hundreds, or thousands of miles away...
never seems to be anyone within a hundred miles... and I'm not willing to move, too many family members, and friends, to leave...
never found anyone that I could develop a mutual romantic interest with....
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 1:37 AM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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signme
Posts: 12,586
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I was emailing a man a while back. I would tell him about my day and then ask questions about him. He would answer with one or 2 words. Finally I said I didn't think this was working and he should look for someone else. He said "I want you." I replied in an email that he needed to start writing a bit more to keep my attention. He answered, "ok" and that's the last I heard! 
I don't think a lot of these men are really serious about meeting someone --they just want to see how many women they can string along for as long as possible.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 6:02 AM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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katydid438
Posts: 8,020
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If they can't dazzle you with brilliance,,,they baffle you with bullshit 
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 7:05 AM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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invisible1
Posts: 56
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Ok, here's my 2 cents' worth . . . I think sometimes, when a person online is emailing/chatting with another, sometimes one will not ask personal questions due to feeling they'll "offer" the info when they are ready. Some people do not want to appear nosy so they offer info about themselves to show their openness & willingness to share.
And then there's some whose world revolves only around themselves. I've gotten to where I will directly ask them if they would like to know a specific thing about me . . . like this, "Ok I understand why you have your kids those certain times, do you want to know how I worked my arrangement out?" Usually if they say "No" or "well I don't have time right now" that's the brush-off.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 10:18 AM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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marylou
Posts: 10,729
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SIGN ME........yes that is the type of thing I was talking about. That they cant even ask a simple question like *how was your day*.....or....*how did your weekend go*.....now that is harmless enough I feel.....yet they cant even do that. And proceed to spend the whole chat session with the focus on themselves and everything they think and do......like all their stuff is the ONLY important thing. Now I feel if they are like this on line......they will be like it in person also. So whats the point in meeting.....they willl probably never show interest in real life. Thats how I feel. As invisible says....its like the world revolves around them.
Now I am quite sure there are females like this also.......that rave on about their weekend or their stuff......and never show any interest in the guy they are chatting to. I think it sucks no matter what gender they are.
I know there are people who like to respect your privacy and feel they dont like to ask anything personal. But there are some questions one can ask....without feeling they are putting the other person on a spot. I mean how else is anyone going to get to know anyone......if they dont show some interest and ask some questions....no matter how small. I feel myself that its so important to SHOW interest in the other person......even in small ways. I feel....how can one not show interest in the person they want to meet one day. Showing interest doesnt always mean emotional involvement. It means.....*how you feel and what you enjoy etc.......matters to me*. (just my thoughts)
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 10:29 AM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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1stsignofspring
Posts: 17,992
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what does come first.. the emotional involvement or the dating?
for me it is first the date.....and then the emotional ties....if and only if there is a connection... for dating
It is absolutely the first date....without a doubt that will tell whether or not you will see each other again!
Most of us believe that if we get an emotional tie, then when we meet it will all mesh together. I have found that to be so untrue!
I would prefer to talk a time or two and just get on with the meeting....it is very important to meet right away. If you do not, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and hurt. I have learned the hard way......
Granted, there are people who have done it this way and it has worked...but I think for the most part it does not.
I say meet as soon as possible and avoid wasted time and disappointments...... JMHO 
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 11:19 AM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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DiamondRain
Posts: 6,354
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This is a home run post Marylou.
For me it is critically important that someone shows a genuine interest in me in order for me to want to be around them.
The world is full of people that, for various reasons, are preoccupied with themselves. Some are selfish, some are so overwhelmed by their own problems that they cannot see beyond their own needs. They need a therapist, not a romantic partner.
It takes a certain kind of peace with yourself to be able to take a genuine interest in someone else. Many people have not reached that level of inner peace. It’s wise to be wary of getting into relationships with such people.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 1:13 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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marylou
Posts: 10,729
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Hi Diamond !!!......what does a *home run post* mean??.....dumb blonde here..........
I think you are right about the inner peace. I feel its being content with who you are........and knowing what you want from someone....not particularly romantic attachments........necessarily........but friendships also. Many of us have had friends who just talk about themselves alll the time.....or their families.......but never ask about the other persons.......and are never interested either. I think it is a human trait.........but not of all humans. Friends share things......good news stories......their woes.......and also their joys. I dont feel at ease meeting someone who wants to meet me..........but isnt interested in hearing anythiing I have to say. I wondered how other people here on MD......felt about that also.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 3:45 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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DiamondRain
Posts: 6,354
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Hi Marylou ... by homerun post I meant that I think you posted a great topic! 
