| Mar 20 @ 9:42 PM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 6,351
|
The only part of this article I don't get is why the guy doesn't understand why people don't break up with their partner first before they cheat?
Isn't that obvious?
Why only have one when you can have two (or more) and enjoy the best of each? Why give up any of them? Seems like obvious logic to me.
I don't condone cheating. It's a bad thing to do to someone.
Here's the article. What are your thoughts?
9 Reasons People Cheat
|
|
  |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:04 PM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
|
Those aren't "reasons," those are "excuses."
People who cheat do so because they're:
Selfish.
Chckenshit.
Want all the benefits of commitment, but none of the responsibilities.
These days, cheating is encouraged.
These days, we're living in a very hedonistic world..it's all about being selfish and "getting mines."
These days, faithfulness, loyalty, integrity, etc. ...all of the attributes that make a committed relationship a committed relationship...are discouraged, and even laughed at.
These days, threesomes, lesbian sex for men's "sexual entertainment" purposes (i.e., even if the females aren't lesbians), is encouraged.
Group sex is encouraged.
The freakier the better.
To look at discussions on sex threads and what have you, people seem to think that "normal," one-on-one sex is boring.
People think that sex is boring without enhancements.
People are told that in order to enhance the sexual experience with their partner, to condone more and more sexual deviations their partner may be into (now, don't want him to "stray," do we?) rather than encouraging communication between the partner.
These days people are encouraged to seek purely physical sexual gratification for its own sake, and for the individual's sake, and any type of love, romance, bonding, emotional ties is supposedly for the "old, fuddy duddies" who are "too uptight" to "get with the program," so to speak.
These days cheating is condoned, encouraged, applauded, practiced, accepted, and monogamy is discouraged, laughed at, considered a "crutch," etcetera.
And I say "these days" meaning it's much more of an accepted thing nowadays, but it certainly is nothing new. Although, in the past, it was men who primarily did most of the cheating and both men and women who condoned it by accepting the "boys will be boys" attitude.
But these days, rather than teaching both our sons and daughters to seek monagamous relationships, rather than teaching our sons, specifically, that women are not "notches on their bedpost," we are also teaching our daughters to be little sluts...get it while you can!
It's a numbers game anymore. Presumably, you're "really something" the more people you screw, and the more deviant the act, the "cooler."
It's society today teaching people that the qualities that once were tantamount to a committed relationship ...patience, tolerance, integrity, love, honor, and more...are simply not worth the time and trouble.
Also, these days, not just with regard to sex, but all kinds of problems regarding relationships or just anything that might occur in life, people are encouraged to run, to give up, to seek solutions in the form of xanax, etc.. In my day, if you were faced with adversity, either as an individual or as a couple, you tackled it head-on; you didn't run and you didn't rely on crutches.
These days, parents (especially mothers, it seems) baby their kids far too late in life..they are way WAY too overprotective, and also don't hold their kids responsible for any wrongdoing they might be involved in.
Kids are not taught any kind of responsibility or accountability. They are selfish, just like mama taught them to be...so they grow up thinking the world owes them a living, and that their needs comes before everyone else's. They can't even take care of themselves; how can they be expected to have what it takes to have a committed relationship?
I guess that pretty much covers it.
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:10 PM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
Snappygoddess
Posts: 5,094
|
Pom...your post made a great deal of sense. I also say "What's wrong with one-on-one with the mate that you love." If making love is boring then spice it up between the two of you and don't bring others into the mix 
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:12 PM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 6,351
|
Holy cow!
But what do you REALLY think?! 
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:17 PM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
|
I think that love and romance is a lost "art," that's what I think. Any two dogs can 'screw.' Know what I mean?
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:17 PM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 6,351
|
I have to weigh in on this.
I used to cheat in every relationship I had when I was younger. In recent relationships, I have not cheated.
When I did cheat it was mostly because I was bored with having sex with only one woman and felt that it was a natural instinct to have sex with more than one.
It would not have mattered how much she tried to "spice it up," it was still the same woman and boring.
To some extent I felt the same way about things other than sex. Having a relationship with only one woman seemed boring and I felt I needed more than one to feel fulfilled physically and mentally.
Eventually, I realized how hurtful a thing to do to someone that is and decided that, if I couldn't avoid cheating, I would just not have any relationships at all.
Since that decision I've had a lot fewer relationships.
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:22 PM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
wiccked
Posts: 12,300
|
i never cheated in the 27 years i was married!!!!!!!!!!! but the ex is another story   DR
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:26 PM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 6,351
|
Hi wiccked
That's a beautiful thing.
Cheating is bad. I hurt a lot of people and I regret it. But I understand why so many men do it (not sure if the women who do it do it for the same reasons)... I still believe it's a natural instinct left over from millennia of evolution.
