| May 27 @ 6:21 AM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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I know a person that has been recently married for 5 months to a woman that he met on (edit - a certain unnamed website) and who is now separated from her.
Their Story
She was a separated mother of 2 young children, one 2 years old and the other in grade school, maybe 5th or 6th grade. This guy hardly knew anything about her, her family, her separated husband, or the circumstances surrounding the couple's separation. What she told him was that she separated from him because he was having a homosexual affair. Later she claimed that he was an abusive-violent alcoholic. She said that she met her husband him at church and didn't know his tendencies. She married and had the 2 children with him then later, at separation, ended up living at her mom's house with her mom's NEW husband who happens to be an attorney (They both came to his wedding and I met them, that's how I know about that).
They offered to pay 100% of her wedding expenses as well as 100% of her relocation costs from the East coast to Washington State. I guess the lawyer guy was going to pay for all of that to "get her, and her family out of their house?".
Anyway what I found shocking was that he had proposed to her after talking with her on (edit - a certain unnamed website) for only 6 months, no-webcamming or no traveling to meet each other.
They finally met each other 1 week before the marriage. He knew that she had young kids but said that he would have to wait to meet them..... in this case on the day of the marriage ceremony. Marriage delayed for divorce papers finalization.
I had a few conversations with him about this woman because she did not seem like "His Type". Her (edit - a certain unnamed website) profile was of Goth-Vampire nature and he has a tendency to be Republicanish- churchy-value type. I asked him if he did any background checking or talked to the ex-husband or even her parents. He told me that he did not have to because RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD HAVE TO BE ALL ABOUT TRUST. Basically, if he didn't start out trusting her in the first place then he felt that he was laying the bricks on the path of a doomed relationship,
I met the bride's parents at the wedding and the bride's children. I noticed that the 2 year old had some kind of behavioral disorder. Later it was much more obvious when I visited this man a few times earlier this year and I saw that 2 year old having screaming fits and start to break things in his house. I asked this guy what is wrong with that child and he said that he believes that the child has ADHD. He told me that the child has a full vocabulary and has regular conversations with him but if the child does not get full attention from his mother them he will destroy almost everything that he can reach and continually scream his head off.
This guy wants to disipline the bad behavior of the kid but he is denied in having any parental say or control in the raising of her children (that's according to him over the last 5 months) She cave's into the demands of the 2 year old everytime and this man (who has brought them into live with him in his house) is treated only like an equal to one of her children rather than an authority figure - let alone an equal partner in the marriage. According to him, the mother had attempted to pacify the child with toys and places the child in front of the television but the 2 year old won't have any part of it. He goes right into a raging destructive fit every time she does that.
The guy and his wife have now been separated for the last 3 weeks or so and are attempting marriage counseling. She seems to be somewhat reluctant to do it, in his opinion. They are seeing separate counselors (but from the same firm) on different days, once a month. Soon they plan to have shared sessions.
I (not being an authority of psychiatry or psychology) recommended that the 2 year old and the mother get severe counseling. The other child seems to be zombified on cartoons and can't relate to either parent. He has a loner-type personality. He most likely needs counseling too.
Anyway I was wondering if this guy that I know should have put so much faith into the concept of .....
TRUST?
What do you all think?
[Edited on 5/27/2009 6:53 AM]
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| May 27 @ 6:40 AM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 6,892
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...Not sure that it has anything to do with trust, but rather ignorance by choice.
...Personally, I think he should have swatted the kid's a** and at least while he was around, the kid would not be a total brat. All kids need restrictions and boundaries, while this one appears well on his way to becoming another drugged child to even attend school.
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| May 27 @ 7:34 AM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,059
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The child's only "behavior disorder" is his mother's lack of control. Despite the latest rage of drugging our children, they realy can't be diagnosed with ADHD until around the age of 5.
While I believe you can fall in love with words, planning to marry someone you've never met in person, it is stupidity to even contemplate marriage before you've met (in person) and spent a good deal of time with that person (and any children involved). And while trust is a big part of a relationship, it takes more than words on a computer screen to trust that person enough to spend your life with them.
Your friend had plenty of red flags and he chose to ignore them.
Doomed to fail......yeah, I think so.
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| May 27 @ 10:47 AM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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Loreli
Posts: 25,401
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And moving to marriage with someone that had just separated, and appears to be a liar, was not smart, IMO.
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| May 27 @ 11:26 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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There is one thing that I forgot to add to the story..... the 2 year old (basically now going on 3) when he gets angry he punches and hits the man and the mother (his wife) does nothing to discipline the wild child.
(edited for clarification)
[Edited on 5/27/2009 11:50 PM]
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| May 27 @ 11:36 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,059
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He needs to take control...of the situation, of the kids, and of her. If he cannot discipline the children, then they will never be a family.
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| May 27 @ 11:45 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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^ He told me that he went to work in the morning 3 weeks ago and when he got home she and her children moved out and into a trailer at the other end of town.
I wonder if she is gonna take him for his house, sell it, then move back East where she came from and sue him for divorce, maybe even child support?
Isn't blind love wonderful?   Where is the shotgun emoticon when you need it?
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| May 27 @ 11:46 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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RavinLunatic
Posts: 1,289
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Dumb. We all get dumb occasionally. I would run like hell and stay away til he grew up on his own. Looks like a self destructive person...train wreck.
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| May 27 @ 11:56 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,059
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If he didn't adopt the children, there's no way for her to collect support. They haven't been married long enough for her to get anything.
He needs to buy her and the kids a bus ticket back to where they came from an dfile for divorce PRONTO after he hires a good lawyer.
And then he needs to learn to use his brain when it comes to online or any relationship.
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| May 27 @ 11:59 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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RavinLunatic
Posts: 1,289
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Hope that is true, Mom. I have to agree, he needs to grow up.
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| May 28 @ 9:03 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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Angel178
Posts: 36,331
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Just a side note:
he said that he believes that the child has ADHD. He told me that the child has a full vocabulary and has regular conversations with him but if the child does not get full attention from his mother them he will destroy almost everything that he can reach and continually scream his head off.
This does not necessarily mean he has ADHD. He is 2 years old. He just may demand a lot of attention from his mother because he's been through hell in his very short life. He may just need more of a sense of security from her. 
ADHD is not usually diagnosed this early.
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| May 28 @ 9:15 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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BandTMom
Posts: 38,059
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That's what I said, Angel. 
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| May 28 @ 9:21 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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Angel178
Posts: 36,331
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Sorry mom, thanks for pointing that out! I guess I said it in just plain Angel terms.
Carry on! 
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| May 28 @ 9:22 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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willowy1
Posts: 9,192
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They don't call them the terrible two's for nothing.
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| May 28 @ 9:25 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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Angel178
Posts: 36,331
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Two's are nothing! Three is the new two! 
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| May 28 @ 9:37 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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willowy1
Posts: 9,192
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funny Angel!
it is pretty easy to divert a two year old's attention.
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| May 28 @ 9:48 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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adrian555
Posts: 1,622
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What?
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| May 28 @ 9:52 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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Angel178
Posts: 36,331
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Exactly 
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| May 28 @ 9:53 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail.
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adrian555
Posts: 1,622
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Its not my fault,
mum dropped me on my head when I was a baby,
true story
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| May 28 @ 9:54 PM |
Trust - Doomed to fail. |
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willowy1
Posts: 9,192
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hardly shows 
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