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 4:05 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,059
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It takes a certain kind of peace with yourself to be able to take a genuine interest in someone else. Many people have not reached that level of inner peace. It’s wise to be wary of getting into relationships with such people.
You must be at peace with yourself or there will be no peace in a relationship.
Many times online relationship flourish until it's time to meet. If they aren't willing to meet after a reasonable amount of time, then it's time to move on.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 4:23 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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DiamondRain
Posts: 6,354
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I agree. Frankly, if I am really serious about wanting to meet someone, I will meet them right away. All of the dates I have had with women I met online happened after no more than one or two e-mails. I just want to meet and find out if there is really something there instead of fooling around online.
Unfortunately, that is the problem with meeting someone far away. You can’t just pop over to pick them up for a date.
That’s why I think most LD online relationships are doomed.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 4:31 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,059
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LDR's are a difficult situation and the greater the distance, the more difficult it becomes.
Time in person is important. Time on the phone can be useful too, but too much time on IM's becomes really impersonal after a while.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 4:58 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,955
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the greater the distance, the more difficult it becomes.
That's not always true. I treat my relationship like I'd treat any other relationship. I treat Marko like I would treat him if he was right here with me. The only thing that makes it difficult is the cost of the calls. But it would be the same "difficulty" if he lived in California, except we'd have a three hour time difference instead of seven.
I honestly don't mind not seeing him. I'm used to it.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 5:03 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,059
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And you and Marko are one of the exceptions. 
You look at things realistically and are comfortable where you are at. I'm glad you can be an example to the rest of us.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 7:57 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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Say_Yes
Posts: 2,226
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This is for both males and females. I have had quite a few experiences where I have chatted with males on line......who have wanted to meet me and take me on a date. I always tell them that I am not in any hurry to meet them ....but will get to know them on line for quite a while first. Now after a few months of chatting.....they put the heavies on about meeting and dating again. Now after many months of chatting......when you have shown every interest in them....asked 101 questions about their activities......their careers......their hobbies or whatever. In all those months they have shown no interest or not asked one question about my life or hobbies or interests....or what things I like to do.
I can't speak for anyone but me, but from my perspective, if a woman made me jump through all of those hoops, just for a chance to meet & chat in person over a cup of coffee, I would have moved on long ago. I might continue to respond to your emails, but it is highly unlikely that my interest would remain for several months, with no sign from you that you are actually going to move forward with anything more than endless chat. I don't have time or energy in my life to waste on such & I doubt that many men do.
In other words, it isn't them, it is you. There comes a time when you have to decide whether to fish or cut bait. By the time you are ready to try to land your fish, he has already slipped the hook. My advice, chat a bit, learn a bit about the guy and if interested move forward with a real life meeting. He is not going to stick around and play 101 questions forever, waiting for you to give him the time of day.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 8:36 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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DeputyWitch
Posts: 697
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I can't speak for anyone but me, but from my perspective, if a woman made me jump through all of those hoops, just for a chance to meet & chat in person over a cup of coffee, I would have moved on long ago.
In other words, it isn't them, it is you. There comes a time when you have to decide whether to fish or cut bait. By the time you are ready to try to land your fish, he has already slipped the hook. My advice, chat a bit, learn a bit about the guy and if interested move forward with a real life meeting. He is not going to stick around and play 101 questions forever, waiting for you to give him the time of day.
Bingo!
You fully expect for a guy to hang around for months not even knowing if you will grace him with a meeting at your convenience and at the same time shower you with attention? Sorry, but I don't think so.
I'd also be very very wary of any guy who'd actually do it. It would mean he has no integrity, self esteem and is a general loser with too much time on his hands.
My honest advice would be to either change your ways and expectations in a hurry or resign to the fact that you'll end up alone with a laptop in your hands emailing a guy in the neighboring nursing home.
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 9:28 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest.
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lazareth
Posts: 1,473
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When you try to talk a little about your day or a bit about your stuff......they bring the conversation back on to themselves.........and the whole time
that right there tells me they don't give a rats rear end and a real relationship/ friendship.....
selfish....
jmo
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| Oct 19, 2008 @ 9:31 PM |
People you meet on line who want to date you.......but dont show interest. |
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Ruthless666
Posts: 198
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I may be a jaded old broad but I can tell within a few minutes of instant chat or after a few emails whether the person is gonna be hard conversational work or not.
If they're difficult to talk to online...99% of the time that will translate into person.
Long distance is slightly different, it's a big investment to travel to another country or state, so more time online is needed before you make the jump.
Sooo Marylou....if those chatters don't appear to be interested in your life or daily activities, then they're probably not!
Move on and chat to someone who [I]deserves[/I ]your time. 
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