| Jan 11, 2006 @ 12:42 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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notgivingup
Posts: 32
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OK - I admit it. After my divorce, I went a little crazy with my newly-found freedom and stepped onto the "wild side" a few times. The bar scene didn't enter into my life until I was a single girl again in my mid-thirties, so between the exhilarating freedom and the alcohol, I've made some impressions on some people I wish now I hadn't.  This is interferring, even, with the possibility of meeting someone new outside my immediate circle of friends because my reputation, unfortunately, preceeds me. The problem is, I can't very well walk around with a sign hung around my neck that says, "Please don't judge me based on past drunken attitudes, statements, or actions. I'm not really like that in my heart."
Along the way, I have made some close friends, but I have also created an image of myself that I'd like to leave behind without leaving the friends. So my long-winded question is: is it possible to create a new, more-favorable image of myself without having to wipe the slate clean, ending my relationships with my friends, and starting all over again?
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 12:47 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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 @myself
Notgivingup......you can believe you are far from the only one with this problem.
I really have a problem with judgemental people to begin with. Is this not common for someone after a divorce? Is it not obvious you are not the town drunk anymore? Anyone who really is worth your time is not going to judge you in the first place in my opinion.
I live in a small town in the bible belt myself and people love to judge and talk......talk and judge. With the things I've been through, I am sure to be a favorite topic of conversation. I could really care less. The people that matter know better. The people meant to be in my life, that are worth my time, will find out differently. 
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 12:54 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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Always_Striving
Posts: 7,329
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You're doing it right now in this thread. I see that you kind of want to be appologetic. You are trying to explain your actions based the the only way you knew or felt comfatable with when it came to looking for a new person to bring into your life. I personally think you should tell this to your friends and hopefully they will be forgiving and accepting of you.
You can try to change the way a person may think but it is ultimately up to them to change their own mind.
Good Luck.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 12:57 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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Aselune
Posts: 548
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You can try to change the way a person may think but it is ultimately up to them to change their own mind.
I wrote a long page of babble lol when this says it all
All you can do is be the you you want to be..people will have to do the rest..
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 1:03 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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Mischief484
Posts: 643
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Who says your reputation is "bad?" Are they making that determination based on the fact that you partied and enjoyed the first taste of freedom you'd had for a long time? You don't have a "bad reputation" at all. You had fun, and that's a good thing.
I wouldn't worry too much about what others think or say about you.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 1:06 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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laughing been there, done that......divorced at age 32 and all that new found freedom was hypnotic.....had that 4 year notorious relationship with the local, well to do, bad boy.... heck that ended 25 years ago and people still remember it.... so I guess if they have to go back that far to define who I am......I must have lived a very spotless life since.......  usto bother me...... now I just think those that remember that far back, to define someone....must live really boring lives......hahahahah 
Chuckle......now I'm looking for that simular, "bad boy" to come out and play with my little girl again...... 
If its not at someone elses expense, does not infringe on another, and hurts no one else.......we are entitled to be just who God intended us to be.....and its all open to exploring and enjoying life....... 
[Edited on 1/11/2006 1:11 PM]
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 1:07 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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notgivingup
Posts: 32
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thanks, guys. I appreciate the input.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 1:12 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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You mention you have made some close friends. If they don't judge you--keep them. If they do--they weren't your friends to begin with.
As far as outsiders go, it's really none of their business. People are going to talk, not matter what. If they don't have you to put down, they'll find someone else. I know it bothers you, but you can't do too much about it, other than focus on you. You have changed and matured.
I'll tell you what. I could never run for a political office. If someone started digging up my past, I would be smeared form here to eternity. It might even be discovered, I slept with a couple of politicians.  You get my point.
I can see you feel guilt-ridden, but here's another little tidbit. In my family, I am labeled the sexual one. As I have gotten older, this has bothered me. My sister told me, she thought it was silly I felt guilty about such a thing. She said I was actually envied for having experienced the things I did, and some of our friends and family members lived vicariously through me. They wished they had had the nerve to be so free.
There are always two sides to the fence. You don't need to go around explaining yourself anymore. Embrace your identity.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 1:47 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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kattsmeow
Posts: 20,232
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I can remember starting storys about myself to see how far and stupid it got....
