| Dec 30, 2008 @ 11:51 PM |
What if it really is just me?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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I've read on a few topics of "it's not you, it's me" and I'd like to put a twist on it. What if it truely is me and not you? How do you tell someone this without being cocky? (which is what it is percieved as being)
What if it really is "me" there is nothing wrong with you, it just doesn't work for me... how does this make me the bad guy/ girl?
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| Dec 30, 2008 @ 11:57 PM |
What if it really is just me? |
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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Because regardless of if its you, or me, someone isnt getting what they want out of the deal. When you deny me, tell me no, you become the bad person. Just like when you dont give cookies to the children. Meany.
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:02 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Why not accept "You are absofreakinglutely wonderful. I know this... but it's just not working for me?" What is this need to have a bad guy? Why not shake your head and say "it's your loss"?
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:04 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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Because everyone knows that line is bullshit. If I were so great and freaking wondermous, you would want to have sex with me. 
Just like we know that all ugly people dont have great personalities.
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:13 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Pffft...  Everyone wants to believe that line is bullshit because we are unwilling to accept difference.
That line can oft be the truth. Should one pretend because there is no other reason? Or should we not be honest and tell it like it is... there is nothing wrong with you... I'm absolutely foocked and can't do this? Yes, it is me, not you...
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:17 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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lj450
Posts: 9,550
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there is nothing wrong with you... I'm absolutely foocked and can't do this? Yes, it is me, not you...
Well, thats easy to say from your high and mighty throne. What about the other 10 or 15 people who have told your rejectee the same thing? Could they begin to detect a pattern here? 
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:22 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Hmmm... Lj... to tell the truth, I've seen a whole lot of feedback about this 'line' here over time and am surprised to get no more feedback than yours.(although it is appreciated for your candidness)
What I'm trying to say is... this is often where I find myself... and it is not a line, it is the truth... I just 'ain't no good at this'... it really is me.... " Why must people assign blame. Why arn't we "allowed" to tell the truth?
This is not a high and mighty throne, this is admitting a flaw, a weakness if you will...a truth even if flawed...
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:24 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,676
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Like the line in the movie .... "You can't handle the truth" .... most people are going to take it as rejection regardless of the reason ....
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:28 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Isn't that sad Laidback... when someone gives you their truth and you'd rather accept insult? (not you personally... but you know what I mean?)
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:33 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,676
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I admit, I've been there .... probably most people have .... and it took awhile to get past the being hurt aspect and letting what they said actually sink in .... it's almost a double standard in that, if we are the ones saying "It isn't working", we deal with it, but when hearing it, we don't look at it, or reason with it, the same way ....
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:40 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,059
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No matter how pissed I have gotten, no matter how stupid she has been, no matter how emotional and irrational the women in my life have been, at some point I have looked into myself and realized I have things I can learn from this, and how I could have handled it differently.
And then there have been times I did something stupid and as sorry as I am, I still can look at her and see her stupid shit too.
In other words, there is something to be learned from every situation, and placing all the blame on the other person, will get you no where. Except right back where you are.
I still have a problem with some of the angry women I have seen on here, blaming everything that has ever gone wrong in their life on their ex-husband, right down to the kids and child support...... and all I can say is............ YOU PICKED HIM !!!!!!!!!! And you probably had more than a couple of kids, why ? Thinking more would fix things ?
If I picked him for you, then feel free to bitch me out about what a ass he was.
Other than that, look into the mirror, and get a reality check and realize there is enough blame to go around. Shut the fuk up and move on......
How does that go........ ?? Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me !!!!!!!!
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:40 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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"Reason" isn't often associated with affairs of the heart I suppose. I honestly beleive when we learn the world absolutely does not revolve around 'us' we can begin to believe that others may have their issues too... they may be telling 'their' thruths....
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:41 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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Nightowl001
Posts: 7,492
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Like the line in the movie .... "You can't handle the truth" .... most people are going to take it as rejection regardless of the reason .... Uh... maybe that is because, no matter what the reason, it is a rejection. Whether it's you or them, they're still not what you want. You can't escape the fact that "If I'm so wonderful, he/she WOULD want me, enough to overcome their problem." I know it's tantamount to saying "What? Whaddya mean you WOULDN'T walk through fire for me?" Don't know what to tell you about that.
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:43 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Ouch Blue!... although I think I understand what you are saying... I'm not so sure how it apllies here,,, but I guess it boils down to accept responsibilty for your choices...
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:47 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,059
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I got the " well you should know whats wrong........... and if you don't, then I can't tell you........"
Or they sulk around and you ask what's wrong, and they say .....nothing !!!!!!!!!!!!
Then we have to get into a screaming match to find out what the hell is wrong, by then, we have blown the whole thing into name calling, and bitterness on both sides, with a wall of hurt that neither wants breaks down.
I don't need or want all this drama, if you love me that much, lets at least try to discuss it first....... PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:53 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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blueyes101
Posts: 12,059
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 Sorry, I got a little worked up there.
If I decide to date a woman who is very bitchy, and try as much as I can to overlook it...... I am an idiot to blame HER for being a bitch.
Yes, it is her, but I made the choice to continue the relationship knowing full well what she is.....
So, it isn't " just me " or " just her ". It " just didn't work ".
Analyze, access and move on.
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:54 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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NIghtowl
Uh... maybe that is because, no matter what the reason, it is a rejection. I suppose that's my point... it's not a rejection and I have a hard time seeing why one would choose to see it that way? and bottom line, it is a choice. I tell you the truth, you refuse to accept it and on top of that feel the need to assign blame? WTF? Would it be best if I lied to you? This seems to be what folks are seeking...
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 12:58 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Blue... I don't know that you are seeing what I am saying... I am not posting individual situations here,,, no ugliness... no squabling... just getting to the place where "I'm sorry, this isn;t working... there's nothing 'wrong' with you... it really is not working for me" Therefore it's not you... it's me....
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 1:00 AM |
What if it really is just me?
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Nightowl001
Posts: 7,492
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Wanda, in it's simplest form, you either accept/receive them, or reject them. Since this is NOT accepting/receiving them, then yes, it IS a rejection No matter what lies behind the reasoning, you ARE saying "I don't want YOU."
Now, the problem is how they deal with it. Most people, for better or worse, base much of their self-image on what they perceive from other people about themselves. And one must be mature to accept and sublimate the ego injury that rejection is.
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| Dec 31, 2008 @ 1:01 AM |
What if it really is just me? |
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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Would it be best if I lied to you? This seems to be what folks are seeking... There you go. You came up with the answer. The old saying of, "What they don't know can't hurt them". It applies to the single one too. What he/she doesn't know...
No one likes to be told they are not the one. It doesn't matter what is said, it still hits to the core don't you think?
So, a white lie is better.
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