| Nov 1, 2008 @ 2:07 PM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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belladonnaberte
Posts: 32
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Would you agree that love is doomed to fail within 4-5 months after it blossoms? I've heard this from men so many times, that this is a popular conception from the male side of relationships. For men, after 4-5 months; it is all about the physical aspect of the relationship, work and supporting...
Men seem to think that women want the romance to continue. They say that we are all about and expect candlelight dinners, trips to the theater, gifts, cards and flowers. Men on the other hand have a different take on love and if they are in the same relationship after 4-5 months the energy they placed in the beginning of the relationship, the romance and silliness begins to fall to the wayside and their inner nature comes to the forefront and begins to focus more on their roles as providers and protectors.
It seems as romance in not a priority with men in a stable relationship. Men have different things to do. They feel they have to work, they have to support, they have to take care -- financially and physically.
The men that I've come to know believe women don't appreciate the imperatives that drive a man when he is in love and interpret the absence of romance in a relationship as absence of love. The men seem to believe that the women assume the man simply does not care.
What do you think? I would love to hear from both men and women on their views on this subject...
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| Nov 1, 2008 @ 2:10 PM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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drs297
Posts: 4,973
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First don't ever put me in a grouping or use the wording Men, All Men or anything else.. Now that I've said that.. yeah your right.. 
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| Nov 1, 2008 @ 2:40 PM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 5,356
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I think it's all about mindset..how you go into any relationship may doom you... but love is not doomed to fail...people may kill it with high expectations or too many judgements of what the other partner should and should not be.
Love is exactly what you make of it...often times it's made more complicated then it really has to be. Simply open your heart and mind to what can be...be cautious but not paranoid...it it's meant to be, it will be..otherwise chalk it up to another experience learned and move on with life.
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| Nov 1, 2008 @ 2:57 PM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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belladonnaberte
Posts: 32
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Alright, I can work with that...
Let me rephrase it the following way:
Would you agree that love is doomed to fail within 4-5 months after it blossoms? I've been told this by many of the men that I know so many times, that I have come to believe that this is a popular conception from the select male perspective. These men wish for the women at large to understand that for them, as men, after 4-5 months; it is all about the physical aspect of the relationship, work and supporting...
The males that were involved in the initial conversation seemed to think that the women they come incontact with and persue relationships with want the romance to continue. These same men said that the same said women are all about and expect candlelight dinners, trips to the theater, gifts, cards and flowers. Now, these same men, on the other hand have a different take on love and if they are in the same relationship, the romance and silliness begins to fall to the wayside and their inner nature comes to the forefront and they begin to focus more on their roles as providers and protectors.
It seems as romance is not a priority in a stable relationship from their point of view. They believe that men have different things to do when their inner nature comes to the forefront. They feel they have to work, they have to support, they have to take care -- financially and physically.
These men that I have come to know over the years believe women don't appreciate the imperatives that drive a man when he is in love and interpret the absence of romance in a relationship as absence of love. The men involved in this discussion believe that the vast majority of women assume the man simply does not care.
What do you think? I would love to hear from everyone on their views on this subject. Are the men I've known over the years (friends, co-workers, cousins, etc.) correct?
(I hope I have been politically correct in this version, it is not my intent to put anyone in a grouping. Sometimes there is no way to get around men, women, male, female...sorry if I offend anyone and feel you are singled out).
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| Nov 1, 2008 @ 3:12 PM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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drs297
Posts: 4,973
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psst.. I was kicking ya in the nuts.. Can care less how you word it, being a smartass.
In my book these same men are the stupid idiots who use Feb. 14th as the only day to express romance, why because a calendar says so. I for one am not going to fall all over you with trying to romance you with every step or move I make but you can damn well be sure romance will be there.. I don't believe in the valentines day and have said it many times because would rather have the other 364 days of the year to show you instead of being told what day.
That whole physical aspect crap they are feeding you is part of any relationship for men and women, if that isn't there you would not have a relationship.
It is the mixture of physical, mysterious, romance, intrique (spelling?) passion and good old fashion feelings.
Next time a man tells you it is doomed to fail in 4-5 months, just ask them if you can have the money which was going to be spent on you and call it a day
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| Nov 1, 2008 @ 3:15 PM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Love May Be Doomed To Fail...but you can`t just blame it on the men..it takes two to make a relationship work..and if they begin to think that way then perhaps one should take a look in the mirror and ask why.
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| Nov 1, 2008 @ 8:46 PM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 14,812
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What do you think? I would love to hear from everyone on their views on this subject. Are the men I've known over the years (friends, co-workers, cousins, etc.) correct?
nope.......
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| Nov 1, 2008 @ 8:54 PM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,828
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nope here, too.
