| Jan 6, 2006 @ 4:57 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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foxygray
Posts: 27
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Okay guys, maybe you can help me out on this one! Ladies, you can help me too!
If you write a woman and you are either too old for her (and her age limit is clearly stated in her profile) or she just does not find you attractive, what would you prefer she did?
1. Reply back saying the truth (if it is age only)
2. Reply back saying the truth even if she isn't attracted to you
3. Reply back saying that you just aren't her type or she isn't interested.
4. Reply back saying she already met someone, but thanks
5. Ignore the message totally.
I try to always reply back to anyone that writes me because I am flattered that they even took the time to write and know it takes guts. However, I don't like to lie and I don't like to hurt anyone. If it is an age thing, I say that. However, if I just am not attracted to them, I don't know what to say. Any help you can give would be appreciated.
I also have guys that write back and say rude things after I'm totally nice or insist that the age difference shouldn't be an issue.  So I wonder if being nice is always the right thing to do.
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 5:04 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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I seldom write to girls that I don't know from the forums but I will ocassionally write to someone who clearly isn't interested just because something in their profile catches my eye. I'll comment on whatever interested me, wish them luck, and be on my merry way. It doesn't require a reply.
And you never know what might happen anyway.
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 5:15 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,592
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Write back saying;
I am not interested in you. Please don't write back.
If you think it is necessary include the words: I'm putting you on the blocked list.
It is better that you don't beat around the bush when talking to men because men have trouble understanding a woman's implied thoughts because our minds are not wired that way.
Take what I say seriously and Good luck
[Edited on 1/6/2006 5:16 PM]
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 5:19 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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Since you said the girls can play too...
I do write back. I ask them if they realize they are not in my age range, but thank them too. I explain I am flattered, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
Be tactful.
Even if I think they are unattractive, I don't need to go there. The age issue is what I focus on.
Remember, if they write back and are rude to you, you can block their butts. If they are extremely abusive, report them to MD.
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 5:31 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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I agree with Always.....you have to be very firm with men.....they tend to hear what they want. I just ignore them unless I am in one of my particularly sarcastic moods. 
Find what is best for you dear. You are not responsible for the feelings of others. 
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 5:58 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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alachuabrian
Posts: 115
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Like many things, there is no reason to make this a gender issue.
When someone writes to me, I generally feel they deserve a response. Ignoring a polite, friendly letter is just as rude as sending a 'nastygram'.
There are a LOT of issues that might make or break a potential relationship with a new acquaintance. The first thing I do after receiving an email is read the author's profile carefully to see what we may have in common. There could be some major stumbling blocks as well, and I try to give both equal consideration.
It doesn't take much effort or time to write a brief reply, something like ;
Hi, glad to hear from you!
I see we are 828 miles apart geographically. That much distance could make 'dating' a bit difficult, but I'm always open to new friends & who knows where it might lead us!
You are cordially invited to share your thoughts on any subject, and you can be sure I will consider them carefully & reply in kind.
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 6:06 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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johnw_6
Posts: 194
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Foxy,
always go with the truth! -- that is afterall the only thing you can control - if he turns out to be a d*ck then at least your not one for any lie.
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 6:13 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,790
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I reply back too with a polite refusal 
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 6:25 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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danae74
Posts: 601
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(sigh)
...feeling a little jaded right about now...I used to write back with the polite refusal, but that was quite a number of them ago...add in the psychos, and now I just shrug and delete the totally incompatible ones... 
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 6:39 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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icq4fun2
Posts: 152
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If age is the only issue, then just say so. If distance is the only issue, then just say so. Being polite IS important, but just because a person is being polite doesn't mean they can't be direct. (I think too many people worry about being nice. Sometimes I know I do when what I need to do is being direct.) And I don't think this is a gender issue. We've all had peple on here email us in the past who were out of our age range, some distance away, or didn't meet other "criteria" as detailed in our individual profiles. (Women do this to guys as well, so it's not just a male thing.)
Not to hi-jack the thread, but what's a guy supposed to do when a woman emails him and she happens to be BBW when he's looking for someone slim? How can that be handled deftly without hurting someone's feelinigs? (I probably just commited matchdoc suicide by asking such a question.)
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 6:54 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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I'm honestly not hurt if she doesn't write back, foxy. I can't compel a response. If for whatever reason she decided I'm not her cuppa tea, I'm certainly not going to go into therapy racking my brain trying to figure out her motives.
Don't obsess, move on.
It could be my fault, too, like you said. Maybe I didn't read her profile carefully enough and missed her restrictions (age, distance limit, must love kids, etc). Then I'M the dumba** for writing in the first place and don't deserve a reply.
[Edited on 1/6/2006 6:54 PM]
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 7:12 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,790
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Just politely tell her without bringing up the reason why...a simple no thank you I`m not interested will do i would think...
oops that was for icq4fun 
[Edited on 1/6/2006 7:13 PM]
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 7:25 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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icq4fun2
Posts: 152
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 I figured it was Tink. Thanks 
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 7:34 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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Graystar
Posts: 282
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"lie to me...I promise I'll believe"
Sheryl Crow
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 8:02 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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sureyacan125
Posts: 187
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Girls, let us old guys down easy. Some of us are not dead yet and certainly not ready for the couch. You may be missing something. If a woman's line in the sand is within 5 to 10 years, I'm guilty, I'll contact her. However, if I don't hear back or she says there is an age compatability issue, it all ends right there. More often than not, they want to know more. I have age limits too, but I broke them over the weekend, so maybe since it's not in stone for me I presume it isn't for the women either. If I am wrong, I apologize for bothering you young hotties....
[Edited on 1/6/2006 8:03 PM]
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 8:28 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 10,902
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What's wrong with a simple "I don't think we're a match. Good luck."?????? Short, sweet, to the point, not dishonest in any way, not at all condescending....I see that, and I just move on.....
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 8:43 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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hercules1944
Posts: 167
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 Oh what tangled webs we weave, when at first, we do deceive. This is MatchDoctor, take it for what it is. I agree with the lines in the sand theory. I set parameters, that is all. Does not mean I am not flexible. Give me a break, if the woman is not flexible , then going further would be a set up for disaster. Any relationship requires some give/take.
Personally, I am flattered when I receive a wink or a note. A simple note, saying you are flattered, but, I do not think we will mesh, is probably the best approach. If I am the sender, and do not hear back, one way or the other, I am not offended. Got bigger fish to fry.
Foxy, you be careful. I have made it known on a few threads that I am looking for a foxy lady. NADA, waaaayyy to young. You are new to the site, so bend with the breeze a little.
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 8:54 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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torees121
Posts: 739
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I am flattered that they even took the time to write and know it takes guts.
we are on an internet dating site and half the people don't even use their first names....how much guts does that take? If I am not interested I do not reply. I am b!tching and rude sometimes, but my time is precious and I do not have time to waste on someone I am not interested in.
When I have replied it starts a message chain. So it isn't simpy ONE simple email, it becomes two and then you are left defending yourself against someone you don't want to go out with about WHY you don't want to go out with them
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 8:57 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages.....
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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When I have replied it starts a message chain.
Ive got one of those going on and I'm not real sure what to do with it. She started it.
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| Jan 6, 2006 @ 8:58 PM |
A question for the guys on reponding to messages..... |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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I'd prefer they just ignore the email. It gets the message across just fine. Who wants to see that someone responded only to read they have turned you down. I'll take an ignore over that any day.
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