And, as I have found out from being a lifelong dog owner, natural instincts are very powerful forces and difficult to break. I'm sure that's why it is so common.
[Edited on 3/20/2009 10:32 PM]
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:42 PM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
Fender
Posts: 8,489
|
I think that love and romance is a lost "art," that's what I think. Any two dogs can 'screw.' Know what I mean?
I love this...I haven't cheated on anyone I was serious with. I don't call kissing someone when I was in grade 12 when I had another boyfriend cheating lol...That's being a child.
...I've had someone cheat on me though...It hurt's you and scars you for a long while after. It took me a while to realize it was his problem...Cause at first I thought it was me...I was stupid then...Now I say off with his nuts 
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 10:43 PM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
|
Yeah, but DR, once the newness wore off, it was still just "one woman." Not to mention, most women that I know of have the same basic anatomical parts (let's hope, anyway). So once you've experienced a few for "comparison purposes," what's the point of wanting to conquer more and more and more? I never understood that, particularly of men. I don't believe in the whole "genetically programmed to spread your seed for procreation purposes" crap..because if that were inherently true, than so would be the urge to support the offspring from those unions. No, men cheat because they are taught that's what they're "supposed" to do.
Having said that...if a man or woman wants to have 500 partners in one week, so long as they're taking extreme precautions, that's their prerogative, I suppose. But the issue here is cheating. Why be involved in a so-called "committed" relationship if you're incapable of keeping it in your pants?
Why not just say..."Sorry, but I am incapable of being faithful to you or to any other woman? You either have sex with me not knowing where the heck my penis might have been last night, or you can hit the door"?
Dishonesty is a huge component of cheating. And I believe a person who is dishonest with regard to relationships is a dishonest person by nature.
|
| |
|
| Mar 20 @ 11:06 PM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 6,351
|
OK, good comments... Where do I start?!
Yeah, but DR, once the newness wore off, it was still just "one woman." Not to mention, most women that I know of have the same basic anatomical parts (let's hope, anyway). So once you've experienced a few for "comparison purposes," what's the point of wanting to conquer more and more and more? I never understood that, particularly of men. I don't believe in the whole "genetically programmed to spread your seed for procreation purposes" crap..because if that were inherently true, than so would be the urge to support the offspring from those unions. No, men cheat because they are taught that's what they're "supposed" to do. Hmmmm... true that all women have essentially the same anatomical parts. So how shall I explain? I have heard women say that they are highly attuned to the unique subtle nuances of various physical attributes of men they are in relationships with. So I assume, as a woman, you understand this concept.
Without being too graphic, I think men feel this way too. Even with the same parts, the subtle differences make every woman completely unique and different. And personality is part of sexuality too.
As to the "genetic programming" part, why do you assume that the urge to raise the offspring is necessarily present if the urge to plant the seeds is? I don't see the reasons for the necessary connection. I think evolution has programmed men to plant seeds and go.Having said that...if a man or woman wants to have 500 partners in one week, so long as they're taking extreme precautions, that's their prerogative, I suppose. But the issue here is cheating. Why be involved in a so-called "committed" relationship if you're incapable of keeping it in your pants? Because most women won't have sex with you or give you the benefit of the things you like to get from the relationship unless you convince her you are committed (or soon will be).Why not just say..."Sorry, but I am incapable of being faithful to you or to any other woman? You either have sex with me not knowing where the heck my penis might have been last night, or you can hit the door"? Yeah right! You try that with a woman and see how far you get. (can I watch? )Dishonesty is a huge component of cheating. And I believe a person who is dishonest with regard to relationships is a dishonest person by nature I agree. If you can do somehing like this to someone, you probably can't be trusted on any level. |
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 12:01 AM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
|
Hmmmm... true that all women have essentially the same anatomical parts. So how shall I explain? I have heard women say that they are highly attuned to the unique subtle nuances of various physical attributes of men they are in relationships with. So I assume, as a woman, you understand this concept.
I'm highly attuned to the unique differences in men's personalities, character, etc. Of course, "performance" is part of it, but ONLY part of it. As far as various physical attributes? Eh...it's either too big, too small, or "just right." And since women are built to "accommodate," with a few exceptions, basically "one size fits all." I can't imagine it's any different for men
Without being too graphic, I think men feel this way too. Even with the same parts, the subtle differences make every woman completely unique and different. And personality is part of sexuality too.
Well, there are probably a thousand different varieties of cheeses; doesn't mean I need to experience them all to determine my love for cheese. 
As to the "genetic programming" part, why do you assume that the urge to raise the offspring is necessarily present if the urge to plant the seeds is? I don't see the reasons for the necessary connection. I think evolution has programmed men to plant seeds and go.
