| Jan 9, 2006 @ 11:42 PM |
Blunt Questions
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icq4fun2
Posts: 152
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Serious and blunt question for any and all that want to respond.
I know this topic has been skirted around in some other threads. Some of those threads are even front and formost in this part of the forums as I type this topic. Yet they don't ask the question straight away like I'm going to in this thread.
Have you gotten discouraged with the people's profiles you see here against who is available in your geographic area and what you're looking for in someone to meet, date, and perhaps fall in love with? If so, would you be willing to expound on this for others and perhaps offer some constructive advice for either the newbies to the forums or to MD to make the site better?
(Yeah, I know. Potentially dangerous ground I'm treading here. Just wondering what others might be experiencing and if I might be aone or not.)
TIA
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 12:02 AM |
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danae74
Posts: 601
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I may be a little foggy on the question (I don't do blunt, lol...always looking for nuance) but I'll take a go...
Yes. Most of the profiles of men in my geographical area are not at all what I'm looking for. But then, I already knew that most of the men in my area were not for me, or else I wouldn't be here, lol. I get asked out all the time, but am a little on the picky side (okay a lot on the picky side) so I figure it's the same odds, here or out in the wild, wild world.
It's late, and perhaps I'm not explaining myself well, but that's the general drift of my thinking...
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 12:11 AM |
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icq4fun2
Posts: 152
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Not at all Danae. You answered the question just fine. I think you got to the core of what I'm asking here. I'm asking if you're (not necessarily you, but any who might think of responding) a bit discouraged by what you see available to you on this site vs. what you're looking for. Do you think you're looking for a needle in a haystack amongst a field of haystacks?
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 1:35 AM |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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Funny you should ask.
Since I've been hanging around in the forums, I hadn't done a search in a good month. Last night, I decided to do a local area search. I have all of my preferences preset, and when I hit 'search', I came up with zilch--zip--nada.
I decided to try again, and I changed almost everything to 'Doesn't Matter'. I got four pages of men, but I really couldn't find any that met my criteria. It was pretty discouraging.
I decided to check out San Diego. Same thing. I think one of the turn-offs for me is this--many of the profiles state 'Intimate Activities'. I immediately think that is probably all these men really want, and I want something of much more substance.
I'm glad I'm really looking out of state, because I want to travel. Otherwise, I would be really let down. I have liked some of what I've seen elsewhere.
Does that help?
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:02 AM |
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icq4fun2
Posts: 152
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Yes it does help, and thank you Classy, Of course here I am once again suffering from interminable insomnia, so I thought I'd pop in here to see what's going on and I come up with your very nice and commplete answer.
For me it's a matter of whether or not I want to settle. I hate to be so blunt, but since I've asked a blunt question I guess a blunt reply should suffice. 
I do get a bit discouraged with the whole on-line thing. I've met a wonderful woman on-line once and we've shared a great relationship. But to look once again gives me pause. I'm in that strange age bracket that is an anathema to those women that might meet certain criteria I seek; and I'm faced with a lot of women on here that don't meet other needs I have due to circumstances they state in their profiles.
Looking outside of my geographical area isn't the greatest idea for me as I really don't want to do the long distance thing. It's a challenge for sure. Not sure what I'm going to do about it. 
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:23 AM |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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These are my thoughts.
Don't EVER settle. If I am going to involve myself that deeply in a relationship, we are talking many years. I can't even begin to think about being with someone I settled for. Not only would it not be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to them.
I'm not going to limit myself to just local, not only because I will be traveling, but there could be a man elsewhere who is perfect for me. I don't want to miss out on that. If you care enough about one another, that obstacle can be dealt with.
IMHO
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 5:00 AM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I agree with Classy, DON'T ever settle for less than what you desire, because it can only end in tears. I almost settled for less than what I wanted at the beginning of last year, and it was only at the last moment that I realized how much of a mistake I would have been making. I guess that as a single-dad I feel some kind of "pressure" to find a good woman, and quickly, so my daughter has a mother-figure to look up to, but in the end it is all pointless if I can't live with her myself!!
As for the question, I think that I fairly often see good matches for myself on dating sites (not on MD though because there's not many from England here), mainly single-motheres who, like myself, aren't able to get out much. I just haven't finetuned the selection process yet, still waiting to actually meet the right one. But I'm practising hard! 
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 5:17 AM |
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MoonBeamTag45
Posts: 194
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I have lived in Ohio, Va, and now Pa. I do feel that the area plays an important role, in being able to find someone that shares my values. Ohio was a suburban area, and the economy was better. Education and employment are important to me ( it doesn't have to be college, just know when to capitalize ) In Va it was a very rural area, and quite depressed economically. I found that I didn't have much in common with many of the people ( men or women ) that I met there. Now I'm in Pa... and waiting to see what happens. I'm not looking for someone that lives far from me, as I enjoy the evenings of company. Preparing a meal for someone, and cuddling up with a good movie suits my style. But I have to agree that no matter what.... Don't ever settle ! You can't meet the right one, if your running with the wrong one.
