| Jan 3 @ 2:17 PM |
Entitlement
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jdc67
Posts: 86
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Online I notice a strong attitude towards baseless entitlement.
This is for both m and f.
The easiest ones to describe and give examples about is the mama boy or daddy's girl
Both think they deserve out of nothing more then mama telling them they are so special, that wonderful other.
Like
" Hey I'm 45 fat out of shape living with mom. My women needs to be slender and elegant and serve me "
or
" daddy has always got me what i want I never had to worry about anything. i need man who can spoil me, give me everything I want and make me happy. "
When you look at what you are asking from a mate..Have you earned that. can you say for example
I got my masters and meeting someone with high education is must so i asking for someone with a bs or greater is fair
or i am attractive in great shape.. he or she should be too..
or even.. I am an honest person with a lot of integrity and have always treated my exes well I have demonstated what it takes to be a good boy or girlfriend.
Asking for something more then the superfical and for them to be willing to give the same back is deserved.
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| Jan 3 @ 2:21 PM |
Entitlement |
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scorpiogirl36
Posts: 4,002
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daddy has always got me what i want I never had to worry about anything. i need man who can spoil me, give me everything I want and make me happy. " But I want , what I want.....goes off stomping her feet and gritting her teeth 
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| Jan 3 @ 2:37 PM |
Entitlement
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,679
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People are products of how they were raised, what they've been told/taught, and the environments they've lived in, and may not see things from any other perspective .... if someone has been spoiled all their life, of course they will expect that to continue, and may not consider it being "spoiled" as much as they see it as being "normal" for their life .... if "mama" has told her overweight, lazy, high school dropout son all his life that he deserves the best looking, richest woman on Earth, is it his fault for believing it, wanting it and feeling "entitled" to it, or her fault for setting his thought process down that road and encouraging it.....?
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| Jan 3 @ 2:39 PM |
Entitlement |
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KAOS2007
Posts: 8,201
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^^^ So smart isn't he? 
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| Jan 3 @ 2:45 PM |
Entitlement
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Laidback742
Posts: 4,679
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Yes, jdc seems pretty intelligent ....
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| Jan 3 @ 2:46 PM |
Entitlement |
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KAOS2007
Posts: 8,201
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| Jan 3 @ 2:57 PM |
Entitlement
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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I think many of us incorporate what we learn everyday, into what we strive for-or don't...
Not just elementary school or our parents.
Heck-many people are the way way they are in SPITE of one or both parents.
People are entitled to GET what they are willing to GIVE.
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| Jan 3 @ 2:57 PM |
Entitlement |
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jdc67
Posts: 86
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Thank you for saying it was very nice of both of you
And AMEN loreli
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| Jan 3 @ 3:02 PM |
Entitlement
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Say_Yes
Posts: 2,226
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Okay, first of all, nobody "earns", nor are they entitled to anything in a mate, based on their own characteristics. Being fit does not entitle you to someone who also is fit. Being rich does not entitle you to someone who is physically beautiful. Having earned an education, does not entitle you to someone who also has obtained one. Now, some of these things may make for a better match, as you have common ground, but entitled? No. Relationships don't work that way. They are not based on entitlements. They are based on how the wants and needs of one partner are met by the other.
Personally, I think it is important for people to know what is important to them and seek out those qualities in a mate. One of the reasons that so many marriages fail, is that the marriage was a bad match from the outset. The partners did not fill the wants and needs of their mate. Over time, such relationships are doomed to fail. If you want to have a good, long term relationship, then you have to meet the needs of your partner. In a good match, those qualities exist from the outset, though behaviour/characteristics can be changed, if people truly want to change.
If your partner's physical fitness is important to you, then by all means, look for someone who is physically fit. Of course, it is reasonable to expect that she may want the same in her partner. So, if you are overweight and out of shape & you want a partner who is fit, then it would make sense to work on your own fitness, to improve your chances of finding someone who meets your own needs.