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 2:53 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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danae74
Posts: 601
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Ditto to everybody so far!! Others' opinions of your past are their concern, not yours.
What Classy said,
You mention you have made some close friends. If they don't judge you--keep them. If they do--they weren't your friends to begin with.
is the thing I've had the hardest time with. Yes, in most cases, I've had to drop my old friends. It's sad, but I found that they judged me just as harshly when I stopped wanting to be the wild child. "What's the matter? The old crowd's not good enough for you anymore?" and things like that, just because I didn't want to go out and party all the time. It left me feeling sort of alone, but...oh well! Their loss, in more than one way.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 3:56 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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Aselune
Posts: 548
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I tried to get a bad rep once..people just laughed.. go figure
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 3:58 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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Aselune,
Want me to start up some juicy rumors about you? 
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 4:04 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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Aselune
Posts: 548
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think it would work? 
rofl they started one at the hospital..but it turned into something else entirely...now they just call me V which was supposed to stand for Vixen...  but someone else said Virgin  hey who knows..maybe if they think I'm a conquest..rofl I'll get a few more dates lol
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 4:10 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 11,295
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LOL, Classy.....I think I might have planted a seed already by implying that Aselune and I would be open to consorting with a couple of well established painters!!!! 
At least you had the decency to ask before you spoke!! Sorry, Aselune 
Notgivingup.......all of the above have given great advice!!!! Judgemental people are usually ones that are unhappy because they either can't relate or are jealous because they have to live vicariously through others!! Just be who you are.....hey, if you hadn't have done some of those things in your past, you might not be the person you are today!!!!!!!
[Edited on 1/11/2006 4:14 PM]
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 4:14 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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Aselune
Posts: 548
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lol Eyes It's all gooooood 
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 4:14 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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notgivingup
Posts: 32
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thanks again for all of the support (and smiles). I guess what's bothering me the most is the fact that the "judging" (now that I think about it more) isn't really "judging" - It's teasing. Even my friends joke with me about past behavior, relationships, etc....sometimes it cuts a little too close to the bone, and I've never been one to say so - instead of slinking down underneath my chair in embarrassment, what I do is sit there and laugh right along with them. What they don't know is that I'm really hurting inside and wishing none of it ever happened to begin with.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 4:16 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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Aselune
Posts: 548
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Eventually that hurt will ease up the more you are abel to laugh..and hun if it doesn't, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom...chances are when you return..the topic will have changed...
past experiences good or bad..make you who you are. There are very bad things that have happened in my life that I wish hadn't..but if they hadn't..I wouldn't be me
hugs
[Edited on 1/11/2006 4:17 PM]
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 4:18 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,368
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Notgivingup,
You are extremely beautiful and intelligent. Who in their right mind wouldn't overlook a few indiscretions for an opportunity to be with you? You have your pick of any man (trust me on this) - you don't need judgmental people. You could have Lorena Bobbit's reputation and still have men beating down your door.
To answer your question - forget the slate, it's only wiped clean when you have wiped it clean in your mind. Friends who hold it over you aren't really your friends.
(Wishing I were 10 years younger and 1832 miles closer)...
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 4:29 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation
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notgivingup
Posts: 32
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Thanks, pete...I needed that smile. How sweet.
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| Jan 11, 2006 @ 4:30 PM |
Overcoming a Bad Reputation |
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EyesofBlue72660
Posts: 11,295
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Aselune.......Cool
It's teasing. Even my friends joke with me about past behavior, relationships, etc....
Been there, done that......act like the teasing is o.k. and letting it run like water off a duck's back. It took me awhile (years!), but then one day I was taking a little bit extra ribbing from someone....I looked at him and simply asked, "Jealous???" He stopped in thought for a few seconds, raised his head, looked me in the eye and responded, "Yeah, I guess I am!"
This came from someone that I am very close to and I know was being quite serious. From that day on, I haven't been as sensative to the teasing as I once was. With some people, their constant "teasing" might be the only way they can say, "You know, I'm a little bit envious of you!" Just another tidbit to throw in with Classy's.
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