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 5:36 AM |
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ash_is_unforgetable
Posts: 837
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I'm prejudice of people in my area. For some reason I don't get along well with Wisconsin people. 
*AsH
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 7:03 AM |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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I think one of the turn-offs for me is this--many of the profiles state 'Intimate Activities'. I immediately think that is probably all these men really want, and I want something of much more substance.
I find much of the search criteria ambiguous at best. If you say you want intimate activities, does this mean it is all you want? If you don't say you want intimate activities, does this mean you are looking for a non-sexual relationship? If you choose several of the options, does this mean you want all of them, or does it mean you want one of them? It's confusing.
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 8:45 AM |
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 11,539
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Have you gotten discouraged with the people's profiles you see here against who is available in your geographic area and what you're looking for in someone to meet, date, and perhaps fall in love with?
Discouraged? No....and for a variety of reasons:
1) This is only one venue....one never knows where you might meet someone: the library, the gas station, a friend's cookout, a community event, etc., etc.!!
2) One never knows when someone new might sign up with MD!!
3) One never knows when due to employment or personal obligations, a person outside of our geographic area might move closer to us!!
4) I don't have the attitude that a dating site is the immediate and only solution!
5) Profiles are only a synopsis of a person. Sometimes, one needs to look beyond that.....the forums and chat rooms here are a good way to get to know more of someone's "real" self.
Those are just a few reasons why I don't get discouraged.
P.S. Please bulk any "hate" mail for my positive outlook (especially for it being in the morning!! LOL) before sending!!!!
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 9:00 AM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,732
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I don`t think I`ve ever gotten discouraged.maybe curious as to why over the past few years most of my emails have come from out of state as far as California...but only a few from Michigan..and yes BlueEyes...the forums and Chatrooms are a good way to know someones real self..I gave up on the chatrooms..but I can learn a lot about a person in the forums just by what they post... 
 spell check...typo tink did it again 
[Edited on 1/10/2006 9:02 AM]
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 11:11 AM |
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Mischief484
Posts: 643
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I decided to check out San Diego. Same thing. I think one of the turn-offs for me is this--many of the profiles state 'Intimate Activities'. I immediately think that is probably all these men really want, and I want something of much more substance.
Classy, we are MEN. Show me a male who does not have that on his profile, and I'll show you either a wuss or a liar.
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 12:20 PM |
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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Have you gotten discouraged with the people's profiles you see here against who is available in your geographic area and what you're looking for in someone to meet, date, and perhaps fall in love with?
the assumption has always been that a self profile is a factual one.. And also that your perception of a poster is right on..
I can use myself as a point of discussion. ...Does anyone here know the real me? Do you know who I am, what makes me angry, what makes me laugh, whether I am a teddy bear or an ogre. a good lover or a poor one, a real person or a sock puppet?.
One person decided I was a "loser" based on what he read in my profile..
This is coming from an old, short, lonely man.... 51 years old and living with roomates....... making under 25K a year....... who doesn't have the balls to even post a picture of himself. Yea.. I can see your "life's experiences" have taken you far.---LOL
I give up.... you try to start a funny thread.. get people talking, interacting, having fun, discussing....... and then jackasses like this guy come along and feel like the only way to get any attention from women is to not only insult me, but take sides with anyone who just might.... maybe give him praise.
Whatever Grandpa..... as far as my "experiences" are concerned.... at least I have a basis of comparison. You;re just happy to get someone to pay attention to you. Sorry, unlike you, I need more than that.
Go back and hide in your closet...... Loser
Another person determined that I am a sock puppet
And if you recall correctly my use of the word Mommy Pillows when referring to breasts had to do with the thread that pertained to the many names for breasts stupid ass drunk bitch. You and your other screen name Felici can bury your heads in my crotch and suck my fu*kin d**k.
Still another stated that I am seeing a psychiatrist, but the Mods decided to delete his response.
And another posted a pic of him with his ak47 and made veiled Internet threat.,
Pete has defended himself, and his position by stating that I have no sense of humor time and time again.
My point to this post is that if you rely on a profile to exclude someone who writes you ( as most every one seems to "say" they do), then what do you expect? This process is a two way street, and IMO the only way to get to know someone is a long involved process that a pic and a profile cannot shorten.
Maybe if you put away your fear and take the time to write back to a person who took the time to write you an honest email, took the time to get to know a real person, rather than throwing away opportunities just cause you think that the person is not for you based on a self profile ( I am leaving out at this time the possibility that your ideal persons profile could be all lies). you might just find someone compatible here..