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| Jan 3 @ 3:14 PM |
Entitlement |
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jdc67
Posts: 86
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say yes
entitlement may not have been the best choice of words. but its more on the lines of balance and what is earned and deserved
in my opinion a relationhip is what two people currently has and or the potential of bringing to a relationship
i would not say a like a doctor should be matched with a doctor.
but i think there could be something there maybe not in educaton that would match.
it is not fair if you all you do is ask expect and can't offer anything
'i have nothing you give me everything '
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| Jan 3 @ 3:48 PM |
Entitlement
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Say_Yes
Posts: 2,226
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entitlement may not have been the best choice of words. but its more on the lines of balance and what is earned and deserved
In other words, entitled. If you have earned it & are deserving of it, then you are entitled to it. Hogwash!
Just because you have certain qualities, it does not mean that you automatically qualify for an upgrade to first class. My being tall & healthy, with a good job & a decent education, does not give me the right to choose a potential mate from Column B (I would not qualify for the A list obviously). We don't have a class system, which relegates people to a certain place in society, based on blood lines, education, income...
Don't get me wrong. I'm 52. If I only wanted to date women between the ages say 25 - 30, no kids, beautiful, intelligent...then odds are that I would only be able to do so by paying her hourly rate. (Of course, I do get those letters every day from women in China, who say they love me much, so perhaps....)
in my opinion a relationhip is what two people currently has and or the potential of bringing to a relationship
i would not say a like a doctor should be matched with a doctor.
but i think there could be something there maybe not in educaton that would match.
To an extent, I agree. In order for two people to have a good relationship, there needs to be common ground. I rarely find that I have much in common with women, who lack a college education. Yes, there are exceptions, but they are few & far between. At the same time, having a degree does not mean we are a good match, but the vast majority of the time, the lack of a degree is an excellent indicator that we are not well suited, one to the other.
it is not fair if you all you do is ask expect and can't offer anything
'i have nothing you give me everything
That is more than a little pompous & condecending. Everyone has something to offer. While it may not be of value to you, I can assure you that it is to them.
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| Jan 3 @ 5:19 PM |
Entitlement |
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jdc67
Posts: 86
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say yes
how i wish the fairy tale was true like a naive fool. I had bought into it ound out that it rarely exists.
i have to focus on the HONEST and practical..
I am a very loyal man. Of the men who can be there in tough times who CAN prove everything claimed. i am in the A list...
I am also certain that I have many things that need improving too..
I AM VERY FLEXIBLE in who I choose but I have NEVER met a woman online who was the same..
Where I am picky is that i expect the promised honesty and intergrity . i expect her to be willing to give the same that she asks as she should of me..
Online the lack of honesty and intergrity is my big red button.
Not one person has ever nor can claim I am neither..Then again thats easy because i have never at least on here been given a chance
near 7 yrs my friend..
LOOK well at my profile tell me if you will if it makes any sense that in all my email where i have sent maybe near 100 or who know more
To woman mostly 28-35 slender - average any education any race any income, anything but married. flexible on kids. flexible on religion flexible on location within the US
NEVER mean or suggestive email sent.. ALWAY friendly and polite although simple
that I have NEVER been given an honest chance only rejection emails if I'm lucky to receive any
One of the common things I see is the VERY high expecation and i think
Really ? and you expect this because you can offer what exactly
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| Jan 3 @ 5:28 PM |
Entitlement
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KatiefromStafford
Posts: 2,750
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Personally, I could care less what the 'package' looks like. I tend not to want the slim/athletic men because they are just that, and while I wish I was, I am not, and not sure I am willing to do all the work to get that way.
I care more about what a person is inside.. some of my best dates were with men that most women would never look twice at. And they were the perfect gentlemen, and delightful to be around.
The men that are thin and athletic and in shape are usually the ones (in my personal opinion) that have their noses so high in the air with their own superiority that I won't even look at them twice.. they have nothing I would be interested in, as I have no interest in kneeling at their alters of self adoration.
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| Jan 3 @ 5:29 PM |
Entitlement |
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Nightowl001
Posts: 7,505
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The only "entitlement" I feel I have is that I am entitled to reject anyone who is not what I want. I haven't advanced beyond feeling guilty when I say no, but I've learned I can live with feeling guilty. I'm sorry as hell I have to hurt someones ego by rejecting them, but I will not be trapped into making myself miserable trying to fulfill someone else's expectations.
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| Jan 3 @ 5:35 PM |
Entitlement
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KatiefromStafford
Posts: 2,750
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^^^^ seems reasonable.. Happy New Year, Night. 