Because when the world was being "peopled," men didn't just plant seeds and take off; they went out and hunted and cared for their partner and her/his offspring. Men "gettin' some and going" is a product of a modern society.
Because most women won't have sex with you or give you the benefit of the things you like to get from the relationship unless you convince her you are committed (or soon will be).
So be honest and roll the dice and take your chances. That sounds like an excuse to be dishonest. If you want "just sex," then hire a prostitute or pick up a whore at a local bar. If you balk at the expense, consider how much more expensive it's going to be to have a woman on a regular basis.
Yeah right! You try that with a woman and see how far you get. (can I watch? )
Umm...you're not going to see me trying ANYTHING with another woman. Blech! Sorry, not my week for that. Anyway, so again you're condoning cheating over being honest. You think the only way you can get sex is by lying to a woman? Well, so what if you get turned down? That's the chances you take. I personally INSIST a man be sexually faithful to me, even if I'm in an otherwise "noncommitted" relationship. I had a "FWB" "relationship" (in quotes, because that's not a relationship at all, not by any stretch of the imagination) and I told him, "Fine..that's the way you want it? No commitment, no real dating, no involvement beyond sex?
Okay by me, but I insist on sexual exclusivity. I'll be damned if I'm going to sleep with you if you are screwing other women." I said, "If you want other women, then, by all means, have at 'em. But let me know so that I can say 'Sayonara.' Because my happy ass will hit the door faster than you can say "But...but...but..." This lady doesn't play seconds to anyone. Not only does my ego not allow for it, psychologically I've never been able to "stomach" the thought of a man being with me, not knowing what tramp he might have been with the night before. Not to mention, the last thing I want to worry about is becoming another STD statistic.
I agree. If you can do somehing like this to someone, you probably can't be trusted on any level.
I'm glad you agree, but I find the other comments you made somewhat contradictory. Why not, like I said, roll the dice and take your chances? Don't condone dishonesty just because you might not get laid. God forbid a man's penis doesn't get serviced for one night. Or even two. You know, I don't think it's going to rot and fall off if you don't "get sum." If worse comes to worse then you can always take matters into your own hands. Maybe not the more pleasing alternative, but it's much better than being a liar.
page: << 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 >> of 1 pages < previous page | next page >
Main Dating & Romance Why Do People Cheat?
free adult dating | mission statement | testimonials | safety warning | report abuse | safe list | privacy | legal | advertise | link to us
© Copyright 2000-2009 Online Singles, LLC.
WEB1
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 12:17 AM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 6,351
|
Interesting... without getting into too much depth because it's getting late here... can't address it all right now although I'd like to. Maybe more tomorrow...
I'll just pick a few things now.
Don't condone dishonesty just because you might not get laid.
You should understand that I am not condoning any of the things we are discussing, I am just conveying my understanding about the bases and reasons I think people have for engaging in these behaviors. There is a difference between explaining a behavior and condoning it.
After all, people cheating is about as common as fleas on dogs. So obviously there is a common psychological and/or biological basis for it. It's not like it is a rare or weird behavior. Something in the human psyche and/or biology clearly makes it part of the "natural" repertoire.
As far as the prostitute thing... it's just not practical. It's not only the expense. It's just so much easier to have someone (maybe someone who is right there living with you) available when you need them. Plus it is illegal in most places and can be dangerous to your safety and health.
Additionally, just because a guy cheats, does not mean it is necessarily only for sex. He may also like the relationships. That is something he normally will not get from a prostitute.
Don't assume that I disagree with you. Again, I do not condone cheating. I've said repeatedly I think it is a bad idea (even though I think it is a natural behavior).
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 2:03 AM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
|
No, you do not agree with me. Not entirely, anyway.
Because cheating is not a "natural behavior." Having sex is a natural behavior, but there's nothing genetically inherent that states that a man..or a woman..HAS to have more than one partner. Even if you don't believe that, we're talking CHEATING, though, which means that you've made a commitment to be faithful to your partner, and you've broken that commitment.
Any excuse one gives for cheating within the confines of a committed relationship is, therefore, an irrelevant "excuse." If you want to have sex with multiple partners, then don't be involved in what is supposed to be a committed relationship. Or don't dupe your partner into believing you're not cheating, then, when you do, try to defend it by saying it's "human behavior." That's nothing but a cop-out excuse for being too weak to control your urges.
We're humans with the ability to think and make sane, rational, ethical and moral decisions. If you're a person who lives their life by any kind of moral code (in other words, would you ever kill, steal?) then why would you expect to be "exonerated" from cheating just because you happened to want sex from someone other than your partner?
I believe you stated in your OP why not leave your partner first before you'd resort to cheating on them. Precisely. So don't state such things and then defend the opposite by saying, essentially, that people "can't help" cheating because it's "instinctual." Baloney.