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| Nov 6, 2008 @ 10:33 AM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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tatiana329
Posts: 1,121
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Seems to me you date the same type men if they all say that... and they aren't very strong men worth dating... maybe you should seek therapy to see why you are attracted to losers.
They sure sound like losers.
If it were me and a guy told me that... I would not stick around.
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| Nov 6, 2008 @ 4:00 PM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,791
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Seems to me you date the same type men if they all say that... and they aren't very strong men worth dating... maybe you should seek therapy to see why you are attracted to losers.
They sure sound like losers.
She didn't say they were men she dated, she said men she had talked to ....
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| Nov 6, 2008 @ 4:05 PM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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willowy1
Posts: 9,283
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LB ...but..but..you are ruining tatiana's fun. She comes here primarily to put the little people down, you know so she can feel superior?
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| Nov 6, 2008 @ 4:10 PM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,791
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Oh, I get it now .... thanks Willow .... went right over my head .... maybe I'm one of those losers she was talking about .... ?
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| Nov 6, 2008 @ 4:13 PM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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willowy1
Posts: 9,283
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Not you Tiger! 
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| Nov 8, 2008 @ 4:41 AM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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belladonnaberte
Posts: 32
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In re. to:
"Seems to me you date the same type men if they all say that... and they aren't very strong men worth dating... maybe you should seek therapy to see why you are attracted to losers.
They sure sound like losers."
and...
"LB ...but..but..you are ruining tatiana's fun. She comes here primarily to put the little people down, you know so she can feel superior? "
No Willowy1, I would have to say that you have what I asked incorrect. I do not come in here to put anyone down, little, big or otherwise, you must have me confused with someone else as I haven't posted in here in a very long time. As I stated, this is a comment that I have heard time and again from people I've come to "know"...not date, or hang with or anything of the like, the "people" are a number of patrons that come into my place of employment... This whole conversation started when on Sweetest Day a person made a stupid remark in the Hallmark aisle where I work. I do not know who they were talking to, or who their comment was directed at as I was assisting someone else at the time. The conversation became lively and very vindictive and those that frequent the store have continued to put their perspective on the remark of whether or not love is doomed to fail within 4-5 months after it blossoms. Since the remark that led to the question, has had so many people going for weeks on end, I thought I would pose the question here in the forum and see how people felt about it here, it was my hope that I would hear something more positive. . I've found it very interesting the responses I have received here in the group, those that posted to me directly have been very open, some of the responses have been really thought provoking on how relationships are viewed, what is and is not expected, with insight in areas I never thought of, so I am very glad I asked. I'm a single mother and I am raising sons. This comment in the aisle in the store was something that came out of left field, and it did surprise me as to what he was saying. My parents taught that if you do not know how a person would feel in any given situation that you should ask, not assume...so, I asked... and since I am not a man, and we are all here on a match-making site for our own personal reasons, I thought that I would ask for a mans' perspective here in the group on how they felt about being thought of in this way, and if there was any basis to the remark made...also, I wanted to hear if there were women outside the store that really felt this way about men in general about romance... I thought I did well in being neutral in bringing up this question. And for the record, I'm not dating anyone right now... and thank you LB (you are not a loser), drs297, snappygoddess, Tinkergrrr, Loreli and everyone who read the question as it was meant and for your responses...and my question wasn't pointing any specific person out, it was just a general question looking for an honest response. Nothing more, nothing less...
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| Nov 8, 2008 @ 10:47 AM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 5,356
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Bella... please re-read all of the responses....Willowy did NOT make that remark..."tatiana329" made that remark about you picking losers...and Willow was stating that "tatiana329" likes to put little people down..NOT YOU!
It's easy to get confused sometimes with who posts what..and Willow is not the type to post to someones thread just to put them down for no reason. tatiana329 on the other hand 
Hope this clears it up and please, dont let this put you off from staying around and sharing with us
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| Nov 8, 2008 @ 11:40 AM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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belladonnaberte
Posts: 32
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SnappyGoddess, thank you for bringing this to my attention....you are 100 % right and I'm very thankful that you caught my mistake....
Willowy1, You have my most heartfelt apology in my misreading your post. Please if you would, forgive me. Rarely do I misunderstand what someone writes, though most of us who do spend time in the forums know it can be confusing from time to time to follow what is being said, but this is no excuse on my behalf.. Bottom line, is I was wrong.
Again, please forgive me.
Hope you have a wonderful day!
Bella
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| Nov 8, 2008 @ 12:11 PM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,791
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| Nov 8, 2008 @ 12:17 PM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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dallas1995
Posts: 167
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for me...the romance will never end...that is my view in my life...yet, it is a commonly held view that it takes two to tango...I am not one to beat a dead horse...gawd, now the animal rights activist will be annoyed at that referrence
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| Nov 8, 2008 @ 2:44 PM |
Love is doomed to fail...