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| Jan 3 @ 6:36 PM |
Entitlement |
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meanjolene
Posts: 480
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I agree with Nightowl to some extent. I feel entitled to reject, if I am forced into a rejection. I prefer to evade, politely, those I don't wanna date.
And I have resolved to feel zero guilt for doing so.
In my opinion, no one is entitled to a relationship, or very little else, for that matter.
I think that love is a gift that maybe not everyone gets.
If I do have a relationship in my future, it will be with someone who is my equal, and by this I mean equal to me in certain ways...
I own a vehicle and I'd never date a guy who didn't own one, or couldn't drive one because of too many DUI's or unpaid tickets.
I have a job and wouldn't date a man who didn't work.
I have a family and other people in my life and I treat them well, and I'd never date a man who was estranged from his family, especially his children, or who was abusive to his family...
I want someone with whom I have common ground, someone of similar background, beliefs, and someone whose age is suitable to mine, because I believe we would have a better chance of being happy.
Well, sorry, I didn't start out to write an essay!
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| Jan 3 @ 6:57 PM |
Entitlement
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jdc67
Posts: 86
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thats interesting Katie
When i first signed on to Matchdoctor I weighed 240 that is heavy in my book for my height.
I started loosing the weight about 5 yrs ago.. So i went to average then to where i am now.
When i was heavy i was treated like dry dog sh!t online or offline
i will alway give credit where its due and did meet one woman offline that gave me chance it did not work out but it lifted my hopes..
i loss weight the honest way by myself with no help by diet and exercise.
Beyond that so much of my life has given me the right to speak about a lot of things.
I am one of those who has gone through a lot more then majority has at least in the US from the time as kid to now
I take rejection more personally even though i know i shouldn't, but at the same time because i have alway had to rely on just me i have my pride and will not be someone pitty case..
I cut through bs like a samari warrior..
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| Jan 3 @ 7:40 PM |
Entitlement |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,615
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If I do have a relationship in my future, it will be with someone who is my equal, and by this I mean equal to me in certain ways...
I think you mean that you have certain standards, certain principles, and you won't settle for anyone who doesn't have and meet those same standards...? 
There are plenty of other things that may not be immediately obvious until a couple's actually spent some time together...its more on the lines of balance and what is earned and deserved
I think it's more on the line of balance and what's needed by each person. My headline says 'never say never cuz you never know'. I don't think anyone would consider my SO and I to be an obvious match, but I'm sure glad we gave it a chance. It's nearly two years, with three arguments, each of which brought us closer together.
Entitlement? For us we're entitled to integrity, honesty, consideration and loving kindness - it's what we both bring to the table.
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| Jan 4 @ 12:09 AM |
Entitlement
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Say_Yes
Posts: 2,226
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Okay, let me get this straight. You are 41. Until recently, you were obese. Through hard work, you lost weight (congratulations, I know just how hard that can be) and would now be more in the category of trim/fit. When you were fat, women treated you poorly. You have an average income and you have been looking for someone for about 7 years now.
Now, you want a woman who is slender and who is 6 to 13 years younger than you are. Just curious, but
Really ? and you expect this because you can offer what exactly
Do you have any idea, just how many more men there are online, than there are women? Do you know just how much mail an attractive, young woman gets from older men every day? Do you realize that most, really are not interested in a guy your age?
You say that you were hurt, because women have historically rejected you, based on your physical appearance, but it seems to me that the only criteria you have for a mate, is her physical appearance. Isn't that just a little hypocritical? You complain that no woman wanted you, when you were fat, but you want nothing to do with a woman who is fat, or who is your own age. In fact, now that you have lost weight, it seems that you now believe you DESERVE to have an attractive younger woman in your life, because as you say, you are
in the A list...
Now, while you may have your pride, this entire thread screams of a pity party on your part. You may think that you
cut through bs like a samari warrior..
but from what I see, you still have a lot of growing up to do.
In life & relationships, there is no A list. We all have different wants, needs & desires. We all have different physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological characteristics that define who we are. These characteristics don't make some of us better than others, just different. We all have self worth and you are no better or worse than anyone else.
So, get over the concept of your "deserving" a certain type of woman. That is a load of crap.
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| Jan 4 @ 8:44 AM |
Entitlement |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,334
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Say yes said it very nicely. 
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