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Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

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Mar 14 @ 2:09 AM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

pennyclaire

Posts: 4 I'm a male, almost 27. I've been hurt in the past, and am new to the dating scene. I want to be as kind as possible to the young ladies who contact me, but what should I do if I don't feel a physical attraction? I'm thinking that honesty is best rather than stringing someone along needlessly, but obviously not brutal honesty.

Something like, "Thanks for contacting me, you seem really cool, but I'm just not feeling a spark"

That way I don't specifically mention the problem is with 'looks' because I can't think of any 'kind' way to put that.

So what do you think ladies? Would this be alright? Or perhaps you could recommend something better.

Appreciate all advice you guys have to offer.

PS: let's not use the word 'superficial' in this discussion. There's no need.

Mar 14 @ 4:10 AM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

Say_Yes

Posts: 2,223 Don't worry too much about it. Men outnumber women by a wide margin on this and most dating sites. Odds are, you won't be receiving that much mail from women that you do not contact first. In fact, odds are you won't be receiving that much mail from women that you do contact.

That being said, honesty is always the best policy, but so too is a bit of tact. A "Thank you for your note, but I don't think that we would be a good match. Best wishes to you", will likely suffice. To say much more, only invites an angry response.

BTW, most people will view the term "spark" as a physical assessment. I would avoid that term like the plague.

Mar 14 @ 10:46 AM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

BandTMom

Posts: 38,041 MD also has a list of predefined responses you can use. They are found in the reply portion of your email.

Mar 14 @ 11:49 AM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

pomegranate

Posts: 1,676 A simple "Thank you, but I'm not interested" will suffice.

Mar 14 @ 12:14 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

madamegeek

Posts: 1,804 When the contactee's interest is obviously expressed ("Yo, baby! Wanna hook up???"), it is very easy to say "Thanks, but we are not a match - not interested."

I think it is more difficult to find a response to a genuine (but unappealing) expression of interest without being offensive, especially if the person refers to an incidental connection, such as, "I like to read, too".

Saying, "Sorry, we are not a match" will certainly present you as self-absorbed and thinking you are "all that".....

There is no answer

Mar 14 @ 2:40 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

pennyclaire

Posts: 4 thank you to everyone who responded.

bandtmom, I will check the predefined responses, thanks for the suggestion.

say yes, thanks for your advice on the term 'spark', i can kind of see what you mean.

pomegranate, and others, as a bit of a follow up, what if I AM interested, but in more of a friendship way?

How do I let them know i'm not romantically interested, but would appreciate their friendship, knowing that they likely are contacting me for something more akin to a date?

Mar 14 @ 3:50 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

BandTMom

Posts: 38,041
How do I let them know i'm not romantically interested, but would appreciate their friendship, knowing that they likely are contacting me for something more akin to a date?

Write to them as a friend. Talk about friendly things...your day, work, etc. If someone continues with romantic overtures, be honest. Tell them you are looking for friends or something like that.

Who knows...if you keep someone as a friends, they might grow into more without you expecting it.

Mar 14 @ 4:25 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

pennyclaire

Posts: 4
Tell them you are looking for friends or something like that.

but then she'll say, "why does your profile say that you're looking for dating?"

I say, "Well i am looking for dating, but..... you seem like you'd make a better friend."
/cringe

I know there's no easy answers here, i'm not looking for a 'magical phrase'....

Who knows...if you keep someone as a friends, they might grow into more without you expecting it.
very true, very very true. This is why i don't want to cast them off altogether.

Bandtmom, what would you think of 'just not responding to' an email where someone who i don't feel an attraction to. As a woman, is this better or worse than having to respond with something like we've mentioned?

again thanks.

Mar 14 @ 10:08 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

missliss78

Posts: 5,189 I think Say_Yes, Mom & pom all gave good responses, but I have one thing I'd like to add here....and this is based on personal experience.

Just because a woman writes to you does not necessarily mean she "wants" you.
Now I know that may come as a surprise to some guys, but it is true. I've been known to send out emails to people...men & women alike....complimenting a photograph or something they might say on their profile....in other words, just being nice. I've received some very rude responses from some of those emails, too. So please do keep this sort of situation in the back of your mind at all times.

Mar 14 @ 10:12 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

BandTMom

Posts: 38,041
Bandtmom, what would you think of 'just not responding to' an email where someone who i don't feel an attraction to. As a woman, is this better or worse than having to respond with something like we've mentioned?

Some may disagree with me, but sometimes not responding is the best response if you know there's not chance of an attraction or even a friendship.

I've nicely written men telling them, "Thanks anyway, but I'm not interested, etc" and have received some of the nastiest answers. If you don't write, you don't open yourself up to this type of abuse.

Mar 14 @ 10:58 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

signme

Posts: 12,578 That's never happened to me Mom. I usually say, thank you for the email but I'm just not interested. Good luck in your search. I've never gotten a rude comment back.

Mar 14 @ 11:01 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

BandTMom

Posts: 38,041 I have....more than once. Some were so bad and they kept on emailing me until I had to report them.

Mar 14 @ 11:28 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

MrPaul

Posts: 1,613 mom O no say it aint so

Mar 14 @ 11:32 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

BandTMom

Posts: 38,041 Oh yes, dear man, it is true.

Thank God for the good ones like you.

Mar 14 @ 11:44 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

signme

Posts: 12,578 I'm either really lucky or just have not had enough guys contact me! LOL Probably the latter.

Mar 15 @ 2:49 AM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

lobo65

Posts: 719 That's a tough one. I hate being rude too. Of course it's easy to ignore all the Chinese women who email me though.

Mar 15 @ 3:12 AM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

pennyclaire

Posts: 4 thanks all!
i think i've gotten what I need.

best of luck in your searches.

Completely unrelated, I thought i'd share a quote: "He who laughs, lasts."

Mar 15 @ 11:23 AM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

BandTMom

Posts: 38,041 I don't feel not answering an email is rude. It's kind of like some of the stuff you get in snail mail. Not all of it interests you so you just toss it out.

Mar 16 @ 10:55 AM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

Fender

Posts: 8,489 Just wanted to point out that even if you say you are married in your profile or looking for a relationship it still say's you are looking...Put that you are looking for friendship...That way you can keep all avenues of exploration open...

Mar 16 @ 1:34 PM Been contacted, but don't feel a physical attraction, whats the kindest way to..

JenRNinOhio

Posts: 4,157 Similar to what B&TMom said above /\

I have received emails to which I responded with a type of "no, thanks" & gently reminded the writer to read my profile. Too many times this elicited nasty, judgemental replies.

I agree that not replying is not rude.

And many times it matters not what is in the profile ... Mine says straight up in CAPS *NOT LOOKING* ....

and

*in a relationship*

and

*looking for friendship*

And I continue to get emails from people who have obviously not read a word.

Good luck.

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