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catman602
Posts: 774
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for me love has not found me . My ex and broke up 14 years ago and I still have not found anyone . that along time to go without love . so I would say love has failed and the song . where is the love ? I ask that all the time .
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| Nov 8, 2008 @ 2:56 PM |
Love is doomed to fail... |
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belladonnaberte
Posts: 32
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Up to this point, I haven't voiced my personal thoughts...
So...here goes...
Whether it's a first date, a 2 yr relationship, or 16 years of marriage, it takes two to keep the romance alive and the relationship viable, both have to want it. I believe couples, who love one another, need that sense of intimacy and sexual electricity to divide the couple from the rest of the world. In the beginning it takes two to make a spark, right? It's all magic, romance, flowers, dinner dates, etc in the beginning when everything starts to click and we divide off as a couple. It's fun, it's exciting, we are hopeful, it keeps us revved up throughout our work day, we send texts in the beginning, make phone calls just to say "I'm thinking of you," then we are looking forward to punching out and going home, all leading up to spending time together and forgetting the world we left behind at the time clock and in our homes. The beginning is the period of discovery in any relationship. It's simple in the beginning. Then it happens....reality creeps in, and the fresh new beginning is gone...you find that you are into the relationship, lets say 4-5 months down the line it's no secret that maintaining any relationship in today's society has become a difficult thing to achieve; especially if you have been with your partner a long time, both working to make ends meet, the kids need attention and so does life in general, some of us are even working extra hard because we are two families blending as one... all these things pull at us with the demands we need to meet. We are tired, we are stressed, what used to be a loving embrace turns to a quick peck on the cheek or a simple hey when passing one another between rooms. Eventually, one day we roll over in bed, or turn to look at our partner across the room and they are becoming a stranger to us. We notice that the romantic aspect of our relationship may have grown stale and become routine. The little things that we ignored or didn't place much importance on suddenly becomes irritating to us, as if what the other person did or didn't do, no matter how small, it's effect on us is equal to sandpaper on sunburn. Granted, sometimes this may be a sign of deeper issue with one or both partners (health, work related, children, family, depression...etc.), for the most part I feel it is simply an easy indication that our relationships are due for a tune up! :) If we have gotten to the point that we are taking one another for granted, we know who will be there when we get home at the end of the day (when we both in up in sweats, hair amuss, perhaps even needing a shower, dinner gets slapped on the table, another settles in with the remote and a beverage, and neither puts any more energy into the relationship, why? because we are all done in, we perhaps feel we have nothing left to give of ourselves.. you get the idea), perhaps if more people, like those who were spouting off in the Hallmark aisle in my store started thinking like they did in the beginning of their relationships, their attitude wouldn't be, "Oh I better get at least a card or I'll be in the dog house", instead it might be..."who needs a card..I have something better in mind", so rather than making Hallmark a profit (hey I am the hallmark person at my store also, and yes, I am saying this, sue me, lol). Perhaps if we started dating again in our relationships, even if it is just via a phone conversation, usually there is a house phone and a cell phone in the home, step outside, away from the chaos, sit in the car..call and have them meet you, and just talk...nothing more, just like in the beginning..get to know one another all over again. Yes it is going to take effort. Our partner might even think we are turning soft in the head. In truth we are softening our hearts, and just like in the beginning, those special precious few moments will once again become golden. It has to start somewhere, someone has to take the first step. People change over time, I know I did, so did my ex., it's part of human nature, we don't sit stagnant (could you imagen the smell if we did? lol  not cool). Things were different with my ex. He did a total 360 and went in an entirely different direction, that wasn't my fault, he was true to himself and I respect him for making the choice he had. I admit, I didn't at the time... I still don't like it, but he's happy. I Respect his decision. He has a long road ahead of him, and it's not going to be easy, but it is right for him. It's his life, we just have to work at finding common ground with our son's during visitation. Someday, I can only hope that I will find someone where we are right for one another and we are willing to do the work it takes to blend our families, if not...it's okay too, being single isn't the worst thing in life, I can think of things that are far more worse than being single.
These people that I have come across in relation to this thread I learned yesterday, one couple is headed for the big "D". Maybe it is too late for them...who knows...maybe when they stop thinking "Me" and start once again thinking "We"...they might find a glimmer of hope they will both reach for together.
To tie it all up, (yeah, I wrote a lot here, please bear with me just a little bit longer). The men I was raised around, my father and a lot of uncles and my friends fathers, all were the main bread winners in the house. I saw that they were concerned about making sure there was always
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