Some quotes from a real saint..
If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.
... Mother Teresa
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:03 PM |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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I can use myself as a point of discussion. ...Does anyone here know the real me? Do you know who I am, what makes me angry, what makes me laugh, whether I am a teddy bear or an ogre. a good lover or a poor one, a real person or a sock puppet?.
So, Felici, it seems like you're saying "Don't judge me by my profile, don't judge me by what I have written - just make the extra effort to get to know me and you may like me".
Why would anyone be interested in overlooking everything you have displayed here to get to know the real you? I hate to tell you, my friend, but most people who have read your profile and read your messages have probably already developed a feeling that they know enough about you to date you or not.
People are mostly here for the purpose of sorting through the losers to find a winner. Now you're telling them they can glean nothing from profiles and forum posts. I, for one, don't believe you.
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:26 PM |
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MischeviousAngel
Posts: 277
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I am honest about it... I am really not looking for a mate online... I have met some WONDERFUL people online and made some great friends in the journey but I know that the reality is that less than 1% of the men in the world will find me to be someone that they are interested in as anything other than friends. That's ok since my original profile states plainly that all I am looking for is friends (I can't remember what this one says) Looking online for me is kind of like counting the drops of water in the ocean as opposed to looking for a needle in a haystack.
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:29 PM |
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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taking my gloves off Pete ... I said no such thing,
"Don't judge me by my profile, don't judge me by what I have written - just make the extra effort to get to know me and you may like me".
What I stated is that the only way to really get to know someone takes time..I used myself as an example because so many people here have such a diverse idea of who I really am ( see my examples) based on their perception of reality..
You try to say I have no sense of humor..Now you are trying to say that I am whining and that I feel that no one likes me, based on this forum...?? wtf??
And, BTW, you are not my friend, I am more selective with that term, I have many acquaintances .. but few friends. My friends and family are everything to me ( you can quote me HERE verbatim any time you like
[Edited on 1/10/2006 2:41 PM]
My point to this post is that if you rely on a profile to exclude someone who writes you ( as most every one seems to "say" they do), then what do you expect? This process is a two way street, and IMO the only way to get to know someone is a long involved process that a pic and a profile cannot shorten.
Maybe if you put away your fear and take the time to write back to a person who took the time to write you an honest email, took the time to get to know a real person, rather than throwing away opportunities just cause you think that the person is not for you based on a self profile ( I am leaving out at this time the possibility that your ideal persons profile could be all lies). you might just find someone compatible here..
this is the main point of my post.
[Edited on 1/10/2006 2:42 PM]
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:37 PM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,732
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Profiles are a lot of times vague..and in order to get a clearer picture of a person you have to talk to them and get to know them..one can`t put everything about themselves in a profile..theres a lot more to a person then just whats written in their profile..
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 3:54 PM |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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taking my gloves off Pete
Sorry - did I interrupt you from something? Be sure to put the top back on the Crisco.
What I stated is that the only way to really get to know someone takes time..I used myself as an example because so many people here have such a diverse idea of who I really am ( see my examples) based on their perception of reality..
I didn't see the examples as being very diverse - they all seemed to describe my impression of you based on your posts. Maybe they seem diverse to you... but all three point exactly to what I have said - you have no sense of humor and try to hold people accountable for humorous remarks. No diversity there at all. Maybe you should re-read them yourself.
You try to say I have no sense of humor..Now you are trying to say that I am whining and that I feel that no one likes me, based on this forum...?? wtf??
No - I'm saying people will judge you by what you have posted - contrary to your belief that they shouldn't because you think you are so diverse in your posts. Whether you are whining about it or not is not my point. People will judge you - the whining is just more for them to judge you on.
And, BTW, you are not my friend, I am more selective with that term, I have many acquaintances .. but few friends. My friends and family are everything to me ( you can quote me HERE verbatim any time you like
Yes, I'll admit - you're not my friend either - I just toss that term around sometimes. It wasn't meant to be any more serious than any of my posts... but then, I understand you can't tell the difference.
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| Jan 10, 2006 @ 4:52 PM |
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FeliciVagano
Posts: 2,152
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taking my gloves off Pete
Sorry - did I interrupt you from something? Be sure to put the top back on the Crisco.
actually it was cold this morning, and I had to take off my gloves to type.
I didn't see the examples as being very diverse - they all seemed to describe my impression of you based on your posts.
Ah ha...so you do think I am waitings sock puppet..
No - I'm saying people will judge you by what you have posted - contrary to your belief that they shouldn't because you think you are so diverse in your posts.
tell it to the choir I never said my posts were diverse I said the opinions of me were.
It wasn't meant to be any more serious than any of my posts... but then, I understand you can't tell the difference.
your words..nothing you post is to be taken seriously then?? And just for the record..I can tell the difference between good humor and bad...
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