| Jan 3 @ 9:38 AM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there?
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,610
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Just looked at the red flag thread and started thinking about relationships that I bailed on because I really didn't think he was that into me and figured I'd get out before I really got hurt...and I nearly did the same old thing with my SO -fortunately he's a patient type and we ended up talking it through, in fact the worse the blowup, the stronger the relationship was later. I guess I'm still learning.
Anybody else out there whose self esteem issues tripped them up? 
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| Jan 3 @ 9:47 AM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there? |
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katydid438
Posts: 8,020
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Anybody else out there whose self esteem issues tripped them up?
My lack of self esteem has caused me to put blinders on my common sense and get involved with a seriously flawed man once.
With the help of family and caring friends I eventually saw the light and have not repeated that mistake. 
Yes, I am a worthy and valuable woman 
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| Jan 3 @ 10:51 AM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there?
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Loreli
Posts: 25,404
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Yes, I have-for those very reasons.
But they didn't try to get me back, there must have been a problem with "us."
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| Jan 3 @ 6:40 PM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there? |
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meanjolene
Posts: 480
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I don't know if you would call it "red flags" not really there, or just maybe...maybe persistence is a quality I really admire in a man. I want to know that he has a genuine interest, or I would probably just pass him by.
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| Jan 3 @ 7:23 PM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there?
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missliss78
Posts: 5,190
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I've done this before, I am sure...I will probably do it again.
I put it in the category of being safe instead of sorry. I can relate back to the beginning of the relationship with my now ex-husband #2. Something kept pushing me away...he was 7 years younger...lots of ways I didn't go for...I pushed...he persisted...eventually we were together for 4 years...then married & a within the week after the wedding, I knew the marriage was doomed.  I swear, I should have taken heed 4 years prior & I wouldn't have gotten into that mess. 
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| Jan 12 @ 4:23 PM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there? |
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custis
Posts: 1,890
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I think that so-called "red flags" are ignored about 99% of the time when a person sees someone who meets their personal preferences. This is why such a horrendously large number of people get out of bad relationships and jump right back into another bad one.
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| Jan 12 @ 4:40 PM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there?
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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Anybody else out there whose self esteem issues tripped them up? not self esteem per se but more of foisting the sins of another on the current... yanno thinking well... the ex did this so will this person..  but after years of repeat performances by exes ..ie: they DID do as the others did... its gets very hard to trust again and not LOOK constantly for red flags I see it as more of a self preservation mode  that fool me once thingy 
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| Jan 12 @ 5:14 PM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there? |
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Jalon
Posts: 1,611
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foisting the sins of another on the current... yanno thinking well... the ex did this so will this person
I think many of us are guilty of this. Seeing red flags that aren't there is just a self defense mechanism of someone who isn't really ready for a relationship! It may feel like a self esteem issue but I think it's more of just getting your trust in yourself back.
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| Jan 12 @ 9:34 PM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there?
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signme
Posts: 12,586
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Sometimes it may be more of a I'll hurt him, or maybe just end the relationship, BEFORE I get hurt. So I guess that would be a survival instinct or self-preservation.
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| Jan 12 @ 11:54 PM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there? |
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keeno
Posts: 2,363
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one thing i've learned about online relationships, at least for me, if after a month of communication in one form or another, you don't have time to meet. chances are they will never have enough time for a relationship........
one red flag for me is when someone, refuses me a visit but will travel here, where motel rooms start at 100/night.
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| Jan 13 @ 5:07 AM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there?
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SensualGemini
Posts: 6,892
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...I think that red flags arrive as real, imagined and genetically inherited.
...Real, are as when someones says they will do something and they don't. Even in this virtual world, there is a live person on each end and if they say they will call you, or send a photo, or whatever and they don't, then there is no reason to believe that their integrity is any different in the tangible world. Another would be that you can only call at certain times, or they consistently call at certain times, absent on every weekend, or other indications that they are actually attached, etc.
...Imagined, are those that are conveyed by the negative experiences with someone prior, that may or may not be a negative. Certain actions trigger a similarity, such as they both leave their socks where they took them off, say similar quotes, drive the same vehicle, even make love the same, etc.
...Genetic, is where those characteristics are going to be in the majority of that gender and have been for the past 6,000 years. I have never seen a woman yet, that stopped testing her man for being alpha male and most of the time, they don't realize they are doing it. My parents have been married for 58 years and my Mom still does it, my ex constantly did it and I watch my friend's wives do it. For many men, this can initially be intimidating.
...As well, most men will do whatever for sex and even more for the approval of the woman he is in love with and women may see that as some form of coercion. Most of us men were not born with the ability to discern when to keep our mouth shut, but the smart ones eventually learn. etc.
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...Nevertheless, I think the memory of failure resides in most of us and I sometimes think that I have encountered a failed relationship, simply because I premeditated it to fail; as not believing it was going to last anyway... why should it, as none prior have.
....That is all I got Sis... my 2 cents. 
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| Jan 13 @ 7:01 AM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there? |
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KatiefromStafford
Posts: 2,750
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I'm not sure for me it is so much about seeing red flags as not seeing them.. I keep falling for the same kind of man.. so after a while I have to realize that the 'fault' doesn't lay with the men, but rather with me, because I cannot seem to break out of a pattern of looking for the abusive (or whatever) men.  
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| Jan 13 @ 10:13 AM |
How about those of us who see red flags that aren't really there?
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Jalon
Posts: 1,611
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I premeditated it to fail; as not believing it was going to last anyway
Ooh, yep...I've done this and worse yet, I confessed it to the guy!
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