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 9:17 AM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
Loreli
Posts: 25,398
|
I think part of it IS low self esteem.
And that "the edge" CAN wear off in a romance. This can make people feel unwanted or unloved.
I didn't cheat on my ex-husband, but when we went to counseling, he admitted he already "had me and didn't need to try anymore." 
My thought is-SOME people WOULD take advantage
How many "stories" have you heard about the cheating at office parties?
I'm not so certain about that one, but the situation could easily present itself. People coming (no pun intended) and going, people drinking, sometimes plenty of places to be "discreet."
My opinion is, if you care enough to get into a relationship....you should care enough to put the attention into it.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 9:29 AM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
eyesofastranger
Posts: 922
|
I could go on for 30 pages on cheating and the human tribal animal but I wont. It is un-moral un-ethical but it is natural.
Instead I will share a story currently in my own relationship. Most wont agree with me and my decisions.
Currently I'm a housewife as my wife has gone back to shool. In class the teacher has asked all to form teams of 2 to best utilize the equipment they use every day. The best looking guy in the class jumped at my wife of course. I met him last week. He insisted on meeting me. Who is the husband of this charming girl. Well I could see he's got it bad for her. She's beatiful and honest to a fault. She has a smile that fills her face and the room. I know exactly what he feels cuz i was there. He's a single dad with a teenage girl at home. He is bugging he all the time to meet his daughter. I will do nothing. They have 30 weeks left together so if he lets his mind continue on this path he's in for a rough go. I understand the human mind and I know if she is going to cheat she has already made that decision. Any reaction from me would be childish and insecure. Actually i kinda feel sorry for the man. He's a really nice guy as a human. Maybe he's single from cheating? I wont ask and dont care.
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 9:50 AM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
Loreli
Posts: 25,398
|
I don't disagree, EOS...what can you do? If she's gonna, she's gonna.
Unless you DEMAND she switch partners....but that wouldn't be like you!
So you talk about your days....let her know you are ALWAYS interested in what she does. (maybe you do already
What reason does he give for her needing to meet his son?
But if late nights or "we stopped for (coffee/drinks/etc)" begin...I know I would be uncomfortable.
You said she is honest to a fault. IF anything ever happened....you surely would know
(I bet she doesn't 
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 10:07 AM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
eyesofastranger
Posts: 922
|
What reason does he give for her needing to meet his son? He hasn't given a reason. I'm guessing he talks about her a lot at home.
As for your bet I already know she wont so I cant bet.
When is the best time to know your SO would cheat on you? Before you met, The second best time? Today. Third best? Tomorrow....ect
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 11:02 AM |
Why Do People Cheat?
|
|
pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
|
Well, giving in to temptation is "natural." But "natural" doesn't equate to "excusable."
All humans have the capacity for giving in to the "pleasures of the flesh." but the line gets drawn when you make a COMMITMENT to be FAITHFUL to someone.
And I can see that that love for someone, that desire for commitment, might very well fade over time but if efforts to reinstill it don't work, then get out of the relationship...don't cheat. I don't necessarily think the ink has to be dry on the divorce papers, either, (or the "exclusive couple papers," if you will) if you know a breakup is imminent and you have someone special in your life in whom you seek solace and comfort, but ...cheating just to "get some strange" while stating the relationship is otherwise a "good relationship" is just plain b.s.
I think it's funny how some people will rale against other forms of "sin" and wrongdoing...robbing, stealing, killing, etc., but when it comes to sexual matters, they come up with every excuse in the book for why it should be "justifiable." Because it's "natural," they say. Uh huh. And?
Bottom line is cheating is a very selfish act. People are only thinking of themselves and not always, but probably more typically with men, their "carnal desires." And then some will act as though because it's "natural" to want to have sex, that, therefore, must mean it's "okay" to have sex outside a committed relationship. Wrong!
A promise is a promise and a commitment is a commitment. Doesn't matter what the details of the "contract" are; if you make a promise to someone, you should keep it. A man with any measurable amount of integrity would never renege on a business contract made in good faith, even if, well into the partnership he finds the business to be boring and unsatisfying. He will dissolve the partnership, sell his half of the business, whatever. It's no different with regard to personal relationships either. You either get out of the contractual relationship, or you stay committed; you don't "cheat." Not if you have a shred of dignity and integrity, you don't.
|
|
| |
|
| Mar 21 @ 4:15 PM |
Why Do People Cheat? |
|
Loreli
Posts: 25,398
|
You either get out of the contractual relationship, or you stay committed; you don't "cheat." Not if you have a shred of dignity and integrity, you don't.
I agree!
|
| |
|
|
|
|